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Obsessed about possible, future addiction??
Hi to all you amazing folks out there in the forum here. I've been reading for some time now. You see, I'm so scared I'm going to become addicted to the medications I am on.
We all have a story and I'm going to try to keep mine short. I had to have "emergency" spinal surgery on 7/13/2012. It was a Thoracic Laminectomy to prevent paralysis. This was all "out of left field" as I'd never had any back problems to speak of other than some pain that seemed like it could be Sciatica. Well, turned out, I have severe problems all up and down my back and after 2+ yrs of this "Hip" pain I now know.
Soooo, surgery was done...was not very successful and I am in more pain now than I was prior. I have another MRI next week to see what else the Neuro Surgeon thinks might be needed. My Spinal Cord did suffer some damage and I have 2 more possible surgeries.
I'm on 20mg Oxycontin 2x's daily and Percocet 5/325 4 to 8 x's daily as well as Neurontin 100mg 3x's daily to be increased next week. I also take 5mg Valium at bedtime, Lisinopril, Paxil, Amlodipine, Prednisone 10mg's 2x's daily and a couple other things that don't need to be mentioned. They tried me on the Fentanyl patch but that did NOTHING at all for me.
The thing is, I just read and read and read about the addiction and the W/D's ALL THE TIME! I'm so frightened I'll become addicted!! My son is a 32 y/o recovering severe drug addict and has taken care of me since the day we found out about all this. He has been AMAZING and I am blessed beyond belief! He feels that I am already addicted, like it or not and we'll deal with that issue when/if we must, down the road but that chances are I will remain on these meds or similar meds for the remainer of my life. I am currently only 55. This is NOT how I saw my life 2 yrs ago. It's a real kick in the a$$ yanno?
I KNOW I must be crazy! I've only been on the meds for less than 2 months.
I'm not even sure what it is that I would like to hear from anyone willing to say something to me. LOL I guess I just feel like "lurking" around is sorta creepy and wanted to let folks know I'm here, reading and trying to learn possible coping mechanisms, strategies, etc.
I so appreciate all you do for one another! It's the greatest thing to see the caring, concern and kindness you share and give of so freely!! Helping others is indeed a very healing and fullfilling act.
Thanks so much for just being here! Hugs! :O)
I know you are in a great deal of pain and I can't imagine going through what you are without some sort of pain relief. You are taking quite a bit of oxycodone. You are taking around 40mg. perc (oxycodone) and then the 40mg. oxy contin. I know the neurontin is for the nerve pain and damage. Valium for sleep? What do you want to do for your pain and exactly how bad is it for YOU. I'm not being mean here, but you have to advocate for yourself as well. What do you want from us? I know that back pain can be horrific. There is a threshold between addiction and dependence. You're body is probably becoming dependent. However, you can control how much medicine you do take and determine which are working and which are not. Which drugs are for your back/nerve problems? Which do you always take on a regular basis (longer term use). I know it's a fine line between addiction and just dependence from medicinal usage. Addicts crave and cannot stop. Many people just taper down after there surgeries, etc. and are fine. My mom was one of those who could taper and be fine. Hang in there! But remember to be your own advocate, you don't have to take medication only as ordered, but rather to relieve and control the pain as needed. Am I making sense? How do you feel about it?
I'm sorry for what you are feeling but you are so lucky, because when I went through mine, one of the worst parts was asking myself, "how did this happen to me?" I had to remind myself that I was PRESCRIBED this and not even given a warning nor hint about its potential abuse potential. I've read BS that if you take as prescribed you won't get addicted. Those morons never took painkillers for several months to a year "as directed." Also, your body will adapt and you will need more to actually relieve the pain if you still have it. Pain killers of any type is a necessary evil to treat temporary to chronic pain, but should be avoided long-term at all costs. If they haven't even discussed this with you, then PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call your doctor and demand to talk about these concerns. Do NOT be afraid of your doctor. They put you on this. If you feel it's time to come off, then discus that with him/her. You are not a drug addict. Don't let them treat you that way. If you so much as feel a hint of that, what I did to shut them up and worked like a charm, is once when a doctor brought up my "past" and I said, "you outta know, you were my drug dealer." I had never seen a doctor stop dead cold, turn beat red and look completely humiliated. Not all doctors are reckless, but mine were. And I do still have some anger, so I apologize. But I am worried that you, like so many of us, will get treated this way, especially if you have no choice but to continue.
