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Im worried for my GF, would like some advice
  1. #1
    tsxguy77 is offline New Member
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    Default Im worried for my GF, would like some advice

    Ok, Im sorry if I ramble but Im new to this. Im not judging anyone but Ive never had an addiction to anything. I dont even smoke.

    So I have been friends with this girl for several years and we have been together for a year and things are getting serious and we are about to move in with eachother.

    It recently came to my attention that she is buying prescription pain killers from a co-worker of hers. Im not sure of the type but I think it varies. Possibly Oxy-codone at times and I know Tramadol and Im sure a few others. She may buy between 3-4 pills a week. Sometimes less, sometimes a little more. If she cant get them from this source, I know she has tried to get them through her sister which is a surprise to me. I say this because my GF told me her sister was addicted to pain meds for a while, and my GF is the one who ratted her out to get help.

    Anyway, I dont know if this amount she takes is considered an addiction, but she lies about where she goes when she goes to get them and she deletes many of the text messages too. I knew it was happening but I kep my mouth shut in hopes she would tell me. And about a month ago she did tell me that she does it sometimes when she has pains from her period or headaches. She says Aleve and other over the counter pills dont help her much. I was so happy she decided to trust me and open up to me about this. But Im just worried. Im concerned about the lying and her spending so much money to get these pills and mostly for her health. I dont want her to get addicted.

    What should I do?

  2. #2
    tsxguy77 is offline New Member
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    While reading other threads, I was reminded about something else when I saw mention of "stealing". My GF and I are doing a race in 2 months and she is raising money for a charity. Anyway, some people at her job raised about $60 but she never donated it. She took it and bought pills with it. She still has time to re-imburse the amount with her own money before the race, but I have a feeling she wont. Im worried this is just the beginning and I dont know how to say anything without pushing her away and her thinking im spying on her. Im just worried what will become of her if she continues this.

  3. #3
    DDAVE45 is offline Member
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    sounds to me like she already is addicted.......you should confront her about all this. Just be honest and tell her how you feel......she cant possibly think its okay to buy pills for her period and headaches or use donated money to feed her addiction. What you dont want to do is keep your mouth shut and pretend that all this will go away on its own. Addicts lie about everything.........i know because i was one and would lie on a daily basis to cover my tracks, but the only one we end up fooling is ourselves. Just let her know that you know something is up and if shes not willing to change or get help than you wont stick around to watch her do this to herself and others.

  4. #4
    cantletitgo is offline New Member
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    i agree sounds to me like she is already addicted and doesnt want to admit it to herself if you do decide to confront her she is going to be extremely defensive about the situation so choose your words carefully so you dont push her away let her know you are concerned and you care for her well being but be strong dont fall for the bs addicts are good at that .. my fiance is an addict we have been together for 10 yrs it bagan with both of us using in our teenage years i was just teh lucky one i guess i was able to do the occasional drug abuse with no worry of addiction and withdrawal but he on the other hand was not so lucky its not always fun there are worse times than others but the good times are slim to none.. it is an everyday struggle and it will suck the life from you listen when i say it will only get worse if she doesnt get help now..love doesnt cure this illness in fact most of the time it enables it
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  5. #5
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Guy, not being critical, but you are being played. She knows she is addicted and just trying to convince you that you are wrong. Does a normal person buy Rx drugs off the street, lie about it, steal money to buy drugs insist on secrecy, no, does an addict, on a daily basis. If you do confront her be prepared for a wailing and knashing of teeth. To be blamed, you don't trust her you don't love her accuse you of having someone else and the list goes on.
    Don't trust her she is not trust worthy at this time. However never tell an addict anything you are not prepared to follow through with. That will be taken as a sign of weakness and preyed on for years to come.
    Give her an option treatment and REMAIN sober, or you go. But as I said if you do that be prepared to go. Good Luck Surfdog

  6. #6
    Texasstateofmind is offline New Member
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    The lies and excuses will never end until they hit rock bottom. They will make you think your crazy for thinking things just don't add up...read your first post.."she lies"? Address the addition not the person. My child is 17 days sober and may get out in a few weeks and then try to stay sober 1 day at a time .hopefully days will turn into weeks,months and years. I have learned a lot in the past few weeks about addition ,...and more to learn about taking care of myself.
    surfdog likes this.

  7. #7
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Texas is right, it is not the person, it is the disease. You don't want to attack her as a person it is the behavior need to be clear about that. Dead on Texas good one Surfdog

  8. #8
    tsxguy77 is offline New Member
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    I appreciate all the help guys. I did wind up confronting her about it somewhat. I didnt want to get too into it to make her think Im spying on her but I told her I know she was lying to me and going for more than just xanax and getting it a lot more than she was telling me. She of course turned it right around on me like everyone said. We had abig blowup and she blamed it on me and the stress from our complicated relationship. I didnt fall for any of it though. She was really depressed for a few days and told me she was so depressed and felt miserable and she also told me she recently thought about killing herself. She said she wasnt thinking of doing it, but the thought crossed her mind. She said she is usually pretending on the outside to look like she is always so happy but inside she is upset.

    Well I didnt really see anything for a while that gave any signs she was going back to drugs and she even quit smoking. But I just saw texts today that she asked her dealer friend to meet her today before work. I know it was to get more pills. No other reason for her to meet her in a parking lot for a few minutes on the way to work.

    I wish we could make it work, but I hate to be a judge of people, but I dont want to live a life with someone like this. Ive never had to deal with this type of thing before and its a huge deal to me that she is doing this.

  9. #9
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Being an addict (like I think your girlfriend is) I can tell you that until we get help (and I say that being in a mess myself again-with pills this time, not alcohol) I just haven't got the brains to lie anymore. It takes such energy and is so much harder than living a "straight" life...I really pray for you and her.

