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80 Days and still struggling
  1. #1
    lilnadz is offline Member
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    Default 80 Days and still struggling

    So I need any and all advice that can be given. My boyfriend has battled tremendously coming off methadone and suboxone and now he's having such a horrible time still. i feel so bad but I feel like there is nothing I can do anymore. He feels lost and cant seem to get past his "good days" and the way he felt before. He feelsl like hes not functioning as well as he use to, very awkward around people and cant seem to put any positive into his life and it kills me. The doctor prescribed him welbutrin which he was taking but hes not getting any relief from it at all. I think its not about depression but hes just having a hard time accepting his feelings now when he felt "so good before". It just breaks my heart seeing him deteoriate himself. He quit his job today and hasnt tried to get any councilling at all even after he went for the free consultation and all. Today he looked me dead on in the face and told me he didnt love me and hoped he just stayed where he was because at least he was happy. I tell him it must be a very hard thing to come through and he has to try to keep moving b/c i'm sure alot of addicts only imagine being 80 days clean and arent able to get there.

    ANY advice would help greatly. It makes me so sad seeing him like this and is breaking my heart completely.

  2. #2
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    It takes a long time to overcome addiction. He's very depressed and really needs to hit NA or some other type of counseling. He can come to the boards and talk to people here who have been through what he has been through. It sounds to me like he is extremely depressed. It takes time. Is he off all drugs?

    Iloerose
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  3. #3
    NoMoreOxy is offline Senior Member
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    Remember, opiates mimic endorphins in the brain. Is your boyfriend working out? Running, Biking, etc.? When you remove these ">>>>" endorphins, you get depressed. Thus, you need to find a natural way to replace them. This can easily be accomplished with strenuous exercise. Have him take a long run and see how he feels an hour or so after he gets back.

    Good luck to you!
    Last edited by ddcmod; 07-04-2012 at 05:55 PM.

  4. #4
    lilnadz is offline Member
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    So he went back on methadone today.... its unfortunate but he feels like he cant go on and resorted to this.. for sure he will never be able to get off ever again

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    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilnadz View Post
    So he went back on methadone today.... its unfortunate but he feels like he cant go on and resorted to this. for sure he will never be able to get off ever again
    Thats sucks really. Why did he not go back on suboxone instead? Methadone is the worst, I know from experience. I'm depressed too so I know how debilitating it can be, you can't work, isolate, push away people. How long was he on suboxone for? Maybe he can try that again but in a different way?

  6. #6
    lilnadz is offline Member
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    The suboxone did not work for him at all.. it gave him so much anxiety he quit it cold turkey. He hated it so much! I feel like a failiure. 95 days clean..... and the clinics didnt even care.. I was so angry sitting in there with him and have them say he needs counselling blah blah blah> have you been on anything (which he hasnt) but here take the methadone it will make you feel better.. He wont listen to ANYTHING but the damn clinic!
    Last edited by ddcmod; 07-05-2012 at 06:02 PM.

  7. #7
    pgcc is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilnadz View Post
    The suboxone did not work for him at all.. it gave him so much anxiety he quit it cold turkey. He hated it so much! I feel like a failiure. 95 days clean..... WTF! and the clinics didnt even care.. I was so angry sitting in there with him and have them say he needs counselling blah blah blah> have you been on anything (which he hasnt) but here take the methadone it will make you feel better.. He wont listen to ANYTHING but the damn clinic!
    How did he do the suboxone? Maybe he didn't wait long enough before dosing w/ the suboxone?From what I've read if you do that it can cause problems for the rest of your time on the drug. If he is going ct off methadone, from what I've been told, it can take 6 months to a year to feel 100% again. I know people who had to do jail time and were forced to go ct on 100mgs or more and they said it was pure hell for months but they did get through it, they had no choice. How much meth was your BF on? I'm just wondering if perhaps he did the suboxone but not exactly correctly, a lot of doctors really screw suboxone patients up, he may be good if he tries it again but the right way this time. If he did make a mistake or rather the doctor made a mistake there are plenty of people on this board who will get it done right for him. The other option is slowly tapering off methadone, but that is a long, long haul. I have got as low as 10mgs myself for 7 months, why I didn't continue and go lower I don't know. I didn't know about suboxone at the time and I met a girl who was using. The rest of the story you can probably guess correctly;two addicts don't mix unless they are both in recovery. If your BF's clinic has the machine he can go down by as little as 1 mg a day, if they are giving him the 40mg pills then it will be harder because the lowest he could probably go is 5mgs. But I do know people who stepped off at 5 and they got through it and it wasn't all that bad. Methadone really sucks, since I am in a similar situation I so understand the frustration of being stuck on meth and feeling like there is no way out is just horrible. In your BF's situation I really hope he did the suboxone induction incorrectly, which would explain his troubles. It would also open up the option of inducting on suboxone the right way and then getting clean.

