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Day 17-- :)
Hello my friends- I'm very happy to say today marks the 17th day of my recovery process and I feel amazing. I haven't been able to get on to post my daily threads as I have found myself getting back to living my life the way it was meant to be- Clean from opiates- And as we know living life can get very busy- Especially with two boys at home.
I had a very crazy day yesterday- One of the craziest I've had in a very long time, using or not using.. Found out at work that the rumor was true and my supervisor would be happy with me being replaced. The Principal met with me after I helped him with a computer issue- Basically asked me what my thoughts were about going back into the computer lab to be a computer teacher again (That's where I started out teaching to begin with). To keep a very long story short I thought about it- Asked for some advice from friends and family and told him today nothing would make me happier than teaching again. Salary wise it's actually an increase for me because when a teacher is absent they used to always ask me to cover for them for a period or two- Always said yes because I got paid more to basically already be at work. In the city teachers and Deans make same amount of money- It's all based on your salary step- It's not an administrative line like the suburbs.
I leave work driving home in the pouring rain listening to my new Beatles CD made for me by a friend- Make it to the meeting I'm supposed to be at- Leave there- I stop to get gas and my car won't start- Battery completely dead- Luckily I was close enough to home so my wife came and picked me up- Got a new battery- Went to change it and the negative terminal head was so old and rusted it snaps. Finally rig it to keep car running- Back to auto pat store- Get that changed- Make it home by 7:30- Spent about an hour with my boys- Put them to bed- Day 16 over and done with despite the headaches.
While all that jazz was going on with me yesterday I paid close attention to how I actually felt. I felt happy- Ironic I know but I truly did. I was happy because like I've said before I'm ready for whatever curve ball life will throw at me. A month ago when I was heavily using opiates I never, ever thought I would be able to survive off the sauce. I used to convince myself I need this to get through my day. I was so wrong- I don't need anything to get me through my day except- Well- Me!
For those of you that read/or have read my posts I'm just trying to offer some insight- Some hope that you can and you will be able to live on the outside of the opiate prison. Question is...... Do you want to?
I know I didn't want to for a long time- I convinced myself that this is me- I'm a person who needs to pop pills- I'm someone who can't live without it... I'm sure we've all been there are may still be there now- You can and will get yourselves out of your prison cell... Consider the halls of a prison your withdrawals- Step out of the cell- Get into the halls- Make your way to the exit. When you get there- It will be greater than any high you've ever gotten from a pill- At least- That's how I feel now........ You couldn't convince me of that a month ago- Anyone who would've said that to me a month ago I would've probably laughed in their face..... Then went to pop another vitamin.
Thank you for reading- Thank you for Posting-
Keep Moving Forward-
Way to go Mr. PC professor. Sounds like a couple of really big positive changes in your life. You always hear.....
that everything happens for a reason. Often we don't understand what that reason is. But I do believe this. Where ever you are in your life. You are exactly where you are suppose to be. Learn as we grow, so to speak. You go easy young man. I and many here are pulling for you in all things positive........SD
Love love love your posts!!! They are so inspiring! Don't beat yourself up over the one hit maryjane thing too much. Not yet anyway. Maybe later on after you've completely killed the true beast of vicodin addiction. One step at the time. Saying goodbye to mary will not make you sick. I truly do not think I could have beat the beast without my old friend mary. Unfortunately, people will judge you over it, I know. To me, its a lot better than alcohol and a mystery to me as to why it is illegal. At any rate, the one thought that nags me in the back of my head about hanging out with mary, is the question: "What if I get creamed by an 18 wheeler making a wrong lane change on the way home from work today?" Since Mary's presence lingers for weeks after you visit her, the fact that I got plowed over by an 18 wheeler making an illegal lane change will be all because of mary. They will put all of the blame on mary. My life insurance will be void because of mary. Even worse, what if I am not a fault and the other guy dies. Because of mary, I would go down for manslaughter. That is the only thing that bothers me about my one hit.
Thank you Susie for reading my posts.. That really makes this all worth while for me.. You saying my posts are inspiring makes my day- My week!! As for Mary is concerned those one hits I took merely helped me with the worst part.... Withdrawals!! It helped me tremendously. Will it help everyone? Probably not- Most likely not I should say. For me I finally did find something that worked for me. I knew I had to stop for all those years but each time I went about it the wrong way-- By myself!! When I went to that one N/A Meeting and I listened to the people talk I realized that taking the road I did would probably not work for them. I'm not judging and I don't mind if I am judged by it.... Never in my life have I ever experienced anything even remotely similar to trying to withdraw from opiates. I never tried Heroin but from what I've read on here it's similar.. I think.. And I didn't go the Suboxone route only because I didn't want to face my Dr. who used to prescribe me Percocet fairly easily. He always told me to be careful with them because they are addicting----- No Kidding Doc.. Really? Just give me my script and let me be on my way.
Now.. If I would've went that route I could have found help on here from Robert-- He is amazing at what he does and his knowledge and will to help people are phenomenal. Not sure if you read my posts Robert but I just want to say I tip my cap to you. I may not have gone down the road you recommend but I have been paying close attention to many if not all of your posts over the past 18 days. You have indirectly helped me during my journey so I say Thank You!
Back to Mary-- For some people it may act as a gateway to other D rugs-- For me it didn't. At least I don't think it did... But that's just me. The opiates I was taking actually made me think it's OK if you snort a little Coc with your friends. So I tried that twice-- Not a lot I know but the two times I did try it I found myself doing way too much of it. All those years back in the day when I was unfortunately smoking regularly I knew about Coc and other drugs but the thought of even trying it never, ever entered my mind!! I would look at my friends differently because I knew they were doing it.
As I sit here tonight It's been more than a week since my last "One Hit"-- I have zero desire to have another anytime soon-- None whatsoever. I'm not going to sit here and say I will never take another-- However--- I will sit here and say with confidence that I will never use opiates ever again!!
""What if I get creamed by an 18 wheeler making a wrong lane change on the way home from work today?"" I try to never think like that-- Ever. Don't mistake what I'm saying though-- You make a very valid point and that is a very good set of questions you asked. For me-- I've always had that immature feeling of invincibility--- The childish thought that says- "That won't happen to me.." Ridiculous I know but as I've learned everyone is different-- We are all made up differently and we all think about things our own way-- We also beat our demons our own way as well. I found something that worked for me and I couldn't be happier.
Thank you again Susie for your kind words-- Thank you for reading--
Keep Moving Forward-