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Help! Want to get off the Percs!
  1. #1
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Default Help! Want to get off the Percs!

    Hello All

    I spent about 3 hours reading through everything last night and I just have a few questions.

    For the past year I have had awful back issues, stemming from a genetic disorder called spondylosesthesis. There were days where i could not even get out of bed it hurt so bad. Before this I was in incredible shape, running, doing tri's and just loving life. Then this nightmare hit me adn I had the fusion done in late September and pretty much have been doped up ever since. I was taking 2 30mg oxycontin plus my 6-8 10/325 percs a day, but about two weeks ago I stopped taking the oxycontin out of fear of getting hooked on them. I really didn't notice withdrawl from those bc I was still taking so many of the 10 mg percs. I have found myself taking these percs now even when I don't have pain. so yesterday I had had enough and I wanted to just do this CT and be done with it. I didn't take anything all day yesterday until the pain just got unbearable, so I took one and then another about an hour after, then the pain went away. Today, I had to take one right when i woke up and now i am laying here in complete pain, but I don't want to take them. I have felt like my back has been getting better, but now i am thinking that i have just been masking the pain the whole time with the drugs and my back isn't really getting better.

    I want to start to taper down if possible, but right now I could literally scream bc my back hurts so bad.

    Do you folks think I should just try to slowly taper down to try and avoid the awful WD's? I remember coming off norco about 5 years ago after shoulder surgery, it was PURE HELL. I imagine this will be worse.

    I want off the drugs, they make me crazy and emotional all the time and they are affecting all aspects of my life, but unfortunatley I think I need them to keep the pain down. Is that the addict in me talking or could it really be true that these little demons do really help somebody in my shoes?

    I already feel a bit shakey today because i pretty much cut my intake by about 75% over the past few days. Is this the right way to try and wean myself off of them if I can actually tolerate the damn back pain?

    I just want my old/healthy life back!

    Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    blueopiate is online now Member
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    Scaff,

    You are in a tight spot here. If you have legit pain issues you may need to be taking something if you can't even move without them. Are you taking more then you should? Do you run out of your script early? Do you buy them off the street? I too had back issues, not to the degree you have, but it seemed the pills kept me in pain. I'm not saying this is you but do you truly know what your real pain level is? Opiates make us feel pain more easily after extended use. There is no doubt you are dependent on them but are you addicted? There is a difference.

  3. #3
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by Schaff25 View Post
    Hello All

    I spent about 3 hours reading through everything last night and I just have a few questions.

    For the past year I have had awful back issues, stemming from a genetic disorder called spondylosesthesis. There were days where i could not even get out of bed it hurt so bad. Before this I was in incredible shape, running, doing tri's and just loving life. Then this nightmare hit me adn I had the fusion done in late September and pretty much have been doped up ever since. I was taking 2 30mg oxycontin plus my 6-8 10/325 percs a day, but about two weeks ago I stopped taking the oxycontin out of fear of getting hooked on them. I really didn't notice withdrawl from those bc I was still taking so many of the 10 mg percs. I have found myself taking these percs now even when I don't have pain. so yesterday I had had enough and I wanted to just do this CT and be done with it. I didn't take anything all day yesterday until the pain just got unbearable, so I took one and then another about an hour after, then the pain went away. Today, I had to take one right when i woke up and now i am laying here in complete pain, but I don't want to take them. I have felt like my back has been getting better, but now i am thinking that i have just been masking the pain the whole time with the drugs and my back isn't really getting better.

    I want to start to taper down if possible, but right now I could literally scream bc my back hurts so bad.

    Do you folks think I should just try to slowly taper down to try and avoid the awful WD's? I remember coming off norco about 5 years ago after shoulder surgery, it was PURE HELL. I imagine this will be worse.

    I want off the drugs, they make me crazy and emotional all the time and they are affecting all aspects of my life, but unfortunatley I think I need them to keep the pain down. Is that the addict in me talking or could it really be true that these little demons do really help somebody in my shoes?

