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My mom is an addict... i think i did the right thing
  1. #1
    rcourtney92 is offline New Member
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    Default My mom is an addict... i think i did the right thing

    my mom has been addicted to pain killers ( mostly oxys) for years (6+)... for a while she was ordering extra off the internet.
    i have called the ambulance to the house numerous times because i thought she might stop breathing all together since her breathing was so shallow. she always runs out early, a week -10 days early was normal for her. this month she took the whole months supply in about 7 days. she has been calling me to see if i could get her street drugs, or if i had any vicodin left (i was prescribed 15 in the hospital 2 weeks earlier for plantar fesitous (sp?))

    one day i showed up at her house and she wasnt home and wouldnt answer my phone call i was getting worried since earlier that morning she was freaking out about how she didnt want to live any more and that she just wanted to go be with my grandma (who died in feb.) every few months i feel like i go through this with her, beg her to want to live. beg her to want to stick around for me (19) and my 15 year old sister. i moved out when i was 16 because i couldnt take it any more., i have called the ambulance to the house at least 10 times over 4 years. i used to wait for the phone call every day that my mother had passed away due to ODing. she had a 3 level spinal fusion 1.5 years ago and promised me and my sister that she would go to treatment but it never happened and the usage just kept getting greater and greater. she is only awake a few hours aday.

    finally the other day i had enough because once she answered the phone she told me that "oh i realized i forgot some pill up at the old house" LIES she was getting more from a "friend"

    when i was 16/17 i did help her get pills more than once because it was just easier and it ment i got to spend some time with my mom. i wish i would have never done it because now she still asks and i gave up those types of friends a long time ago. now i have an actual medical condition with my feet and i work standing 40+ hours a week and she thinks i should give her pills i dont have.. i understand she has a back injury but she is an addict who is risking so much more than she realizes

    WELL I CALLED her pain management doctor and reported her.. she was already borderline with them because she has been UAed before and none of her meds showed up .

    i asked to remain anonymous and they told her what i said word for word.. now she is totally cutting me out of her life and all she can say to me is how much ive ruined her life (what about my life mom?) and now my sister hates me as well. im not allowed over there any more and neither of them want contact with me... but deep down i think i did the right things, and if i could go back in time i think i would do it again.. yes i feel guilty but im scared to loose my mom ... i just wish her and my sister didnt hate me now

  2. #2
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    You did what you had to do! I say you did the right thing. Live YOUR life, nothing else you can do. God bless.
    Comeback Kid and surfdog like this.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  3. #3
    micronurse is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by rcourtney92 View Post
    my mom has been addicted to pain killers ( mostly oxys) for years (6+)... for a while she was ordering extra off the internet.
    i have called the ambulance to the house numerous times because i thought she might stop breathing all together since her breathing was so shallow. she always runs out early, a week -10 days early was normal for her. this month she took the whole months supply in about 7 days. she has been calling me to see if i could get her street drugs, or if i had any vicodin left (i was prescribed 15 in the hospital 2 weeks earlier for plantar fesitous (sp?))

    one day i showed up at her house and she wasnt home and wouldnt answer my phone call i was getting worried since earlier that morning she was freaking out about how she didnt want to live any more and that she just wanted to go be with my grandma (who died in feb.) every few months i feel like i go through this with her, beg her to want to live. beg her to want to stick around for me (19) and my 15 year old sister. i moved out when i was 16 because i couldnt take it any more., i have called the ambulance to the house at least 10 times over 4 years. i used to wait for the phone call every day that my mother had passed away due to ODing. she had a 3 level spinal fusion 1.5 years ago and promised me and my sister that she would go to treatment but it never happened and the usage just kept getting greater and greater. she is only awake a few hours aday.

    finally the other day i had enough because once she answered the phone she told me that "oh i realized i forgot some pill up at the old house" LIES she was getting more from a "friend"

    when i was 16/17 i did help her get pills more than once because it was just easier and it ment i got to spend some time with my mom. i wish i would have never done it because now she still asks and i gave up those types of friends a long time ago. now i have an actual medical condition with my feet and i work standing 40+ hours a week and she thinks i should give her pills i dont have.. i understand she has a back injury but she is an addict who is risking so much more than she realizes

