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Took my last norco this past Friday.....scared and need support
  1. #1
    sunnydayz is offline Junior Member
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    Default Took my last norco this past Friday.....scared and need support

    Hi all. I am an addict, and have known this since 1995. I've had years of sobriety and years of using. I OD'd this past Christmas and was sent to county hospital. When I came home it felt strange not to drink or use ; I felt odd. I was FEELING, and it was new to me. In January I began using norco, lying to myself that I would end it when I was ready and that I would "handle" it sensibly. Yeah right! Such a lie, and to myself! Well, I took my last norco this past Friday and began my suboxone today (1 film) ,I have an addiction doctor who prescribes for me. I have been on the suboxone before and it was for many years. I don't want to be on the suboxone that long; for one I have no insurance and it is another "ball and chain" that I'll have to deal with. I do think it's a good thing for me right now, as I have an upcoming refill of 60 norco's Thursday and I honestly don't know if I have the strength to not refill. With the suboxone, I surely an refill it but I won't get a high from it. So, the sub for now is a safety net. I feel very alone. It seems like lately people have been exceptionally rude and cruel to me...and I have to deal with it AND with the coming off the drugs. I am so glad I have this site to come to for support. I used to go to AA meetings a LOT and I have many reasons I won't go to them anymore. However, PLEASE anyone that goes, honestly the program is THE ANSWER and I applaud it; with me however it's the people in the meetings around my area, it's worse than High School! The women with years of sobriety are jealous and treat their men as possesions and God forbid a newcomer or relapser comes in, they treat ya like ????. And, they'll only help you if you are fat and ugly and by no means a threat. It's soo ridiculous. The men can't talk to you either because all the women will begin to "talk" esp, if you are fairly pretty. As if the men can't think for themselves. It's all so ridiculous. If I could find a 12 step program where the bs isn't the prime factor I would go. I believe in the big Book and the 12 steps, sadly in some area's the meetings are nothing more than meat markets and rumor mills and backstabbing. I apologize if I offend anyone,that isn't my intention and if you have a meeting place where you are comfortable and the people are genuine, I'm very happy for you. I wish I had that here but I don't. But, back to my newly sobriety AGAIN. I hope I can get some suggestions, advice, and support. I'm very afraid and staying sober is SO important to me. I am here for anyone as well, although I'm newly sober again I know from experience that helping others helps me stay sober. We're all here for each other and that's really cool. Peace, Jules
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  2. #2
    TAMallick is offline New Member
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    I believe that self help is the best help.
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  3. #3
    Remixe_2000 is offline New Member
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    Suboxone website has a schedule of 14 days to 21 days to get off of it. It's more of a mind over the body type thing, keep yourself busy because it will be easier and you will forget you stopped taking it. Sub doctors are there to make fast cash. They try to keep you on it, instead of actually getting you off thats why not many insurance cover the treatment.

  4. #4
    sunnydayz is offline Junior Member
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    Remixe ~ I was on suboxone before and was on it for years until I decided to get myself off of it. I really had no trouble coming off, I cut my dosage, then cut it more, then took it every other day (about 1/8 of pill) BUT I was excercising, keeping busy like you said so therefore I don't think I noticed any bad effects. So yes you are SO right and I needed to hear that again for myself. Helping others is a great way to stay busy and it helps me (us) keep my mind on others and NOT me me me. lol. Thanks for posting. Take Care.
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  5. #5
    sunnydayz is offline Junior Member
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    Right on! I read meditation books, they are a huge help. I love the saying "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" , It's a book but I love that title as a quote. I have it on my fridge. I get so scared, I envy those that have no drug/alcohol issues in life. As one of my phsychiatrists said to me "YOU will have to work twice as hard as those w/out addiction issues and mental illness (depression, ptsd, ocd, anxiety). If I could get some good solid time sober I could probably be of some good use to others with my experience. I want to be FREE of the bondage of drugs/alcohol. I wish ALL those that suffer with the old ball and chain to be FREE.