    I already feel a bit shakey today because i pretty much cut my intake by about 75% over the past few days. Is this the right way to try and wean myself off of them if I can actually tolerate the damn back pain?

    I just want my old/healthy life back!

    Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated.




    blueopiate is right that there is a difference in addiction and dependency. But I will tell you this either way, I used opiates for 35 years following 25 years of competitive sports injuries and autoimmune illnesses. I found that the pain from either dependency or addiction is often worse than our original pain was.

    I always suggest to people to get clean then reassess your pain after a while clean. Drug dependence is painful in itself. Your meds wear off every few hours and if you don't take them again you go into w/d so the dependency to the percs are causing lots of pain. I was on close to 1000mg of Roxicodone IR a day for a long time and I don't take anything for pain anymore. Don't even take ibuprofen. Granted I've been clean almost ten years but I started getting better once I was off the opiates for maybe six months. And by then ibuprofen started working for me where there was no way it would do anything for me on so much oxy.

    If after you are clean for a while you find that you are still suffering and need help with the pain there are options to taking opiates that may work well for you hopefully. But at least you'll know if you do what I've outlined here.

    If you could taper down a little, even down to half what you are taking, then you could follow the Thomas Recipe for opiate detox I bet it would work great for you. Here is the link for the Thomas Recipe. Hope it helps. Post how you're doing. You'll get lots of support here. God bless.

    http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...wal-35169.html
    Last edited by Robert_325; 01-07-2012 at 05:28 PM.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  4. #4
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Default Thx!

    Thanks for the great advice you two...

    So I weaned it down to just two all day yesterday and then at about 3am this morning I woke up with the cold sweats and my back was killing me. A sure sign of withdrawl which right now I feel is a good sign! I had to take one just to get through the night, but I am feeling ok enough today without that much back pain.

    I like this quick taper method. I definetely feel like I have an awful flu....my head is so stuffy and I can't stop sneezing, but mentally I know that i am cutting way back in attempt to get off completely and my body using all its natural mechanisms to push it out of my body.

    Has anyone ever tried any other non opitate for back problems? My doc gives me whatever I want, unfortunately.....

    If I could get just get comfortable with my back, I would be done with these little things for good. I literally have gone into hiding since my surgery....just me and my pills. Friends have stopped calling, family doesn't know what is wrong with me...I just want to be left alone. THis is a 180 compared to the old me....which I am going to get back to soon once I kick this ????!

    This is a great board and I can see that I am not the only one out there trying to or that has put this bad chapter behind me!
    Last edited by ddcmod; 01-08-2012 at 01:46 PM.

  5. #5
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by blueopiate View Post
    Scaff,

    You are in a tight spot here. If you have legit pain issues you may need to be taking something if you can't even move without them. Are you taking more then you should? Do you run out of your script early? Do you buy them off the street? I too had back issues, not to the degree you have, but it seemed the pills kept me in pain. I'm not saying this is you but do you truly know what your real pain level is? Opiates make us feel pain more easily after extended use. There is no doubt you are dependent on them but are you addicted? There is a difference.
    thanks for all of this... Yes, I do take more than I should and I take them before I even have any pain, as I feel like I want to knock it out before the pain comes. Yes, I have ran out early.... No, I have not gone to the street for these.

    I like the feeling i get when I take them....ALOT. I do have an addictive personality, so I know if I am not hooked yet, I will be soon if I don't take some steps right now to kick this one in the ass.

  6. #6
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Default Update

    Hi Everyone

    I am on about hour 54 of no percs...

    I definetely have the shakes really bad, as I am in a room right now that is heated up to 85 degrees and I am still cold.

    I have been waking up and getting on the treadmill for a light walk for 20 min and then I get directly into the bathtub that is loaded with Epson salt and Mustard Seed....this opens up my pores and then I hop right into the steam shower to sweat it out. I have been drinking a ton of coconut water, which is a great source of electrolytes and possasium. This rememdy seems to work great thus far, but I am not a doctor, so I don't know if losing so much fluid is the right way to go. My heart is beating really fast all the time.

