Thank you in advance,

I'm 23 years old and I want to stop but can't, I don't know how to deal with the depression or the not being "normal". This is my 2 weeks with out any pills because I'm broke, i get paid on the 1st of April and I know I'll get more... I don't have family so it's makes it that much more harder to do this alone. I've quit multiple times for couple weeks or couple months but the depression always drives me back to them, because I'm happy and normal on them. I don't know where to start or even how. I wish I know someone on here or something that lived close that was going threw the same thing I am, but I guess my big question is mostly for advice, how do you stop doing something that seems to make life better ? That seems to make me feel like a happier person ? I know this is controlling me and holding me back from a lot of things but I'm not strong enough... I feel trapped in a deep rut that I can't seem to climb out and no one is at the top reaching down... no family no nothing. Reading yalls post helps me a lot but still not enough I guess. Life doesn't feel the same, life feels empty and I forgot what normal is. If someone could maybe just talk to me or give me advice I would appreciate it...