  6. #6
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnydayz View Post
    Right on! I read meditation books, they are a huge help. I love the saying "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" , It's a book but I love that title as a quote. I have it on my fridge. I get so scared, I envy those that have no drug/alcohol issues in life. As one of my phsychiatrists said to me "YOU will have to work twice as hard as those w/out addiction issues and mental illness (depression, ptsd, ocd, anxiety). If I could get some good solid time sober I could probably be of some good use to others with my experience. I want to be FREE of the bondage of drugs/alcohol. I wish ALL those that suffer with the old ball and chain to be FREE.


    Jules ....... You've been here on the forum for a long time. I can hardly believe you've posted so little. If I can help you let me know. You obviously want to be clean! God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  7. #7
    sunnydayz is offline Junior Member
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    Robert, God YES I want to be sober. The saying I'd rather have my worst day sober than my best day drugged up is SO true. I'm having problems with jumping onto the right side of the fence. As you know, I have kidney stones and even though I took one sub sunday, I started hurting again today SO I started taking norco again. Robert, I AM LYING TO MYSELF. I am NOT in that much pain. I am ashamed, full of guilt and feel worthless. I'm not asking for sympathy, please don't think that. You offered your help and I DO want it. I know what I must do, I need the courage (and encouragement) to do this: 1) call my doctor's office and let him know I am abusing the norco he's prescribing and to not refill any more for me, and 2) get back on the sub, and I still want to have you work with me on how much to start with, etc. I don't want to be on it years like last time, I don't know why I was on it for so long; a crutch maybe to keep me from using. idk. I wanted to private mail you but I can't figure that out yet. I'm in a pretty bad place. One thing you did tell me and it's another thing that I MUST do asap is go into the hospital and have the surgeory to remove the stones, because as you said it's going to be EXTREMELY hard to stay or GET sober after surgeory. And, I do lie to myself all the time to stay on these devil pills. I didn't respond back to you after your last msg because I felt that I had mad you angry, but it's probably just my low self esteem. And, I've seemed to have made a lot of people mad lately. So instead of writing you, I just avoided the possibility of being hurt because I didn't do the right thing. I am honest though< i won't lie to others. I relapsed already since the sub on sunday. I am hopeful that you will remain my friend and that you'll maybe someday I can be there for you when you need a friend. Peace Robert, Jules