    I have been taking Adivan to calm my nerves and some Soma (muscle relaxer) to fall asleep at night. Also been taking Benadryl to help with the flu feeling I have....running nose, sneezing, etc. I do find myself very restless when trying to fall asleep.

    As a reminder, I was taking up to 8-10 10/325 percs a day for as long as I can remember. I was on Oxycontin 30mg, but i stopped taking those a few weeks ago.

    I feel much better knowing that this will all be over soon. the bowel problems have yet to hit me, but I know it is coming and have Imodium ready.

    Reading all these boards keeps me inspired to kick this once and for all. The best part of this is that I am having almost NO back pain, which was the culprit at the start.

    thanks again to all of you for helping me get through this!
    Last edited by ddcmod; 01-11-2012 at 01:39 PM.

  7. #7
    kickthe is offline Junior Member
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    Schaff....I just read your post and I wanted to offer my support and let you know that you are not alone. I am on day 16 of kicking a 24 a day Norco habit (240 mg of Hydrocodone a day!) and I have to tell you that it is awesome!!
    You are on hour 54 so you are almost there! In my case it took about 4 days before the bulk of the W/D's were over, but after that I started to feel awesome.
    Everything you said about going into hiding, personality changes, that was me 100%. I didn't even know how much I had changed until I got clean. My life has changed dramatically....for the better!!
    I too have back problems (degenerative disk disease) and also suffer from fibromyalgia, and while I was on the pills I thought I could never stop taking them because I felt that the pain would be unbearable. But after I quit, I discovered that the pain wasn't nearly as bad as it had been on the pills! I can now take 1-2 Tylenol and it takes care of any pain I might have (Ibuprofen is probably better but I am allergic).
    I wish you luck and I know if you can be strong and pull through, you will soon look back as a different person. A much much better person!

  8. #8
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by kickthe View Post
    Schaff....I just read your post and I wanted to offer my support and let you know that you are not alone. I am on day 16 of kicking a 24 a day Norco habit (240 mg of Hydrocodone a day!) and I have to tell you that it is awesome!!
    You are on hour 54 so you are almost there! In my case it took about 4 days before the bulk of the W/D's were over, but after that I started to feel awesome.
    Everything you said about going into hiding, personality changes, that was me 100%. I didn't even know how much I had changed until I got clean. My life has changed dramatically....for the better!!
    I too have back problems (degenerative disk disease) and also suffer from fibromyalgia, and while I was on the pills I thought I could never stop taking them because I felt that the pain would be unbearable. But after I quit, I discovered that the pain wasn't nearly as bad as it had been on the pills! I can now take 1-2 Tylenol and it takes care of any pain I might have (Ibuprofen is probably better but I am allergic).
    I wish you luck and I know if you can be strong and pull through, you will soon look back as a different person. A much much better person!
    Morning KickThe

    Well, I have almost made it to Hour 76......the 3 day mark!

    I am in Southern CA andI just woke up.....so I got a solid 7 hours of sleep in....but I did do a ton of tossing and turning in the early morning hours. I had to take 3 Benadryl and 3 Soma and then an ambien just to get to sleep.... If that isn't scary, then I don't know what it is, but at least I am staying away from the most dangerous one of all, the oxycodone.

    I still have the flu feeling and I must have sneezed over 100 time yesterday. The chills are still prevelent, but seem to be getting better.

    Kick, you are so right about the back issue. For the first time in over a year I can actually wake up without that much back pain. I am not very religious, but maybe this is God's gift back to me for making this change. Ibuprophen is now my new best friend!

