I have been reading a lot of posts and have mixed feelings as I can identify with some of the feelings I haven't found a post that is close to my experience. I am a 38y/o female. I am in pretty good health. I have a long term live in boyfriend who had NO IDEA I was using. I have been abusing vicodens (any mg I could get my hands on) & percoset (any mg I could get my hands on) taking anywhere from 10-12 pills a day, for the better part of 10 years. The last 8 years has been a constant..no longer than a few hours without using. I have NEVER made an attempt to stop, until 7 days ago. Last Wed. I took my last 3 vicodens...and expressed to my boyfriend my need for help. He reached out to some friends because I do not have insurance. We were able to get suboxone (8mg sublingual). Wed. Thurs & Fri I took (1) 8mg strip when I woke up and felt some of the w/d pains. I went to my first N/A mtg Thurs. evening and have continued to go everyday since. On Sat. I tapered down to 4mg of suboxone in the morning. Again on Sun I took 4mg. By Mon. I was down to 2mg. I have taken 2mg every morning(Wed. & today is Thurs). I wanted to go without any today but I am PETRIFIED that being I am home alone today I will not make it and will get pills to satisfy my urge...which at this point I am not so sure are physical anymore..think it is mostly in my head. The N/A mtgs. are helping SO MUCH and I suggest anyone trying to kick this or any habit can only benefit from being with ppl who get it. My question is what should I do next? I read the threads about skipping days etc. If someone can please give me suggestions I am open to all of them. I do NOT want to take any benzos for sleep(which has been VERY difficult to get) I have taken benadryl it helps but I don't think its worth it. I feel like I need to feel some of the discomfort in order to help me stay clean. I am trying to drink a lot of water and take my multi vitamin everyday. I am also interested in starting a vitamin regimen as I continue to kick. I should also add that I am not a big pot smoker but have found taking a few tokes before laying down for the night has helped take the edge off. I agree with all the posts regarding getting and staying active, I have tried to do ONE monumental chore a day..things I have put off due to my active using. My ultimate goal is to not use the subs for more than 3 weeks if possible, any suggestions in helping me reach this goal is so appreciated...Thank you to anyone who has read my story. Hi my name is Sandi and I am MOST DEFINITELY an addict!