Evening everyone!! Weekend is coming to a close for me, as does the 2nd full week of being clean!! I wasn't able to get on yesterday to post my daily thread- That was because my day was so full of things to do- Mainly take care of my boys. My wife went to the Belmont Stakes- A much needed break for her as she's been phenomenal during the past two weeks. My plan was to post yesterday at work. My Saturday job is much easier than during the week- An extra help program that never really got off the ground thanks to the DOE but that's another story for another time. So the kids show up and we do some very easy/fun stuff with them- As I've stated before- These kids look for any reason to get out of their homes- School is their escape and I'm very happy to say they look forward to come see me on Saturdays.. Even after putting up with me during the week. My big guy gets to come with me too which is always fun for me- And him.
Reason I didn't get to post yesterday at work wasn't because I was busy with work- I found myself reading a very long thread originally started by Kellen in the Suboxone category- This young man is something else. He's amazing. I'm not sure what other adjective to use to describe him. For starter's he's a writer- Quite an amazing writer at that as his posts had me so intrigued. His stories were amazing and I won't do them any justice by re-creating them here. If you have the time go under Suboxone link and look for "Quit Suboxone after 2 years.." If you have the time go back to page 1/8 on the thread- Sit back- Relax- and Read!! His stories have so much to them that I'm sure you will be amazed but most importantly- Inspired. I never went the suboxone route as some of you already know my story. But from what I've learned about it he came off of it the wrong way.. Yet he beat it- His way. I can relate to that part. Beating a habit in a way that works for me- May not work for everyone but it worked for me- Just like it worked for him. You can feel the confidence in his words- Feel how he has command over his demons- And he did it all by himself!!
One thing we both have in common is we found this forum- We post and share our feelings, our journey on here and it seems to work very well for the both of us. I cannot stress this point enough- I don't know where I would be right this moment if I didn't find this forum! I stumbled across this place when I was still using but running out of my vitamins. I simply googled something like this- "pain killer withdrawals".. Or "Dealing with Pain Killer withdrawals.."- It was one of the first results on google. I did this at work one day because I knew what I was about to get myself into when I ran out that Memorial Day weekend. I had just gotten a script (My Final Script) for 20 5 mg percocet. I made a choice to ween myself off of these and then go from there. I couldn't even ween myself correctly as I took way too many soon as I got them- Then the second day- Friday of Memorial Day weekend- Told myself I'd go out with a bang and get nice and high for the last time Friday night. I basically left myself six or seven for the rest of the three day weekend. I'm not the brightest guy I know but I'm pretty sure that's not the right way to go about weening yourself off of a drug that you've been using for the past 5 years. Percs weren't the only thing- It was Vicodin and Norco as well- I know I know.. Vicodin and 10 mg Norco are pretty much the same thing- At least to me they were.
So two Sundays ago I took my last pills- Had two Percs left and even had a couple Tramadol- Took one perc in the morning to get me through my time at the Air Show at the beach with my family and friends- Felt horrible when that little bit wore off- Left the Air show a lil early as my two boys were getting extremely restless because of the heat and being very tired. Went home- Was able to close my eyes on the couch and fade in and out of sleep while my boys watched a movie on TV- Thankfully they were both so tired as well that they never moved from the couch- I was always able to tell what they were doing even though I was In and out of sleep- I'm not proud of the fact that I was able to do that- I hate myself for even thinking about falling asleep while I was home alone with a 5 and 3 year old.. But those times are behind me- Feel very fortunate to be where I am today- Very FORTUNATE!!
As for the rest of that story- Well it pretty much starts underneath my first thread and then leads us to this one. Life is very good- Very good- The thought of using doesn't even enter my mind anymore- I've somehow been able to successfully block out that desire completely. I can say with the utmost certainty that I have zero desire to use opiates ever again. I'm well aware I'm still in the early stages of recovery- By no means am I out of woods just yet- Still got a long way to go, I understand that. I'm determined now, more than I've ever been before in my life. I'm determined to show the people around me that I have closed those 5-6 brutal chapters of my life. My support group has grown a bit so there's no going back now. Best part is.. I don't want to!!
Time to get some sleep- Got a big day tomorrow as it starts a new week for me- And I'm going to a golf outing- A nice father's day gift from mom.
Once again- Thank you for reading- Thank you for Posting- Thank you all for being out there-
One more thank you----- Thank you for helping me beat something I THOUGHT I WOULD/COULD NEVER BEAT!!
Keep Moving Forward-