    I am still quite anxious, but in a positive way.... I was in such a haze for so long.....(well over 2 years).....but I still managed to keep my job, keep most of my relationships going and not really letting anyone know how bad it was. Everyone knew I had major back problems....so they figured, as did I, that pills were the only answer. Well, i am almost 4 months out of back surgery, that left me with two 7 inch racing stripes down my lower back......and I am feeling just fine.

    things keep happening....little signs kept being dropped. Did anyone else see that documentary on Chris Herren that was on ESPN the other night? Unbeleivable story! I was only two days clean and I turn the TV channel away from the BCS National Championship between LSU/Alabama and there is this crazy story about somebody that had it all, then lost it all....but now is getting it back. The story scared me....as that could have been me. I have a great job, I live in San Diego, I have the best family, great group of friends.....and if kept doing what I was doing, I would have pissed it all away. I told one of my business partners about my situation since I knew I could trust him....he is an active member of AA. He flat out said that he was so happy I decided to do this before they had to give me the intervention. He said I had no more life in me....I would still get the job done, but I didn't look alive or happy. that is what those little damn pills do to you.... they help the pain at first and then they just create more pain each and every day. I would never go into the bathroom to take them....as I couldn't stand looking myself in the mirror as I chugged them down for breakfast.

    I am doing this for no other person but myself..... as I know I will get back to being the great person and friend to so many, once I kick this nasty habit. I won't turn down dates and hanging out with friends anymore because I want to sit at home and pop pills to feel good.

    I have had my morning coffee (can't you tell) and I am off for a 20 minute walk on the treadmill (normally I would run, but my back is still tender)....then the hot bath, followed by some serious sweating in the steam room. I read somewhere that 70% of the poison leaves our body through our skin, so I have no problem help pushing it out a little faster!

    I am so excited to have my life back!!! I swear I could just sing out loud righ now! No more suffering under the oxycodone curtain which suffocated me for too long!

    Also, really quick....there are so many boards to read and so many videos to watch on youtube.... Instead of watching trashy TV, I have been feeding my brain with all these stories that inspire me. I used to be a huge Blink 182 Fan growing up in San Diego.....the lead singer had the same situaiton as me, back issues that lead to addiction......I spend 3 hours watching his interviews on his story of turning it around.

    the sooner you do your detox, the sooner you will have your life back!
    Last edited by ddcmod; 01-11-2012 at 01:38 PM.

  9. #9
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    Hey it's Ryan from my thread. I read yours (just now). We will beat this and get on with life as it should be. Can't wait. Keep it up and thanks for replying to my post and giving me hope. We can def keep each other motivated to meet our end goal, pill free!
    Ryan

  10. #10
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TooManyOuts View Post
    Hey it's Ryan from my thread. I read yours (just now). We will beat this and get on with life as it should be. Can't wait. Keep it up and thanks for replying to my post and giving me hope. We can def keep each other motivated to meet our end goal, pill free!
    Ryan
    Nice, we are gonna do this! I am still a sweaty cold mess right now. at 2am I will have four days off my addiction. I hear it gets better each and every day after the 4th, so I am hoping I continue to feel better. I was able to take a drive over to my house today, as I am currently cooped up in my parents guest house. I was FREEZING the entire time and then I got the runs on the way back, but it all about letting my addiction leave my body and then finding a support group to help me keep those little demons out of my body for good. i ????ing hate them!!! Life killers! Yes, they did help me when i was in severe pain but when I continued to abuse them when I was not in a ton of pain, they just drug me downhill. NOT ANYMORE!

  11. #11
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robert_325 View Post
    blueopiate is right that there is a difference in addiction and dependency. But I will tell you this either way, I used opiates for 35 years following 25 years of competitive sports injuries and autoimmune illnesses. I found that the pain from either dependency or addiction is often worse than our original pain was.

    I always suggest to people to get clean then reassess your pain after a while clean. Drug dependence is painful in itself. Your meds wear off every few hours and if you don't take them again you go into w/d so the dependency to the percs are causing lots of pain. I was on close to 1000mg of Roxicodone IR a day for a long time and I don't take anything for pain anymore. Don't even take ibuprofen. Granted I've been clean almost ten years but I started getting better once I was off the opiates for maybe six months. And by then ibuprofen started working for me where there was no way it would do anything for me on so much oxy.

    If after you are clean for a while you find that you are still suffering and need help with the pain there are options to taking opiates that may work well for you hopefully. But at least you'll know if you do what I've outlined here.

