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my husband is addicted to pain killers
my husband is addicted to pain killers
hi, my husband has been addicted to pain pills since 2000 that i know of.he would be moody, we would argue alot, i notice he would sweat, he wouldn't really eat.and our sex life sucks. he has done pecocets 5,7.5,10 mg,somas,vicodins,loracets,valium ect... i would find them in my basement ceiling, in his sneakers, in our closets in his jacket pockets. he would lie over the smallest things. have mood swings also he was buying them off the street, going to doctors offfices e.t.c... i've beg him to get off of them we have 3 small children together he is now disabled . he fell26 feet and had reconstructive surgery 8 times already and is about to have his 9th all his surgeries were on his right arm, wrist and shoulder. now the only thing is that he gets his meds legally he was taking percocets. as of last week they gave him oxycodone 15mg. he takes 5 to 6 a day the doctor even gave him vicodin for break through painbut he's not takiing them.. i don't know what to do. i know he is in pain and i'm not saying he isn't but sometimes i think he uses it as an excuse. how can i tell. and now i'm scared because a friend of mine said the oxycodone 15mg is oxycotin. just to let ya's know i've never did drugs in my life .i'm totally against it and i don't know how i'm living with him . he is addicted but he's not sloppy about it. if you know what i mean. but my children hear me argue with him about. it's destroying our married but he keeps saying i'm in alot of pain. please give me advice.
I am with you about finding the pills hidden somewhere, I find myself searching the house, the cupboards, all his clothes with pockets in the closet (that's where I found an Oxy 3 weeks ago), and anywhere else. I don't know how I am living with someone taking pills and he's not in pain either, because I have never used drugs either and am against it, and I am in shock still because I never pictured me having to worry about drugs in my life. We have 2 small children as well, and that's what scares me too. The kids hear us talking/yelling about it, and even though they don't know what is really going on, it's still the disruption in the household that doesn't need to be. My husband is not sloppy either, sometimes he's a little forgetful and I find the parmesan cheese in the coffee mug cupboard instead of the fridge..lol..but it's just the fact that knowing he's doing that to himself makes me sick and I feel like is he not happy with me? Did I do something wrong? I feel for you because your husband IS in pain, but I would think he would be taking all his meds as prescribed by the Dr. I can't say he's using the pain as an excuse or not, but just letting you know, my husband will mention "Oh my back hurts bad today" and then weeks go by where he doesn't say anything about pain anymore, so I think he's throwing that comment out every so often to me to "justify" what he's doing, even though he has NEVER admitted it nor denied it. I have tried attacking him about it and threaten him, but that doesn't do me any good. No matter how much I am going to tell him to stop or why do you do it or anything for that matter regarding the pills, will not get me anywhere, HE needs to be the one to admit it and be honest with me. He lies all the time about it. Sorry to make a long story, but what I am trying to say is that I'm in the same boat with you, and it's very aggravating and I am sorry this is happening and I wish you the best.
I sympathize with you on your problems with your husband. I know you said you never used drugs in your life.
I have a BS and have taken classes in medical school too... Plus I did research on chronic pain at another medical school. Knowing something and going thru it are two different things. I never would have guessed it would be this painful.
It is scary when you have pain all the time, and the only things that help you are addictive. So you face a decision quit and live in pain, or be an addict. You have to lay it out for him. He knows it is bad, (that is why he hides them) he feels guilty, ashamed, etc... he knows he shouldn't take so much. But it makes the pain go away. Don't we all deserve freedom from pain?
That is why quitting is hard for many people. They already have pain- that is why they have scrips for the darn meds anyhow, right?
Unfortunately dependence and addiction occurs with narcotic pain killers EVEN IF THE PT USES THEM AS Rx'ed! Trust me, I took the pills as scribed and it still happened to me.
I started taking rx pain killers for pain, surgery and all that... then when the pain subsided I took tylenol instead of vicodin... only to suffer withdrawal!
