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finally quit subs after 2 years
  1. #31
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Day 33, feeling swimmingly!! Been working out, super sore but totally okay with it. Been catching up with soooooo many friends I had lost contact with. Spent the last 6 nights out, sleeping on couches, enjoying so much my regained social interaction. Jammed on guitar with 4 friends last night, wrote about 3 songs, sang them as an awful, drunk quartet and laughed so hard I thought I was going to cry.

    Life. Is. Awesome.

  2. #32
    Kristin13 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kellennn View Post
    I realize posting it on a public forum is probably not the best idea, but seeing as how my inbox has about 1,000 messages in it, I don't think it really matters, not at this point. Any of you strange internet lurkers out there feel free to join the literally 300 bots that constantly assault me with spam on a daily basis. I'm gonna make a g-mail account soon and ditch this one for good.

    But yeah just shoot me an email, and I'll send 'em to you. Put Kristen in the title so I can actually find the thing. And maybe post something on here so I know when to check it. I've got such a backlog of spam I can barely find anything in there.

    They're not for sale anywhere, it doesn't work that way in my head. The more people I can get them to for free, the better.
    If you put your email in this message I'm pretty sure it was removed.

  3. #33
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristin13 View Post
    If you put your email in this message I'm pretty sure it was removed.



    It is against drugs.com policy to include email addresses on this forum. People come on here and use email addresses to link people with online pharmacies, all kinds of scams, etc. Drugs.com is just protecting the members of the forum, it's nothing personal against anyone. Hope that clears it up.

    Nothing against trying to obtain a book, but again, this forum is not about obtaining anyone's private work. Our focus here is about getting clean from drug abuse, dealing with chronic pain and related matters. God bless.
    Kristin13 likes this.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  4. #34
    Kristin13 is offline Member
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    I totally get that and figured that's why it was removed.

  5. #35
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Me as well. Sorry sorry! The books are about addiction so it's a little more applicable than you might think, but I totally get it. I'm sure there's a lot of people that would abuse a private message system.

  6. #36
    dsac6060 is offline Member
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    Im on the forum for one reason; to get clean and taper. I love reading success stories about the tapering and such. Sometimes ppl get unfocused on the tasks at hand on here and talk about other stuff that has NO relation to the material.
    We CAN and WILL do this!!!!! Have faith and stay strong

  7. #37
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by dsac6060 View Post
    Im on the forum for one reason; to get clean and taper. I love reading success stories about the tapering and such. Sometimes ppl get unfocused on the tasks at hand on here and talk about other stuff that has NO relation to the material.
    I can't even tell what this comment is supposed to imply..? If it's not a dig, then disregard all of the following. I said the books are about addiction, they are more applicable than you could ever imagine, and I firmly believe they can help addicts. That being said, I have no problem with not sending them to anyone. If those are the rules, those are the rules, and I love well moderated forums. And it's not like I'm trying to push them on anyone. I said I would send them for free, and I only even mentioned them because Kristen seemed to want to read more of my writing. It was obvious the purpose of this thread: To share my story, and hopefully help others. If you see it in any other light than that, you're just being cynical.

    My exact words, after the mod deleted my email, was "Sorry sorry," and "I totally understand how people would abuse a private message system." Quite a fight I put up, eh?

    And while you might be on the forum to "get clean and read taper stories," (which, ironically, is exactly what I've provided here) I'm not. I'm already clean. Not fixed, or cured, but I could pass a drug test. So I'm posting on these forums to hear about people that inspire me, and to cultivate conversation with people that share common interests, so I don't feel so crushingly lonely. And most importantly to give the hopeless hope. How dare you purport that there's a certain "type" of information these forums are supposed to provide, and to use them in any other way is objectionable. As long as no personal information is being swapped, who cares where the conversation goes? So what if I want to talk about movies or music or books? Don't you see that maybe I might just been yearning for a little connection? I can't shut the 'eff up now that I'm clean. My hands type at a million words a minute and I cannot turn my brain off because it has been turned off for five years and now it's getting some much deserved payback. Rambling in this thread helps me. It helps me work through my problems. It is my safety net.

    Just be happy you don't have to hear me ramble on and on in person.