    If you could taper down a little, even down to half what you are taking, then you could follow the Thomas Recipe for opiate detox I bet it would work great for you. Here is the link for the Thomas Recipe. Hope it helps. Post how you're doing. You'll get lots of support here. God bless.

    http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...wal-35169.html
    Hi Robert

    Wow, I must have still have been in a haze when I first read your reply earlier this week because It didn't even set in until now on what you were saying. I could not imagine 1000mg of the oxy....wow! I did a real quick taper and then cold turkey. Unfortunately I am somewhat of an all or nothing kinda person, so i know that tapering would have just delayed my hell.

    I feel like I have been through my own personal hell the past four days, but I am starting to feel better already. It is crazy, I can smell and taste things that I was previously just numb to. The cold sweats are just bone chiling! I wish I could videotape me just so I can relive this again to prevent me from using again. I know in my heart and soul that I can kick this, even with my back pain. It is the double dose for me....pain and more pain from the meds. When you mention other medications for my back, what do you think is a safe alternative for the time being? I have been taking lots of Ibuprophen and i found a bottle of something called Nabumetone 750mg, which the doc gave me when they first thought I might have fibromialgia or whatever it is. Is this safe? I am scared to put anything in my body. I have been chugging water, coconut water and gatorade like no other. My morning ritual of walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes, followed by a hot mustard seed bath w epsom salt and then a steam seems to be helping get the toxins out. I still feel like hell, but each day is better than before. Just having my senses back is a trip! Everytime I eat, i just sweat like crazy.....and I have been wearing sweats, a thermal and sweatshirt all the time......and I live in frickin San Diego!

    I am on a rant, but it feels good to talk about it! I just wish I could put myself a week into the future somehow....but I will get there one day at a time!

    thanks again for all your input, it is greatly appreciated.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 01-12-2012 at 10:02 PM.

  12. #12
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    Hi Schaff25 , just wanted to jump in here and say Im impressed with you. I am on day 5 ct. From a much smaller dose. But I have been addicted for 7 years. It always helps to keep the prize in sight. Getting free from these drugs . It helps to try to remember the person you were before all this other stuff started. Because that is where you end up if you pull this off. I love the little brain zaps that start around Day 4 or 5. The ones where you feel very clear headed and closer to who you used to be. Its cool and I feed on it and it keeps me going to the next day. Stay the course , it is so doable. Peace

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    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatsman444 View Post
    Hi Schaff25 , just wanted to jump in here and say Im impressed with you. I am on day 5 ct. From a much smaller dose. But I have been addicted for 7 years. It always helps to keep the prize in sight. Getting free from these drugs . It helps to try to remember the person you were before all this other stuff started. Because that is where you end up if you pull this off. I love the little brain zaps that start around Day 4 or 5. The ones where you feel very clear headed and closer to who you used to be. Its cool and I feed on it and it keeps me going to the next day. Stay the course , it is so doable. Peace
    Flatsman,

    thx for the note, very much appreciated. Congrats on your decision to stop! I have lost track on how long it has been from when I stopped....my last two pills were on Sunday morning at 2am....5 days or something. You are right about those brain zaps, they feel enlightening! I still can't shake the sweats and this toxic smell coming out of my body. I just want to get through this, get into a 12 step program and get on with my life without putting anything into my body, EVER. The heat is up to 80 degrees in my room and I am still freezing! Does anyone have a better guesstimate on when I will feel better? I am still amazed about all of my senses coming back....coffee, wow! I called my pain doctor and advised them on what i was doing. they tried to talk me into Suboxone or whatever that is...but there is no way I am taking anything other than advil and ambien. My back doesn't even hurt, that is the craziest part of this. two weeks ago, I was in more pain than i can remember and the minute I stop, it doesnt' hurt. It must be something from the man above and if I would have known my back would stop hurting once i quit, this would have happened two months ago.

    Thanks again for touching base. these boards are fabulous!