If you are ready to get off, I am no doctor, but I have heard horror stories left and right about suboxone, and there lies another mystery... what brilliant person decided to replace an addictive pill with... another addictive pill? LOL. I refused and my one doctor, who literally restored my faith in doctors, prescribed clonodine, Valium and something else I cannot remember. The clonodine took away almost all pain and made me sleepy. It lowers your blood pressure though. But it's not addictive. It gets you through those few days. Cause you will feel it after two months. The flu, depression, the runs, ache's, emotional rollercoaster rides.
Do not worry about being judge darlin. That's the least of your concerns. I came out to everyone about my addiction and wore it as a battle scar and told (and still am) telling my story even if just conversationally. I just moved and re-establishing myself with doctors. They see the "drug addiction" on my chart still but thankfully I have been with the good doctor for a couple years and she's vouched that I do not abuse current medications, which I also take breaks from. In your case, I don't know if it's easy for you to take breaks. If you're in permanent pain for the rest of your life, and this is the only way to cope, then it's your decision on whether you want to stay on or not and I certainly won't judge you. And besides, people judge people all the time. Secretly, they're going out and buying pain killers or sniffing glue.
I really hope this helps. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to message me or write back here.
I know I am new here but wanted to say this. In my Head and Mind I was never addicted to them. My Dr told me that I was I told him get rid of the pain and I can get rid of the pills. I was on them as prescribed for about 4-5 total and honey let me tell you. My head was WRONG my Body has proved to me who was in charge for the last 7 days and it wasn't my mind. It was the pills and I never even knew it or supected it.
Thank God I finally got the surgery behind me and no Pain is tolerable enough don't and won't do any more medication. I can say with all honesty that I would rather feel the pain then go through this again. The lesson I learned was no matter how short of a time a person is on them or how long. When you stop your Body lets you know in a matter of hours who was really in charge of you.
Good luck wishing nothing but the best for you
Iloerose, WalkThroughTheFire N Lildog...
I apologize for posting one reply to all three of you...I'm pretty much out of energy and can't sit at my PC much longer tonight. I will make it up soon...
Thank you so much for your reply. My apologies for the delay in posting back. My son has been with me for the past few days and he likes to keep me busy...out of the house, etc. So I haven't been online much.
Now that I am taking the Oxy 20mg's (Upped from 10's) I have been able to cut the Percs down to about 4 per day so that's an improvement. I was taking so many b/c the pain just wasn't easing. I'm afraid I made my Pain Doc look like a beast or something in my post...he isn't pushy about the meds...he just KNOWS what my back is like and wants to help with the pain. He realizes how bad it is. He would stop Rx'ing if I indicated a desire for him to I'm sure. But I'm not nearly that strong. I'm in pain and a lot of it.
Before my surgery, I was told I HAD to quit smoking as I have COPD (Emphysema and Asthma) as well as Sleep Apnea. (Yeah, Imma mess LOL) I had smoked for 40+ yrs and smoked 2 packs a day. I QUIT! I also was a 10 or 11 Beer per day drinker...I QUIT! 25 yrs ago I had been a heavy Methamphetamine and Cocaine user...when it came time to quit...I QUIT! All these things were scary for me at the time, bugged the c**p outta me but were not the sort of experience I fear with these meds. Maybe I am worrying myself too much.
One day when I was in my Pain Mgmt Doc's office I mentioned that I was expeiencing excessive, gross sweating and he said it's the meds. So, I googled it and began reading in the forums about that and that is when I started to see a lot about the Opiate Addiction, in case you wonder where my concern steamed from
I see my Pain Mgmt Doc Wed and will see what his thots are on how I feel about this. Last time I saw him (three weeks ago), he asked me how many Percs I was taking and I told him the honest truth...he looked at his notes as he asked me "Where are you getting all this Oxycodone?"....I said "YOU!"...Kinda funny to me. His concern was to get me on something more long lasting so I wasn't taking all that Perc with the Tylenol in there as well.
He is the doctor that pretty much "saved" my life in that he found the extreme condition of my back through MRI and took me under his wing literally from the second they called him when the MRI concluded and he came running from a procedure with another patient. He has been a Dear Godsend and I truly believe he has NO intention of stearing me into something carelessly.
As for the Subs and Robert's program...no, it's not something I could take lightly but it is something that I have read up on, I KNOW Robert is without a doubt, an expert on getting people thru this IF THEY FOLLOW HIS GUIDANCE TO THE "T". There are so many knowledgable, caring people here and have no doubt that they can and DO help anyone that can follow direction and keep coming here for support and guidance.
Well, here comes a rare Southern Ca Thunderstorm...I'll get off my PC so as not to blow it up. LOL
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my posts and for replying. I appreciate your time and energy!
p.s. I'm not taking the time for spell check etc, due to T-Storm...please forgive typos. :O)
Lupine what is going on now? Blessings!