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Quitting IV use of opiates (starts today)
Quitting IV use of opiates (starts today)
So yesterday I spent the rest of my money on 4 30mg Ms so I could bang them which leaves me feeling bad today, especially because I did not pay any of my bills and for the first time will have missed all of my payment due dates due to my addiction.
I have been using just about every drug conceivable since I was 16 but have really found to "enjoy" opiates the most and been using them since I was 18. I am 26 now, and about 8 months ago I started to IV my pills/heroin. I have no f-in idea what lead me to do it, because I just disregarded what I knew would happen, went out to buy a syringe, and read online a bit about what I was shooting at the time (dilaudid), and shot away. During my 8 year addiction, I mostly got morphine because I "enjoyed" the feeling of it the most and it lasted the longest, but once I shot wayyyy too much of it and thought I was going to die I have not really cared to do it again. Now (as of yesterday) it has been mostly oxy 30mgs and heroin once in a while.
I just need to quit this stuff already because to be honest everyone close to me thinks I have been clean as of 6 months ago, but I have been constantly lying to everyone to support this pathetic addiction. That is what I hate the most, that fact that I have to lie to the ones I love, who have been there for me through so much already. Its like I dont know how to tell the truth anymore and lie because Im just used to it, and most the time I dont feel anything for doing it (when Im high), but when Im not I feeling bad, because my wife and family are very supportive and have given me many chances already.
So Ive been on this forum all day reading and gaining mental support in doing so. I know how to handle the withdrawals because I have done it many times before, but why I always end of relapsing is because I am not mentally strong enough (or smart enough) to weigh the pros and cons before I act. I just get the feeling or urge, and then act on it. As you can see, I am very compuslive and make irrational decisions like using without thinking of the consequences. I have this horrible ability to shut off my conscience. So I guess I am looking for not only somewhere to vent this too until I build up the strength to tell my wife, but also some advice on building mental will power. I guess thats not something you can tell someone how to do, but if anyone has past experiences that have helped them I am all ears, because what I have been doing is not working for me, and I know I need some help.
I feel alright as of day one, but Im not looking forward to this next week. I already got rid of everything related to using and deleted all my connections. At any rate, much thanks in advance to anyone taking the time to read this...
Last edited by ddcmod; 12-08-2011 at 11:15 PM.
Congratulations on making a good decision to get clean. Let's make it stick this time! You know the drill of cold turkey and what is in store for you. You don't sound like you're afraid of that part...good for you! Getting past the fear of what I was up against in order to detox kept me from taking the step over and over again until I faced it fearless and determined.
My advice, at this point is so trite but a true piece of wisdom (although not new). Take it one minute at a time and then take it from there. Refuse to look back. I'm coming up on 2 yrs clean after countless attempts that lasted anywhere from the frist few hours of detox to a few months. I never gave it enough time for my mind and body to adjust to being clean. I hated the lack of energy and the overwhelming desire to use just once more. Well, we all know that there is no such thing as "once more". To this day, I promise myself in the morning that I will not use today. That's doable. It was that attitude that allowed me to string enough days together to start to feel normal and live life clean. AND, oh what a feeling to not be a part of the chase! No saving or planning for vacations (not that I could save and vacations were always a living hell running out of drugs before it was time to come home!). My schedule no longer revolves around my supply. Last minute plans are fun. It didn't come overnight but it did happen.
Read and post as often as you can. You can dump here without being judged. You will get support and hints that have helped others thru detox. Not everything works for everyone but just knowing that there's something to try is in itself helpful. Have you goggled the Thomas Recipe? There's stuff there that might help you. Do you have a doctor you trust enough to ask for things to get you thru? I'm not an advocate of benzos (just another thing to get addicted to) but a few to help you rest and alleviate some of the anxiety might help. If you don't have a doctor, or don't want to discuss this with him/her, is there someplace that you can get a few (I mean a FEW, like 5 or 6) valium or xanex just to help out for the first few days?
Get thru detox and then keep posting and you'll get the encouragement you need to deal with the lethargy that follows getting clean. That too, my friend shall pass.
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahil Gibran (1883-1931).
I haven't banged in years (just a couple) and that was the easiest thing for me to not do only now I am left with taking an unGodly amount of other things (you know the drill) I relate a lot to your post, only I am a mother of 3 and can't take what it's doing to my family. I handled it fine for about 10 years. I am now 25. All I can say, is being clean is worth it. You just have to prepare for the detox. I know you've done this before. Just try and not to replace w/ another opiate or opiod blocker. It will only most likely keep you in the cycle of the habit. Good luck. Let me know how you're doing.