  14. #14
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    Hey Schaff25 , I started hydrocodone for back and joint pain. When I get clean my pain is no worse then it was on narcotics. I have read things here about how opiats mask our ability to cope with pain. You are 5 days into no opiates . The light is at the end of the tunnel for sure. Those little brain zaps will come more often as you go on. You should be almost through most of the real nasty stuff physically. But please know that in a week or two you are going to be feeling so powerful, wondering why you didnt do this a long time ago. The person you were is much closer today then it was 5 days ago. Your awesome. Peace

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    Morning Schaf25 , I hope you are doing ok. I am having coffee and starting DAY 6 . Last night I flushed all my pills. I feel like I lost my best friend but I know its the next step to staying clean. Keep in touch.

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    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatsman444 View Post
    Morning Schaf25 , I hope you are doing ok. I am having coffee and starting DAY 6 . Last night I flushed all my pills. I feel like I lost my best friend but I know its the next step to staying clean. Keep in touch.
    Morning Buddy.... Wow, is all I can even say. So much emotion and life is back, I can't even begin to describe how this feels. Coffee is great, life is great. BUT I need to truly remember the UTTER HELL that I just went through, as that is something I never want to experience again....no matter what.

    I still tossed and turned a bit and I had a scary dream about going to AA, but overall I am just so excited to have life again.

    To think that it has taken me almost an entire to week to feel normal, just scares the living hell out of me. Those pills are so toxic, so evil and just so >>>>. I had no emotion, no soul, nothing left in me when I was on them. The sucked me dry on multiple levels.

    I am actually able to look in the mirror now and see the old me... In one week, my whole face looks different, I have lost that bloated look and my skin feels amazing. I have also dropped like 8 lbs and have my six pack back....

    Yesterday was just a day of so much emotion....i laughed, I cried, I worried.... I am human again and it feels so good. I listened to songs from some of my old favorite bands....it was just absolutely amazing to feel again.

    I have been extensively reading stories on line and talking to some people that have been through the same thing.... I talked to a guy yesterday that was in my same shoes, but 10 times worse...made me appreciate how lucky I am.

    I know my disease has hurt others....mainly ex girlfriends and my poor mom. Nobody is happier about this than her. She said I turned into wreck the past year, she admitted she didn't even want to talk to me often because I was so snappy and quick to argue. I had no idea about this until yesterday, I was too numb and dumb to even care how I was treating my best friend...my mom.

    I go back and look at the content of my messages and all I see are "I's" and I hope I don't come across as selfish or self centered just ranting about myself.....but this time I am doing this for ME, because in the end it will be good for everyone in my life. I need to find that love for myself again.

    Going back, I was probalby taking anywhere from 120mg to 160mg of oxycodone a day, so no wonder it took me so long to recover from this hell. If you are sitting there reading this.....feeling numb and wanting to make this happen. All I can tell you is that ONE WEEK will make all the difference you need in order to get your life back on track. You will feel hell leaving your body and then you can feel alive agian. These moments of clarity are now a gift and I am never going to stop expereincing them......it is just amazing.

    I headed for a long walk on the beach with a friend I can trust with my issues.... she won't judge and will support me, that is what i need right now.

    Be good.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 01-14-2012 at 02:30 PM.

  17. #17
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    Morning to you too Schaff25 , Woo hoo. I am at Day six and you are Day 7 ? I am so glad you are feeling this good. Remember the Prize my friend. You will soon be more and more in touch with your feelings. Thats the part I love about getting clean . Not to brag but the old me from seven years ago was a funny , happy , energetic guy. I had a love for life that the pills dont really give you. The pills make you feel like your world is ok, but not like your world should be. Lets just try to keep moving forward a day at a time. I dont know about you but this is my 3 or 4th time getting clean in the last seven years. So here is my morning rant. When we start to feel better and the clarity returns to our brain chemistry. Not the momentary brain zaps that feel so good and spur us on. But the 24 / 7 feelings that make us confident and happy. When this happens for me , I have to be very careful Thats when the addiction starts to speak to me with things like, " your ok now , if you want to take a pill here and there its ok , just dont use two days in a row. " In seven years my addiction has given me every excuse in the world to use recreationally. Know this , Its ADDICTION talking to you. So my point is this. Stay humble , know that you are trying to save your life. Its easy to forget all the pain and anguish we went through to get here. My brain chemistry takes at least a month , more like two, to start to feeling NORMAL. Remember that NORMAL means bad days as well as good days. Life throws stuff at us that make us unhappy. THAT IS NORMAL . Feeling EUPHORIA every day is not. But if your doing things right , life is pretty awesome all by itself. FREEDOM my friend, thats the prize. You can go on vacation , you can leave the house without counting out a pill to take with you. The pills get us used to doing many things that are just plain messed up. Think about it , bet you never gave it much thought about making sure you had enough pills with you when you left the house. Bet you never thought about how you had traded your freedom for narcotics. It clouds your thinking and lulls you into a false sense of security. Its actually stealing your FREEDOM and your life. But we are all done with that now. Go forward one day at a time and you can never take a pill again. Peace

