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Partner using Percocet again. Not sure if minor set back or not.
  1. #1
    jbels is offline Member
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    May 2009
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    Default Partner using Percocet again. Not sure if minor set back or not.

    Hey all, it's been a while since I posted. 3 years ago I supported my partner as he went on and off suboxone for percocet use. He did wonderfully. Over the years he had very minor set backs for example he was prescribed Vicodin for major surgery and took it as directed and then flushed it with me present. No problems since. He's been doing great, so I thought. We've had added stress and a major change of life recently with the birth of our child. At first he was doing fine and with added stress at work, I wondered if he would feel too stressed to handle it all and reach for something to get him through the really stressful days and little sleep. I noticed his pupils were very small on Friday after work and he had more energy and was not tired like me..we are both sleep deprived with our new little one not sleeping through the night. This tipped me off and I made a mental note. The following day his behavior was different and I confronted him..he denied. The eyes and behavior went away only to come back the following Friday..and then..a third Friday. It seemed that he wasn't taking anything during the week days or not much to cause changes in his eyes or behavior which always the dead give away for me. That third time, I confronted him and he finally said yes..he had been taking pills and gave me some info about when how, why, who..I didn't believe all of that. He rarely tells the truth the first time from my experience with him in the past. Even though I tell him that he can be honest with me, he still cannot. A few days later after we had the confrontation and he appeared to have stopped based on his behavior and pupils..I looked through his email and found an email that very day asking for 2 or 3 more. This is the first time I have actually ever saw the words, the interaction of him asking. My stomach felt sick catching him, but relieved in some way because it pieced together the things I thought originally that he was taking more than he said, taking a different drug then he told me, and got it from someone else. When I read it outloud he looked panicked and in shock. We sat silent. This was a first to have read it and confronted him actually catching him in the lie. We have a child together and he has done so well for so many years and although I know that back sliding can happen, it is always hard to deal with. This time I have taken a different stance, although I am torn up inside, sick to my stomach with anxiety and sadness, I know that I cannot control this for him, police him, spend my energy chasing after him, or asking him to tell me everything or demanding his honesty. His words will not matter much for a while because the trust is not there right now, so I am trying to create boundaries and freeing myself from feeling the need to 'fix' him or chase after him or trying to constantly judge his appearance and eyes. I am trying my hardest to accept that he has a problem and although I've always known this and his set backs he quickly corrected and got back on 'track', this time feels different. There is more worry inside me. Our lives our stressful. We work a lot, we have a new born, it is not easy and although I know he has the ability to push forward and do better for himself, I'm not sure if this time he is truly getting himself back on track. His behavior is not over the top active or affectionate, which is what he is like the more he takes percocet and his pupils constrict. He is almost overaccomodating, which is not like him. So I do not see that right now. He seems more normal to me, his pupils are not constricted. His pupils are on the smaller side in general, usually smaller than mine naturally. Lately they have been my size. Now in my mind I wonder could he be taking something to help his eyes? He says he was taking 3 or 4 a day only on the weekends, which based on his appearance could be somewhat true, but I don't really know. His symptoms aren't exactly what others experience or the general symptoms that you read about. I'm not sure what to do. On one hand in my heart I know that he has to do this for himself and want to stop and seek help to get tot he core of his use and reuse and I can't force him, but on the other hand trying to disconnect myself somewhat is an absolute struggle for me. I would be very appreciative of anyone's feedback. If you are in recovery, using, but stopping, a partner, spouse, etc feedback and support is needed.

  2. #2
    jbels is offline Member
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    Just wanted to clarify..I do not see any behavioral symptoms of his use the past few days and his pupils are not small, they are normal size. He has naturally small pupils to begin with and they are usually smaller then mine or at least look that way but recently I have been wondering if they are my size or slight bigger and wondering if he is taking something else. This is difficult as I'm not seeing his typical hyperactive or overly chipper self.

  3. #3
    dsac6060 is offline Member
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    If he was taking an opiate, his eyes would be "pinned" aka small like dots. So its safe to say that if his eyes are normal size, then the drugs are not in his system. They would remain small until the half life of the drug is out of him. Its funny you say that bc my friend lies to me sometimes like I cant tell. I took pills and am now tapering suboxone and am all the way down to .325mg a day. Its like, "Hey buddy, do you think I am stupid??? I took pills/subs and know what my eyes looked like!!!" Dont lie to me..... Just talk to him and refer back to when he used before and probably how awful it was to WD, ask him if he wants to feel that way again. BC i guarantee no one in their right mind wants to.

    best of luck with your husband!

    Dave
    We CAN and WILL do this!!!!! Have faith and stay strong

  4. #4
    jbels is offline Member
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    Thanks for the reply Dave. Having feedback is so helpful and supportive right now.

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