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So alone and scared
So alone and scared
This is my first post, Hi everyone. Ok, Nine yrs ago I had a rock climbing accident that led to 2 surgerys that made it worse. I was in Hospital management and led a successful life-on the outside. When I was 7yrs old I was drinking Phernagan & Codeine sample bottles if that tells you anything. I went thru teens w/o using, as long as I could participate in my extreme sports. The car racing, climbing & competitve running gave me the high I needed. Fast track to post surgery. Of course they gave me pain meds. I expected a full recovery, & was told I would never run, climb or race again. I started get strange symptoms 2 yrs later, & was diagnosed w/ full blown Fibromyalga w/ a postive marker for R/A. Ended up on Permanent disability-yup, Social Security. I lost everything that made me who I was, & then 5 yrs ago my Dr introduced me to FENTANYL PATCHES. I thought it was a life saver. This last year I knew I had to get off, it OWNS me. I don't know who I am drug free So, my husb (who is enabling) knows that I'm going for a full detox-w/o inpatient help or Dr. assistance. (who enables me as well) Today, April 9, 2012 is my first detox day. Took last patch off last nite, was 75mcg of fentanyl, and am prepared for hell. I actually spoke to Dr. Drew on his show in Feb, & he told me to go to detox, 30 day program & then Sober Living program. I have Medicare, Ha. I'm thinking if I go thru the whole thing w/o Suboxen or other meds, I will realize the extent of the addiction. I have an extreme addiction problem. Type A-whole thing. I'm been battling depression b/c my life has changed so dramatically.
Any advice or tips, or support even would be amazing. I don't have a support system, & feel soo alone
Hi Stamp and Welcome to the Forum,
First advice: Keep posting and read until you can't stand it anymore. I never get sick of reading others' posts.
All of us addicts here understand how you're feeling and just how badly you want to put this behind you. You are 100% correct in feeling that you don't even know the real you anymore because it's been some time since you've been present. They don't call these mind-altering drugs for nothing. I abused for 20 yrs. One of the most frightening things about becoming clean over 2 yrs ago was that I simply didn't know who I was or even if I liked the real me. I used to pre-addiction, would I now? It took time but I DID learn that I like the clean me very much! I regret the years I threw away and what I put my loved ones through. BUT there is the other side to look forward to. Easy? Nope. But nothing good in life is easy and let me tell you that after 20 yrs of fog, I like this side tremendously. You will too.
I'm sorry that you don't have real life support. I didn't either. This Forum was my support and after countless attempts before finding this site, it did the trick. I hope that it will do it for you too.
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahil Gibran (1883-1931).
Thank u for taking the time to reply. I'm starting to feel Really sick, and now questioning the wisdom in cold turkey from the 75mcg patch. Can I do it, YES. And I want this more than anything. That said, I am scared. This is like my 20th attempt at quiting, yet I did some soul searching and am going about it this time different. I'm reading (skulking around!) this website-quite literaly taking in everything. I see for the first time I'm not alone. That helps.
I called local detox center, they said I could come in, although theydon't use suboxone, but other meds to get me thru the 5 day period. I honestly don't know what to do. I've read here some nightmare stories about 'quick detox' and the patient feeling worse afterward.
I'm now feeling like the worse flu and starting the get the "worms under my skin" feeling. I'm restless and having to constantly shake out arms & legs. Does it get worse than this?
I've gone from scared & alone to scared & SICK! Aaargh...
you can do it!!!!!
you can do it.after 8 years of hydrocodone and got up to. take 6 to 7 aday .I was gave 10mg/500 for back problem and the first time i tried to stop I didnt know what going on.it start off fine then i start seeing my body got addicted to it and knew it was a problem.it took me last monday to say this is it but i know it not much but I been clean for ten days.the first 3 days was hell you can do it.eat som bannas for leg cramps.get v8 juices and b12 liquid.and buy some vitamins.these will help.and use flexeril of some type of sedative to put you to sleep for the first 4 days.day 5 you should be better.make sure you keep taking b12 and bannas everyday and pray and you will be fine.I was in your shoes and people was looking at me crazy but I got through it with fate and taking the things I told you about. hang in there you will make it.just remember only 4 days of sickness and the rest is back to normal you in my .I keepyou in my prayers.