I've always been very awkward around people, I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone, I'm very naive and gullible, I can't tell when someone is being serious or if they're being friendly/funny sarcastic and just playing around, I never know how to join a conversation and when I do try it seems like everyone is looking at me and thinking "what the heck is she talking about, what does that have to do with anything", no matter the environment -work, school, hanging out in groups of people with my boyfriend and all his friends or family (I don't really have any friends of my own & all my family is 1200 miles away) - I always try so hard to fit in, to interact, etc, but I always end up basically feeling like... like an alien or something. I get upset, I shut down, and always end up basically running away - finding a place to go hide, whether it's outside, another room, or standing alone in a corner feeling invisible and just watching everyone else and wondering what's so wrong with me. When I know I'm going out in a social setting (i.e. not work or school), often I can have a few drinks (and I usually have a drink or two before I even leave the house!) and I'll loosen up a for a bit, but even then it wears off after a little while and I still end up in that same shutting down & running away mode.
Well, enough of the sob story, back to the question. My psychiatrist prescribed the atenolol - a teeny tiny little 25 mg tablet which he said to take every day. I've been taking it for about a month and don't notice any difference at all with respect to what it was prescribed for. I've read about the side effects, and I see that lack of energy is a common side effect, and weight gain is mentioned a lot as well. I have definitely noticed a serious lack of energy - all I want to do when I come home from work is lay on the couch all night. And I seem to always want to eat, which is very abnormal for me. This always wanting to eat could be a direct result of so much laying on the couch watching tv, the whole eating out of boredom and stress/frustration thing that seems to be taking over our country. By no means do I starve myself, I eat my meals I just usually don't eat a whole lot - I'm pretty small at 5'6" and normally around 110-115 lbs, but I've gained at least 5 and perhaps up to 10 lbs, which upsets me greatly. I only found 2 reviews on this site from people who take this for anxiety, one from a girl who stated her Dr. told her to take it when it felt like her heart was racing and the other from an anonymous user who said it's great for stage fright and making them overall much calmer.
I don't know if this is one of those meds that takes a while to build up in your system before it works, or if perhaps I'm not on a strong enough dose, or if I'm experiencing actually significant side effects and it's just not going to work for me or not the right drug for me. I'm desperate to get over this whole social dysfunction I have, it certainly has a negative effect on pretty much all aspects of my life and I am so sick of it.
I'm not sure who this question is going to, but whomever it is, I'm open to any and all responses/suggestions/advice that anyone may have.
If anyone actually had the patience to read my novel (lol! sorry!!! ) and the additional patience to respond, I greatly appreciate it and look forward to any responses.