See if you can try to get him to slowly taper the dose so he can quit. If he doesn't have enough self control to make himself slow down, you need to do it for him or ask him to go into rehabilitation.
When I found out I was having a problem quitting pain meds (increase in the pain I was taking it for, plus withdrawal symptoms), I immediately decided to taper my dose and get off these nasty things.
I won't lie to you, it is hard. Making it thru each day is a hurdle... I have to think in terms of hours. The pain is excruciating, I am taking so much tylenol and nsaids... and still the pain gnaws at me. Icy hot, heating pads, I use it all.
Before pain pills I couldn't get off my damn heating pad... and now that I have drastically decreased my dose I am right back on the heating pad.
Maybe he can try heat for his injury. Heat can interfere with signals going to nociceptors (pain receptors)
A little neuroscience... Substance P is involved in the transmission of pain impulses. Peripheral nerve damage increases substance P. When you take an opiate...it causes endorphin/enkephalin release... which down regulates substance p production resulting in perception of less pain. Thus when the drugs are taken away your body's own ability to produce it's natural pain killers (endorphins) is diminished... as a result your husband probably feels just as much pain (or maybe more) when he tries to quit the drugs as when he first started.
Part of quitting is accepting the pain. At least for me. That is hard. Put your hand on a hot stove top... you won't will you? Of course not because it causes pain.
Living creatures have an innate pain avoidance response. By removing the pain meds from your husband all at once... it is like putting his hand on the hot stove top. It hurts like heck.
If someone threatens to hurt you, you are afraid... right? Same thing your husband will go thru when he quits. Empathy will get you farther than scolding...
I know it is hard to understand if you haven't had to go thru it. I never would have imagined it could be this bad. Worse yet, you really shouldn't have to be the strong one since it is not your fault. But he needs someone to stand by him and LOVINGLY FORCE him to quit.
He is lucky to have you. I know you don't understand where he is coming from. Try to remember he didn't choose to fall 20somethng feet and get hurt and have to take pills either... and I guarantee he didn't choose to get hooked on the same pills that gave him relief from pain.
Best thing you could prolly do is tell him that you know he is going thru a rough time and you are there for him.
Lots of people in the forum are saying suboxone or methadone are good to get you off. Remember they, too, are narcotics. In reality all he would be doing is trading one addiction for another. It helps some people. Some people it doesn't help. Try to wean him down... like if he normally takes 12 pills a day have him take only 11 this week... then 10 next week. It will still be rough, but not as bad.
i HATE pain pills
first off let me say that i feel very sorry for the drug free people on here . i know exactly how you feel. we should be enjoying our lives and family instead of spending it online looking for someone that may shed a ray of light on how to cope with this situation. i have had my complete fill of lorcets and vicodens and oxy********************tin etc. in my lifetime. my husband of 20 years make that 20 LONG years .. is a lying sneaking sweaty little pill popper. i would like to tell you he became addicted when he ruptured his" L5 DISC" to hear him tell it .. "from lifting something heavy" .. but to hear me tell it ( which is the real reason ) its from taking so many pills for so many years that he basically pasted up his colon so full of tylonol codiene 3 and percocets and lorcets that if the truth be known ..he probably did it straining his guts out to take a ******************** one night. i have alot of resentment towards this man . i have three children all teenagers now who have basically grew up watching the "what is this?" and "thats not mine?" show. i have found enough pills in my lifetime to open my own pharmacy.. ive found pills in the floor .. ..under the bed.. behind the nightstand .. in a drawer .. in a console of a truck .. in the drink holder.. in the laundry room .. in pockets .. in shoes . in SOCKS .. taped under dresser drawers .. underneath carpet and padding in closet corners .. shaving bags .. tool boxes... trust me .. i should get a job hunting down narcotics . i would be RICH .. let me tell you ..a german shephard has NOTHING on me. I AM SO SICK OF PILLS I COULD THROW UP MY LEFT LUNG.
