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Please help asap. Someone. Anyone with knowledge. How do i fix my brain. Want 2 quit!
  1. #1
    Clone is offline New Member
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    Default Please help asap. Someone. Anyone with knowledge. How do i fix my brain. Want 2 quit!

    I was clean for a while.
    Someone offered me 2 dilauded 2mg.
    did both, felt good but too short acting.
    Same day popped 5 vicodin 10mgs.
    Next day kept poppin' vicodins.

    Ran out of vicodin.

    Bought a roxy (30mg oxy)

    Tried to taper off of roxy.

    Feel suicidal.

    Currently daily taking: 40MG Adderall xr. 1mg xanax 3 x Daily. Seroquil xr 150mg.

    So.

    Should I start suboxone? subutex?

    I just want my opiod receptors fixed.

    Do I get prescribed Roxys (turning 18 next week) I have a permamnently fractured jaw, so i live in constant pain.

    WHAT DO I DO??????

    I WANT MY OPIOD RECEPTORS HEALED YET I WANT MY DEPRESSION TO GO AWAY. HELP PLZ

    I DON"T TAKE OPIATES DAILY BUT I CRAVE THEM SO MUCH I FEEL LIKE I DO NOT FEEL ALIVE WITHOUT MY OPOD RECEPTORS STIMULATED BY OPIATES!!!

    I AM PSYCHOLOGICALLY ADDICTED BECAUSE I THINK MY OPIOD RECEPTERS ARE ????ED.

    ARE THEY?
    HOW DO I FIX THEM?

    PLEASE HELP SORRY FOR THE SPORADIC WRITING BUT IM PANICKING.
    Last edited by Clone; 04-14-2012 at 12:58 AM.

  2. #2
    alleycat4714 is offline Junior Member
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    In my opinion, you are waaaayy too young to go on Suboxne, trust me you don't want to have to deal with that. If that's all you've done then I would just ride it out, I know it's unpleasant, but better than going through a month of w/d on Suboxone. I starting using when I was your age too and defininetly wish I'd quit back then. Your brain is still developing so if you quit now, it can recover more quickly. Just remember no matter how bad you feel, it's only temporary and you will feel normal again. Like I always say, you didn't become an addict overnight, so you can't heal overnight either. Good luck!
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  3. #3
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    I agree with alleycat. Do not go to the sub route. If you've only been taking these a short time and it sounds like you have, less than a month? How long and how much is the question. I would ride it out. Look at the Thomas Recipe. Don't freak out. You can get over this. It won't take that long c/t and do not take any other opiates. Take walks, get out of the house. Exercise helps your receptors better than anything. Fight the cravings! That is drug brain. You will get over this. Like alleycat said the feeling is temporary. Recovering from these drugs is not an event, it is a process. You will be O.K.

    Iloerose
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  4. #4
    gunnawin is offline Junior Member
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    I deff agree with both comments above!!!! No suboxone!!!!!!!!

  5. #5
    Clone is offline New Member
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    Thanks for your quick replies.

    I spent the past 3 weeks doing 7 2mg dilauded pills, a roxy here and there, definitely a lot of klonopin (that's why i can't remember exactly what i took)

    but I woke up today (saturday, got to sleep in) and I feel a little better...

    so I don't need suboxone? I know if i get money for my birthday i'm going to spend it all on roxys... :/ how do i tell myself to want to quit!! i do want to but my depression will not go away unless i snort a 30mg roxy and forgete my problems. I know it's diagnosed as self medicating but i've been to the doctors for 3 years now and they can't even fix my depression. I talked out, cried out, all my deepest issues, but IDK what to do.

    So no suboxone. I'm OK with that.

    What do I do?

  6. #6
    SuzieOf is offline Member
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    have you tried to go to a rehab? they could help you to get to the bottom of it and give you the tools you need to get through the depression and cravings. even though I don't know you I feel from what you have posted so far that you should not try to do this by yourself. do you have insurance and can you confide in your parents and ask them for help? I also agree that suboxone bought on the street would only get you in further trouble and it is very hard to deal with the withdrawals from that compared to a month of pills. sometimes we just need to reach out to someone who can help and you would not believe the relief you will get from that. keep posting how you are doing, please.

  7. #7
    Clone is offline New Member
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    Refuse to go to rehab just to rapidly detox and feel the pain worse than ever.