  8. #8
    tlazur is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilnadz View Post
    So he went back on methadone today.... its unfortunate but he feels like he cant go on and resorted to this.. for sure he will never be able to get off ever again
    Oh dear that sounds so bad. My heart goes out to you, you must be a very strong person to deal with all of this. I was on a suboxone program and when I came off I did not taper, I was on for about 2 months and cut it off at 6-8mg per day. I tell you it was the sorst withdrawl of my life. I felt the symptoms of PAWS for well over a month, no sleep, no appetite, no energy, it was hell. I have since learned that cold turkey is the only way for me to get sober, methadone and suboxone continue to effect your brain in a negative way. Your boyfried may benefit from the methadone temporarily but i am certain that long term maintenence would be even more detrimental. I would try, if I were you, to get him to begin exercising now while still on the methadone. Have him push his body to the limit and make sure he eats right and takes supplements like a multivitamin, B-complex, and others. What I am trying to say is have him follow a plan like he is withdrawling right now so when he does taper off the done this time he already has a good behaviral pattern to follow. His brain is suffering from what some call the brain melt, reduced and hyperactivity in certain areas. he is going to feel crazy, depressed, manic, etc. until he is off the drugs completely. In some cases it could take a year or more to return to some kind of normal state. Take it one day at a time and have him start NA mertings now. The more positive people he is around the better he will feel. And I dont mean to offend, but maybe taking some sort of break from your relationship may be beneficial. If the love is still there for him, he will sort things out! I know it woke me up! My prayers go out to you and I truly hope everything works out for the best. Much love! Tlazur

  9. #9
    lilnadz is offline Member
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    Thank you very much for all your support. I just came on to tell you that he took the methadone for 2 days and has not touched it at all.. He switched to the antidepressant Zoloft and is on 100 mg of it. to me he had hit rock bottom and went to the hospital for observation for a few days untill they adjusted the medication for him. The refered him to an outpatient treatment for substance abuse users since the inpatient was NOT working for him at all. He was suffering from extreme anxiety and felt very awkward in there since everyone else had more severe problems. He got home on Monday and then he went back in to see a doctor on wednesday they adjusted a new medication for him (seroquil) and the next day when he woke up he had a fainting spell and passed out and dashed his forehead open (10 stitches later and some inside the forehead to put the muscle back together ) he is home now with ALOT of pain. He feels things wont ever look good for him and he feels like all his hope is gone. He has alot of positive support and next week will be starting the new programs that he was refered to and I know it will be good for him. I know what you mean about the relationship step back and I give him alot of space and just reassure him that I'm there should he need anything. He wants me there b/c he feels like i'm the only motivation he has. To get off methadone/suboxone in the way that he did he should really feel an accomplishment as from what I gather online it is HELL to go through.

    Thank you again for all your concern and he does read this so if anyone has anything to write or suggest. please do so.

  10. #10
    lilnadz is offline Member
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    So he started a12 week therapy session at the hospital today and i'm not sure if he will continue to go. he just cant get past how he felt before and he feels things will never be the same. he says he feels awkward, and cant focus. I'm not sure what to believe but i have told him today that if he doesnt commit to going as much as he complains he wants to be better than i have no choice but to leave him enough is enough. He has all the resources and he just chooses not to do anything but sleep all day... I know it will be better once he has an open mind but before he started detoxing he felt soooo good and "normal" and he feels he will never be the same again. I know he will... as long as he puts his mind to it..

    I'm running out of options here now.. he has so much he can do and unless his mom is forcing him or I come pick him up all he wants to do is stay in bed and sleep...

  11. #11
    lilnadz is offline Member
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    Any help or thoughts on this would be good... he on seroquel and i swear its gotten worse. He thinks his life is over b/c hes not feeling the way he did before- he says he cant function, hes not the same person, and that he feels extremely awkward. He says hes done with this and hed rather be dead. I'm at a loss for words. I dont know what to do for him if there is anything left to say or do hes just extremely negative and cant see past this. I dont want to lose him , i will be devastated. I dont enable him by any means, i try to get him out as often as I can, and he is smiling and laughing when he is out with me but as soon ashe goes home its all over again.