    Like, I dunno why you feel the need to put this thread down in any meaningful way. Especially considering I'm struggling with... you know... the hardest battle of my 'effing life?

    Sheesh. Some people. Anywho.

  8. #38
    Kristin13 is offline Member
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    Kellen - your story definitely helped me.....reading what you've been going through made my "process" sound like a piece of cake....I kept thinking....damn, just think about what Kellen has went through.....I can totally do this.....and here I am 14 days squeaky clean. So, thank you my dear, for sharing your story.... *BIG hug*
    Last edited by Kristin13; 03-16-2012 at 01:07 PM.

  9. #39
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristin13 View Post
    Kellen - your story definitely helped me.....reading what you've been going through made my "process" sound like a piece of cake....I kept thinking....damn, just think about what Kellen has went through.....I can totally do this.....and here I am 14 days squeaky clean. So, thank you my dear, for sharing your story.... *BIG hug*


    Kristin ....... And 14 days clean is awesome when your goofy dr wanted you start taking wasn't it 24mg of subs a day or something ridiculous like that!

    You did exactly what I asked you to do and look at you now! Be proud of yourself for using your head and not listening to a bunch of nonsense! God bless.
    Kristin13 likes this.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  10. #40
    Kristin13 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert_325 View Post
    Kristin ....... And 14 days clean is awesome when your goofy dr wanted you start taking wasn't it 24mg of subs a day or something ridiculous like that!

    You did exactly what I asked you to do and look at you now! Be proud of yourself for using your head and not listening to a bunch of nonsense! God bless.
    Thank you Robert!!! I don't know where I would be right now if not for you and this message board. Actually, I do know where I'd be....I'd be taking 16 mg of suboxone a day....for who knows how long...Stupid doctors!

  11. #41
    dsac6060 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristin13 View Post
    Thank you Robert!!! I don't know where I would be right now if not for you and this message board. Actually, I do know where I'd be....I'd be taking 16 mg of suboxone a day....for who knows how long...Stupid doctors!
    What are you talking about , a dig??? No one is doing such things....I simply stated y I was on this forum in the first place. If you're gonna come at ME like that then there is no reason for it at all. It's amazing how ppl jump the gun and wanna make threats on the forum. Yes actually I am trying to get clean and I'm doing it the taper way. I wouldn't have been able to just JUMP OR CT at such a high dose like u. I can't handle WD which is first y I went to suboxone and secondly y I started the taper on my own willpower. I took it upon myself to do this w no help from anyone except ppl on this forum. My parents don't know, my gf don't know , only my INFORMATIVE AND SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS ON HERE know. Imagine that. Being shelled up w no one to talk with about your issues. Hidden from friends family everyone. I'm trapped alone by myself to fight this tough battle. But I will win. I'm too determined not to. Plain and simple

    So I do appreciate you coming at me and making feel like even more ***^ in my time of WD.

    Best of luck to u pal
    We CAN and WILL do this!!!!! Have faith and stay strong

  12. #42
    Kristin13 is offline Member
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    Kellen where are you buddy???

  13. #43
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by dsac6060 View Post
    What are you talking about , a dig??? No one is doing such things....I simply stated y I was on this forum in the first place. If you're gonna come at ME like that then there is no reason for it at all. It's amazing how ppl jump the gun and wanna make threats on the forum. Yes actually I am trying to get clean and I'm doing it the taper way. I wouldn't have been able to just JUMP OR CT at such a high dose like u. I can't handle WD which is first y I went to suboxone and secondly y I started the taper on my own willpower. I took it upon myself to do this w no help from anyone except ppl on this forum. My parents don't know, my gf don't know , only my INFORMATIVE AND SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS ON HERE know. Imagine that. Being shelled up w no one to talk with about your issues. Hidden from friends family everyone. I'm trapped alone by myself to fight this tough battle. But I will win. I'm too determined not to. Plain and simple

    So I do appreciate you coming at me and making feel like even more ***^ in my time of WD.

    Best of luck to u pal
    I took that way out of context and I am as sorry as a human can be. I don't even want to read this post I'm quoting because I'm sure it makes me out to be the idiot I totally was. My bad. Twas a bad day. I wish you and everyone else only the best of luck. Don't know why I was so offended by that. Was totally in the wrong.

