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7 Days...and Alive.
  1. #1
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Default 7 Days...and Alive.

    If somebody was to tell me on Day 3 of my withdrawl that I would feel this good on Day 7, I would have called
    I still can't sleep very well and I did have to take 2 ambien last night just to fall asleep, but I don't care. I have the worst drug almost out of my system, it seems. I am still getting hot and cold flashes....but I slept at room temperature last night and I don't really remember sweating too badly or getting cold.

    I have blabbed and blabbed more on this message board than I would ever thought....but just talking about it helps you get through it. At some point, I am going to print out all these posts and make myself read them everymorning at a reminder of what I went through.

    We spend years of our lives abusing drugs and being numb to the world, we miss out on so much! Then, you give it just one week and you can have everything back that we had before we started using! I think that is a gift from above. I am able to see the world now....I can touch, taste, smell, and FEEL what this gift of life is all about. It is only going to get so much better. The people you think had abondoned you b/c you were a mess are still going to be behind you. Humans love to help other humans and I am just so grateful for the reaction out of everyone in my life on me coming clean to them. You will never realize the support that is out there until you just make that step to stop. For me, I have lived my last lie.....I have hurt my last human and most importantly, I am ready to start loving myself.

    The best part of this is that my back doesn't really hurt right now.....yet another sign. Sure I get uncomfortable, but the back pain is nowhere close to what kind of pain those damn little pills caused for me over the years.

    Today is a good day and I am so thankful to be alive, with emotion and feeling.

    Thanks to everyone for your support. To those lurking....you don't have to live like that...you have two options and if you can just see the light and life at the end of the tunnel, you can get there.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 01-15-2012 at 12:50 PM.

  2. #2
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    Schaff, you are a really great person. I wish I had half your strength.

    God bless.
    Gray

  3. #3
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    Schaff , day 7 , me too. You have some story here. Look what you have done. My my my. Now with each passing day, week and month you will feel more clear minded. Please stay the course. You are in the phase of recovery now that can be a little dicey. But it doesnt have to be. The first part was all physical . This mental part is so doable. Keep the prize in sight , remember who you once were , remember the pain of addiction and dont ever take a pill again. Its not that complicated if you shrink it down. THE PRIZE, WHO YOU WERE and dont ever take another pill. Congrats to you , your on your way to your friends and family. Peace

  4. #4
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gray51 View Post
    Schaff, you are a really great person. I wish I had half your strength.

    God bless.
    Gray
    Thank you my friend!

    You have to understand you have all of this in you as well, you just have to.

    I am going to a meeting later today, god willing. It scares me, but I need to go.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 01-15-2012 at 12:49 PM.

  5. #5
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Schaff25 View Post
    Thank you my friend!

    You have to understand you have all of this in you as well, you just have to.

    I am going to a meeting later today, god willing. It scares me, but I need to go.
    Thanks for all the words of encouragement Flatman....it is all so true. I truly feel like I have seen the light and I know what I want from this life. I still can't stop crying... i was sitting in front of the grocery store waiting for the guy who I am pretty sure who is going to be my sponsor and I saw a typical hot San Diego mom and her kid walk by holding hands.....it brought so much joy to me just to see this. It was surreal! Feeling LIFE again and knowing it is there for the taking if I make the right choices......that is JUST SO DAMN POWERFUL. The guy who showed up to talk to me was nearly my twin... we dressed the same, same age, surfed the same spots, both have great careers, etc. WE are so NOT ALONE....we just have to accept it and then deal with it. the programs all work or they wouldn't be there for us. I completely can vision my future and it just seems sooooo real and AMAZING. Of course i have a ton of work to do to get there, but this willingness is apparently the first part of this. I have the big book laying next to me and as soon as i am done typing here and making sure that Gray is ok, I am onto the first 43 pages.

    I have been staying at my parents house for this detox and they have been gone all weekend out in Palm Springs... they are going to get back tonight and come into the house that has been cleaned spotless by me. They are the biggest neat freaks ever and I know they are expecting a total mess made by me over the weekend, so I can't wait for their expression when they come into the guest house. That is just theraputic to me... Nobody has my back more than them, even after all the stupid stuff I have done.... Somehow i have kept my job and paid all my bills, but they way I was progessing before I stopped, I would have been up the creek soon.