Thanks to both of your for the time to read and respond to my plea anyone to listen. Yes I am pretty "familiar" with the detox metho and the Thomas receipt and am following it now to the best of my ability. As far as talking to my doctor, she is too young (in practice) to give me an type of support because my last detox I spoke with her and she didn't know one thing about what I was experiencing. The benzos (valium I prefer) definately help, the thing is I got them too recently from my doc so cant ask her and my one contact that sells pills is someone who I want to stay away from, buying benzos from him might lead to my buying something else. God knows I cannot say no, so I figure my best best is to not put myself in those situations, no matter how terrible I feel. I remind myself that being dope sick is part of the process to recovery because I deserve it for all the pain I casued (to my loved ones and my body).
I just have a hard time dealing with the lethargy as you said Catrina, but I know that too will pass. The root of the problem i think is the habit or lifestyle of just using drugs, any and all drugs. I need to change that, and figure out how to re-wire my brain to handle coping skills rather than "doping skills." Even when s**t hits the fan. Thats what I mean about mentally strong, I just need to figure out how to be consistent. I also absolutely agree with you cotsl, as in not to trade one addiction for another. I was on methadone for one of my many detoxes and that in itself is very addictive. I plant to do this the "right" way (atleast for me) this time and now have a crutch to prolonge the process.
Well it is day two, and beleive it or not I feel alright. I am stoked to know I have some people to share this with and get some sound advice from experience. Thanks again to both of you for sharing.
welcome here surf! I was just like you, not that long ago either. Like 8 months? I got thru withdrawals all the time, just to relapse soon after, even when I actually started feeling good being away from pills i would STILL relapse. For me I just said f-it. I am SO SICK OF BEING SICK. I went off cold turkey, went thru a week of hell mentally and physically, SLOWLY started returning to normal. You just have to tell yourself this IS IT. GEt pissed at your addicition. Look what it has made you become! Look how many lives these drugs are destroying. You WILL NOT be another statistic. Find a REASON THAT you need to stay clean for. Family, yourself whatever. Imagine it all being taking away, including possibly your life. Take it a day at a time, but be DAMN serious about this. PILLS will always be there, give yourself a real chance to see how much better your life can be. YOU DESERVE IT. WE ALL DESERVE IT. you CAN do this.post here often. When i was getting clean if i would have had a computer i would have been on this site 24/7. Buut i dont have a computer so i get on here at the library when i can. Good luck to you, but i dont think you will need it.
Originally Posted by nonfictionsurf
Hi there love; not too sure which drugs you have in your system right now? I have been heroin, crack, cocaine, meth user so not sure why you're not pretty sick? Have you been taking methadone recently? (Is 4 30mg Ms methadone; if so, guess you won't feel sick for a while) I know you don't want to trade drugs, but thinking a couple of low dose subutex might help you in your cold turkey for loads of reasons? (Actually if that was 120mg of methadone you have just had, I would honestly recommend going for Roberts subutex taper method). Have you told your family now that you're detoxing? jUST thought they might be worried about you if they don't know? Whatever love, thinking of you and sending you healing vibes. Drink lots of water. Love Jay xx (ps see my thread re my detox if you want
Last edited by freedom11; 12-10-2011 at 01:56 PM.
List endorphin/serotonin restoring activities
Also I am curious, does anyone have an idea of the best things to do to restore the endorphins / serotonin back to your brain? I know that opiate addiction is hard to overcome as well because using allows your brain to stop creating those natural "highs" so it has to re-learn how to do so. I was told that certain activities will help the "healing" process and help your brain to recover faster.
As far as I know I will list a few:
Sex (orgasim) is an obvious one, but sometimes hard to do when dope sick
Chocolate (especially the raw coco beans from what I read)
Exercise / hobbies or activities that require exercise
Eating good / balanced food (?)
Any elaboration on this would be great.
So today I am day 8 of detox & recovery. Im feeling better and trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of using. Things always seem to remind me of the feeling of putting a needle into my vein and then instantly feeling "good", but I just have to remember how short lived it is with the horrible consequense. I ended using on a bad note, which is a good thing because I can easily think back to how I felt when I did my last hit. Basically what happened is I shot 3 30s, and then my "friend" offered for me to smoke one (which again I really dont like but being an addict youll end up doing some stupid stuff). So After all that, I ended up with the worst migraine that I had ever got. Thinking about it now just makes my head hurt. It may sound like a stupid reason (unlike almost ODin shooting morphine for my first time), but at this point and so many relapses I will take anything that will aid me in my recovery, because it is by far the hardest thing I have ever done!
I gotta think positive though! Being able to overcome this will allow me to follow my biggest dreams!!