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    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatsman444 View Post
    Morning to you too Schaff25 , Woo hoo. I am at Day six and you are Day 7 ? I am so glad you are feeling this good. Remember the Prize my friend. You will soon be more and more in touch with your feelings. Thats the part I love about getting clean . Not to brag but the old me from seven years ago was a funny , happy , energetic guy. I had a love for life that the pills dont really give you. The pills make you feel like your world is ok, but not like your world should be. Lets just try to keep moving forward a day at a time. I dont know about you but this is my 3 or 4th time getting clean in the last seven years. So here is my morning rant. When we start to feel better and the clarity returns to our brain chemistry. Not the momentary brain zaps that feel so good and spur us on. But the 24 / 7 feelings that make us confident and happy. When this happens for me , I have to be very careful Thats when the addiction starts to speak to me with things like, " your ok now , if you want to take a pill here and there its ok , just dont use two days in a row. " In seven years my addiction has given me every excuse in the world to use recreationally. Know this , Its ADDICTION talking to you. So my point is this. Stay humble , know that you are trying to save your life. Its easy to forget all the pain and anguish we went through to get here. My brain chemistry takes at least a month , more like two, to start to feeling NORMAL. Remember that NORMAL means bad days as well as good days. Life throws stuff at us that make us unhappy. THAT IS NORMAL . Feeling EUPHORIA every day is not. But if your doing things right , life is pretty awesome all by itself. FREEDOM my friend, thats the prize. You can go on vacation , you can leave the house without counting out a pill to take with you. The pills get us used to doing many things that are just plain messed up. Think about it , bet you never gave it much thought about making sure you had enough pills with you when you left the house. Bet you never thought about how you had traded your freedom for narcotics. It clouds your thinking and lulls you into a false sense of security. Its actually stealing your FREEDOM and your life. But we are all done with that now. Go forward one day at a time and you can never take a pill again. Peace
    Wow buddy, this is all such powerful stuff. This is my second go around and god willing, my last. two surgeries led to it, but who am I kidding....I knew the whole time they were my demons and i had no control. I am going to meet a friend for lunch to get her prespective and almost certainly her support. I am not at day 7 yet...but at 2am on Sunday morning, i will be there. I almost feel like my sobriety should start a week after the last pill, as those pills bury themselves in our bones and dont come out easy, but the reward is so amazing. WOW.

    Thank you again and talk soon!

  19. #19
    ClassiqueMom is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Schaff25 View Post
    as those pills bury themselves in our bones and dont come out easy,......... .....
    but the reward is so amazing. WOW.

    Thank you again and talk soon!
    WoW is right! !! what an amazing metaphor !!

  20. #20
    Anonymous Guest

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    Good for you Schaff25 , getting out and haveing lunch with someone is one of the best things you can do. Stay strong .

  21. #21
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatsman444 View Post
    Go? od for you Schaff25 , getting out and haveing lunch with someone is one of the best things you can do. Stay strong .
    thanks Mom and Flatman!

