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Secrets keep us sick
I learned this long ago when I was new in recovery and it's recently been brought to my attention so much. Secrets really do keep us sick in that, I've never really known a good secret that had to do with addiction. Addiction secrets that keep us stuck and miserable begin with these lies:
I'm not really abusing my meds
No one can find out about my drug use
I can't go to meetings, I might see someone I know
I can do this all by myself
I'm not a drug addict, I just take my prescribed meds
and on and on and on
I see folks here on this forum who just aren't ready to let go of the secrets and lies and my heart breaks for them for I wonder how much more will they have to suffer before they are willing to take the steps to live.
Get honest with themselves first and then those closest to you.
Find a recovery meeting yesterday and go today not tomorrow, your life depends on it.
If we could do it by ourselves we would have done so long ago. It's not possible people.
Who cares who finds out if you're in recovery-you're saving your life. My bet is MOST of them already know you're using anyway.
Please people can we get a little more serious here and quit with the coddling and the handholding. Tell folks what they need to hear not what they want to hear. It could be the difference in whether they live or die. Littln123
haha litlin i have to smile at that after you called me the devils advocate way way back when you were still in denial about controlling your drug use.
good one. glad to see you are gettin well again. good on ya....
Not sure about that?
Personally I believe some secrets help and don't effect my recovery one bit, My mom knows nothing of the things i've been through or what i am currently going through, why would i tell her? So she can start stressing out and panicing about what i'm dealing with. How's that helping her or helping me? She can't do anything for me, and it helps me alot more knowing that i've protected her! (and no she doesn't no deep down or anything like that)
I can't think of anything worst than dragging my mom into this world when there's no need. I really can't see how making her upset would help my recovery?
So unless it's a secret you need help with or the outcome of telling the secret would be a benifit, what's the point?
quest i agree totally. my parents know i ""dabbled"" a bit more than i should and thats about the extent of their need to know.... i have got out the other end and they dont need any more stress in their lives. you are right, why worry our parents, they can see we are happier in ourselves i beleive so why screw them up with worry...
I'm not talking
bout spilling your guts about everything-right now. I'm talking about those folks still trying to get off the dope who can't seem to manage it. The self-delusion stuff that gives us a million reasons why we can't go to meetings or why we're not really addicted or yes Cheeky-even NEED our medication. I wondered who would feel the need to discredit me right off the bat.
As to our families, after we have been clean for a long while- then we make the decision on whether or not to bring them into our world. It's called an 8th and 9th step and comes way on down the line. Those steps even carry the caveat of "except when to do so would injure them or others."
Honesty with self first. Working on the complete honesty with everything else. For me- and this is the reason I started this thread, the lies of omission are ALWAYS the most hurtful.
How close can I actually be with someone, how intimate, if they don't even know the biggest-deepest part of me?
discredit.? your words. not mine.
Man, I was simply trying to start a
conversation about something that I know is important to a lot of folks. Folks who have a hard time understanding why they fail at getting clean-completely clean- and staying that way for any length of time.
Secrets and lies of omission are addictive behaviors and they keep us sick. Most all of the time on this forum is devoted to detox and maybe those first few weeks of recovery. That is just the very,very beginning of a life-long process of recovery which is what allows us to learn to live life without dope. Ongoing recovery is the hard part. Detox is only a few days of your life.
I've been shunned and abandoned on this forum more than once because I tell the truth and it's not always pretty and I guess mostly because some people aren't ready or willing to hear it. That's okay-that's the way it is. People can only hear things when they're ready. before they're ready they simply kill the messenger and go on with their business.
My posts are just like meetings-take what you want and leave the rest. I've learned from long experience that the things that are said and the people who tee me off the most are the things I most need to listen to-that's when I learn but I have to be honest, open-minded and willing.
littln123, I see that you feel strongly about your post. And it will help some people here. I really believe that. But keep in mind that we can't all go down the same path to stop. I myself didn't tell anyone( Just my wife whom already knew)This is for me only! I believe if you don't have people that can be supportive and have the personalities to help in a productive manner it may be negative to some.
But I'm truly grateful that it seems you did have the right people on your side that you can talk to. And are more right then you know. Take the time to read these posts. People are opening up and being honest right here in front of your eyes. Just a lot of us choose to try to protect the ones we love.And in doing so protect ourselves as well.Mostly from shame.
The main thing is it's working for you , and because of that you feel a strong conviction to help others with these facts. And that's a wonderful thing. But keep in mind we are all different. So don't get down if everyone doesn't see it. It may not be they're way out.. no more no less. good Luck to you your on the right path.. Keep up the good fight!
Last edited by timo37821; 12-03-2011 at 08:38 AM.