  14. #44
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristin13 View Post
    Kellen where are you buddy???
    Where am I? I am here about to assault you with a final wall-o-text!

    Fear not if I don't post for a few days. I'm not one of those back-sliding type. I could not post for a year, and my next post would be: Made it to a year sober!!


  15. #45
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Well, this is the kudegra. What will probably be my last, long post for a while. While I will continue to post, it will probably be smaller updates. It is the happy ending we've all been so diligently seeking:

    There is a fire that burns so bright it will literally blot the sun from the sky. In this fire, the most unfortunate homo-sapiens ever conceived are burned, for eternity and in the name of total degradation, not because of an evil slave master, but because they themselves have chosen this great fire, have stoked it and owned it.

    Have you ever slayed a dragon? Because I have. And, as much as I’d love to tell you about it, would love for you to know just how daunting it is, I cannot. This paltry English language doesn't have even half the adjectives I would need to truly express how monstrous, how terrifying, how all-encompassing, this dragon is. How its fire splits the night in two, bleeds everyone dry, grows and morphs and swallows everything.

    But here I stand, proof that this dragon can be slayed, that his bark is worse than his bite.

    Because I can finally, honestly, say that I made it. I held off posting this diary for multiple weeks for the sole reason of not wanting to tell a story without a happy ending. I told myself I would create it when the worst was behind me, to give people hope, so no one had to start the story where I had to start it, at day 1, not knowing if I would make it or not. I wanted to save that plight exclusively for myself, as my penance, the albatross around my neck. But in reality, I still didn't wait long enough. I waited as long as I could, which was 27 days. But really I felt like I owed everyone more than that. I wanted to be free of this scorched earth completely before I went around touting the advantages of leaving it behind.

    Finally, after 37 freaking days, I can make good on that promise! I stand before you now, feeling more alive, more like a normal human being, than I ever have in my whole life. I feel again. My emotions run up and down the gamut, but mostly rest in happiness. One of my close friends recently said: "While you're mostly the same, my favorite part about you being sober is the fact that you're always in a good mood." I was so struck by this I nearly cried, for irritability is one of the main symptoms of opiate abuse, and a unique one that's shouldered exclusively by those that love the addict, rather than the addict himself. This quote in particular brought to light many late nights of being short with my very best friends, for no reason in particular, other than I was high and annoyed by them, wishing they'd leave. For someone as debilitating depressed as I have been nearly my entire life, this happiness is a godsend from a God I don't believe in. If I did, I might surely think he had a hand in this.

    Want to hear something interesting? When we had our celebratory family dinner, on day 35, my mom said something that totally rubbed me the wrong way. I didn't respond of course, just smiled and nodded. I've become exceedingly good at hiding my beliefs on God with regard to my family. I know it would offend them and cause them endlessly to fear for my eternal damnation at the hand of their loving God. I don't wish anyone to carry the burden of thinking a loved one is going to be tortured for all eternity. But at this moment I felt so overcome I nearly blurted out my thoughts.

    She said: "I've been praying for you for so long, and I'm so glad God finally delivered you."

    This thought literally smacked me upside the head; I could instantly feel that little, hand-shaped welt growing on my cheek.

    And I’ll tell you why it upset me: Because never in my life, ever—ever, ever, ever—had I worked so hard for something that seemed so unattainable. Compared to this, writing my first book had been easy, super easy. I had nearly lost my sanity battling this dragon; it had drained nearly every ounce of my fight and my will. But never had I surrendered to it, no matter how many times I was hit in the mouth. And you know what? I was proud, just as my Mom was proud. The only problem was, I was proud of myself, and my mom was proud of God. Never had I felt so robbed, the greatest victory of my life literally snatched from my clutches. Here I had given everything, literally laid my soul on the line, and here was God, swooping in to take all the credit. I felt like an idiot for being prideful, but quickly I realized I was only prideful because of the enormity of the situation, how the odds were stacked so high against me; if ever there was a moment to be proud, this was it.


    I didn't say anything. My response was: "Thank you so very much for the prayers." But I hope you get the idea, even if you disagree with its implications.


