I feel like I'm having to become somebody completely different i can't do the same as I used to the depression has subsided some but I still feel an immense amount of guilt for losing my independence and ability to help with financesneed some advice this is unbearably hard to change into a person that I work so hard not to be I enjoy working and being self sufficient
I believe you are saying you had a quadruple bypass? I'm going to go with that. You've had a major surgery x 4 and it has affected your life significantly. How can it not? The only constant in life is change. People have their lives changed all the time, sometimes due to health, others to family interactions, tragedies, financial reverses and you name it. The surgery is behind you, so why feel guilty? What's done is in the past and now you have to assess what you can do right now and how you want to direct your life. Look forward only, because you can't change the past.
Are you fully healed from your surgery? Once you are, you can still do the things you love, but in moderation. You have to adjust your circumstances to meet your limitations. You were most fortunate to have the freedom & abilities you had prior to surgery. There are many people who've never had this chance in life. Now you start the beginning of the rest of your life and assess all that you still can do. Make compromises in order to keep going. Ex: My husband and I have been restricted early in life due to multiple health problems. We hired a handyman but we often work with him, having him do the tasks we can't. We still get a lot done, but having that able-bodied person around is priceless.
Think if there is a family member who needs mentoring or wants to learn a skill from you. S/he could do any heavy lifting or carrying on the project when you must stop and rest. Again, we have learned to adapt this way, also. My hubby or I will come inside and rest if the work is done outside, even if we just sit for awhile doing something in the A/C while seated to regather our energy or relieve pain. It works the same when the projects are inside. The hired help or your person you're working with can still carry on to get things done. And you are still in charge, the "boss" directing the work and the outcomes.
Have you thought about how every person who naturally ages has to eventually give up activities they don't want to? They might have to give up driving and the independence that brings. Next it might be sports like golf or bowling or other activities they can no longer participate in. Slowly their world narrows until many mostly sit on a porch and watch people go by, or they watch TV or sleep a lot. Think of people in their last years before death... it's natural that they've often slowed down considerably and have accepted their limitations and role in life. Often older people must accept that they aren't self sufficient anymore. Do you think they LIKE that? No, of course not. It's just a fact of life. You may fit in this category of not being perfectly self sufficient as I and my hubby do due to health problems. But you can still take charge of your life. And there's still much we can do before we become that older person who is nearing the end of their life.
So live! Focus on what you CAN do. Modify activities to your needs. There's still things to enjoy! Think of all of the things you can still do and new things to learn! What have you not tried but may like? Make a gratitude list as you go about your day. Listing all the things to be thankful that you still have can brighten up your mood. Your life has simply changed into a new direction, it doesn't have to be one you hate, find the things you can love.
The depression after the heart attack is a hard one to deal with, it seems almost like it is not real and then when you talk to someone who you think should know something about your recovery their way out there. Yeah, been there and listened to their BS and now I talk to people who have through this stuff. Get with your patient services at the hospital where you had your operation and find out when and where your local chapter of "Mended Hearts" meets. These are people that have gone through the same thing that you're going through now, they can give you realistic answers and help get you on the road to recovery. From my experience my depression lasted about a year and a half after the heart attack. It was real bad at first then very slowly go better.
The guilt is also hard to deal with, but it too shall pass, it took me about 7 or 8 months to get back to doing the things that I used too. But I did have to slow down and take it easy and not push myself so hard, that I was told everyone has to do if they want to get better. Oh, if not Mended Hearts they will have a like minded group. You can also look them up on the internet, hope this helps
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