| || |
What to do?
What to do?
I don't know where to post this, so I came here after reading some posts...please forgive me if it's not the proper forum.
I married my husband after a TOO short courtship in 2005. I knew that he had been taking some Vicodin for migraine pain once in a while, but not much else. Right after we got married, I got pregnant and as we both had toddlers from prev. relationships, we knew we weren't ready for another. I terminated and was in a lot of pain immediately afterwards. To "help," he gave me a painkiller.
And so began the downwird spiral. We have spent about $400/mo ever since on painkillers. I was living in denial for a LONG time, but I have come out of the dark and I want it to stop. Before we were married, we discussed *eventually* having another child...now he tells me that he doesn't think we can afford it. YEAH, I wonder why???
I have stopped myself but he refuses to. He says he doesn't have a problem even though he takes perc or vic 7 days a week (not a huge quantity, but still, these are NOT being prescribed for him).
He sleeps all the time and he doesn't help me around the house. We have been through a lot with his son, as his son's mom is a NUT and we are always in court or dealing with her ****. My child's father is not around as much as is very easy to handle so my husband doesn't have the stress that I do. I work full-time, take care of the house, the kids, do the shopping and laundry, and on his days off he just sleeps until noon, leaving my daughter with me, and if his son is over, he will play with him but take a nap when the kid does so he and I never have time alone. He has NO sex drive and he is always grumpy and nasty to me.
I only stay now because my daughter adores him and his son. And dumb as it sounds, he's a good father. He's just a ****ty husband and an immature person who cannot deal with the realities of his life and instead of facing the problems, just chooses to numb himself. He tells me when I give the ultimatum (quit or leave) that he will not be given an ultimatum by me and when I ask why he wants to give up his family and wife for pills, he tells me that is MY choice since I am the one threatening. I don't know what to do...can someone please steer me right?
Why is he not working????You need to make a decision and that is:are you going to continue to live for him just so he can use your money to buy illicit drugs or are you going to get the hell out of there and start looking out for you.If you continue to feed him his pills then he's not going to do anything about it.Don't worry,he may not take much now but addiction is progressive and he will work his way up it's unavoidable.I used to take 2-3 morphine pills (100mgs ms contins) 3 times a day.By the time I got on methadone I was taking 30 a day easily.So you need to get tough and start looking out for number 1 and that's you.......Dave
Thanks for your response, Dave. I'm sorry if I was unclear... My husband works (almost 60 hrs./week), but it's on his days off that he is lazy, and really anytime at home. He pays for everything himself and most of what we do as a family. Still doesn't make it right though....especially since he makes a good living and we should be able to do all of the things we want...yet we can't because hundreds go out of the window every month to support his habit.
I know what your saying I was abusing for 22 years before I went on methadone 4 years ago.Now my life has turned around completely and I'm a good person not only to my family but to society too.Until your husband wants to do something about his addiction then it will just get progressively worse until he either bottoms out and does something about it or dies.Not a pretty picture but it's the truth.Good luck to you and your husband,I have been were he is and it's tough on you.....Dave