    But I digress, and am totally sorry if my views on God offend you. I have suppressed them for so long, they now bubble out of me with a fury, and particularly over the internet, where I can't be judged as harshly as I might be in the Bible belt.


    And so, here I stand. Alive. Feeling better, so, so much better. Today is day 37. I am so close to 40 I can taste it, and how super-sweet it is.


    I feel my strength returning. I am working out, running, writing, playing guitar, playing games, spending countless, countless hours catching up with old friends I would (and should) have surely lost for good. They are better people than I. I feel in their voices a slight quiver when they speak of my addiction, my disappearance, and the implications are clear: We missed you so bad, and we love you so much.

    My friends have literally spent hundreds of dollars on my broke ass in the past 2 weeks, keeping my gas tank and belly full so I can spend extended nights away from home, paying for movies and restaurants and snacks. (my house is a war zone; my parents are still embroiled in a 3 year divorce with no end in sight; my brother has intense medical problems; and my grandmother that lives with us has severe Alzheimer’s; I’m the least troubled of them all, if that puts it in perspective, lol)

    And I know why they do it. It is because they have missed me so, because they love me in the best way friends can. I feel my debt growing to them, edging towards the un-repayable, bankrupting variety. But at the same time I feel like I offer up very valuable information to them as well, and that is: Don't do drugs! Haha. I'm way better than any DARE class you ever took.

    When you're in the trenches, it's hard to imagine it's ever going to end. I've probably read back through these posts 50 times at this point, more as a study than anything, an accounting of my losses. It's interesting to me to see the different stages of withdrawal: The mild first few days, or week, in my experience; the growing annoyance; the incessant showers and baths; then the sleeplessness; and finally the anger, the seething rage of why-me's that is only made worse by the fact you've brought it all on yourself; and then the slow climb to feeling better; the realization of all the things you've been missing, and the staggering amount of time you've been missing them; this, I’d imagine, if you have kids, is the part where you feel like an awful, failure of a parent; the taking stock of all the relationships you've lost; the grieving over past relationships you never grieved over; the accounting and apologies to so many for so much for so long. If I had to pick one word to sum up the past 5 years of my life, it would be: Sorry. And if I got two? So sorry.

    When I was in the throes of withdrawal, I truly believed it would never end. I knew in my heart of hearts that it would, that it couldn't last forever, but the physical stimuli I was receiving served at each moment to assure my brain: This will never end!!!!!

    And here's the funny part. It did. I finally, finally made it. I feel better, normal, happy, like I get life and am winning at it. I can't wipe this perma-plastered grin off my face. I literally lift my hands celebratorily in public and get the strangest looks. No one has any idea that I’m thinking: "Victory!!!! Sweet 'effing vitory!!!"

    I wish I had held off posting all of this until now, until the moment I truly did feel better. But better late than never I supposed, because I can confidently say that I made it. And I don't even feel particularly inclined to modify that with "I'm not cured, not by a long shot."

    I feel pretty freaking cured. I can confidently say I will never do drugs again. And I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I paid the price for my actions. I lived the consequences of prolonged opiate abuse, and now my brain has the most epic, 37 day accounting of just exactly what drug abuse will get you. I never—never, never, never—want to feel like that again. I never had that before. I never had a tangible reaping of my years of bodily abuse. As far as I was concerned all those years, maybe quitting wouldn't be so bad. In other words, I had no idea what I was wagering. And now, I do. I know literally exactly what I'm wagering if I ever choose to abuse drugs again. The most hellacious, miserable, sleepless marathon I’ve ever, and will ever, endure.

    And maybe you're instantly worried about me, worried that I'll let my guard down now that I’ve beaten this dragon back. But remember, I quit doing >>>>>> in literally the blink of an eye, and I never looked back, never thought about going back to it. I feel very much the same way about Soboxone, except even more so, as I participated in no such reaping when I quit >>>>>>. Suboxone made those withdrawals non-existent—I paid no consequences for my actions.

