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Evening everyone!! Weekend is coming to a close for me, as does the 2nd full week of being clean!! I wasn't able to get on yesterday to post my daily thread- That was because my day was so full of things to do- Mainly take care of my boys. My wife went to the Belmont Stakes- A much needed break for her as she's been phenomenal during the past two weeks. My plan was to post yesterday at work. My Saturday job is much easier than during the week- An extra help program that never really got off the ground thanks to the DOE but that's another story for another time. So the kids show up and we do some very easy/fun stuff with them- As I've stated before- These kids look for any reason to get out of their homes- School is their escape and I'm very happy to say they look forward to come see me on Saturdays.. Even after putting up with me during the week. My big guy gets to come with me too which is always fun for me- And him.
Reason I didn't get to post yesterday at work wasn't because I was busy with work- I found myself reading a very long thread originally started by Kellen in the Suboxone category- This young man is something else. He's amazing. I'm not sure what other adjective to use to describe him. For starter's he's a writer- Quite an amazing writer at that as his posts had me so intrigued. His stories were amazing and I won't do them any justice by re-creating them here. If you have the time go under Suboxone link and look for "Quit Suboxone after 2 years.." If you have the time go back to page 1/8 on the thread- Sit back- Relax- and Read!! His stories have so much to them that I'm sure you will be amazed but most importantly- Inspired. I never went the suboxone route as some of you already know my story. But from what I've learned about it he came off of it the wrong way.. Yet he beat it- His way. I can relate to that part. Beating a habit in a way that works for me- May not work for everyone but it worked for me- Just like it worked for him. You can feel the confidence in his words- Feel how he has command over his demons- And he did it all by himself!!
One thing we both have in common is we found this forum- We post and share our feelings, our journey on here and it seems to work very well for the both of us. I cannot stress this point enough- I don't know where I would be right this moment if I didn't find this forum! I stumbled across this place when I was still using but running out of my vitamins. I simply googled something like this- "pain killer withdrawals".. Or "Dealing with Pain Killer withdrawals.."- It was one of the first results on google. I did this at work one day because I knew what I was about to get myself into when I ran out that Memorial Day weekend. I had just gotten a script (My Final Script) for 20 5 mg percocet. I made a choice to ween myself off of these and then go from there. I couldn't even ween myself correctly as I took way too many soon as I got them- Then the second day- Friday of Memorial Day weekend- Told myself I'd go out with a bang and get nice and high for the last time Friday night. I basically left myself six or seven for the rest of the three day weekend. I'm not the brightest guy I know but I'm pretty sure that's not the right way to go about weening yourself off of a drug that you've been using for the past 5 years. Percs weren't the only thing- It was Vicodin and Norco as well- I know I know.. Vicodin and 10 mg Norco are pretty much the same thing- At least to me they were.
So two Sundays ago I took my last pills- Had two Percs left and even had a couple Tramadol- Took one perc in the morning to get me through my time at the Air Show at the beach with my family and friends- Felt horrible when that little bit wore off- Left the Air show a lil early as my two boys were getting extremely restless because of the heat and being very tired. Went home- Was able to close my eyes on the couch and fade in and out of sleep while my boys watched a movie on TV- Thankfully they were both so tired as well that they never moved from the couch- I was always able to tell what they were doing even though I was In and out of sleep- I'm not proud of the fact that I was able to do that- I hate myself for even thinking about falling asleep while I was home alone with a 5 and 3 year old.. But those times are behind me- Feel very fortunate to be where I am today- Very FORTUNATE!!
As for the rest of that story- Well it pretty much starts underneath my first thread and then leads us to this one. Life is very good- Very good- The thought of using doesn't even enter my mind anymore- I've somehow been able to successfully block out that desire completely. I can say with the utmost certainty that I have zero desire to use opiates ever again. I'm well aware I'm still in the early stages of recovery- By no means am I out of woods just yet- Still got a long way to go, I understand that. I'm determined now, more than I've ever been before in my life. I'm determined to show the people around me that I have closed those 5-6 brutal chapters of my life. My support group has grown a bit so there's no going back now. Best part is.. I don't want to!!