i sorry that i dont have any advice for anyone on this page since i too am on the losing side of the battle. i will tell you that it has about drained any life out of me that i could possibly hope of ever having. i am depressed beyond description. i am 39 yrs old and feel so worthless that i hate to even leave the house. sometimes i wonder why im not on drugs. i guess i feel like the children at least deserve ONE DECENT SOBER PARENT.
why in the world would a grown man take pills to the point of destroying his life and marriage ? my guess is from what i have seen and TRIED to figure out over the PAST TWO DECADES .. is .. a person takes these pills because they feel alone? or loserish? or cool? or maybe just takes them cause they wanna be elvis freaking presley!! i dont know . but i do know that while the pill popper is basically zoning out from all THEIR problems for a little while .. their spouse IS NOT ONLY STILL having to deal with all the problems the dope head is zoning out from but now they also have to deal with BEING MARRIED TO A lying sneaking complaining sweating snoring jerking in their sleep bullemic screaming and yelling MALE bee-otch whos feeling sorry for themselves all the dam time.
im sorry for using this post to go off but for some sad reason i feel better for letting all that out .. even though its probably never going to get read .
well .. i still wish everybody on here a ray of hope and a ton of prayers . maybe one of us out of the four or five wives on here will grow a back bone and be able to finally walk away from a miserable situation. i wished i had it in me to give up on life and family and just FREAK OUT on drugs for a while .. unfortunately i have to be sober enough to make up excuses why he doesnt show up for work .. or how he could have accidently wrecked into a house .. or why he doesnt pay his bills or have the money to pay the irs.
pray for me people ..
I NEED IT.
Loved your blog!!!! I too cannot even believe I am with this crazy man, who has caused us to lose everything and I do mean everything. He sneaks around, tells lies, takes money that is for food and bills. I can't stand it. He keeps saying he is not taking them...that only lasts for a few days then he starts working late so I won't be able to tell because he acts like a sparatic nut, jumping from one thing to the next...yelling screaming. I have a toddler and we have had to move 4 times in 2 years because he won't pay the bills. However, there is hope, I went back to work and if he doesn't come clean we are leaving for good. I used to be such a happy person before being with him, I feel tired and haggard never knowing what is coming next. Not knowing if we will have enough money to pay the bills, get groceries, buy diapers....it is completely ridicilous. He says he is going to get help, but that to must be a lie. And to those addicts going through withdrawals, get over yourself, you are pathetic, self centered jerks, how about thinking about what you have put your family through while you are off getting high.
I relate to everyone on here....My husband has been addicted to pain killers on and off for years!We have been married for 5 years but together for 9....all through our relationship he has "popped pills" he had a surgery for a torn ACL after that it was all down hill.....lost jobs...cheated,I feel so stupid for staying with him..but I know this is not him!It's like a demon possesed him and dosen't wanna let go.I mean everday I say I'am going to leave and then I look at our son and decide to try and help him out of this horrible addiction.I grew up with an alcoholic mother and had a rough life..I never thought in a MILLION years I would be going through this in my adult hood.My husband has a really good job right now..and he could lose it over this!He constantly lies about the stupidest things...has major mood swings...and when he's clean he's distant.I don't know if I can take this anymore...I feel lost,all our friends and family know about the past and what he did but he picked it up again and now they all have blinders on...I feel like I'am fighting this battle alone.I love him so much but I don't think love is not enough anymore...I forgot to mention he gets his "goods" from suppossed "friends" who go to dr's offices and get a script and sell the pills for like $5 a piece..I told him to stay away but he won't of course.I just feel good knowing I'am not alone.....but the question is do I stay or do I go?I'am so confused how long can someone go through this?
I think it's right for people to be held accountable for what they have done in life be it good or bad. I also hate to see families destroyed especially seeing children hurt. But you people coming on here and saying EVERYONE going through W/Ds is pathetic are seriously confused. You sound like you could be the reason your spouse is using so much. There are lots of good people who have made mistakes due to injury and health problems. Not all addicts are scumbags. Some people who have never used are the scumbags. Maybe you should check your decision making capabilities. You married the losers. Who is more lost, the blind or those that follow the blind? Check your chips on your shoulders at the damn door or leave. If you can't say something constructive sign out please. You're not needed here. This forum is for constructive comments only. Read the posting instructions before trying to sound so superior. Stop the WHAH WHAH WHAH!!! You need some whine with your cheese.