  16. #46
    kellennn is offline Member
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    (sorry had to split this one in two, was too long)

    My personal belief on what helps you attain long term sobriety is finding the root cause of what made you abuse. This, I believe, will be my biggest asset in fighting this addiction in the future. Because I know exactly what my root cause was. It was women. Always has been, always will be. Girls, the beautiful ones in particular, make me about as weak when it comes to drug abuse as any human can be. I have trouble with loss, can literally feel it gnawing away at my will to live when a particular beauty leaves me in the dust, and usually on the pretense of: "Never talk/write/look at me ever again, ever, you horrible human being."

    Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is my favorite movie ever. It describes relationships in their purest, most life breaking form. My favorite scene is when they are listening to each other’s tapes (basically both main characters make tapes about the other once they break up, about how much they despise all their little quirks) And one of them is "I hate her stupid hair," and then he instantly replies "I don't hate your hair, I love your hair!" It's funny how things change as time passes.

    It's just strange to me how relationships are founded solely on the belief that you love one another, and they're ended solely on the belief that you hate one another. What other action in life is as such? Relationships are the only things guaranteed to start with love and end with hate. Friendships can start in neutral and grow towards love. Or start in hate and grow towards love. But the coupling process is the only one with a locked continuum: We will move from love to hate, and exclusively in that direction.

    And hating people isn't so bad, not in and of itself. There are plenty of people I hated the first time I met, and still hate today. But rarely do you meet someone you totally love, and then eventually decide you hate them. This is pretty exclusive to relationships.

    It would stand to reason if you loved someone so much, you could never truly hate them. But while this is logical, it isn't true. That love is what allows you to galvanize that hate. If you give big, you lose big. The harder you love, the harder you hate. It's a dizzying realization. I'm that weirdo that wants to be friends with someone I’ve spent years cultivating a relationship with. But not her. She wants me to burn in hell, leave her alone, pretend it never happened before and never will again.

    Honestly, this hurts my little brain, but mostly it hurts my little heart. "How could this person want me around for so long, all the time, share all of this with me, and then not even want to revert to friendship?" And it's funny because, not in a conceded way, I am an awesome boyfriend, of the least embarrassing variety (other than my drug use, which, ironically, is of the most embarrassing variety) But I always leave a lasting impression on these girls. They come away from it with a new taste in music, books, movies, life, God, love, friendship—all the most important stuff. My favorites become their favorites; I can see that color grow in their cheeks when I say or do something particularly witty or snarky; I can literally feel their pride in my presence, feel them thinking, at a party, "yes, that's my boyfriend."

    And so, when that ends, abruptly and without warning, it breaks me in the worse way a human can be broken. Not only do I feel abandoned, but I feel much, much worse. I feel robbed, literally, in the truest way a man can be robbed. I feel like my most valuable assets, my brains and my humor and my taste in things, my ideals, are stolen away from me, and not just stolen, but re-purposed so these girls can find other boyfriends. Here these women swoop in, literally steal the things most dear to my heart from right under my nose, and then go around snake-oil style, dealing them out to their new boyfriends: My beliefs re-purposed, and for the exclusive application of finding someone to replace me! I can honestly say I jammed about 100 needles into my arm based on this mind-breaking thought alone.

    But I am not innocent in this way, not in the manner you would like to believe me. No, I cannot be your protagonist. I am your flawed anti-hero at best, because when the going got tough, I got high as a kite. Even the first, most insignificant mix-ups would leave me pining for the needle. And when the mix-ups would grow and morph into something tangibly depressing, I’d hit the drugs so hard and so fast no sane human would want to be with me. This, I supposed, is the worst. That it breaks me when they leave, and that they leave because I’m broken. For the longest, I reaped what I sowed.

    Just typing these sentences brings it all back in that lump-in-your-throat kind of way. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have tears in my eyes at this very moment—or at the very least, a threat of them.

    But here's the thing: You have to know your enemy to beat it. And I know my enemy so well, there's not a snowflake in hell's chance of it sneaking up on me. What I will have to remain ever diligent about, to secure my prolonged sobriety, is women. The first relationship I experience post sobriety will be my first, practically only, test. Compared to that, withdrawals were easy.

    And mainly, the breakup. I have to be weary, forever diligent, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am scared. But I’m also confident. I will be weary, I will be reluctant to offer my heart up to anyone when, in the past, I threw it wherever I could find, to see if it would stick.

