Results 1 to 12 of 12
Like Tree9Likes
  • 1 Post By Mr_Dean
  • 1 Post By Sundwn
  • 1 Post By Mr_Dean
  • 1 Post By surfdog
  • 1 Post By surfdog
  • 1 Post By Sundwn
  • 1 Post By Sundwn
  • 2 Post By surfdog
Day 8-
  1. #1
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    109

    Default Day 8-

    Day 8- WoW!! Part of me is very happy while I still find a part of me kind of blue. Those that have been following my posts, I thank you, might be proud to know I did NOT come to work today with any crutch- No Mary Jane to fall back on for when I leave work!!

    Last night I visited an old friend that I haven't seen in a long time. Been more than four years because his oldest child is four and I haven't met her yet. He's been in AA for a very long time- Started when we were about 19-20- In that area. We're talking 15 years of being totally clean. It was so great to talk with him and catch up but most importantly I was able to share my journey with him and speak openly. I explained everything to him- How much I was using and for how long- The current situation with my wife- The Mary Jane usage to help with w/d- To my surprise he didn't judge in the slightest!! It was great, It really was!! He was prepared for my visit as he visited some places and got me some pamphlets about meetings both N/A and A/A. I've got all the ammunition I need to beat this and it really does feel awesome!!

    One thing he did say to me last night still resonates over and over in my mind. I was very curious to hear his thoughts on the "one Hit a Day" theory of mine- My theory being it's not that bad if I'm just using it to help me with W/D. His thoughts were simple- He wouldn't recommend it.. However he asked if it helped keep me stay away from what I'm trying to stay away from- Pills!! He also explained to me something I knew already which is everyone, EVERYONE is different and has to tackle addiction their own way. Yes- there are methods to follow in order to get clean- But even he admitted that some methods are not for certain people. His older brother- another old friend of mine who has also been clean from drinking a very long time stopped going to AA meetings years ago- My buddy said his older brother amazes him because he "should" have gone back to drinking a long time ago- Stopped going to meetings and hasn't had a single sip of a drink in all these years. His older brother was never the most talkative person so he found something that worked for him and he stuck to it.

    I give my students advice all the time and the one thing I follow up with is this- it's easier said than done, I know- Dealing/tackling life's daily routines are also Easier said than done!!! Everything is easier said than actually doing it!! It's very easy for me to sit here and explain to you how I got to Day 8- But yes- IT'S BEEN A STRUGGLE NONE-THE-LESS!!! A struggle that I'm ready and willing to battle with. I have realized now that everyday will be a struggle for who knows how long.. Maybe even the rest of my life!! Again.. I'm still in the early stages- 8 days is nothing compared to 8 Months- 8 years- Some of you on here- Have been clean for much longer than me and can and will offer better insight than I can. I'm simply sharing my journey and I will continue to share as I helps me out tremendously!!

    8 Days later and the only thing truly bothering me is this nasty sinus issue/infection I have. Not sure if that is my body going through the natural changes or if I simply just have a sinus infection. Someone at work asked me if I'm taking something for it and I responded- "Nah- I'm good- It will pass". I don't want to take any sinus medicine because it has Acetaminophen in it- You know- that stuff that accompanied the synthetic >>>>>> I was taking for all those years. I can deal with the sneezing- pressure underneath my eyes and above them- What I can't deal with is something that just may remind me of what I was taking during my 5 year self-inflicted prison I was living in.

    Thanks to those who read- Thanks to those who post- Thank you all!

    Keep Moving Forward-
    Peace-

    Mr_Dean
    surfdog likes this.

  2. #2
    Sundwn is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    219

    Default

    Dean, your doing all the right things man. Talking to recovering addicts. Especially a friend who has been living a clean life. It's an old adage Dean " one day at a time " but there is a reason that it is. Because its all you really have. You might want to try a little CRT ( cognitive relaxation therapy ). Just lie down at the end of the day (or whenever). And concentrate on breathing. Just normal breathing. And think about each breath as you take it in and then expell. Sounds crazy, I know. But it works. Try not to think about anything else but the in and out of each breath. And again, here at the beginning of your recovery it's really all you,ve been able to think about. That's why N/ A meetings would be such a good thing. No one says you have to go to them forever. Some do, some don't . But since it's paramount with you right now. Go join some others who are and have been where you are. My bet is you have some things to say that will help others as well as yourself. I am not trying to push meetings, meetings, meetings. I am just advocating that RIGHT NOW it would be a very good idea.......also, it might be a good idea to stay with one thread as you can go back and re/ read all that transpired from day one.....Surfdog will have a better comment on this , I believe. New threads might not matter. But let's see what he says about it. Your doing good friend. The sinus thing is part of it......sneezing much?
    surfdog likes this.

