Withdrawal round 2

[amberwish]

I've been here before and received great advice. I need support again. If anyone is around to help today I will be needing support.
Amberwish

[iloerose]

Hey Amber! I remember seeing you on the boards before! I don't know what you are taking or w/ding from. Let me know. Are you going c/t? Will be here for support. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right, so let's try to get it this time! YOU CAN DO THIS.

Peace,

Iloerose

[Strong Desire]

I've been here before and received great advice. I need support again. If anyone is around to help today I will be needing support.
Amberwish

Hi Amber,

I went back and read your threads and posts and know you were addicted to percocets and used subs to get clean. So like Iloerose said if you could let us know if it's the same this time again, or maybe something different, you will get lots of support and encouragement here.

I'm just happy you decided to try again. You were here before as you said, so you know the kind of support you will be receiving. Please keep posting and let us know what and how much you're using right now. Like Iloerose also said, let's get it right this time!

Hugs,
Karen

[amberwish]

Thank you Iloerose and Karen. After successfully getting off Suboxone back in Jan, I stayed clean for a little over a month and started back up. I was taking Percocet 10mg 15-20 a day along with phenterimine 37.5mg 5-7 a day. I took 6 Percocet and 3 phen yest within the time I got up yest at 8:00 and 11:30 am. I haven't taken anything since 11:30 yest morning. I'm at the Jersey shor on vacation and my husband had to leave yest at 8:30 in the morning so I decided it was a good time to stop. I have plenty of suboxone from round 1 left but I really wanted to go CT if I could. What's absolutely crazy is that I got through the night and by 11:30 today it will be 24 hours. I had chills, diahrrea, yawning sweats but no RLS like before when coming off subs. I don't know if I expected it to be torture like in Jan and I don't know if I'm outta the woods right now but I'm actually moving/funtioning. I literally could not function in Feb/ Jan when weening off the subs. I don't know what the deal is I did a lot of praying and asking for help. Of course I'm not 100%. I go home today at 11 and back to work on Wed so I can still feel whatever is to come. I only have my iPhone so it will be nice to get on my computer and communicate. I forgot how to start a thread and I was panicking a bit. I was so happy to see the responses when I woke.
Amberwish

[iloerose]

Hey Amber, good on ya, as Kiwi says, for giving this another go to let go of the percs. Remember Caught Again? I think he c/t'd off of a large amount of oxycodone (perc.), you can do this. Google up the Thomas Recipe. Stay hydrated: Gatorade, juices, water, get some exercise. By the time you hit Wednesday, you should be feeling somewhat better. It's pretty good that you've hit 24hrs. with slight symptoms! Moving and functioning is what you need to do. Just get ready to make yourself comfortable for the next few days, you CAN DO THIS! Keep posting and letting us know what we can do for you. Many people probably remember you, so you may want to start a thread in Need to Talk, and you'll run into some of your old support friends there. I'm proud of you that you want to get this done and over with. It's hard to admit when we relapse, but sometimes, that's part of recovery! You can and will do this! HANG TOUGH!

Peace,

Iloerose

[ARTIST658]

I've been here before and received great advice. I need support again. If anyone is around to help today I will be needing support.
Amberwish

Dear Amber,

I'm sure they'll be many in this forum who will be there to support you through the physical detox; it is something you were able to accomplish before, so I'm sure you can do this another time.

Now is the time to take a good hard look at what you did - or didn't do - last time that led you to pick up again. Too often, we think that the physical detox is the battle - when that is only a small part of it. It's the mental and emotional pieces of this disease that generally trip us up down the road. We simply can not afford to overlook those areas.

Did you get to NA, AA or CR last time? That is key to long-term success. We can't do this on our own; this disease is just too complex, too powerful. We need the support and guidance of others. But we also need a "program" - a roadmap back to life without drugs. The 12 steps are that roadmap. We need to learn the coping skills to handle life - and all its ups and downs - without turning to a drug. Those tools develop as we work the steps.

I urge you to get to meetings now, right from the start. It's never too soon. Wishing you much success.

God bless,
Ruth

[amberwish]

Ruth,
Thank you!! I feel emotional. I feel really sad and scared. I will be going to a meeting tonight. I also have a sponsor in mind. Someone who works the steps and she kinda intimidates me. Its clear she knows her stuff and I want to do this right so its time to ask her. I just dont know if I can do this. I never feel good after stopping.
I always feel like going back to the days when these pills made me feel good. This time I couldnt believe how disgusting I felt. Such guilt and shame. I just kept swallowing them day in and day out wanting to numb out but most days I couldnt achieve that feeling no matter how many I swallowed. I just feel bad!
Amber

[ARTIST658]

Ruth,
Thank you!! I feel emotional. I feel really sad and scared. I will be going to a meeting tonight. I also have a sponsor in mind. Someone who works the steps and she kinda intimidates me. Its clear she knows her stuff and I want to do this right so its time to ask her. I just dont know if I can do this. I never feel good after stopping.
I always feel like going back to the days when these pills made me feel good. This time I couldnt believe how disgusting I felt. Such guilt and shame. I just kept swallowing them day in and day out wanting to numb out but most days I couldnt achieve that feeling no matter how many I swallowed. I just feel bad!
Amber

Dear Amber,

You know what? That spot you're in - where there is no "good feeling" from the pills - is really, truly, honestly a GIFT to your recovery! It's scary being there, I know; I remember so very well being in that position. At the time, it felt like, "There's no safety net now; if I don't succeed at recovery, then there's no place else to turn." But come to find out, I needed to have NO safety net. I'd fallen back into the pills much too many times - and it always ended badly.

Later on, when cravings come (which they will), remember exactly how "disgusting" it all made you feel. Remember the guilt and shame. Remember that you couldn't find any way to numb out those negative feelings. The temptation to pick up another pill will pass easier now. In fact, if you have the chance - write it all down, in all it's colorful emotions, curses and all; it may save your life to look back at that during a time of temptation.

I'm really glad to hear you're going to a meeting tonight. Excellent. The first meeting after a relapse feels awkward for a bit, but before long, you'll find that these are "your" people - they understand. No one has gotten to NA or AA without going through the feelings of guilt and shame. It feels like defeat. But remind yourself - today's feeling of defeat... is actually the cornerstone of successful recovery. It's not "defeat" so much as it is "surrender." And surrender is a powerful starting point for your new life. It's saying, "I've had all I can have of living that way. I'm done trying to find happiness in a bottle. I can't run away any more. I give up on trying to control this any longer." Then, and only then, are we really open to listening - and learning.

You can start out by asking this woman to be your "temporary" sponsor - that way, you'll get the chance to see how it feels for you. Since you said you feel "intimidated" by her, you may find yourself reluctant to open up to her. So then you'd have a sponsor, but not be 'using' her as you need to. But if you can get past the intimidation, and see her as just another addict - just like yourself - who is just further along this recovery journey than you are, then maybe intimidation can be replaced by "respect." That's easier to deal with!

I know those early feelings are really tough. Talk about it... here, to a friend, at the meeting or with that sponsor... just keep talking. Holding in feelings leads us back to drugs. You are not "bad" for having relapsed. You have a disease, and a relapse means you got sick again. It means, now I have to learn better ways to manage my disease, to avoid another relapse.

Excellent plan to hit a meeting tonight... now, no excuses, be sure you go!

God bless,
Ruth