I clam up. I cannot even answer my front door. I hide! Like they're gonna know I am home or something! I cannot even believe I just typed that. I feel judged & intimidated as soon as I am around another person I do not know. After people get to know me, we are fine. People usually like me, find me funny, etc. But I hate it because I know everyone's first impression of me is... well... a conceited jerk or something!
And none of this is new... it is VERY old! lol I remember as soon as puberty hit, I hid in my room whenever possible. And it just grew & grew into this messed up adult.
I have tried medications in my 20's. When I was at most motivated to get help. Every single one I took gave me horrible side effects. I couldn't function. Most of 20's are a blur. I lost them.
Then, I lost my 30's up to this point. At the age of 31 I took my first Vicodin. I didn't stop until June 05 of this year! Because, what happened was, at first they made me social butterfly. I had never felt like that before. And I did not want it to end. But after a year, it stopped. Except I couldn't stop taking. So then I added Addiction to Social Anxiety.
I have been clean for almost 2 months, and I KNOW I will never go back to that place. Problem is, my anxiety is now doubled.
I guess I have no exact question here. Just hoping someone relates to me as much as possible and can tell me what they did to get out of it...
Thank you for taking time to read this