    I have been on this site on and off for years, (mostly "off" when I was "clean"); it is a delicate balance to be able to help a loved one. Best if they can come here themselves. I guarantee she will not want to hear a lot of what is posted, but please remind her that everyone on here is not here because they have it together but because they do for that day (or some time, or are trying) and have a will to live a sober life.

    Thalia, day 4, feeling pretty awful but it IS day 4; I have hope.
    Mr_Dean likes this.

  10. #10
    allhopeisgone is offline Banned
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    Default Run forest run

    You deserve better than that. She will soon be stealing from you. My life is a living hell because I live with an active addict. Scour the internet & I bet you won't find many, if any, happy endings. If you look @ my thread you'll get the idea of the progression.

  11. #11
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Keep going strong Thalia!! Hey Txsguy-- Try and make her WANT to get help. I was using pills for 5 years straight and finally got off them just recently- 12 days clean today! Only thing I can say is in the past I did not WANT to get help- This time around I wanted help and I found it. First place I found help actually was here.. Does she know you're posting here? Would she be willing to maybe read some posts? You know her best-

    Find a way to make her WANT to get help before it does get worse- IT WILL GET WORSE!! Everyone I've read on here has helped me- Maybe this place is a good start for her.

    Mr_Dean

  12. #12
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Tex, big difference in being judgmental and facing facts. look at the facts, not the emotion I can't/won't tell you go or stay but I can tell you unless she wants help and is willing to face facts herself it is only get worse. Only catalyst for change with us is pain, otherwise there is no reason to quit. The best thing you can do for her is take care of yourself. I would suggest Alanon/Naranon meetings for you , there is support and guidance there from people that have already been/are where you are now God Bless Surfdog

  13. #13
    PatrickB is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by tsxguy77 View Post
    I appreciate all the help guys. I did wind up confronting her about it somewhat. I didnt want to get too into it to make her think Im spying on her but I told her I know she was lying to me and going for more than just xanax and getting it a lot more than she was telling me. She of course turned it right around on me like everyone said. We had abig blowup and she blamed it on me and the stress from our complicated relationship. I didnt fall for any of it though. She was really depressed for a few days and told me she was so depressed and felt miserable and she also told me she recently thought about killing herself. She said she wasnt thinking of doing it, but the thought crossed her mind. She said she is usually pretending on the outside to look like she is always so happy but inside she is upset.

    Well I didnt really see anything for a while that gave any signs she was going back to drugs and she even quit smoking. But I just saw texts today that she asked her dealer friend to meet her today before work. I know it was to get more pills. No other reason for her to meet her in a parking lot for a few minutes on the way to work.

    I wish we could make it work, but I hate to be a judge of people, but I dont want to live a life with someone like this. Ive never had to deal with this type of thing before and its a huge deal to me that she is doing this.
    As an opiate addict for much of the past 7 years in one form or another, I know that I relapsed quite a few times and put whoever I was in a relationship with through hell. Lying and stealing just to survive and until I had enough pain I didn't want to quit. I've said the same things about depression and suicide and blaming other people. It's all a lie. If I had killed myself it would have been my own fault and certainly not anyone who I was dating.

    I've also experienced being clean and watching someone go through things that were even tougher than what I went through. And I was lied to over and over again. There's no way that I personally would be able to handle a relationship with an addict. Not only have I done this but, I have seen other addicts use suicide and guilt as a way to coerce people into enabling / staying with them.

    The bottom line in my experience is that being in an intimate relationship with a drug addict or alcoholic is an extremely stressful and difficult situation to be in. If I were to find out my partner was an addict I would problem insist that they seek treatment or so long. Probably after they got clean I'd give them another chance but another relapse and I'd have to leave for good. Easy to say, hard to do but being an addict myself I could be putting myself at risk as well.

    I wish you nothing but the best, if you love her it might be worth working out but if she doesn't want help it's almost impossible to make an addict want to quit and stay quit.

  14. #14
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Being an addict I say the same thing. While I was completely sober I spent 12 years of my life dealing with my addict husband. An AA Lothario-should have had his forehead branded. Then I spent two years (after I found out about all his lies) trying to deal with his "suicide" attempts. (He always had a backup position - someone due to arrive right after he had slit his wrists)-then the final attempt: he was in a hospital-coud I come see him? He had always said "Don't go into the lion's den unless you are the lion tamer." I am no lion tamer and it is the only thing that kept me from being sucked right back in.

    I am now trying to break free from my OWN addiction so I do not do the same thing to a very honest loving husband# 3.

    BTW, his son takes care of husband 2 now, and I am just trying to get myself straight for what is left of my life so I don't repeat this stupid process and destroy other good lives.
    Last edited by thalia45; 06-08-2012 at 02:01 PM.

  15. #15
    Remixe_2000 is offline New Member
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    Give her a choice either get help or get out. The police won't care if you have anything in your home or car and it doesn't belong to you.

  16. #16
    Lonelywf is offline New Member
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    Tex,
    I can understand what you're going through as my husband is an addict himself. I struggle everyday trying to figure out what to do to save my marriage. He constantly lies and buys pills from my neighbor if he can't get it from the doctor. It is definitely a downward spiral. It's harder for me to leave because I am married to h and I love him, but you have an "easier" out because you're dating. Take care of yourself before you get sucked in even more. She has to want to get help and if she is choosing these pills over you then she is not ready to stop. I have seen that it is not going to get any easier for me if he doesn't seek help. Our marriage is suffering...I want to attend nar anon meeting to seek more help not only for me but in the hopes that I can find out ways to get my husband to seek help. I hope everything works out for you. Don't give up your life your happiness like I have.

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