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Please help!
  1. #1
    kg2020 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
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    Default Please help!

    I have been with my boyfriend for nine months and he is definitely an addict of some kind but is in total denial. I want to help but it is getting to the point where enough is enough. He thinks that I am totally stupid and I don't know whats going on behind my back and i feel like it is getting worse or is worse than i can even imagine.
    When we first started dating he told me that he had a problem with opiates but had been clean for nine months. His secret was easy to hide the first few months but as we started getting closer and spending more time together i noticed more and more strange behavior. Leaving at all hours of the night, running to the "gas station" for 45 mins. at a time. I can even tell sometimes when he is high but he never remembers the way he acts and gets so mad and flies off the handle when I confront him. The other day I found a wallet in his house that seemed to me like it may have been stolen. I just don't know what to do...I have confronted him many times and he conitnues to lie. He does go to a clinic where he gets suboxones but I know he sells them and doesn;t always take them so he can continue to get high. Has anyone else been in this position and what did you do? I just don't know if I need to walk away for my own sanity. I don't want him to die or go to jail but he wont admit he has a problem, gets mad, and lies to me. Any advice?

  2. #2
    AlmostHome is offline Junior Member
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    Jan 2012
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    Pennsylvania
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    Quote Originally Posted by kg2020 View Post
    I have been with my boyfriend for nine months and he is definitely an addict of some kind but is in total denial. I want to help but it is getting to the point where enough is enough. He thinks that I am totally stupid and I don't know whats going on behind my back and i feel like it is getting worse or is worse than i can even imagine.
    When we first started dating he told me that he had a problem with opiates but had been clean for nine months. His secret was easy to hide the first few months but as we started getting closer and spending more time together i noticed more and more strange behavior. Leaving at all hours of the night, running to the "gas station" for 45 mins. at a time. I can even tell sometimes when he is high but he never remembers the way he acts and gets so mad and flies off the handle when I confront him. The other day I found a wallet in his house that seemed to me like it may have been stolen. I just don't know what to do...I have confronted him many times and he conitnues to lie. He does go to a clinic where he gets suboxones but I know he sells them and doesn;t always take them so he can continue to get high. Has anyone else been in this position and what did you do? I just don't know if I need to walk away for my own sanity. I don't want him to die or go to jail but he wont admit he has a problem, gets mad, and lies to me. Any advice?
    I dont want to upset you with my response, but very few people actually quit because someone else wants them to. I dont want to discourage you because your heart is certainly in the right place, but if you continue, you will be opening yourself up to lies manipulation and ultimately disapointment when you realize the he has chosen a chemical over you. If you did a survey of recovered addicts (myself included), you will find that most of them quit because they either hit rock bottom or were smart enough to see that rock bottom is inevitable, but they came to that conclusion on their own. If he is still in denial, then it is very unlikely that he will be able to get through withdrawll, especially when relief is a phone call away.

    Im not saying to leave the guy, but dont try to make him choose between you and his addiction because you will most likely loose. Im sure your a great girlfriend, and it is obvious that you care about him, but you cannot compete with an opiate addiction that has a foothold. My advice, dont get sucked in, lead by example, live the way you want him to live, he will either decide someday on his own to get clean or he will screw up enough to get court ordered treatment. If he is lucky enough to still have you then be supportive and help him through a very difficult time, if you are not with him then that is the definition of rock bottom and some people will not accept that they have a problem until they get there.

    im sorry, i usually like to be supportive at all costs on this forum, but i think you should know where this road goes before you go down it. I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck, if i can be of any support dont hesitate to ask. I promise to be honest and tell you how it is.

  3. #3
    kg2020 is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
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    Default

    Thank you for your answer. I am not surprised that is the answer I got. We are still together and everyday I find out more and more pieces of the puzzle.

    It's frustrating, it's hard, it's confusing....the feelings I have are very conflicting. Thanks for your support.

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