    IDK what to do I realised that I"M DEPRESSED TODAY AND ITS MY EARLY BIRTHDAY PARTY. I WANT TO FEEL HAPPY SO IDK WHAT TO DO!!!
    i won't enjoy the party. i'll be miserable since i'm not on an oxy.

    ugh. so conflicting.

    what will help with this depression? Don't tell me SSRI's because i'm on the highest legal amount of lexapro available, and i took it along with my 40mg of adderall and 2 xanax 1mgs so far.

    I want to buy an oxy. but i don't. but i do because iw ant to be in a good mood for my girlfriend at the party. but i don't because it's just going to dig me deeper.

    I turn 18 in 5 days.

    idk what to do.

    someone give me advice.

    i don't want to feel depressed anymore.

  8. #8
    Clone is offline New Member
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    I am prescrbed the adderall and xanax btw if you missed that in the first post.

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    alleycat4714 is offline Junior Member
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    Aww you still get birthday money! Sorry, I'm not trying to be patronizing or anything, I just think you have a great chance to quit now so you won't have to carry this into adulthood. I agree with Suzie, rehab might be a good option for you, sometimes you need to be in a safe environment where you don't have access to it. If you don't have insurance, maybe try to research some other options, especially being a minor. Although, if you're already feeling better, then maybe you don't need it. But either way, you need to tell your parents. They could at least hang onto your money or something. That's what mine used to do with me. Good luck!

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    Clone is offline New Member
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    and I have been doing drugs since 3 years ago. Started with a 1mg xanax, turned into 30mg oxys and Dilauded. So i've been doing them on and off for a while.

    I could get prescribed oxy 30s...but should I? will that help me?

  11. #11
    alleycat4714 is offline Junior Member
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    Aww you still get birthday money! Sorry, I'm not trying to be patronizing or anything, I just think you have a great chance to quit now so you won't have to carry this into adulthood. I agree with Suzie, rehab might be a good option for you, sometimes you need to be in a safe environment where you don't have access to it. If you don't have insurance, maybe try to research some other options, especially being a minor. Although, if you're already feeling better, then maybe you don't need it. But either way, you need to tell your parents. They could at least hang onto your money or something. That's what mine used to do with me. Good luck!

  12. #12
    alleycat4714 is offline Junior Member
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    Sorry, didn't mean to enter that twice. You may want to hold off on taking Adderall for a few days-week. It can reinforce the anxiety and insomnia. Xanax can definitely help with those symptoms though. Oxys will not help you long-term. You may feel good for 4-6 hrs at a time, but what if you run out early or your doctor cuts you off or leaves town? I'm obviously no doctor, so I don't know what your pain situation is like, but I do know that if you have trouble limiting your meds and taking them responsibly now, chances are you won't suddenly be able to just because you have a script. I've said idk how many times "If only I had a script for (fill-in-the-blank-opiate), life would be so good and I'd be so much happier." Wouldn't you rather just not have to worry about it anymore? Good luck!

  13. #13
    Ashleyy is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clone View Post
    and I have been doing drugs since 3 years ago. Started with a 1mg xanax, turned into 30mg oxys and Dilauded. So i've been doing them on and off for a while.

    I could get prescribed oxy 30s...but should I? will that help me?
    Clone Will getting oxy 30s help you? No. Will they make you feel better right away? YES.

    So many previous posts have awesome advice and help. I do not think you are showing that you are ready to stop.

    You can only be helped if you allow for the help to happen.

    I wish you the best!!
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    Ashley

  14. #14
    Clone is offline New Member
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    I was just in a rush to get all the thoughts I had out of my head.

    A loved one of mine in my immediate family took off and left. That led me into depression.
    I started at age 15 with a 1mg Xanax. Which lead me to eventually taking a lot of opiates and benzodiazapines in the following 2 years.

    Those two years are mostly a blur, but I will never forget the day I withdrew from 25mg of Xanax cold turkey.

    What I did after that was drink profusely, get prescribed anti-depressants (which don't work), and a bit (.5) of xanax. This is at age 16.

    At age 17, I was prescribed Adderall XR 20mg. I was on it for 3 months. It "released / unlocked" the hidden power of Psycho-mania (Bipolar disorder, with Schitzoid Effictive disorder) I am not on Seroquil for that, and those three months I spent alone in my bedroom psychotic and delusional made me realize that drugs only mess you up.

    I refused to get help for a while, but I finally agreed to Seroquil (well, abilify first, but that was hell).
    Still depressed, at age 17 I now and again would purchase perocets and marijuana just to escape the reality for a while.