Last edited by Robert_325; 05-13-2008 at 11:07 PM.
just checking back in
first off i want to say that recently my son who is 13 yrs old found and brought me a pill stash that was poked down in a folded up lawn chair out in the garage . isnt that just sad on so many levels?
to answer a question that someone asked about how long can a person stay with a drug addict? the answer is simple .. as long as they want. i chose the long torturous route. i stayed thru the lies the cheating the stealing the begging the arrests the court dates the bondsmen payments the jail time the parole officer"s" the wrecks the lawsuits the starting over AGAIN the evictions the bankruptcy "s" the tax leins the foreclosures the judgements the constant complaining and poor me im all alone in this big old world and i feel lonely so i take pills excuses. and someone asked if we needed cheese with our "whine" well all i have to say to that is aparently this guy must dip into the pill bottle or has in the past and got offended by what was typed on here. he sounds like my husband lol but yes ill take cheese instead of two or three of your lorcets or zanex or prosac. mr robert.. if im not mistaken theres a "whoah-az me" theworldMAKESmedodrugs message board on here somewhere that you could probably benefit better from posting on. this one is more for us paranoid nagging whiney beoatches that people like yourself have left behind. you said that one of the post'ers on here was probably the reason that her husband did drugs.. lol gimme a break dont make me piss myself laughing .. if ANYBODY in the fricking world needs a pain killer ...its us. pill poppers are lazy they are self centered they think the world owes them and that they are so alone and nobody understands them they hate themselves and blame the world for it .. they make the stupidest mistakes and then cry for forgiveness and then THEY think that makes its ok for them to zone out of life when they want .listen.. i have been thru everything that my husband has been thru and i never took one pill. i had a childhood i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy, PLUS i had to deal with my husbands doped up "whining" ********************. you ask.. why did i stay? i controlled the one thing i could control ... staying. i have kept my family together .. i kept my husband alive.. what pathetic life he has had... and i kept my strength and my sanity. hey if you dont like the atmosphere around here robert.. guess what? dont come back. its people like you who think that the dope addict is the "victim" lol .. wake up .. better yet .. sober up. if i were you i wouldnt post back .. you wont win cause .. while all you poor me pill poppers were swallowing 4 and 6 pills at a time and all zonked out snoring and slobbering all over your mattress's.. we "whiney cheese eaters" were up thinking and figuring your asses out and that my friend has made us the experts that we have become in knowing all your little slurry tounged mental head games that you try to play and all your little emotions that you bust out on us. either try a new approach . or a new pill cause im KEEN on this one. its old and stale .. like your excuses.
>> love to proof read this before i post it .. but as usual i dont have time ..
take care and stay strong people .. i have some piss stained grout on the toilet basin that im going to clean with my husbands tooth brush ....
It is sad on several levels that your child found a drug stash belonging to his father. That is not my fault however. I have been clean for a long time Melissa ... I am currently building a Christian based recovery program for addicts. I have been a successful business owner, a responsible financial planner who paid my bills, owns a home, paid my child support and paid my children's way through post-graduate degree programs. Today one is an educator and the other a CPA. So for what it's worth I don't fall into your category of scumbag addict. You should get that straight now not that it matters.
I never offered excuses for those who are addicts. I agreed that people need to be held accountable for what they have done. And I most sincerely hate to see children fall victim to any abuse and yes, addiction can be an abusive relationship for both spouses and children. Yes I did suggest WHINE with the chesse. That was because you are not accomplishing anything or offering anything constructive, all you are doing is complaining and calling ALL addicts scumbags. That is not the case and will never be the case. That attitude is totally counter-productive. Your entire post was based around "ME". That is not any better than "addict thinking". Try getting tough with your spouse and kicking him to the curb if that will make your family existence better. That is your choice and it's your life to live as you see fit. But you are dead wrong to call every single addict some kind of miserable excuse for a human being. You don't know everyone's story or individual set of circumstances. You don't know me and you don't know everyone else. You know yourself and possibly your spouse, but that is where it stops.