  3. #3
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    109

    Default

    Thanks Sundwn.. I appreciate the support bro!! Sneezing much is putting it mildly- Crazy how the body changes isn't it? I hear what your saying about the new thread thing- Posting new threads Kind of gives me something to look forward each day- Turning a page on the previous day- Strange thing about that breathing exercise you mentioned- I found myself doing that the other day when I was trying to go to sleep at night. I was amazed how it helped- Today at the end of work I'm going to do it again exactly as you said to.. I'll let you know how it works out.

    Mr_Dean
    surfdog likes this.

  4. #4
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Macon GA/Montana/Wyoming
    Posts
    944

    Default

    How bout' it there John Wayne Dean, Subdwn summed it up you are doing all the right things and doing GREAT! It is not a lifelong struggle the desire to use does leave it just takes a while, as with the sneezing lol. It would be much easier to follow on one thread just title the post day 8- 9 whatever. Plus it let's you review your progress which has been impressive. I feel privledged to have been a small part of this, so good to see people get better. God Bless Surfdog
    ( in case you haven't noticed can't type for s@#$) lol

    Oh the breathing exercise does work and helps to learn deep meditation which is a high no drug can give you, recent research has proven there is a small part of the brain that is only active when one is in deep prayer or meditation that does all kinds of good things for the body and mind Dog
    Last edited by surfdog; 06-04-2012 at 12:06 PM.
    Sundwn likes this.

  5. #5
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    109

    Default

    Suuuuurrrrrfffff!!!!! Been waiting to here from you Brotha!! I've been keeping track by copying and pasting all my posts and responses to a word document and keeping a journal. Surf- You have helped more than words can say- I can truly say if it were not for your responses (and those of others) I would be lost!! Got a question for you now that I got you- Kind of fighting with the wife about how to handle my addiction problem- Being the controlling woman that she is I'm getting the feeling she wants things done her way and she's not buying into my way of doing things.. I have a golf league that starts tomorrow night and she wants me not to go with one of my friends who just so happens to be one of the ones who helped me get clean because he smokes a lot of Mary Jane- I tried explaining to her I have no desire to smoke while I play golf- Never have because the one time I did a long time ago I shot terrible and I have too much pride in my game to let something like that ruin it.. What I'm trying to get her to understand is this.. That is not a trigger for me- EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN DOING THESE PAST 8 DAYS HAS BEEN A TRIGGER FOR ME!!!!! EVERYTHING!!!-

    Waking up in the morning- Eating Breakfast because right after breakfast used to come dessert- Going to work- Talking to people at work- Basically just living my life the past 8 days has all been one trigger after another- She doesn't get it and I understand because she is still angry- But now I'm slowly feeling myself get anger towards her and resenting her for not understanding what I'm trying to tell her- I want golf to be my vice again- I want sports to be my vice again- That's how I used to spend my time- Playing sports and when I picked up golf about 9 years ago I've been hooked every since!!

    She wants me to attend an AA meeting instead of starting my league- I told her I will go to a meeting just not tomorrow night.. How do I show her that doing this my way so far has worked and gotten me farther than I've been in 6 years??

    Mr_Dean

  6. #6
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    109

    Default

    BTW- Sundwn.. You have helped me tremendously as well- I Hope that didn't come off wrong- I truly appreciate all those who read and comment!!

    Mr_Dean

  7. #7
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Macon GA/Montana/Wyoming
    Posts
    944

    Default

    This time I am inclined to agree with you wife. I'm sure she is controlling however at this point your recovery needs to come before everything but your God. Dean the reason I say this is it becomes so easy to ease into well I'll go tomorrow, I'm tired, I've got something to do ect. Most suggest 90 meetings in 90 days but sometimes that is not realistic. Now if you can catch a noon or early meeting then play golf go for it otherwise put your recovery first that is so very important especially right now. And I am as big a golf nut as you are love the game.
    There will always be another golf game, and you have at least one more time to use drugs, will you have another recovery? Is a golf game worth the risk? Up to you but I would go to the meeting sober first play later. God Bless surfdog
    Sundwn likes this.

  8. #8
    Sundwn is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    219

    Default

    She wants me to attend an AA meeting instead of starting my league- I told her I will go to a meeting just not tomorrow night.. How do I show her that doing this my way so far has worked and gotten me farther than I've been in 6 years??