    I then was completely sober (because I truly wanted to give the medication (Seroquil XR 150mg, Adderall XR 40mg, 3 mg Xanax daily. A chance to work.)

    I was still depressed.
    So I figured it was because of my ex girlfriend whom took my virginity and I blindly fell in love with, then she left me.

    So I got another girlfriend after a year to see if that would make me happy/happier, and it doesn't.

    So I turned back to opiates when the guy who sold me that 1mg xanax freshman year contacted me on facebook, and said he had Two 2mg dilauded pills. I traded him a Dime bag of herbs for it, and then the three weeks of hell started.

    Started taking the vicodin I had, bought roxys, (still on my medication[prescribed]) and I escaped my sorrow for a while.

    It lead to me being emotionally unstable, wanting to commit suicide, (i am not suicidal, I just had thoughts of suicide. I am very psychologically inclined and understand the fact that feelings / thoughts can and will lie to you under the right circumstances.

    I today am now clean of opiates and the klonopin I also abused throughout those 3 weeks of opiate binging(?)

    But, I feel depressed. My girlfriend can't even come to my early birthday party, I'm suspicious she may be cheating on me, because I recently cheated on her Cybersexually (dirty talk to another girl who i'll never meet and is probably a 40 y/o male). I was honest with her, and she stuck by me. I then saw her emotional pain was too much, so I let her physically beat me up to take her emotionall stress out on the one who had hurt her (me). So I think we're doing OK. Still nervous about that.

    Besides the point.

    I have the mindset of wanting to be free of drugs, but when the Doctors and Psychiatrists can't fix my depression (yes I am also in talk therapy), all I know is self medicating with opiates.

    I hope someone understands and reads this. Or reads this and understands rather.

    So now with everything on the table. What do I do?

    I turn 18 this upcoming thursday and I want to put all of this drug abused past behind me.

    So I'm depressed today, the pre-birthday party just recently got cancelled, because my girlfriend (my ride, who is 17 and drives a mercedes, while my mother works two jobs to make ends meet, can't make it because she's seeing a friend she hasn't seen in a while.

    So I am depressed, and don't know what to do. I may buy a roxy because self medication is all I know.

    If doctors can't help my depression after being a "lab rat" for 4 years, what else can?

    Please someone see where I'm coming from and give me honest advice.

    Thanks.


    ALSO, thank you everyone for your responses. I can not go to rehab, because I can't miss anymore school. I'm almost graduating. I don't want to give anyone else my money because then I feel powerless and get even more depressed knowing I can't even consider having some type of relief. I don't want to do drugs anymore. I just want to be happy.

  15. #15
    alleycat4714 is offline Junior Member
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    Psychiatrists are life-sized plush toys who hand out pacifiers in the form of meds; they don't always help. Some will, but he/she has you on an upper, a downer, AND an anti-psychotic..really? No wonder you're depressed...
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  16. #16
    Clone is offline New Member
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    Thanks for the advice "alleycat" .....

  17. #17
    alleycat4714 is offline Junior Member
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    Sure, anytime. I've been there, too. Except substitute Seroquel for lithium...I eventually checked myself into rehab because I just never felt "normal," ya know? Couldn't tell if I was happy or sad. But anyways, I hope some of what everyone's said here has helped a little bit. I really hope that you succeed in this. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you; it doesn't have to be this way. Sorry if that sounds too "preachy." Have a great weekend! I'll be checking this post here and there, too. ~peace

  18. #18
    Clone is offline New Member
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    Trying to buy percocets.
    if that fails.
    which it seems to be.
    I'm throwing 40$ for one blue.

    ???? feeling this depressed.

    noo one is helping me with this depression.

  19. #19
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Clone: You are on a drugstore rollercoaster ride. From your posts I can't tell exactly what has been legally prescribed to you and what hasn't. You keep banging all over the place with the different drugs you take. No wonder you're depressed. You need to talk to your parents. You need to get your life in order. This is absolutely going nowhere. Will opiates help your depression? Certainly not, they are a depressant. You don't need to be prescribed anymore drugs, nor do you need to be buying them from the street. You are legally on Lexapro, Xanax, and Adderall, correct? You are not even 18. You need to get some help. Talk to your parents. You are abusing pills right and left. That is my advice. I will not advise anyone how to abuse drugs that are illegal and not prescribed to them. You need to get help. That is bottom line. No one here is going to advise you to use roxies, prescribed or not prescribed. I believe you are depressed. From the number of drugs you are taking, have taken, it's no wonder why. Before you get yourself in any deeper, you need to get help through your parents and proper medical care. You need to be truthful with these people. You didn't get this way over night and you won't get better overnight and no magic pill has ever been invented that is going to help you. Period. I wish you well, but if you keep on making excuses for your drug use and abuse, you will dig a hole deeper than you can imagine. Good luck and best wishes.

