... marreid for over 20 years and have 3 children..my husband got clean over 10 years ago..I barely made it through that..and now after doing good for a while he has started using..and mostly lying..it is not as bad as before..and he has been off and on for the past 3 years now... He is very good to me in every other way and I love him..It is just that I am now having major panic attacks and anxiety due to the fear of what might be ahead..I do not know what to do
Hi inamess - I really feel for you. I believe you must be completely honest with him and the disease, as you have your 3 children to think about, too. Its something that he may be able to "control" for a certain amount of time, even with the 3 yrs. that he has been "cheating", say, but it will eventually raise its ugly head again or resurface, if he is an addict. There's simply no one I've seen in over 20 years come into recovery and be able to use again in a "controlled way". You don't say what he's using not that it matters much.
Only my suggestion, but I would first get help for yourself and your panic attacks/anxiety. Must think of yourself first, in order to be healthy for your kids/husband. Find a good 12 step program or counseling or group of gals & online support group for yourself to be strong. After that is addressed, its time for a conversation of honesty. You must know his sponsor and some of his clean friends after so many years? Can you plan a sober/clean picnic or lunch/dinner, so he can reunite with them, or has he remained friendless in recovery? I'm sure you love him, but you do not want to love him to death. I believe he must be confronted, as there are kids in the house. Try first to do it gently, lovingly, but there should not be an option about being in recovery since he's already made that committment to himself, you & the family. Good luck!
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