    Buddyro, the last thing I am going to give or even try to give is my opinion on relationship. But, I will say this.....addicts, because of this disease , are the most self consumed, self- oriented , all- about- me human beings alive. There are high- end addicts and bottom - end addicts. A bottom addict will lie, cheat, steal, hell maybe even kill to get what they want. You are a high- end addict ( and I pray that's all you,ll ever be ). My point is this. Your proud for doing all the right things so far. And you should be. I am proud of you too........But your wife, if I am correct here, knows little to nothing about this addiction. Except what you have shared with her. Does she even see this as a disease? Sounds to me you have scared the be- Jesus out of her with what you are going through. How long, and events leading up to this revelation. All I am saying is ......think about her man. She wants the best for you. Right? You have shared with her this nightmare, what it has done, what it can do. Your addictive nature has uncovered this disease. So now you are telling her. You have it under control, now your doing the right things.....................she doesn't know that man. Not really, not yet. Not what you want to hear, I know. Just think about it.........SD
    surfdog likes this.

  9. #9
    Sundwn is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    219

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by surfdog View Post
    This time I am inclined to agree with you wife. I'm sure she is controlling however at this point your recovery needs to come before everything but your God. Dean the reason I say this is it becomes so easy to ease into well I'll go tomorrow, I'm tired, I've got something to do ect. Most suggest 90 meetings in 90 days but sometimes that is not realistic. Now if you can catch a noon or early meeting then play golf go for it otherwise put your recovery first that is so very important especially right now. And I am as big a golf nut as you are love the game.
    There will always be another golf game, and you have at least one more time to use drugs, will you have another recovery? Is a golf game worth the risk? Up to you but I would go to the meeting sober first play later. God Bless surfdog
    Dog, we must have been typing at the same time,. Heck , we were. We're just a few min apart...lol. I saw your post right after I sent mine...lol..........anyway DEAN. What Dog has said.......I DITTO. Really give this some thought man......we are really pulling for you....SNdwn
    surfdog likes this.

  10. #10
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    109

    Default

    Thank you gentlemen.. I truly appreciate your words of wisdom- Funny thing is I do kind of agree with both of you as well as her- But you were right Sun- She doesn't see it as a disease, at least I don't think she does because we haven't really spoken in depth since I revealed it to her-

    You were also quite accurate by saying I am self-consumed and the "all about me" attitude- Here's my side of the "argument"-
    1- I've never went about quitting this way in the past.
    2- I've never shared with anyone that I've had an addiction.
    3- I would never be able to face My wife, my friends, or any of you if I started using again. Everything I used to do- EVERYTHING was done on pills the past 5 years- I'm so desperate to learn how to enjoy things again- I'm so desperate to learn what it was like before I got hooked- I saw this golf league as another place for me to get to so I can try and be happy again!!

    I'm slowly but surely regaining my happiness- One thing I'm getting used to again is looking forward to certain things- In the past when I quit I looked forward to NOTHING!! Not even being with my kids which was probably the worst part of the whole thing. Today- I'm looking forward to leave work- Get home- spend time with my boys- play with them- Enjoy them!! Instead of looking forward to my next fix.

    I hope this doesn't sound like I don't value your opinions on this- Because BELIEVE ME I DO TREMENDOUSLY!!!!! Just thought I would share a little insight as to what was going on in my head- Yea 8 days is nothing for some but this has been HUGE for me. I'm not denying/bashing meetings at all- I'm all for them- For me my form of meetings has been here- Reading posts- Posting my thoughts- Staring at the screen and hitting the refresh button waiting for responses from you guys.

    Is it totally wrong for me to feel that trying it this way is right for me? I don't want to sound like I'm some big hot shot who knows everything because I'm not and I don't want to come off that way. Believe me I'm the furthest thing from someone who "knows it all".. Lol- I just haven't felt this good in a long time and I truly believe if I keep going at it this way I'll be on my 1 year anniversary before I know it.. <~~ Sarcasm- One day at a time I know.. He He

    Well.. It's 3:15.. I'm at work and getting ready to leave- Most importantly I'm stone cold sober and I'm feeling very good about that- I'm looking forward to this evening to hear your thoughts guys-

    Thank you all again-

    Keep Moving Forward-
    Peace-

    Mr_Dean

  11. #11
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Macon GA/Montana/Wyoming
    Posts
    944

    Default

    Dean take it out of the context of right wrong, good, or bad. It is not that concrete way too many variables. The two us,SD and me will be here regardless of whether you go to a meeting or not. Just our opinions, not telling you what to do. Our families are filled with fear that it will happen again and you cant blame them. I know in the beginning I did some things I didn't really want to do to try and reduce that fear for her. She stuck by me
    I figured that was the least I could do for her. Over time that fear disappated (sp) Hear for you man Surfdog
    Sundwn and Mr_Dean like this.

  12. #12
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    109

    Default

    Thanks Surf-- Once again-- You made my day complete with your words-- Thank you!!

    Mr_Dean

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22