im 14 years old. i have been self harming scince the 6th grade so for about 3 years.
it was really bad last year. now i only do it once in a while. im on zoloft and vyvanse(adhd) and i cant help feeling like im insane. I'm a smart kid, and my therapist says that i'm "very aware of my problems and i seem very grounded" but i dont FEEL that way. my mom has alot of mental problems (depression, anger issues) and she ran away from home when she was about my age, and theres all kinds of secrets about her that i dont know about. She used to be very abusive to me, mentally, and physically. She told me she was going to stab my dog when i was 12, she dropped me off at the police station sayign she didnt want me anymore because i told her she was crazy, only to immediately yell at me to get back in the car. She told me i was a loser, and she told me i had social phobia, she put me in a group therapy thing with an 18 year old kid (i was 12) who had been put into a sanitarium for saying he was going to kill his teacher... theres alot more things like that shes dont to me. my dad is pretty normal, except for when he gets violent. he used to throw me against walls... and hed hit my mom... i feel like im insane, but then dont crazy peopel not know theyre crazy? and then i think "well maybe i just want attentin" and everything conflicts and confuses me... my mom lives under the illusion that ive gotten over my problems and me and her are somehow alright. and i act like i am... but i dont think its real. i go to therapy but i only really end up going once every few months so it really isnt hepful. about 5 months ago, i had a few weeks where i completley went off the deepend, i made plans to jump off the bridge by my house,i was cutting really bad. the only way to ge through my day was thinking "okay, today when i get home im going to do it, and it will be done." i called 1800suicide and hung up. i had every intention of doing it but never did. i still havent told my parents that i attempted suicide. they have no idea. i have trouble sleeping... am i just a spoiled brat whos convinced shes crazy? Do i really have a problem? please tell me what i sound like, i really need help right now... just talk to me...