    I am ranting again.......but got damn it feels good to have feelings again that aren't enduced by some >>>> Euphoria that I was living under.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 01-16-2012 at 09:04 PM.
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  6. #6
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    Schaff25 , so glad to hear your doing it. Its day 8 for both of us. That story you shared about the hot San Diego Mom ? You said it was so incredible. Thats what I call brain zaps When I first get clean. They are the best. Little moments in time where you see things the way you did long before opiats. The beauty is , they come more and more as we add clean time. If you can exercise it will speed up the process.. So if your in a hurry to get back to your old self , start exercising. If not , thats ok too. Because either way with clean time you will feel better. Congrats and Peace

  7. #7
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatsman444 View Post
    Schaff25 , so glad to hear your doing it. Its day 8 for both of us. That story you shared about the hot San Diego Mom ? You said it was so incredible. Thats what I call brain zaps When I first get clean. They are the best. Little moments in time where you see things the way you did long before opiats. The beauty is , they come more and more as we add clean time. If you can exercise it will speed up the process.. So if your in a hurry to get back to your old self , start exercising. If not , thats ok too. Because either way with clean time you will feel better. Congrats and Peace
    Thanks Flatsman! The brain zaps are almost full time now. I had the most productive day in almost 2 years and although I am absolutely wiped out, it feels amazing! I was up at 4am doing my normal routine of treatmill, added in some yoga, hot bath and steam, then was out the door at 6:30 to get to my first meeting. Holy moly was it surreal. All these guys that have been reaching out to me the past 4 or 5 days were there, one of which is the president of my company. we sat up cose to the speakers and I actually spoke, it was amazing. So many of the same people together in one room, discussing their disease. I won't get too AA on everyone, but it was amazing and it IS the life I have to live if I want to be drug and alcohol free. My life can ONLY get better from here, that is soooooo liberating. A million other great things happened today.......made so many new connections and nobody is judging me. Even talked to a certain someone i know on here, it was amazing!

  8. #8
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    Good for you Schaff. Its day 9 for me . You are doing all the right things. Meetings are definitely a good idea. I cant do meetings yet . But I am on this forum and the " NEED To TALK FORM " as much as I can be. It is helpful to keep remembering the PRIZE . Just think , you dont ever have to go back to the dreaded DAY 1 . The only way we go back there is when we make the decision to use again. So try to keep just a little memory it the back of your mind. That memory being how bad you felt when you were struggling about the idea of starting DAY 1 . NEVER AGAIN RIGHT ? Peace and good luck.

  9. #9
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatsman444 View Post
    Good for you Schaff. Its day 9 for me . You are doing all the right things. Meetings are definitely a good idea. I cant do meetings yet . But I am on this forum and the " NEED To TALK FORM " as much as I can be. It is helpful to keep remembering the PRIZE . Just think , you dont ever have to go back to the dreaded DAY 1 . The only way we go back there is when we make the decision to use again. So try to keep just a little memory it the back of your mind. That memory being how bad you felt when you were struggling about the idea of starting DAY 1 . NEVER AGAIN RIGHT ? Peace and good luck.
    NEVER AGAIN, Flatman! I never thought I could think this clear or feel this happy. I am seriously on Cloud 9 today and it is ONLY going to get better from here. I know I am not out of the war zone yet with my addiction, it is a lifelong disease, but I have life and I am just so grateful and humbled by all of this. I wish everyone who suffers as I did, could feel this jubilation again. Breathing, Laughing, Crying..... that is what life is all about. There are two roads to go down and one choice to make!

  10. #10
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    Ha ha Schaff25 , I can feel your happiness. That is so cool . I like that NEVER AGAIN rant . I know exactly what you mean. Cant wait to get another day of the clean life.

  11. #11
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    Hey schaff , its day 12 for me. Life is not completely back to normal yet. Still get anxious at times but it passes. I hope you are doing well and keep going forward.

  12. #12
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatsman444 View Post
    Hey schaff , its day 12 for me. Life is not completely back to normal yet. Still get anxious at times but it passes. I hope you are doing well and keep going forward.
    Hey Flats... Day 12 here as well. WOW. It is crazy...starting to deal with life's curveballs again, dead sober. It feels so good just to be alive!

    My anxiety is pretty high, but I am doing all kinds of reading on spirituality and the higher powers above, so that is helping to calm me down. It just feels good to close my eyes for several minutes and then to open them and see and feel everything!

