I am about at my wits end. I will be as brief as possible in describing my delima. I met my husband in Jan 2010, at that time he had just gotten out of prison and was in the process of "changing his life" (I was 43 and he was 39). I am a professional (Engineer) and have never even been in any kind of trouble with the law. He was a really nice all around guy. And I liked him right away. After seeing each other a few time we were together as much as possible. He shortly moved in with me... and we started our romance. He was very open and honest with me about his history and told me that he didn't want to ever go back to that. He was TOO old and didn't want to go though being in prison ever again... hence the "changing his life". We had a great time together... and he seemed to be very laid back and enjoying his life. He worked and LOVED his job. It was a while before I even saw his anger. It was around May 2010. We were entertaining out by the pool when my friends wanted to leave because her husband's stomach was upset. So they left. My... I guess... boyfriend at the time got MAD!!! He said that they left because they didn't like him or his friends. I assured him that they liked him just fine and thought he was a GREAT guy... and also LOVED the fact that he treated me great. I ended up going inside with my son because he couldn't calm down and was yelling at me. Had me in tears by the time he was done. So, a little while later... after much more drinking... he came into the house and told me that my son had said that my boyfriend and I had a bad relationship. I told him that my son would NEVER say that... so he called my son into the room and confronted him. My son said that he never said that and my boyfriend called him a liar. After a while of more yelling my boyfriend left the house with his brother and his friends. I was somewhat relieved. And by then he was pretty much living with me, and I didn't know what I was going to do. The next day he called me and told me how sorry he was and that he loved me and didn't want to lose me... asked me to please forgive him and that he would apologize to my son because he knew that we was wrong. So, I let him come back. He was mostly good for a while...
In September of 2010 I got transferred to another state for work. I asked him to come with me, but that meant him quitting his job and selling his car. After we talked about it a lot... he said that he wanted to come with me. We moved and started a new life in another state. When we moved here we were living in a hotel till we could find an apartment to rent that we liked. So, we were in the hotel for almost a month. He started drinking HEAVILY while we were in the hotel... keeping me awake at night sometimes yelling at me for no reason... or if I'd tell him to stop drinking. It affected me at work. I would go tired... and with my eyes swollen from crying all night long. One night he got so drunk that he passed out on the floor and ended up throwing up in his sleep. I had to stay up ALL night long to make sure he didn't choke. It was terrible... and I didn't understand why he got so mean when he drank. But the other times he was the best person in the world.
We moved into our apartment in Nov. 2010. At that time we decided that he would be a stay at home husband. He would do all the house work and I would go out and make the money. Seemed to work just fine, but I didn't know that when I would go to sleep at night that he was sneaking out drinking. After a while... probably around March of 2011 I noticed that the anger was coming back with a BANG! Everything would set him off. It was terrible. Then one night in May of 2011 he got so drunk that he was telling me that he was going to go out and do some illegal drugs. He has done all kind of illegal drugs, but not since he had gotten out this last time. I begged him not to go. After I finally convinced him to stay... we sat and talked. He THEN told me that he had Hep-C, most likely from drug use. I never knew this before... one would think that would have been something he would have let me know. I asked him why he kept it from me and he said that after he fell in love with me that if he told me that I would leave him. Of course, I was in love with him... I was upset that he kept it from me... but I wasn't going to leave him over it. So, we both knew at that point that he was going to have to get on my insurance and get check to make sure he hadn't done too much damage to his liver. We also talked and he told me that if he could get his medical marijuana card, and could smoke... it would make it much easier for him to quit drinking. I told him that the most important thing to me was that he stop drinking because the would do A LOT of damage to his liver. So, I agreed with the smoking. I don't smoke myself... but I hadn't heard any really terrible things about it... and I though... well, it's supposed to mellow people out. So, maybe it'd also help him with his rage. Shorty after, in November 2011 we got married and he got on my insurance and got a complete check up.
His Hep-C seemed to be under control and doesn't need treatment at this time. But during his check up he found out that he had major back issues (which he had never complained of before). But as soon as he found this out... his back hurt BAD! He started going to pain management and was prescribed Hydrocodone. He is now up to the highest does of hydrocodone 5 time a day AS NEEDED. But he doesn't pay attention to the as needed part... he takes them 5 times a day no matter what. Says it keeps his pain "in check". Said that the doctor told him to do it that way. He doesn't run out of his pills early because I was giving them to him everyday so that he didn't take too many. I do not have control of them anymore. He has been on the pain pills for over a year now.
