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How bad will it be......again.
How bad will it be......again.
Hello, I am a long-time lurker, but need some advice. I will give my background first and then pose the question. I had surgery in 2008 on my elbow for sports related injury and was prescribed Percocet 10 MG X 4 per day, that dosage was upped over the last 3 1/2 years to 6 per day, but the last year I have consistently ran out early using around 100 MG per day. I would borrow from a friend when I ran out and that would get me through till my next appointment. Well as of two months ago, my friend moved away and I made a decision to get off of the meds completely. I am unable to taper as I don't the power to, if I have the pills I take them, its just that simple. I have gone through withdrawals a few times the last few years, but more recently I ran out a week early with no means to get any. I suffered through the withdrawals for a week before my doctors appointment. I have now done this to myself the last two months straight as I am once again out as of this morning with a doctors appointment 7 days away. I went through a solid week with no meds, a couple of valium to try and sleep last time, but that was it as far as any meds and only took the valium on the first 2-3 days. I know some peoples w/d's last a week or even more, but for me 3 days is the peak. Really the first two to be honest. On day 3 I start to feel a little better and day 4 significantly better just lacking any energy or any desire to be social with the people i interact with. From there it gets better quickly and becomes strictly mental. I guess I am fortunate that my withdrawals are not as lengthy as some, I can't imagine going through those first 2 days for 2 weeks like some people do. Back to the current situation. Mid-January I ran out. Went 1 week without any meds, then got my script filled and went back to normal dosing of 10 per day give or take. Let me clarify all this by saying this is it for me. I am calling my doctor in 3 days and going to be up front and tell him that I am addicted to the meds and have run out several times early and not to prescribe them anymore for me. I have a great life, beautiful wife, 3 young kids, a new house, great job, etc.... I don't want to do this anymore. I look at my kids pictures for inspiration. They have no idea what dad is dealing with and I don't ever want them to. I cannot tell my wife about this as she would most likely leave me since I went through a Xanax phase 6-7 years ago that nearly cost me my marriage. She thinks I take the pain meds on occassion because of my elbow, but has no idea the extent. Last month when I withdrew I made it seem I was just really sick for the first couple days as I happened to run out on a Friday and had to be at home withdrawing all weekend. So here is my question and I know that it is different for each person, I'm just hoping maybe someone has dealt with a similar issue.
I can make it past the withdrawals, I don't have any choice. Its my own fault putting myself in this situation. I just want to be f-ing done with this stuff. I detoxed for 7-8 days 3 weeks ago, no pain meds at all. I have used 100 MG per day the last 22 days, what can I expect now? Same thing/duration? Will it possibly be a little easier this time, since I had the 7-8 day break? I am preparing for the worst, but hoping for a little less. I am going to get through it one way or the other and I am doing it while working. I am fortunate I work alone 95% of the time and this week I am locked in my office alone doing some paperwork, which I prefer to being at home and getting irritable with those I love. I just want to be done and am hoping this time maybe the w/d's will be slightly less those first two days then they were. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Honestly, you are in for the same experience again. It doesn't matter if you quit for a period of time and started back up, unless you only took a few for a couple of days. You say you have been back on them now for 22 days so it may as well be 122 days. I know what you are feeling right now because I am coming off methadone myself and I am terrified. You are lucky in that your detox will only be for a few days. Whatever you do in the future...DO NOT take methadone!! Detox from methadone takes up to or more than a month. Congrats to you for deciding to stop now. It's so hard to make that decision knowing what you're about to go thru but it will sooooo be worth it, but you know that already.
May I give a piece of advice? Find someone to talk to...a professional. Therapist, psychologist, drug counselor, etc. I was on heroin for a long time and cleaned myself up over and over and OVER again. It wasn't until I started at the methadone clinic that I had to opportunity to met my wonderful, amazing counselor who helped me get my head right while I worked on getting my life back. I hate counselors, therapists, etc..but, if not for this man I would have relapsed on several occasions. He has pulled me back from the edge more than once and I am eternally grateful. It is too hard to do it on your own. I get it! I fought letting him help me for months and months until I did have a pretty ugly relapse and realized that I better use the tools that were available to me to get clean and stay that way. That was 5 months ago. Today I am days away from being done and although I am scared to death, I have learned so much about myself and my addiction I believe that I am going to be ok.
You can do this! Get your body clean and find someone to talk you thru this...you will find out that you aren't as "smart" as you think you are. I have gained powerful insight just from brief one hour sessions every other week. I wish you the best of luck! Don't give up and just know how great it will be once you get thru this
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