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Light roxy use (60 mg/day 3-4 times a week)...my story...advice appreciated.
  1. #1
    typesh05 is offline Member
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    Default Light roxy use (60 mg/day 3-4 times a week)...my story...advice appreciated.

    My name is Michael, I'm 26 years old. I went to a great college, have a great family, lots of friends, and was a big athlete. I also love to party on the weekends.

    My drug use before being introduced to roxies consisted of smoking weed, doing coke, drinking, etc. About 2.5 years ago I started dabbling with roxies. I did not know much about them, and was introduced to them by my friends who I party with on the weekends. I've never had any substance abuse problems with any other drug and was always able to keep my drug use under control.

    I'm sure most of you can relate to this story. What turned into a fun night once a week of doing 30-40mg of roxy on Friday nights, turned into Friday and Saturday nights, and eventually 3-5 days/week. The crazy thing is that I was able to keep my use of roxies to once a week for a good year.

    Well, my abuse of painkillers have finally caught up to me. I am currently going through mental torture. Every Monday I wake up and say "this is it, I'm stopping this time." I've had multiple periods of not using (13 day breaks, 16 day breaks, 10 day breaks, etc.). The thing that makes me relapse every time is not being able to sleep (not sure if I have RLS as I don't feel pain in my legs, but more so just general anxiety in my body) and the depression/mental battle that occurs daily. I do not go through the physical withdrawal symptoms that I read and hear about, but my lack of sleep and my lack of energy seem to be the biggest problems.

    Today is day 7 of not using. In my head I am POSITIVE that I don't want to use again, but then I will have a sudden uncontrollable urge and all of my hard work and positive thinking is out the window.

    I am sorry for the scattered thoughts, but I guess my question is how to avoid using when these sudden urges pop up out of nowhere. Will I have urges for the rest of my life? Will this drug always be in my thoughts and dreams? When does it go away, if ever?

    Thanks.
    Last edited by typesh05; 12-09-2012 at 12:18 PM.

  2. #2
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Get yourself to an NA meeting. You may not believe in the 12 steps or a higher power, but NA wouldn't have been around so long if it didn't work. for energy L-tyrosine and B-6, b-6 makes the L-tyrosine work. For the lack of sleep: get some melatonin or other sleep aid. Before you go to bed 1. take a long hard walk, run, whatever you can manage, take a hot shower, darken your room and take some melatonin. Sleep will return. No caffiene, no redbull, or anything like that in the afternoon. The more you exercise the more your natural endorphines take over, the better you will feel. You may feel positive now, but the urge to use will always be there. Will those urges lessen, yes. This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life and the most important and if you want it, you have to want it like nothing else you have wanted in your life. This is no joke: find an NA meeting and get a sponsor with some serious clean time under their belt. You will always be an addict, even though the urges lessen over time. When you get an urge go do something, I don't care what, as long as it isn't using and I mean ANY substance. The biggest reason for NA? THEY KNOW. When you are on the edge, you have someone to call who will be their immediately to talk you through. You can also use this board: POST. You can do this thing, just really, really want it.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
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  3. #3
    typesh05 is offline Member
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    Thanks for the quick response. I currently use melatonin for sleep, and tyrosine in the morning for energy. I also have b12; is that more effective than b6?

    Michael

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    Kikker is offline Advanced Member
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    Iloerose gave u spot-on advice and suggestions. i would say the one thing that is needed in ur desire to get clean, and will take u to the next level of REMINING CLEAN long term, is getting to that NA, AA, or CR meeting as quick as u can. ur way (like my way at the time) is not working, but once i got involved in NA and AA (i prefer AA myself) i was able to turn the corner and understand my addiction.. u will meet many others in the same position u are in and can speak with them face-to-face without judgement. they all understand and care as we do here and is what u really need right now. there should be meetings available in ur area at different places and different times. we can support u here, but not like one of those support groups can.

    don't be afraid or have excuses not to attend....get to one meeting and if u find it's not the one for u then please try another. i promise it will make the difference if u really WANT IT!
    Last edited by Kikker; 12-09-2012 at 04:07 PM.
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  5. #5
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    Absolutely spot on about the support groups: doesn't matter which, as long as you are comfortable. And like kikker says, if one doesn't work out try another. Also the b-6 does matter. check to see if the L-tyrosine already has it added, sometimes it does, but it must be b-6, b-12 is not the same. Not a chemist so don't know why. Keep on keeping on! You can do this!