  12. #12
    lilnadz is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilnadz View Post
    Any help or thoughts on this would be good... he on seroquel and i swear its gotten worse. He thinks his life is over b/c hes not feeling the way he did before- he says he cant function, hes not the same person, and that he feels extremely awkward. He says hes done with this and hed rather be dead. I'm at a loss for words. I dont know what to do for him if there is anything left to say or do hes just extremely negative and cant see past this. I dont want to lose him , i will be devastated. I dont enable him by any means, i try to get him out as often as I can, and he is smiling and laughing when he is out with me but as soon ashe goes home its all over again.
    Can u still believe after all this... Still struggling! He's been off methadone for so long and still believes he needs it to be normal!!!i don't know what I should do?!?! I am now 5 months pregnant and u heart breaks each day. He's tried multiple antidepressants and benzos and nothing works for him he wants to be back where he felt a year ago which was on the methadone. I can't believe we r still on this same topic but I really feel he doesn't try to get better and he is so stuck o. Methadone. I feel like I have to walk away from this bc I think him creating a new addiction back on opiates is what he's doing since he's not really opiate dependent! He hast been on opiates I about 7 months

  13. #13
    ChefHuey is offline New Member
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    Default suboxone withdraw

    I was on suboxone for 6 years, I jumped off at 4mg. Went through acute withdraw for about 14 days. Post acute withdraw (PAWS) has lasted for the last 95 days. Some days are good, some days are bad, what I have found is that the good days are longer than the bad. I experience insomia and irritability on the bad days. My energy level fluuxuates from hour to hour, but again, I am starting to notice that the energized moments out way the latter... The reason that I decided to quit was because I realized that I had stopped careing about everything. I had no emotions what so ever, felt dead inside. That being said, the motivation to feel again ( good or bad) was my complete bottom. I have always been active in AA or NA, but felt that there was something still missing. Finding out that this was the ability to feel joy. So that is my goal, and I am willing to suffer for as long as it takes to be able to feel joy AGAIN.
    I have down a lot of resurce on Suboxone, and have talked to a lot of folks that have come off the stuff. Ultimately, it doesn't matter how low you taper your dose, if your on the stuff long term, you will suffer a substantial amount of (PAWS).
    POINT IS, HOW FAR ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO ACIEVE JOY AND HAPPINESS AGAIN.
    hope my experiance stranth and hope helps!
    Good luck

  14. #14
    ceeone2 is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by lilnadz View Post
    Any help or thoughts on this would be good... he on seroquel and i swear its gotten worse. He thinks his life is over b/c hes not feeling the way he did before- he says he cant function, hes not the same person, and that he feels extremely awkward. He says hes done with this and hed rather be dead. I'm at a loss for words. I dont know what to do for him if there is anything left to say or do hes just extremely negative and cant see past this. I dont want to lose him , i will be devastated. I dont enable him by any means, i try to get him out as often as I can, and he is smiling and laughing when he is out with me but as soon ashe goes home its all over again.
    i just want to let you know it is possible.. i have been were you bf is i was on 160-180mgs of methadone a day for 5 years from 17 to 22 years of age. being on methadone was the worst thing I've ever experienced ind my life. it did not help me get off drugs i was still using but knew i was ok if i couldn't get/didnt have money for my drugs that day. i had tried almost everything out there to get clean from regular detox more times than i can count on one hand. to ibogine twice then rapid opiate detox twice then methadone tape in jail.....got out kept using ......it came to the point after 7 years of horrible addiction and i mean really on my death bed(at the end i would try to go to detox in the hospital and they would tell me to go back on the street because i was too much of a liability to them) I had a bottle of opana 40mg and i was taking handfuls at a time and one day i said i don't want to be here anymore i started taking less and less and less till i was taking 1/4th of a pill twice a day and i stopped..
    I was clean for 19months and started dabbling again...i am now on day 2 from my last 6months of dabbling if it were 5 years ago i would not think it would be possible but i know it is because i did it. and my heard head is going to do it again now and now have more to live for at this point and want a real life. before i did not want a real life i just wanted to get off the drugs and not feel the pain and live the same life. i no longer want to live that life
    methadone is the devil i had to get off of it by getting back on short acting opiates and from there it became much easier but if the person wants to stop the bottom line is they will find a way to and if they don't they will continue to make excuses

    Methadone and subxone are the hardest things to get off of and in my experienced opinion switching to short acting opiates then getting off from there is his best choice but HE HAS TO WANT TO DO IT. Bottom Line

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