    WELL I CALLED her pain management doctor and reported her.. she was already borderline with them because she has been UAed before and none of her meds showed up .

    i asked to remain anonymous and they told her what i said word for word.. now she is totally cutting me out of her life and all she can say to me is how much ive ruined her life (what about my life mom?) and now my sister hates me as well. im not allowed over there any more and neither of them want contact with me... but deep down i think i did the right things, and if i could go back in time i think i would do it again.. yes i feel guilty but im scared to loose my mom ... i just wish her and my sister didnt hate me now
    You poor girl, how you must be hurting. I am a 57 year old RN who got injured on the job back in 97 and had back surgery after that. Not a fusion however. But I understand your mom's trying to get away from pain and it went too far. You did what you thought was the right thing in this out of fear for her life. Perhaps this will cause her to get the help she needs. She knows she is not happy and this may have shown her just how much you do love her and worry for her life. I am sorry you have had this in your teenage years when you should have been having fun in school and looking forward to your early adult years. Instead you had to live in a very difficult situation. My mother did not talk to me for over a year and I was miserable, so I understand your pain but just have patience and wait to see what happens. You are in my prayers indeed!

  4. #4
    CRYintheNIGHT Guest

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    Boy thats a tough situation. You know your mom more than anyone and by that, you felt you did the right thing. Your mother is really suffering and will continue to suffer until she is ready to change. Sometimes you just have to sit back and do nothing and that can be hard.

    I don't take as many but also need to stop taking them. But detox is a scary place, its easier to take the pill and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. I have asked my niece to help me detox and she has agreed after my first attempt failed. I feel blessed knowing I have someone on my side that is trying to understand my pain and desire to quit. Family is important.

    Your mom knows deep down how much you care, she is just blinded by the pill. Continue your studies and move forward, you have your whole future ahead of you.

    best wishes

  5. #5
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    R IMO you did the right thing. Difficult as it was you acted out of concern and fear of what might happen. Unfortunately for any addict myself included, we change only when we become miserable with ourselves. Pain is our only catalyst for change, Emotional pain and finally seeing the pain we caused our loved ones.

    Robert is right at this point there is nothing else to do but give it time and take care of yourself, I would suggest Alanon/Naranon as support and guidance for you. These people have/are going throuhg the same situations as you and their support can help. Rake care of yourself that is the best thing you can do right now for your mom or sister Dog

  6. #6
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Dear RCourtney,

    Just wanted to chime in with yet another voice, to let you know that what you did was the best possible thing to do for your mother. In fact, had you come here asking what to do, I would have given you the same advice as what you did do. So, bravo - what you did was courageous.

    This is a family disease - every member of the family is affected, not just the addict. And it is highly likely that anyone around an addict is pursuaded to enable their drug use; that's how we operate as addicts. Do NOT blame yourself for any past actions that helped her to get more drugs. You were young, your mother was persistent, and this disease overpowered both of you. What is past is past. Just because you enabled in the past, that doesn't mean you can't put your foot down and refuse to enable any further.

    You did the best thing - cutting off her supply at the source. In order for an addict to WANT to get better, they have to feel the full consequences of where drugs have taken them. Enablers keep the addict from feeling those consequences. So the "help" to get more drugs is actually "help" to become sicker. True help comes when we back away from enabling, and help the addict to experience the full ramifications of what the drugs are doing to them.

    In time, she may find recovery. Your action is leading her in the right direction.

    You need recovery, too, from all you've experienced. I hope you'll get to Alanon or Naranon, and find the support and guidance you need. You have been affected by this disease as much as your mother has - you deserve to get past this. The best place to turn is to these 12-step groups:

    Alanon: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
    Naranon: http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html

    God bless,
    Ruth

    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

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