    Iloerose

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    kc50 is offline Member
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    MIchael,

    The anxiety you feel at night IS the RLS. It doesn't have to be pain in the legs. I was diagnosed with RLS a long time ago, before I started using, it just feels like your body wants to go to sleep, but your legs want to run a marathon....You are doing it, Michael. I agree with everyone about meetings. It is physically doable to go through w/d but mentally it's a different ball game. Like Rose and Kikker said, get to meetings. Ask for help. Everyone in that room was or is right where you are. You have to get out of yourself and just do it.

    Prayin for ya, Michael

    kc p.s. Ask for phone numbers...

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    typesh05 is offline Member
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    Thank you for the responses. Today is day 8 and I managed to get through the weekend. Very painful and a lot of emotions coming out of no where but I'm glad I got through it. Hopefully the worst is over. I managed to sleep a good 5 hours last night.
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    Kikker is offline Advanced Member
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    those emotions coming out are a very good thing Michael. they have been surpressed by the drugs for so long and now each day forward as the fog lifts ur emotions are telling u that ur mind and body is healing. laugh, cry, whatever just let them go and they will pass on their own. it's exactly what u want to be happening right now.

    congrats on the 8 days....keep going as each day gets better and better for u.

  9. #9
    typesh05 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikker View Post
    those emotions coming out are a very good thing Michael. they have been surpressed by the drugs for so long and now each day forward as the fog lifts ur emotions are telling u that ur mind and body is healing. laugh, cry, whatever just let them go and they will pass on their own. it's exactly what u want to be happening right now.

    congrats on the 8 days....keep going as each day gets better and better for u.
    no kidding...i broke down in tears on sunday, but i felt great after. it was a strange sensation. today is day 9 and i know i am through the worst of the withdrawals.

    now comes the hard part. looking into meetings as i type this as i know the inevitable will happen if i do not change my routine.
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    kc50 is offline Member
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    Don't forget to change your thinking...along with the routine. THAT's where the meetings come in...

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    typesh05 is offline Member
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    Today is day 11 and I suddenly feel like ????. Slept horribly last night and I feel like I did on days 2-5. This is really frustrating as I was feeling better and sleeping better each night and then this wave just hits me in the face. Is this normal?

    I'm staying strong though. Gonna use this forum as a little journal...hope you guys don't mind. It helps me cope with my feelings.

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    noelleme is offline New Member
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    I have been feeling that way too and it's only the second day for me. I can go to thinking I can do this one second to thinking that I have got to go get some right now because I can't handle this. How long have you been taking the L-Tyrosine and do you think it has helped?

  13. #13
    typesh05 is offline Member
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    The L-Tyrosine was probably the only reason I got through the week. Even after a bad night of sleep, I would pop a couple of capsules in the morning followed by a nice strong cup of coffee and a healthy breakfast and I was good to go.

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    noelleme is offline New Member
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    Just went and got some at whole foods and took 2. Still feel like I'm gonna die. I am also worried about how I will sleep tonight. Wonder if advil pm will work...

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    kc50 is offline Member
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    advil pm didn't work for me, nor did tylenol pm
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  16. #16
    typesh05 is offline Member
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    Day 13 woohoo! Feeling like a million bucks....but the urges are worse than ever lol
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  17. #17
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    that's why you find a group like NA, AA CR, or whatever. You can't count on someone to be on this board when you need that hand holding. And I believe you will need it. This is the dangerous part now. The part where you say, I feel strong and good and can take just one---- Be vigilent. You can do this! Hang Tough

    Iloerose

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    noelleme is offline New Member
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    How are you doing Michael??

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    typesh05 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by noelleme View Post
    How are you doing Michael??
    Relapsed on day 16. I really need to disconnect from my old friends. I have all of their numbers deleted but its hard to tell them stop calling me.

    Hopefully this won't set me back too far but I am furious to say the least.

    Here we go again.

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    Kikker is offline Advanced Member
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    sorry to hear that, but at least u came back and admitted it. now get back on that horse and give it ur best effort. u really need to get to that NA or AA meeting to give u the very best chance at success. u need that face-to-face fellowship with others that are, and have been where u are right now. u must step out of ur comfort zone and do something different to keep it from happening again. NA/AA gives u that opportunity.