    Iloerose
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  20. #20
    Clone is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    Clone: You are on a drugstore rollercoaster ride. From your posts I can't tell exactly what has been legally prescribed to you and what hasn't. You keep banging all over the place with the different drugs you take. No wonder you're depressed. You need to talk to your parents. You need to get your life in order. This is absolutely going nowhere. Will opiates help your depression? Certainly not, they are a depressant. You don't need to be prescribed anymore drugs, nor do you need to be buying them from the street. You are legally on Lexapro, Xanax, and Adderall, correct? You are not even 18. You need to get some help. Talk to your parents. You are abusing pills right and left. That is my advice. I will not advise anyone how to abuse drugs that are illegal and not prescribed to them. You need to get help. That is bottom line. No one here is going to advise you to use roxies, prescribed or not prescribed. I believe you are depressed. From the number of drugs you are taking, have taken, it's no wonder why. Before you get yourself in any deeper, you need to get help through your parents and proper medical care. You need to be truthful with these people. You didn't get this way over night and you won't get better overnight and no magic pill has ever been invented that is going to help you. Period. I wish you well, but if you keep on making excuses for your drug use and abuse, you will dig a hole deeper than you can imagine. Good luck and best wishes.

    Iloerose
    Even when I was sober from pills that weren't prescribed to me, nothing has worked. I have been in therapy for 4 years now. Along with being a Lab Rat for these psychiatrists and pediatricians who obviously can't understand the fact that I'm clinically depressed. I'm totally honest with my psychiatrist and therapist. The therapist suggest Suboxone, and the Psychiatrist suggests cold turkey stopping.

    I am a depressant?

    Explain that, because I have emotionally taken that as an insult, but logically I still do not understand how I am a depressant.

    + I have no parents to talk to. Mother is a judgmental Christian who's only advice is to freak out that her son is on drugs and preach the Bible to me.

    Father = gone.
    Last edited by Clone; 04-14-2012 at 07:49 PM.

  21. #21
    alleycat4714 is offline Junior Member
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    delete [multiple posts]
    Last edited by alleycat4714; 04-14-2012 at 08:32 PM. Reason: delete

  22. #22
    alleycat4714 is offline Junior Member
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    You're never going to find the answer you want on here. We're always going to tell you to face your problems and deal with them. You can't always chose the quick fix and expect different results. Plain and siomple

  23. #23
    kkellie is offline New Member
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    Everything you take is addicting... you are walking a dangerous road. Suboxone and any benzo is a very big risk so if you keep the xxanax you shouldnt do the sub. I used tyo be an addict to all pills and at most would snort 7-9 80mg oxy snd pop the 30's like tic tacs, mixed with whatever else...so bvelieve me when i say your besst bet is to tough it out. Until you stop takeing the stuff you take you wont get better and the meds can be adding to depression. I hope you stop
    and realize its in your best interest to let the 'rents' know too. Do you think that maybe you havent because you dont really want to stop? I am not inplying that i just know thats how it usually goes. and if you admit or go to a detox you wont be on the scripts you are on either. that is scary i kno but i think maybe for the best. Your "doctors" would be an addicts dream catch with the way they prescribe you drugs. crazy. Happiness doesnt come easy but if you get clean and deal with the things bad in life in a healthier way for a while you might surprise yourself.
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  24. #24
    Clone is offline New Member
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    I just want some other advice than "go to rehab" or "get on suboxone" or "stop cold turkey" or "taper down"

    I want to be out of this for good.
    SO

    I guess my conclusion is to either A: stop cold turkey which is not oging to happen
    B: go to rehab also not going to happen
    C: ween off.
    I think I'm attempting to ween off.

    I panicked earlier.

    i don't know.

    if i didn't have a girlfriend i wouldn't mind suffering the withdrawal. I've withdre worse.

    i'm conflicted.

    someone tell me what to do.
    blatantly, preferably not emotionally violently, but blatantly.
    a logical explanation (using pure logic, leading to a logical conclusion) would be appreciated.

