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- 1 Post By iloerose
I've quit Ambien, then Percocet & now trying to quit Norco.
I've quit Ambien, then Percocet & now trying to quit Norco.
All these drugs have been a part of my self destruction. I cold turkey'd off Ambien in Dec. 2002 while in Jail. (I was just 25 then, never so much as a speeding ticket. Had better credit @ 22 than most at 42. So, I was all around a good, smart, honest hard working Blue Eyed, Blonde "kid.") Percocet got me when a GF had a breast augmentation surgery and I took care of her and all "6 or 7" meds they gave her. I tried a Percocet and that was it, hooked. I was watching over her and found myself staying up for so long with no sleep that the Percocet gave me a "boost" so I could have artificial strength and energy. The first 2weeks she was in badddd pain, so bad I had to phone the Dr @ 2am and nearly took her to the Hospital. I lost my lifelong goal of owning my own business, which I was in the process of starting in 2007 at the time this happened. By early 2008 I was so hooked, lost the GF I mentioned(who had a 5yr old Daughter that I absolutely loved more than ANYthing or anyone EVER EVER, in my life. She made me whole. I then got a new GF, it was just a "fill in the blankness" though, I didn't really like her. However, she got pregnant and long story short she did everything to keep me out of the process of her pregnancy. After about 2months into it, I was finally so, so excited and then BAM...I can't call her, see her or have anything to do with the birth of my first and only child. My Son was born in Oct. 2008 and I've never even seen him. Not even a picture. I had an extremely severe traumatic childhood. Anything you can imagine, happened and things that you can't; I had to be honest with the Mother of my child and due to my childhood she had me court ordered to stay away. Not to sound funny or say I'm looking to tell my story(as i'm being vague, brief and using an alias here) I have seen some Dr Phil people tell their stories and I think, I had all that happen and way more. Way more. I need serious, serious help. I had a counselor for 5yrs and got some help but nothing really significant. I've lost my entire family, Dad, Mom, Brothers, ALL. I'm on the Lamb @ 35 and I know I can quit Norco cold turkey, no biggie. Just the mental part of "take them and the pain will go away" will and does always win. I have such bad memories of terrible things I've done that I feel remorse for, wish I could go back and undo. I'm really almost at mental peace with just ending my thoughts. And, how I work is once my mind is made up to do something, I do it. No matter the cost or what it takes. If I quit taking Norco I will be one step closer to just ending it once and for all. 1 thing stops me....not knowing what happens after you die. I feel like I have nothing to live for except for myself and to be honest, I HATE myself. For all the bad I've done, all the pain I've inflicted onto others. I just don't see finding a way to think around it. And to top it off, I was fired from my job in March. If anyone read this, I thank you. I welcome anything you may say or ask.
You are 42? or 35? I bet you have bad memories, but we are all addicts here, and maybe mine aren't as extreme as yours, I've been where you are now. I hear you about shutting down the memories. You need to get in touch with a counselor. Get to NA. I don't always advise that, as I didn't take that advise. As addicts, we can't control what we do sometimes. Do we have choices? Of course, but that's that little part of our addict brain that says we don't, that our world will fall apart forever if we quit and we can never pick ourselves up out of the gutter. What you have is a DISEASE, a woman here put in a post about how a change in brain chemistry changes some of us, proven by the American Medical Association. Jeez. You should read some people's posts of what they did. One of our mentors hear will tell you that he was in the place you are right now with a gun to his head, literally. He hit rehab, and it was turn it around or die. I have no idea where you are, but you need to get some help quickly. My son is 5 years younger than you, no matter what you think of yourself right now, IT IS WORTH LIVING. If you quit Norco and get help you will be able to recover yourself: BELIEVE IT. I BELIEVE IT WITH ALL MY SOUL.
Iloerose: I'm right here if you post back.
I am so sorry about you never getting to even see a picture of your son....my kids are the only things keeping me around and wanting to turn things around. I was the suburban mom, pta, putting together events, baking....then those demon pills entered my life and ruined it all. But Its my fault I decided to keep taking them. now, i'm one day off of subs, awaiting the next day to see how horrible I may feel.