He also during all of this thought he was depressed... went and got depression meds. They were "the best thing that ever happened" to him. But they would only work for a couple of months and he was back at the doctor getting different antidepressant meds.
On December 1st of this year, I had my company holiday party. He met a co-worker of mines husband who was also a stay at home husband. He was talking with my husband about his depression issues. He told my husband that he totally understood what he was going through, but didn't think he had depression but that he thought he had anxiety and that xanax was a GREAT med for that. My husband, being for former drug addict who has taken xanax and liked it, agreed. Felt like the doctors weren't treating his symptoms right. So, the Monday after the holiday party my husband met up with his NEW friend and he gave him some xanax "to try". He said it would help calm him down and help him sleep at night. I knew that my husband had abused this drug before so he didn't tell me that he had gotten a hold of some. I could tell right away he was on SOMETHING, but I didn't know what, and I didn't know he had gone and hung out with my co-workers husband either. That night I was surfing the web, and I saw a little pill on the floor. I had NO idea what it was so I started searching. Finally found out it was xanax. The next morning I asked him about it. He denied it. Saying that it was a vitamin. I told him that I looked it up and I knew what it was and asked him where he got it. He finally told me... but after a lot of rage.
I talked to the girl at work and told her what had happened. Explained to her that my husband had a very addictive personality... and that supplying him with xanax wasn't in his best interest. So, I don't think he gave him anymore, but I do believe that he started buying it from some guy that he sometimes gets his marijuana from. All this time I knew he was on something because of his rage and him not being able to sit still. He was constantly moving. The next week, he went to the doctor crying... saying that he was having a panic attack. The doctor prescribed him 100 1mg xanax 1-2 6 times a day as needed for anxiety. Again, AS NEEDED... but my husband would take them weather he needed them or not. This was on December 10th. He has HUGE rage when he is on this med... and if I say anything about it the flies off the handle and threatens to leave me. He went back to the doctor a week later for a check up, doctor asked him how the xanax was working and my husband told him that he had never felt better in his life. So, doctor wrote him ANOTHER prescription for 60 1mg xanax 1-2 6 times a day as needed for anxiety. My husband has a VERY low tolerance to these pills. He can take a little chip and his speech will get slurred and he forgets EVERYTHING. He cannot sit still to watch even ONE show on TV and is constantly cleaning out drawers and cabinets. He has also since made me give him back all his meds and he "controls" them now because he said he was tired of my controlling EVERYTHING. That all I did was nag and him and control his life.
Last Friday I made him an emergency doctor appointment because his rage was out of control, and I was starting to get scared. He told me that if they even tried to take his xanax away that he was going to walk out. That was the only drug that helped him. I called the doctor's office a head of time and told them this. So, the doctor came in and handled it very professionally. Told him that he thinks that he had bipolar disorder and not anxiety and that they were going to take him off his antidepressant and put him on a bipolar med... and that he was going to eventually take him off his xanax. My husband started crying... the doctor then assured him that he wasn't going to do it yet, but that he wanted to in the future, and that on this new med that he probably wouldn't even need it anymore because it would help him with his anxiety. We left the doctors office and my husband was SO mad at me... that is when he said that he wanted ALL his meds back and that he was going to control them himself.
He has been taking his new meds every night, but he is still taking up to 5 hydrocodones a day, and he is taking his xanax. And not on an as needed basis. He doesn't consider it abuse because he's not taking more than his "prescription" says, but he forgets about the AS NEEDED part.
This bipolar diagnoses is new, and he's been on the new meds for 6 days now... but with him still taking all the other meds... he still has really bad rage... and I'm afraid that with his addictive personality he may already be addicted to not only the hydrocodone, but to the xanax now too. Oh, and he does still smoke marijuana and it has increased greatly since he started taking the xanax. On the way to work yesterday morning (we only have one car and I vanpool so he takes me) he said, "was I supposed to get up in the middle of the night and put stuff in your stocking?". This was on Jan 2nd, Christmas was over, and we had already taken all our Christmas decorations down. I said... no Christmas is over... then he said, "Oh yeah, but I do need to go shopping today for your birthday present." I said, "My birthday isn't till May." he said, "Oh yeah, I thought it was in March." He was thinking that we were still in December and in March at the same time.
I just need some advise, I've never dealt with something like this before. And the rage is killing me. I don't believe in giving up on my husband... I love who I KNOW he is... my heart and mind are playing a tug of war.
I know this is a long read... but I did want to relay as much info as possible.