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Coming off Vicodin...
You're doing exactly what you should be doing. You're facing the facts and you're fighting to make a positive change in your life and the lives of your family members. This is a rocky road, of that you can be sure. BUT, you are through the most trying physical part. It will linger for days but soon, very soon, you'll see massive relief as your body starts to harmonize in a healthy way again.
To deal with the mental aspect I would name the demon in your brain. Mine is "Demon"(original, right?). I talk to it when it tries talking to me. I know his tricks. He still tries to surprise me sometimes...the car and the shower seem to be his favorite ambush sites, but I literally say aloud "Demon, back off. You've got nothing I want and nothing that will help me regardless of your promises. I'm not letting you out of your cage for anything. You're mine now, not the other way around." (or something of the sort...whatever is relevant to his demands). Making it 'real' enables you to fight it easier. When you internalize everything it is hard to commit to a consistent stream of thought...you'll have tons of overlapping inner dialogue and 'white noise' that will cloud some of your thinking and muddle your judgement. Make the problem a real thing. Once it is real it is easy to fight. You kids afraid of the dark? How do you show them there is nothing to fear. You explain the dark and show that light works to cast it out. Show them through positive reinforcement that the sun always comes and dark always gives way to light. With time, your children understand their fear and can let it go. You need to do the same thing for yourself. Understand that this addiction has a hold over you. With commitment you can learn that you are able to break that hold and with time, you'll begin to feel better emotionally. The physical stuff will just pass. I know in the first week it doesn't feel like it but it is the easier part of withdrawal...the emotional fallout is very complicated but using the strength and the tactics you develop NOW during the physical stage you will just continue to build more and more momentum and within days, just DAYS, your life will be yours again. Stay committed, be honest with yourself, and please come to us for any/everything you need. We've all been where you are and we all have things to share that might help you to gain ground. That is all we want for you. Never be ashamed, there is no judgement here. We've all suffered enough, anything we can do to save somebody else a measure of pain is our highest priority.
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