    What a day...unreal. I have practically been in tears all day, so many emotions just flowing out.

    where do I begin? I was pretty sluggish this morning after another bad night of sleep....but so much better than before. started it off with talking to a good friend in Arizona who has gone through the pill hell a number of times. He was playing baseball for Arizona State, the next thing he knew, he had knee surgery and he was into the game. He has 3 years of sobriety and is somebody I know I can count on from here on out. He knows all about the programs is such a great resource bc he totally gets it. So after walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes, i took my normal steam and then headed out to meet a friend for lunch. She is female, but we are still like best friends with almost no sexual attraction...most guys think I am crazy, but whatever, it works better being friends. I did a lot of listening to her about her latest guy...gave her my usual advice, she had a Mamosa and I drank water...like usual. She was basically born on >>>>>>, doesn't know her dad and has a "so so" relationship with her mom who has battled >>>>>> all her life. You would NEVER know this about my friend....she is an absolute doll and although she has her struggles, she has made a great life for herself. I could totally tell that she was not comfortable talking about my situation, other than just making sure I am ok and that she worried about me. All I kept thinking the entire lunch was how badly she was affected by drugs and how I never want to put my kids through what she went through growing up. i don't have kids, but hope to! Here I am, going through absolute misery and one of my best friends has been so bitten by it, she can't open up. Yet another sign for me....when I have kids, they are not going to be brought up with addiction. So although we didn't discuss much other than catching up, the bill came for lunch and this place gives out fortune cookies. I grabbed one and opening it up....WOW. "Your friends will truly be helpful through the next month's endeavor" I totally teared up...it was another sign. So I left there and decided to stop by my "married" friends house. They are all the All American couple....the two cutest girls ever and pretty much the perfect San Diego Couple and some of the best people I know. I laid it all out there, told them most everything...totally got their support and then built a fort with the kids and then helped my buddy put together a cabinet for the kids room. IT WAS SO THERAPUTIC, I couldn't even take it. We watched the first half of the 9er game...as that is where we are originally from....friends since high school and now we live 2 minutes away from each other in San Diego. They both had indicated they were wondering why they hadn't seen me that much lately and now it kind of made sense to them. Life is getting so real again!

    I am still shakey...hot sweats and in my head ALOT, but I know this is what I want in life and this disease isn't going to get the best of me again. As i was just typing this, my business partner just had another guy from the north county coastal fellowship leave me a message... the support is just crazy and I would have never guessed it would have been this easy to find. I am going to an AA meeting, I just haven't decided when. I know sooner is better...but I think I need a few more days of sweating it out until I am physically ready. I do feel soooo much better than I did just a few days ago, but know tomorrow will be better. Sunday morning at 2am is my 7th day.......so apparently that is a big deal.

    Wow, I can rant and I just have awful grammer.......but I don't really care....I am dead sober, no urge to use and a plan in place to get my life back. Just knowing that keeps bringing tears to my eyes.

    Thats all! But god it feels amazing to spill it all out there. LIFE!!! EMOTIONS!!! ALL MINE!!!

  22. #22
    potroast is offline New Member
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    hell, I'll take a couple of those percs off your hands.

    I'm currently not able to afford my Methadone.. and I'm on day #4 of not having any. I literally feel like I'm dying.. I mean, literally dying. I keep getting hot.. sweating.. then cold.. like freezing cold, almost to the point where my teeth start clattering!! Not only am I suffering through the hot flashes and cold flashes.. but I can NOT sleep!!!

    I can't go to the E.R. because I don't have a job.. so I have no health insurance. I can't afford to go to the E.R. on my own accord because I don't have a job.

    I don't have anyone I can call to get anything.. like a couple of loricets to help get me through the tough days of withdrawal because I've been away from the "game" for a few years now.. and don't have anyones numbers.

    I'm at a loss here.. I really am. Last thing I want to do.. is relapse on the Roxxies or Oxy's.. but hell, even if I wanted to get a few of those, I wouldn't be able to because I don't have ANYONE TO CALL!!!

    I'M LOSING MY FREAKING MIND HERE PEOPLE!!

    Anyone in the Arkansas area that can help me??? please you guys.. I'm damn near to a begging point!!

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