    My back has begun to bother me again...but I got a bunch of patches, that are non addictive......I am praying these things work out. I have been on the for the last week.....I really should just take it easy for a bit.

    Peace.

  13. #13
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    Congrats Schaff. Day 13 for us both. Yesterday was a rough day but I couldnt get out and exercise due to very nasty weather. But today is beautiful and I got out and cross country skied for three miles and the exercise is so key to the anxiety for me. I say whatever works for you , do it. If reading spiritual uplifting messages works for your stress , good. I know I have a very addictive personality and this will be a life long vigilance not to use. But surely it will get a little easier in a few months. I hate anxiety.

  14. #14
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatsman444 View Post
    Congrats Schaff. Day 13 for us both. Yesterday was a rough day but I couldnt get out and exercise due to very nasty weather. But today is beautiful and I got out and cross country skied for three miles and the exercise is so key to the anxiety for me. I say whatever works for you , do it. If reading spiritual uplifting messages works for your stress , good. I know I have a very addictive personality and this will be a life long vigilance not to use. But surely it will get a little easier in a few months. I hate anxiety.
    Hey Flats

    Isn't it crazy? Day 13, wow! Good for you to get out and exercise, that is awesome. I was only able to walk on the treadmill the first 5 or 6 days of my detox. My back is giving me fits again, I just want to cry....but I know if I take a pill, the pain will be ten times worse.

    Just being thankful for today and today only. peace.

  15. #15
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    Hi Schaff , sorry to hear your back is hurting. You are doing it bro. Remember your dose was a lot more than mine. I hate to advise people not to take pain meds if they are in severe pain. But it sounds like maybe you just over did it a little. You were pretty stoked about getting clean . Try to take it slow with your back , maybe. Once we get to this stage with these meds . I dont think we can ever rely on them again. Unless its extreme unbearable pain. I know your going to be ok , just try to take it slow .

  16. #16
    Schaff25 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by flatsman444 View Post
    Hi Schaff , sorry to hear your back is hurting. You are doing it bro. Remember your dose was a lot more than mine. I hate to advise people not to take pain meds if they are in severe pain. But it sounds like maybe you just over did it a little. You were pretty stoked about getting clean . Try to take it slow with your back , maybe. Once we get to this stage with these meds . I dont think we can ever rely on them again. Unless its extreme unbearable pain. I know your going to be ok , just try to take it slow .
    Hey Flats... thansk for the encouragement. I actually feel much better physically, but I did have a pretty rough night of sleep againf or some reason. I did sleep for over 10 hours though...That is probably what I needed after going absolutely crazy this past week with all the AA meetings and trying to make up for the lost time I had while under the haze of pill/drug addiction. Today is day 14.... I can't say I don't have the urge to use when my back bothers me, but I do know that my back is nothing compared to what those little pills caused me, my friends and my family. Thinking clearly again is such a gift....I am so grateful for this opportunity to take my life back and become a good person again, who can help others. Easy does it has been my motto and I see the life I want to live in front of me....I just need re educate myself on how to get there. Emotions still run wild in me....since they have been on lockdown for so long, so learning to understand and control my emotions is liberating, as well as gratifying. A clear mind is a wonderful thing...

    Flats, I hope you are feeling great my man... That hell we went through is not something I can do again... Put a fork in me, i am done with drugs and alcohol, for good....somebody is watching over me finally and it feels so damn good.

  17. #17
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    Sounds good Schaff . I am doing pretty good. Just some minor anxiety that comes and goes. Exercise seems to be the best thing for me. I dont get enough of it , but when I do , man it sure helps knock out the minor anxiety. I just hate anxiety. Severe anxiety could probably do me in. I am so glad that this time I flushed all my hydocodone. Now it takes a major effort for me to get more pills. If I have to scheme and make an appoint, to get more , it make it much much harder to use . In the past I would keep my pills after I got clean. Bad idea. Not this time , no more .Good luck Bro

  18. #18
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    Morning Schaff , its day 15 for both of us . Stll have to fight the anxiety but its better then where I wa s 15 days ago when I was useing hydrocodone daily. I am committed to this recovery and will keep fighting as long as I can. I agree with you , in that , I dont ever want to do this again. Peace

  19. #19
    gamomma is offline Member
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    God bless you both inspiring truly amazing so ready to be there

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