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I did it!
I posted a thread a little while ago.. a couple of weeks? Maybe.. I don't even remember which topic I posted under. But I wanted to let everyone know that I kicked suboxone! I'll tell you guys a little bit about it.. I'm still very weak at 5 days, but that's my fault.. There's some things you can do to help with that.
I have a 21 month old son.. That was the biggest problem with me making the jump. My husband and parents knew everything that was going on, but I had not told my in-laws anything about my prior drug use. Not that they would be upset, but I didn't want them to think less of me. They are incredible people and I wouldn't have made it through these 5 days without them. About a week before jumping, I told them everything. They were very understanding and told me they would help in any way they could. Over the last month, I rapidly tapered from around 16-20 mgs down to less than .25 mgs. The last 4 days were the fastest- from 1.5 down. If that makes any sense. The day before I took my last dose, I packed my things and my son and I went to stay with my in-laws. They were amazing with my son and let me take my time with my w/d. And honestly--- it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I was terrified. I got lots of meds to help.. clonodine being one of them. I didn't take it at all though because my blood pressure never got above 115/85. I didn't want to take it and have my bp bottom out. So I lived on these meds and vitamins: C, B6, Potassium, L-Tyrosine, Melatonin, xanax, and ativan. I was given a med called bentyl for the runs, but it never got too bad. I didn't want to keep my body from getting the poison out, so I welcomed that and sweating. I never got chilled too bad. I did have incredibly restless legs. I would take ativan in the mornings and xanax in the evening. I don't know how good that was for me, but it kept me from absolutely flipping out. The w/ds weren't constant either. They came in waves... Some easy, some a little harder. Nothing I couldn't handle though.
Right now I'm deeply struggling with my energy levels. I cannot make myself get up. Every now and then I get a good rush of energy but it goes away within minutes and I have to sit down so I won't pass out. I know part of that is because I have not hydrated myself. I've also had a massive headache, but I have had those for years, so I'm okay with that. Still have mild sweats, but it's helping to cleanse my body. I will say.. I am about 5'4" and 100 pounds and I metabolize VERY quickly. So, where my bad days were probably 2 and 3, the average person might have their bad days be 4 and 5. I honestly don't know but when I was taking subs, I could only go 12-16 hours without dosing. So I'm thankful I got the tough part over faster...
If you are about to jump from subs, taper down to a low amount and jump! It's not as bad as you think. It's honestly 75% mental. I kept my mind busy listening to music and watching Dr. Who. Doesn't matter what kind of music.. And, oh God, I've fallen madly in love with the 10th Doctor, David Tennant.. I've not done that (pined over an actor/musician) since I was in High School So, yeah, I've fallen in love with David Tennant and let him break my heart (he got married last year..) and I'm HAPPY about that! That may not mean much to some people, but my real emotions are coming through again. I'm still a little foggy, but yesterday, I actually smelled the pine trees outside of my house!! I didn't notice things like that while on drugs...
Okay, I gotta go, but I'll keep everyone updated on my progress. We are going on vacation to the beach in 2 weeks so I'm hoping to be much healthier by then. If anyone has any questions, please ask me.. The sole purpose for me writing this was to encourage others. It's not as hard as I thought it would be. And you will never know until you try.. It's mostly mental. Just remember that!
Congrats!!!! How long we're u on subs total? I noticed u tapered fast over a month time but wasn't sure if that was ur total time on subs?
Isn't it funny how much music seems to help?! I'm on my second n last time of using subs after using pain meds for chronic pain issues...music honestly kept me going my first time around... Never would have guessed that. It's wonderful to hear ur journey, keep posting its inspiring! Glad u have a strong support system w/ur family.
Thanks so much for the support, Crystal! I do have an amazing support system.. My mom knows exactly what I'm going through. A little back-story: I started using after a surgery in 2007 (my senior year of high school).. it was exploratory because I was in so much pain. I had a SEVERE case of endometriosis. My doctor told me he had never seen a girl my age (17) with endometriosis as bad as I had it. I think that may have been somewhat of a factor in my drug use. They told me that I would never be able to have children and that stung hard. That's all I ever wanted.. Well, as it turns out! Even when I was on birth control, 2.5 months after I met my (now) husband, I was pregnant! I think one of the reasons I welcomed the w/d from suboxone the way I did was because when my son was born, he had w/d symptoms. Not severely.. but he had to be medicated and it hurt me more than anything.. all my doctors told me he would be absolutely fine because I was on subutex throughout my pregnancy. I was supposed to keep him safe and healthy and I failed him in that. I was lucky that the hospital saw how much support I had and how desperately I wanted to give my son everything in the world, so they did not report anything to DHS, which from what they told me, was the first time they have ever not reported a case. Well anyways.. my mom's side of the family has a lot of addicts. So in some ways, I knew a lot about it. Especially seeing my mom struggle for so many years and hiding it from my dad. With help from my therapist, I realized how much pressure I was under with my mom relying on me to NOT tell dad and my dad relying on me to DO tell him anything. It was hard. So I was on hydros/percs for about 8 months and then straight to suboxone. So for the last 5, almost 6, years I have been on either hydros/percs or suboxone/subutex.