  21. #21
    typesh05 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kikker View Post
    sorry to hear that, but at least u came back and admitted it. now get back on that horse and give it ur best effort. u really need to get to that NA or AA meeting to give u the very best chance at success. u need that face-to-face fellowship with others that are, and have been where u are right now. u must step out of ur comfort zone and do something different to keep it from happening again. NA/AA gives u that opportunity.
    im going to give it a shot, but a concern that i have is that i am just going to form relationships with other addicts that may go back to using, giving me more drug friends. is this a genuine concern, or is this not something to worry about?

  22. #22
    Kikker is offline Advanced Member
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    ur setting urself up for failure before u even go with that kind of thinking.....

    go to some meetings and sit and listen. search out those with lots of clean time and talk with them. find out what they did, and what they are doing to remain clean. sure there may be some addicts there that are ordered by the courts to be in attendance. and some may be there to buy/sell drugs sometimes. but there are also many there that really WANT IT bad enough and those are the ones u want to listen to and get to know.

    go in with a POSITIVE ATTITUDE, not a negative one.
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    kc50 is offline Member
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    Michael, you will know pretty much just by looking around, who are the ones to distance yourself from. The people with the light in their eyes....look for those. And if you do form a friendship with an addict that goes back out, all you can do is pray for them to make it back. When I got into AA, there were some that went bac out after years of clean time. That is the insidiousness (sp?) of this disease. Just when you're feeling like you got it licked, it tries to pull you back in. AA or NA will help you with the tools to stay vigilant. Complacency is not good...Our disease is outside doing pushups. Get your butt to a meeting.
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    typesh05 is offline Member
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    OK guys. I'm gonna give this meeting thing a chance and with an open mind. I'm still trying to figure out what triggered me the other day. I was doing so well. Sleeping great. Full of energy. Happiest I had been in a while. Almost felt invincible....maybe that was the problem? We forget so quickly about the pain and suffering we go through to get to where we are.

    Day 16 was going great, when suddenly I get a phone call and without any thought in my mind I go to my friends apartment because he offered to "give me one for free." I've realized that my "friends" are nothing more than addicts looking for people to keep them company and make them feel better about themselves. Its nauseating, yet hard to let go at the same time.

    They know that I had a lot of clean time and one would think they would be proud of me, but they just drag me back in.

    Scary stuff, but I have no regrets. Almost half way through Day 2 and I feel even stronger and more sure of myself this time.

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    typesh05 is offline Member
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    Day 3 and not going so well.

    I was supposed to go to NYC with my girlfriend for a holiday party with college buddies who I haven't seen in a while. The thought of travelling into the city and drinking was off putting to say the least. I let my girlfriend down and said I couldn't go at the last minute.

    She went out and I am now home alone. The thoughts going through my head are not good to say the least
    Last edited by typesh05; 12-21-2012 at 07:08 PM.

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    typesh05 is offline Member
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    At this point I'm thinking of getting a Sub and taking a quarter of it, will that set me back?

    The other option is to take a xanax, drink a beer, and hope to pass out.

    Not great options, I know, but at this point I just want to get through the night without doing you know what.

  27. #27
    Kikker is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by typesh05 View Post
    At this point I'm thinking of getting a Sub and taking a quarter of it, will that set me back?

    The other option is to take a xanax, drink a beer, and hope to pass out.

    Not great options, I know, but at this point I just want to get through the night without doing you know what.
    forget the sub....it's also an OPIATE, and a very powerful one at that. u know the beer and xanax is not what u really need right now.

    this evening will pass soon by itself. watch a comedy on the tube is a very good idea right now. something to get u laughing and out of the frame of mind ur in is really what u need the most. search the channels or put on ur favorite comedy and relax.

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    typesh05 is offline Member
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    thank u for the response kikker, still hanging in there.

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    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    You holdin' on o.k. ty? Let us know how you are doing. Hang Tough! This too shall pass.

    Peace,

    Iloerose

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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    You holdin' on o.k. ty? Let us know how you are doing. Hang Tough! This too shall pass.

    Peace,

    Iloerose
    Hi,

    I don't know how I made it through last night but I did. Went to a buddy's house and watched a funny movie. Took a warm bath and slept like a baby.

    Today is day 4. Woke up and got ready to the gym, and got a call from a good friend who was having suicidal thoughts. Just broke up with his girlfriend and he has underlying mental issues. Great.

    Instead of taking care of myself today I had to console him and take care of him. What a freaking day. Feel mentally exhausted. I've got a rough night of mind games ahead of me tonight, but staying strong. Reading posts on this forum really help me keep my mind clear.

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