    No, I know just exactly what my trigger is, can see it coming from a mile away and as such, stand a fighting chance against it. The best part, too, is that most of these girls left almost exclusively because of my drug use. The fact that this won't be a specter hanging over each new one is quite reassuring. My little brain can’t even postulate another reason a girl might leave me, since it's always been the same reason: Drugs. I wonder what excuse they'll find now?

    Ha, who knows. But I know now I’m in a position to defend myself, to have self-esteem, to feel like, for the first time ever, "her lose!"

    Again, I digress. I'm sure no one will read all of this. But just know, while most the posts, up to this point, were about you, some stranger over the internet, about helping you, this one’s more for me. I've been chasing this victory for 37 days now, and finally I feel like it is mine. No more leg pains, no more back pain, no more sneezing, no more sweating, no more sleeplessness, no more waking up early even when I can sleep in. Been working out, energy levels up. But most of all I’m overcome with how much I gave up to do what I did.

    I feel better, alive for the first time in years, and by sacrificing one tiny little month in what will amount to hundreds over the course of my life, I can say with utmost confidence and poise: It is worth it, more worth it than anything before or sense.
    Kristin13 and Mr_Dean like this.

  17. #47
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    What are you talking about , a dig??? No one is doing such things....I simply stated y I was on this forum in the first place. If you're gonna come at ME like that then there is no reason for it at all. It's amazing how ppl jump the gun and wanna make threats on the forum. Yes actually I am trying to get clean and I'm doing it the taper way. I wouldn't have been able to just JUMP OR CT at such a high dose like u. I can't handle WD which is first y I went to suboxone and secondly y I started the taper on my own willpower. I took it upon myself to do this w no help from anyone except ppl on this forum. My parents don't know, my gf don't know , only my INFORMATIVE AND SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS ON HERE know. Imagine that. Being shelled up w no one to talk with about your issues. Hidden from friends family everyone. I'm trapped alone by myself to fight this tough battle. But I will win. I'm too determined not to. Plain and simple

    So I do appreciate you coming at me and making feel like even more ***^ in my time of WD.

    Best of luck to u pal
    ---End Quote---
    I took that way out of context and I am as sorry as a human can be. I don't even want to read this post I'm quoting because I'm sure it makes me out to be the idiot I totally was. My bad. Twas a bad day. I wish you and everyone else only the best of luck. Don't know why I was so offended by that. Was totally in the wrong.





    Hey guys! One thing we all have to remember is that while people are detoxing, recovering, trying to regain our sanity from using drugs we all tend to be a little volatile at times. It's just the way it is. We have to stick together!

    This is a drug forum and as such we need to remember that everyone here who doesn't have a lot of clean time is in their own place and dealing the best way they can there with their own issues.

    I have been guilty of pissing off more people on this forum than probably anyone here. It comes with the territory. Everyone just needs to remember the other person is here for the same reason we are and try to cut each other a little slack! We're all a bunch of sick pickles! It's no big deal, we all say things we don't mean sometimes. Let it go and move on, just remember the other guy is struggling too! God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  18. #48
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert_325 View Post
    What are you talking about , a dig??? No one is doing such things....I simply stated y I was on this forum in the first place. If you're gonna come at ME like that then there is no reason for it at all. It's amazing how ppl jump the gun and wanna make threats on the forum. Yes actually I am trying to get clean and I'm doing it the taper way. I wouldn't have been able to just JUMP OR CT at such a high dose like u. I can't handle WD which is first y I went to suboxone and secondly y I started the taper on my own willpower. I took it upon myself to do this w no help from anyone except ppl on this forum. My parents don't know, my gf don't know , only my INFORMATIVE AND SUPPORTIVE FRIENDS ON HERE know. Imagine that. Being shelled up w no one to talk with about your issues. Hidden from friends family everyone. I'm trapped alone by myself to fight this tough battle. But I will win. I'm too determined not to. Plain and simple

    So I do appreciate you coming at me and making feel like even more ***^ in my time of WD.

    Best of luck to u pal
    ---End Quote---
    I took that way out of context and I am as sorry as a human can be. I don't even want to read this post I'm quoting because I'm sure it makes me out to be the idiot I totally was. My bad. Twas a bad day. I wish you and everyone else only the best of luck. Don't know why I was so offended by that. Was totally in the wrong.