Again, thank you so much for your support! It means so much.. I've had a difficult day. I think a bit of it may be pms symptoms. Best thing to come when you're dealing with w/ds, huh? Anyways.. I'll make it I'm just happy to be clean and FREE
Good job on tapering and getting off the subs. And glad that you returned to post your success, as others desperately need to hear that success is possible!
A couple of suggestions... the physical detox is only the first step in staying clean. There's a lot more to recovery than just getting the drugs out of our systems - the next step is learning how to deal with the mental and emotional aspects of addiction. Unless we address those issues, we're doomed to return to the pills. That's where NA, AA or CR come in - that's where you'll find the help you need to learn how to manage life without a drink or a drug.
The other suggestion is about the benzos - the ativan and xanax. I understand their use during the detox, but you need to be rid of them now that you're clean. These drugs are highly addictive, and quite dangerous for a recovering person. They are likely to be the culprits that are decreasing your energy level! Even if these drugs are taken as prescribed, they are bad news. When we continue to take any addictive drug after we've detoxed off another, we're keeping one foot in the world of addiction. We're severely limiting our chances of long-term success.
If you've been taking either (or both) of these drugs for any length of time, you need to slowly taper off them. And it would be wise to have your doctor prescribe you an anti-seizure drug (like depakote) while you're stopping. The risks of detoxing off benzos (the drug class of ativan and xanax) are much higher than detoxing off the subs or other opiates. There is a serious risk of seizures. While it isn't likely anyone will die when detoxing off opiates, there is a risk of death with the benzos.
Keep up the great work - I pray you can increase your chances of long-term success by attending NA or another 12-step program, and getting rid of the benzos.
I'd prefer to see someone clean and sober - and cursing me because I told them what they needed to hear ~
rather than see someone still lost in addiction - and liking me because I told them what they wanted to hear.
Hey there, sounds like you've been thru alot since a young age. I had to take care of my mom when I was a kid because of her addictions. Didn't realize it was addiction to the large freezer bag full of prescribed meds at the time, lol...I was a bit naive then. But it's a miracle that you conceived ur baby, congrats on that. We are not perfect n I'm sorry u had to suffer watching ur baby recover but happy u got yourself clean now. I absolutely agree with Ruth on getting involved with some type of recovery group, whichever one u feel most comfortable. I'm no expert on this, just a girl w/ chronic pain n getting ready to jump off subs again. Keep posting, nice to have u here take care hun
Hey guys! Just checking back in. I've had a pretty rough couple of days. Not physical w/d... I really don't have much physical w/d left. I have very mild twitching in my legs, but it doesn't bother me. I have an occasional sweat.. maybe 3 a day. My problem has been my energy. Yesterday I was so weak, I couldn't pick up my son (30 pounds) and got dizzy when I was up moving. I knew I was dehydrated but it seemed like the more I tried to drink fluids, the more my body rejected it. My mom convinced me to go to the er to get checked out after I put my son to bed. They took me back almost immediately.. I was so worried the er doctor wouldn't be understanding and would think that I was only there to get more drugs. So I made it clear to them that I didn't want any medication.. I just wanted to know if something was wrong, more than just w/ds and no energy. The doctor was very sweet and encouraging. She told me the worst was behind me but that I had gotten incredibly dehydrated. It took the nurse 9 tries to get an iv into my arm.. So today, both my arms from the elbow to the hand are bruised and sore. I felt 100 times better after a bag of fluids! I even fell asleep for about an hour while we were there! I woke up today feeling much better than yesterday. I've been pushing myself to drink gatorade and water.. I know it is helping. The er ran blood tests and said that I'm all good and healthy.. just gotta keep myself hydrated. To be honest, I was probably a bit dehydrated going into all this. All I ever drank was dr pepper. I've not had any soda in about 4 or 5 days, which might be why I have a bad headache. I'm about to lie down and rest for a few minutes and then get up and do some housework. Oh.. the er doctor told me that the best thing I could take, in terms of vitamins, (for me, personally) is prenatal vitamins. Just to be clear, I am a woman, so men probably wouldn't want to do that. I don't know, lol!
I want to thank you guys for all your support and advice! I haven't taken any benzos since the day before yesterday, so I think I'm fine there. I had only taken them for about 5 days. Sleep hasn't been too bad. I took melatonin last night. My husband said my legs jerked quite a bit while I was sleeping, but I didn't really notice. I got a pretty good night's sleep.
I will update again soon! I really hope this helps someone.. this hasn't been the most fun experience, but it has been doable! If I can do it.. ANYONE can
Great to hear ur ok...I'm getting real bad at drinking fluids lately. I'm forcing a Gatorade down as I type this out lol. Glad ur physical wds are subsiding. Always a pleasure to hear others get off this stuff...I'm almost there!! Keep in touch, Xoxo
The number one thing I promote is drinking a lot of water. When I went off subs I forced myself to drink about a gallon a water a day the first few weeks. I am convinced.. as was my Dr In the treatment center....that It was the high water Intake that helped me do as well as I did. Happy to hear you're feeling better tdouglas
Wishing you the very best....congratulations.