  8. #8
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Jules ..... I wasn't upset with you, I'm just trying to help you. I do think it would be easiest for you to get the surgery first, then get off the pain meds. It just makes sense to do it that way. Why don't you call the dr, make an appt, spill your guts and go for it. Drs are very helpful usually when they know we're being honest. It's when we tell them the same old drug lies they've heard for years that they lose their patience with us and rightfully so! Won't you call the dr and see if you can get this surgery done asap? Do it for yourself! Let me know what the dr tells you. Then I'll be here to help you with the subs and we will do it properly I guarantee. I'll have you clean in sixty days or thereabouts. But you should call that dr first. Get the stones taken care of if possible. God bless.
    sunnydayz, Sundwn and surfdog like this.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  9. #9
    sunnydayz is offline Junior Member
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    Scared but I know you are right! Calling my doctor is the ONLY way right now, and yes he will understand AND I certainly cannot trust myself to not call in a refill when the time comes and the cycle will never end. Ok, big step but I WANT it so bad. I KNOW what it feels like to be drug free and I remember telling my Mom once when I was sober, working my program and in good health. I told her "Mom, please remind me if I ever relapse that right NOW in my life being clean and sober - I feel there is NOTHING I can't do, I feel so GREAT". I want that feeling again, for me, and for my daughter. I will call my doctor, I MUST. Now, the stones - I have no insurance however I can try to show up at the county hospital and you're supposedly required to be in "major distress" for them to perform surgeory right away BUT a nurse at the hospital said just come in and play dumb, >>>> it and let them get the stones out. I think you and I both know that as long as I have on and off pain, and the inevitable SEVERE pain and ultimate surgeory can most likely mess up any sobriety time I accumulate right now. I am not strong enough to get clean THEN go into surgeory, at least I know myself well enough. I know I'll fail, which isn't so bad because I know it must be taken care of if I want to give myself a damn good start to FREEDOM. So, my plan is 1) call dr and let him know about my addiction so he won't refill anymore, 2) attempt my hardest to get the county hospital to perform the surgeory w/out the back and forth with the pain and pain meds, then 3) contact you for you to induct me to the suboxone so I won't be on it for years as I was before, just another "ball and chain" really. I am READY to make some changes in my life, I want it SOOO bad now the hard part is to follow through with the simple 1, 2, 3 I just said I'd do. I will contact you (if ok with you) along the way and especially let you know when the last pain pill has been done away with and let you help me with the sub. You're terrific, and yes my low self esteem got to me, it wasn't you. It's one of the things that go along with this disease - shame, guilt, no self esteem. Good news is that changes with sobriety and time. Of course you know that well. Thanks for being an example of "making it" and that IT CAN BE DONE! And, your help to me and others. Peace, Jules
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  10. #10
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Sunny give yourself a break here, the self critisism does nothing but re enforce the shame. Shame is what I feel for what I am, guilt is what i feel for what I have done. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of you're not defective or inferior you have a devastating disease, big difference.Head full of recovery and a belly full of drugs makes for a lousy high. You know this and how good it can be. you have the wants which is good no one can give you that let Robert help. Post and post often here for you God Bless Surfdog
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  11. #11
    Sundwn is offline Member
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    Sunny, please listen and hear what Robert and Surfdog have posted. It is the absolute truth and I can't add to it. As Robert posted. You have been on this site for some time. So you know how it works and who to listen to. Especially what Surfdog said. Lighten up, give yourself a break and take a deep breath. Regret, shame, guilt....phfff....those emotions are all cripplers. Don,t let them own you. Matter of fact. Put them up on a shelf while you are working on recovery. You can look at them later if you want to.......you sound like you really want this. That's the first and most important step on this journey........you can do this.........really....lol.......SD
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  12. #12
    Sundwn is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by surfdog View Post
    Sunny give yourself a break here, the self critisism does nothing but re enforce the shame. Shame is what I feel for what I am, guilt is what i feel for what I have done. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of you're not defective or inferior you have a devastating disease, big difference.Head full of recovery and a belly full of drugs makes for a lousy high. You know this and how good it can be. you have the wants which is good no one can give you that let Robert help. Post and post often here for you God Bless Surfdog
    A wise man once said...." I know these things".........lol

  13. #13
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Sd Hey what can I say lmao. did you check out the music? Dog

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    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Jules how are u doing this morning ? surfdog
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    sunnydayz is offline Junior Member
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    Hey surfdog, Sorry I'm just getting your message. I'm feeling honestly fearful YET positive and STRONG in my resolve to regain my life and my sobriety. Thanks for the messages about putting away the guilt and shame, ya'll are right and I can't afford to hang onto any guilt, shame, or resentments right now - I'm fighting for my life! So thanks for reminding me to put that stuff away for now. I see my addiction MD tomorrow and I am going to spill it all to him, he's in recovery as well so I am lucky as far as having a doc who really has been there and understands. Next plan is to contact Robert and get started on the sub this week because I don't want to be on suboxone for years as I was the last time. So, thats my plan thus far. I'll be in touch. Thanks for reaching out! Peace, Jules
    Last edited by ddcmod; 06-12-2012 at 11:52 PM.

  16. #16
    sunnydayz is offline Junior Member
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    Right on! Thanks, the shelf is a perfect place for all that inner turmoil I'm so good at holding onto so tightly. I'll let it sit there for awhile until I am in a more stable position to deal with that "stuff". It'll only lead me astray. Funny how we know things but someone gives you a simple reminder and its like hearing again for the very first time! THANKS! Needed that.

  17. #17
    sunnydayz is offline Junior Member
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    Ok, sometime soon I'll figure this site out. Robert, I need to private message you tomorrow. I have been able to figure it out before and right now I really need to get myself to bed however, it's regarding my starting the sub. I go to the doc tomorrow and I will wait for us to talk before I take my sub. It may not have been enough time yet anyway, I'll let you know all the details in a private msg, I'll be in touch. Peace, Jules

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