So, you're not alone ... we need to look forward to a better life, once we lose our ' crutch " that are these drugs...maybe life will look a little better? I kind of want that "look what I did " moment...like I showed you...everyone that thought you were a useless case.
Its a horrible cycle and i used to take norco..and it takes away all of those feelings and you feel great. Til they wear off, then you're left using more and more, the youre out, you need to find more..more money...its such a vicous circle...it robs you of your sanity. a pill. i was clean for 9 months and that feeling was so great ...greater than any high I ever had. I went outside more, i loved music again, I just was me again.
So, hold in there...just think of what it could be like. the past is the past...look forward and imagine what your future could be. Its so hard..almost unbearable to think of I know....but keep posting and talking it out.
There are amazing people here. I'm new,, but have renewed faith that i can do this and turn my life around to what it used to be.
Dont be scared to live..you may be TODAY,but everyday you get the toxic thoughts out .and the drugs out, youll see clearly and start living. Thats what I want more than anything.
Join me in this...its really our only choice. Because the other would just bring agony to those left behind.
Sorry I rambled...thats what women do..ramble incoherantly..lol
I am 35. I've gone down the road of recovery and came back strong. I have a mental illness that requires meds im not addicted to but must take. It's been over a decade of this and i'm just tired in every way. thank you for your comments, i am thinking about what you said.
Having a mental illness and doing drugs like norco's a difficult road to go down and I feel for you. Can't pretend to know what you are going through. If you've been in recovery before go there again. YOU CAN DO THIS. You know that the norco, sometimes people hype it as helping depression, and yeah, it does until the devil turns around and bites you. Norco is a depressant so no wonder we get to the point of "screw it all" . A friend here once said something about addiction: "Is that a demon on my back? I thought it was wee cute monkey!"
scared, what do you want out of life, that is the first important quest. What do you , how badly do you want it and what are you willing to do to have it? Surfdog
Originally Posted by ScaredToLive
Dear Scared to Live,
I think many of us here understand the despair, regret and pain of what you're feeling. Even if our circumstances were different, the feelings were much the same. It feels pretty damned bleak. But I hope you'll stick around to see the other side. I first attempted suicide around 1983 - and I thank God that I failed at it. I had no idea what life could be... no idea what I was missing out on. I was lost in a world of pain, drugs and alcohol - and convinced myself that the world would be better off without me.
When the pain finally got deep enough, I became willing to do ANYTHING it took to change my life. It took utter despair for me to surrender and admit, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. That's what it took for me to be completely willing. No more excuses, no more blame, no more roadblocks.
For me, I went to a 2 week detox - hoping for a "quick fix" off the drugs. But God had other plans - and before I knew it, I was in 6 months of intensive in-patient treatment at a substance abuse center for women. That was when my life changed. I became open to what I had to learn. I became open to admitting where I'd gone wrong. I let out my secrets, let out my shame and guilt. I had to be free of my past, to move on with my future.
From there, I have plunged into a 12-step recovery program with both feet. Here I am, years later, and I continue to live my life according to those 12 steps. Nothing magic or mysterious, it's just plain common sense. I hooked up with a no-nonsense sponsor, and worked the program - early on, that meant daily meetings. Years later, I've been able to back off on daily meetings, but never back off on my recovery program. It's just a part of me now.
You've tackled several substances in the past - but couldn't stay away from the demon that is addiction. If we can't have the drug we want, we substitute whatever we can find. It's all addiction. The only way to arrest addiction is complete abstinance from any mood-altering, addictive drugs. The way we do that is not just by enduring a week of detox - it's by changing who we are from within. We do not have the coping skills to do this on our own; we've used and abused drugs as our crutch for so long, we don't know any other way. It's through AA and NA (or CR) that we learn how to cope with life without a drink or drug. As I often say, "If you want different results, you have to do something different."
I pray you'll get yourself to some meetings - the more, the better. The more work you do on your recovery, the better your life will become. My life has changed completely with recovery, and I see those miracles happening every day in the lives of other addicts, as well. Give yourself the best chance possible by making use of the 12-step programs that save lives.
I'd prefer to see someone clean and sober - and cursing me because I told them what they needed to hear ~
rather than see someone still lost in addiction - and liking me because I told them what they wanted to hear.
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