  25. #25
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    clone.......you seem like an intelligent guy, you def have some major issues to work out but you seem smart enough to know what you have to do. Your only 18 .......you still have the rest of your life man, dont throw it away by masking your pain and depression with pills. Forget about your g/f .....this is about you and the rest of your life.......i know you dont want to go to rehab but show me an addict that does. You seem like you have too many phychological issues going on for you to just simply ween off and be done. You need to go to rehab......end of story.

  26. #26
    kkellie is offline New Member
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    ok you want direct? Stop makeing excuses for everything and The A.B.C. list of "i wonts". detox is different than rehab... detox is 3-5 days. You said your feeling suicidal and this depressed well then you need too. Nobody can "ween"
    from drugs alone. period. It's not gonna happen when your in this deep. and if you want to compare backgrounds ill go toe to toe, and im not being mean...just saying I know how you feel...I wanted to dissapear but if you want to stop you will. if not you wont and it seams you dont want the help because you keep saying no. plus in a detox they can adress this depression. but like i said before i think your worried that going wouold end you 'legal' scripts. i hope you take the advice and get professional help. Its not a bad thing its scary and inconvienient but its the best thi9ng you could do if you rreally wanna be done.
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  27. #27
    SuzieOf is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clone View Post
    I just want some other advice than "go to rehab" or "get on suboxone" or "stop cold turkey" or "taper down"

    I want to be out of this for good.
    SO

    I guess my conclusion is to either A: stop cold turkey which is not oging to happen
    B: go to rehab also not going to happen
    C: ween off.
    I think I'm attempting to ween off.

    I panicked earlier.

    i don't know.

    if i didn't have a girlfriend i wouldn't mind suffering the withdrawal. I've withdre worse.

    i'm conflicted.

    someone tell me what to do.
    blatantly, preferably not emotionally violently, but blatantly.
    a logical explanation (using pure logic, leading to a logical conclusion) would be appreciated.
    Clone, when I look at the drugs you take and try to imagine being on them myself I think I would get depressed too. Adderal is pure speed and 40 mg.'s is a lot and then taking xanax is like taking an upper and a downer at the same time so your body is like playing tug of war!! I can't tell you what to do as I'm not a doctor but if it were me, I would stop taking the Adderal for a couple of weeks and see if that helps. Your emotions are being pulled up and down and that can't be good.

  28. #28
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Sounds like a plan: Follow through. I didn't tell you you were a depressent is said the opiates were depressents and that no wonder you were depressed with all the drugs you were taking. I would never insult an addict, as I am one. What I am saying as everyone has been saying is that you need to get off this roller coaster now. It's about YOU. You living the good life you were meant to live. Drugs, bottom line, will not help. Good luck!

    Iloerose

  29. #29
    Clone is offline New Member
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    Yeah, sorry. I was blinded by my cravings. Literally, obviously.

    Thanks for the advice.

    In all honesty, I'm conflicted about signing into rehab.

    I did a 30mg oxy yesterday to clear my head, and trick my mind back into thinking I wasn't depressed.

    Woke up this morning, and didn't feel depressed at all.

    We'll see how this goes.

  30. #30
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    clone.... i see a few things by reading your posts. first off. YOU HAVENT GOT A HABIT.. that is, you are not physically dependent on these pills. and my god you should realize what a blessing that is... secondly, i can see you dont want to stop at all... not right now anyway...
    you have made far too many excuses to carry on and use, rather than try ways to stop....

    when stopping becomes the most important thing to you, then come back, and get advice, and maybe listen... until then, you are going to keep ''using a 30mg to clear your head'' what an oxymoron that is...

    you are young. you are dabbling. you are not addicted. but you will be if you carry on like you are.....

    you are not serious about quitting.... i sense you are going to go lower than this before you are ready. sorry to be so blunt, but i might as well tell it like i see it... better to tell you the truth what i see, (not forgettin ive been clean for nearly 18 months, after 25 plus years of iv drug abuse.) than sweet talk you and say, its going to be ok. you will be fine...

    you have no idea what its like to have an actual physical habit, if you think its bad now, just keep going, and you will realize you can go a lot further into misery..... weve been there. you are at the brink. turn back now before its too late.. you are young and you can stop if you want to... but do you want to... i dont think you do...
    SuzieOf and Clone like this.

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