I was first diagnosed when I was 16yrs old then when I married my husband when I was 20y/o I gained the weight back plus an extra 80lbs give or take. In less than a year, I have had 3 back surgeries; the last I am still recovering from. I am 29y/o, 5ft10' and 130lbs dressed. My doctor told me if I lose 10-15 more pounds it will become a problem because I'm already a slender woman. When I first injured my back, I was put on large doses of pain killers and didn't eat and slept all the time whenever I wasn't working, so I started losing the weight, which was absolutely wonderful. I went from a size 14/16 down to a size 0/2, in which I have no problem with. I don't care if I continue to lose the weight and I don't see why everyone else seems to; I know they love me and care but I'm happiest being smaller over larger. I tell them I look just fine, I'm not too thin and that they just got used to seeing me "large" for so many years that now I look too thin because they just aren't used to it. My biggest fear is gaining back all the weight; I had come to terms with being obese after I got that way and now... I am scared to death to ever look like that again. I look in the mirror and see that I'm thinner and can almost see what others say they see but I also see all the flaws they don't. Others seem to be worried about my weight and I don't want them to because I'm not. I have never been happier than when I was thin or anorexic as they called it and now that I have that back, I want to hold on to it. Is it normal to just not care if I continue to lose weight? The way I see it is, and I have been told that it's crazy but, the more weight I lose will make it easier to re-lose if I happen to gain some weight plus if I gain some then it won't matter because I'm already be too thin (as my friends and family say). Does that make sense? My initial goal was 130lbs which everyone told me I was crazy for, and now that I'm at that, I'm still not happy with it. I don't care if I lose more and more as long as I don't gain it back. I know this is crazy and I should know better but I can't go back to being fat because it wasn't who I felt I was; I guess because I was always thin until I met my husband. I eat, I do, just maybe once, possibly twice a day. Am I wrong to not care?
Trust me. Everyone wants to be thin. Everyone wants to look good. But we also need to be concerned about our health. You have to make sure your body is getting proper nutrition like vitamins and minerals. Otherwise more problems can arise like inability to fight off infections and anemia can set in. This can cause excessive bruising all over your body which I went through when I had pancreatitis and could not eat for several weeks. This is not attractive at all. Maybe you could see a nutritionist and find a healthy diet and excersise program to help maintain a healthy weight instead of just not eating. If your doctor is concerned than you should be concerned. Remember your family is concerned because they love you !
You have some signs of an eating disorder. I have one as well. A friend of mine calls it "broken eyeballs" - we just don't see ourselves as others do. I can understand you not wanting to gain back the weight but you need to be careful not to lose any more. Eating disorders can very well kill if left untreated. Please consider asking your doctor for a referral to a counselor specializing in eating disorders and check to see if there are Overeaters Anonymous meetings in your area, or they also have telephone and online meetings as well (OA.org). You are not alone in this, and there are people like you and I who can help. Please take care, and do listen to your family. Sounds like they really love you and care about you. Take care - EJ23
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