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Help me understand my boyfriends addiction...PLEASE
  1. #1
    Need2understand is offline New Member
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    Dec 2011
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    Exclamation Help me understand my boyfriends addiction...PLEASE

    My boyfriend of a year has an opioid addiction. Any one he can get, he snorts and shoots it up. Its a daily addiction, as if he doesnt he is sick. I found out about 3 months into the relationship that he was used to be an addict and had a relapse... using coke. He swore it was a one time thing, that he didnt like coke and it was all he could get. he spent 400 dollars on it. Later I starte noticing the small pupils, the itchy face, and droopy eyes. He blamed this on the benzos he had been pescribed for anxiety..back story his ex decided she ddnt wanthim to see his kids and took them, which sent him into a tail spin... I wanted to believe him.
    Then other nights he started to pass out while eating and talking doing anything, and wake up and tak, or take another bite. He would stay late at work, or say he was on his way home an not be home for 2 hrs and have some lame excuses. Finally after @ notes on his door from someone threatning him for the money he owed him I made him tell me. He then said he was quitting because hid friend overdosed and he didnt want a life like that. for @ weeks I sood by watching him go to withdrawals. A few months later we moved in together. Maybe once or twice a month I would notice that he was high and confront him. He lied and made me feel stupid. He lied all the time about where he was, and we started fighting. Finally on my birthday he was high and there was no way around it. He also didnt help with the bills, and i told him theres no way you shouldnt have money and I know yu were high if you dont tell me im walking now. He came clean, he told me he was getting into a suboxone program and wanted to start before he told me so that he wouldnt lose me.
    I told him I love him, and as long as he gets help, and doesnt lie anymore I wont leave. He agreed to that. a few nights later I caugt him in a lie. We fought, the next day I found out all week he lied about going to work, he would put on his uniform and pack his lunch everyday and leave for work. I would talk to him during the day and he would comlain about the car he was fixing or this work issue. He lived a lie all week. And he sold his truck and lied. I broke. I left, my mom moved me out the next day.
    Heres what I need. Its been 4 weeks. Hes in the suboxone program. Starting counciling and getting his life on track. We talk everyday. I love him, but theres no trust, and I believe i cant go back until he has been clean for a long time and has his life back and we can then work on our trust issues with counceling. My question is, can he relly change. Can he quit forever. I know that this will never leave him, but is it possible? Has anyone been where I am?
    Any advie would be appriciated.
    sorry about the spelling

  2. #2
    Nomrlys is offline New Member
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    Nov 2011
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    Hi Need2,,,
    Im kind of hoping that a word from the opposit side might make you feel maybe even a little better about your situation...I am almost in the same position your BF is in..I went through a horrible 8year almost married Break up and started abusing pills to make me happy again..Well,,since then I Met a really nice girl that I LOVE..YES I do love her...No one has ever been as nice to me and treated me as fairly as she has...she would give me every last dollar out of her pocket if I asked her to..
    I have been Lying to her since day 1..I was addicted to drugs before I met her and she even asked me If i used drugs and ovcourse I lied to her and told her no..1 lie turned into another lie and into another..I made her feel like she was crazy..I was "loosing" money..I sold everything I had,,computers,,ipods,,skis,,my firearm..etc..anything I could get my hands on..and she would ask me about them and I would straight up lie to her about it..to top off this nightmare I pretty much sold the engagment ring we saved up for and ovcourse I lied to her about that...
    Alot of people would say Im a real ????ty person and that she is crazy to stay with me but she did..I knew when I was doing all those wrong things in my head it was wrong but I couldnt help myself..My addiction made me do things I WOULD NEVER THINK ABOUT DOING...it completely controls you..Your boyfriend is not himself while he is using..and this sounds like a really big decision for you to have to make but if you really do love him and want to be with him right now is the worst time to walk away from him..he will (in my opinion) continue using no matter how much he thinks he loves you his addiction wont allow him to see straight..
    Im not a doctor..not even close,, so nothing i say is fact..im just telling you what I know I would be doing if my gf left me..
    I completely understand your side and why you would leave,,Its just not fair to have to deal with that kind of abuse and the mistrust must be unbelievably high..Most people would say you did the right thing and maybe in your heart you are doing the right thing..there are a million fish in the sea right?
    But PLEASE for every person that is on this web sight..everyone that just comes to read peoples stories cause they are affraid to tell anyone about their addiction..and for me who is trying very hard to kick my addiction and be the person I used to be...PLEASE DONT THINK HE CANT CHANGE..EVERYONE CAN CHANGE!! Most everyone has to hit rock bottom to be able to change and you dont realise your hitting rock bottom untill your climbing out of it but I really do believe that he can change and get this problem behind him..but if he is anything like me,,He cant do it alone..

    good luck

  3. #3
    Need2understand is offline New Member
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    I have already left. Im living back with my mom. My parents have worked with a lot of people with addictions in their past, mostly herion addicts, so my mom has some kinda experience. But she wanted me outW. I also am so hurt and I feel like our entire relationship was a lie that me staying would not be healthy for my emotional state. My bf and I met a month after his 10 year relationship ended. We met through a friend. We were only friends and it changed. I fell for him, and he did for me very quickly. I do want to be with him again. He understands he has to get help first. I think that hi 10 yr relationship end and all the other things in his life that he has not dealt with he needs to deal with before he can try to make me happy he has o be happy. Im so sad. I miss him, but we talk about everything hes going through and how hes feeling. I just am so sad and hurt I dont know how to be back with him. Not with out him getting this help so we can work on us. Am I wrong? am I going to screw up this for him. I cant financially suppot the both of us and i will need to and I cant. How do I do this?

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