    Hey guys! One thing we all have to remember is that while people are detoxing, recovering, trying to regain our sanity from using drugs we all tend to be a little volatile at times. It's just the way it is. We have to stick together!

    This is a drug forum and as such we need to remember that everyone here who doesn't have a lot of clean time is in their own place and dealing the best way they can there with their own issues.

    I have been guilty of pissing off more people on this forum than probably anyone here. It comes with the territory. Everyone just needs to remember the other person is here for the same reason we are and try to cut each other a little slack! We're all a bunch of sick pickles! It's no big deal, we all say things we don't mean sometimes. Let it go and move on, just remember the other guy is struggling too! God bless.
    Robert 4 president 2012!
    Kristin13 likes this.

  19. #49
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    Detoxing was the beginning of the beginning of my sobriety.
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  20. #50
    Kristin13 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kellennn View Post
    Where am I? I am here about to assault you with a final wall-o-text!

    Fear not if I don't post for a few days. I'm not one of those back-sliding type. I could not post for a year, and my next post would be: Made it to a year sober!!

    ...which is totally why we need a means of connection besides this forum....I think there's another part of this website where you can private message someone.

  21. #51
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Kristin .... if you go to the top of the page you'll see a link to "support groups." You can fill out a short profile there, enter a request to another person to be a "friend" entering their screen name and when they confirm your request you can talk privately. You'll receive an email from ddc telling you the request has been made or confirmed. Hope that helps. God bless.
    Last edited by Robert_325; 03-19-2012 at 06:04 PM.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  22. #52
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiriusMoonlight View Post
    Detoxing was the beginning of the beginning of my sobriety.
    Yeah, I'm not asking anyone to believe in the power of my resolve at face value. Hold off judgement of my success or failure until years from now, when I'll update to let you know I made it. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't absolutely positive I am going to make it. So I was honest with how I felt, even though I know it makes me seem naive, like "this kid has no idea what he's getting into if he thinks he's already made it." Suffice to say I simply cannot explain it, and totally understand how it could come off as naive.

    I think it mostly stems from the fact that, for my whole life, I never knew what withdrawals would be like. I wondered, but I didn't know. I assumed the high of drugs was greater than the low of withdrawals. Now that I know this not to be true, that the inverse is true, they seem a lot less tempting. Edit: They seem not tempting at all. But yeah, I probably shouldn't even have put that in there, as it invites only thoughts that "I don't get it," if I think I'm cured already.

    I guess my argument would be, you don't get me. But not in a mean way. In a confident way. But yeah, 'tis only the beginning. But how sweet it is.

  23. #53
    Kristin13 is offline Member
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    Just finished reading your post....37 days!!?? Wow. <3

  24. #54
    Kristin13 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert_325 View Post
    Kristin .... if you go to the top of the page you'll see a link to "support groups." You can fill out a short profile there, enter a request to another person to be a "friend" entering their screen name and when they confirm your request you can talk privately. You'll receive an email from ddc telling you the request has been made or confirmed. Hope that helps. God bless.
    Aww, thanks Robert! I was just about to investigate.....

  25. #55
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristin13 View Post
    Just finished reading your post....37 days!!?? Wow. <3
    I know I know!! Honestly the days are passing pretty quick now. It will be 2 months before I know it!!

  26. #56
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Robert you are like a deity on Drugs.com

    I refuse to believe you are a mere mortal.
    Kristin13 likes this.

  27. #57
    Kristin13 is offline Member
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    Kellen I sent you a friend thingy....you can message me your email now.....I can't message you yet...I guess because you have to accept something or other.

  28. #58
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristin13 View Post
    Kellen I sent you a friend thingy....you can message me your email now.....I can't message you yet...I guess because you have to accept something or other.
    totally one step ahead of you. check your messages! it kind of confused me how to find it so it might take you a second as well.

  29. #59
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    what an inspirational thread man.......congrats on your progress

  30. #60
    kellennn is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by DDAVE45 View Post
    what an inspirational thread man.......congrats on your progress
    Hey, hey thank you so much! Honestly, I can't believe so many people have suffered through this thread. My wall-o-text style is generally despised on most forums, lol.

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