Time to get some sleep- Got a big day tomorrow as it starts a new week for me- And I'm going to a golf outing- A nice father's day gift from mom.
Once again- Thank you for reading- Thank you for Posting- Thank you all for being out there-
One more thank you----- Thank you for helping me beat something I THOUGHT I WOULD/COULD NEVER BEAT!!
Keep Moving Forward-
So awesome Dean! I remember when you came by first. Hope is NEVER lost. You can do anything you put your mind to. Congratulations. Keep up the good fight brother.
Quotes that keep me going:
"Do you have another day 1 in you?"
"If not now, when?"
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”
Clean as of 02.03.2012
Thanks ComeBack-- I appreciate the support-- Your quotes are awesome Bro--
Mr_Dean you have done so well here! I follow your posts and am amazed at your consistency and dedication to your goal of staying clean. I am past wd, but still very shaky and not sure what to do next except the best. one day at a time.
Originally Posted by Mr_Dean
If you're past the physical w/d the mental part is next. I'm not sure which is worse-- The both are not pleasant to be honest. Keep going with it Thalia-- I promise you it gets better. I would always laugh at the saying "time heals all wounds"... That could not be more true when battling this addiction. The more time passes the better you will feel. Keep moving forward Thalia-- Thank you so much for the kind words-- I'll be looking for your updates. Please keep us posted.
Mr_Dean, the worst is over (I think) June 4th was my last Norco, and although I consider June 10th my sobriety date (thanks to a valium) I feel pretty good. A lot of ups and downs emotionally but as is often said, it took a lot of time to build the addiction; why should I expect for it to go away immediately?
Originally Posted by Mr_Dean
i am so glad to follow your path, Thalia
I'm thankful I have a path to follow.. It does take a while but you will start to feel better. Each day I feel more and more like myself because I get the normal aches and pains from doing certain activities. I have to remind myself that "you never felt that before d.umm.y.. You were hi.gh all the time.."
So this makes 5 days off Valium for you and 11 days since the Norco--- GOOD FOR YOU!!!
I was being fed Norco by my doctor for my bum knee which is causing me a lot of pain at the moment- I just got back from "field day" with the kids. Played a 5 inning soft ball game with them so just running/hopping around the bases has caused it to act up. The Doc that was feeding me the Norco knew I was hooked and thankfully cut me off. That's when I decided to stop and started the path I'm currently on. He's been pushing surgery on me forever and I haven't made an appt to get a third opinion yet. I've realized that the pain is what I make of it. I can deal with it. I've always had a high tolerance for pain-- The pills were just the perfect touch to take that edge off-- I walk with a bit of a limp but once I get going it's fine. I can manage- And I know now I don't need anything-- Not even Advil or Motrin to help me deal with it. Just have to suck it up-- Plain and simple.
Keep Going Thalia-- It takes a while to get back to "normal" but the worst part is over and you should feel very proud/happy/thankful about that.
Last edited by Mr_Dean; 06-15-2012 at 02:00 PM.
Thanks Mr_dean! I can really use a friend here! Somehow I have gotten on the bad side of everyone, (probably deservedly so, because I have relapsed so much) but I can surely use a friend! You have done so well; many congratulations. Amazing, really! ...keep going, you are doing so well, Thalia
Originally Posted by Mr_Dean
Not to overuse my Disney Quotes but... You've got a friend in me! I know all about relapses-- I don't think I've posted on here about all of them but there were plenty. Those times I did try stopping I didn't even know this place existed. If you're posting that you relapsed then to me that means your honest. That's a good thing and one thing I found to help me tremendously-- Honesty! Just take one step at a time- Treasure each minute of your day- You will see how fast those minutes go by- And when they do that's more time away from your last/final relapse- I'll help you through it. I'm so happy to hear I can help you through it.