I post everywhere on this forum and will continue to do so. You still should check out the suggestions for posting constructive and helpful comments on this forum and save your judgements of me and others for someplace else. I would suggest you learn about who you are condemning prior to making yourself appear foolish. You have posted twice on this forum and all you have done is complain. Post something productive and something that offers a message of hope for someone. If you have no hope to offer than you need to focus on your own growth and betterment. I wish your family the best of luck. God bless.
Last edited by Robert_325; 05-16-2008 at 02:58 PM.
I am sorry you are filled with so much anger. It must be hard to exist like that. I have to come to Robert's defense here. He's helped a lot of people better their lives. I wish you the best and hope things get happier for you.
It's not always the drugs fault.
Wow, what an angry bunch.
While I do sympathise with you in dealing with your husbands, they sound like they are very self centered, lying, cheating, drug addicted scumbags. There is no excuse for someone to be so irresponsible as to leave their medication out where their children can find them. Children should never be subjected to that kind of behaviour. Especially from their parents. But, I do have to say, they would most likely be pretty much the same if they were not on drugs. There are plenty of sober jerks out there as well, you are living, walking and talking proof of that. I have been taking pain medication for many years now and although I am not as productive as I used to be, I still manage to take care of my family quite well. The way you look at people who take drugs is absolutely ridiculous, it would be no different than me saying that all women are self centered, nagging, controlling, argumentative non supportive witches. Labeling a large group of people based on the actions of a few is not a fair representation of that group. The drugs do not dictate one's personality or actions, although they may magnify them. If a person is a jerk while taking drugs, they most likely were jerks before they started, just maybe not to the same extent.
Anyway, that's my two cents. I hope things get better for you guys.
This is the first time on a message board. I arrived here by googling living with a husband addict. I have read these posts. My heart goes out to all those who are suffering from a loved ones addiction. I have been with my husband for 12 years. He started with weed to other drugs. In the past 9 years it started with Lortab to percocets to vicodin, you name it. The past 2 years has been methadone. He buys these off the street. Needless to say we have no money. I have had many things pawned and so have my children. 5 years ago I was in a horrible car accident and almost lost my hand. I too became addicted and used my pain as an excuse. I became pregnant with my daughter and turned to the Lord. God has gotten me through all my trials. I didn't need to go on anything else to get off. I wanted to be completely sober. I think some of the comments to these hurting women were a bit harsh. The one who said they have changed and starting a Christian support is wonderful. God is the only one who could help. I do though disagree with some of your advise. God HATES divorce. We vowed to stay through sickness and health. I felt you were saying we are fools staying. It would be so much easier to leave, but I know the Lord wants me to stay. I think some of us just need a place to vent some of our frustration. Is there another Forum somewhere? I could not find one. I did find a ton helping the addict. I know both sides of the story. Now my husband is on suboxone. I can't find anything negative about these on the internet. But I know what it is doing. I know it is just another high for him. I am not saying for everyone. But, I heard him on the phone selling some to others just for a high, not to get clean. I am not judging anyone on these, but I know this drug can be abused too. Anyway if anyone has advise for those who are suffering and would like to get support, please let us know. A word of hope to those wives... greater is our reward in heaven. We will never suffer in the way Jesus did for our salvation. God Bless
I know exactly how you feel. My husband too is addicted to pain pills and has moodswings like you wouldn't believe. He treats me like a stranger and I've done nothing wrong. We have been together for almost 20 years and have a 16 year old son. My husband is also an alcoholic which he's been drinking for nearly all of our life together and been to rehab 3 times. The pill thing started a few years ago. I don't do any drugs or even smoke cigarettes. I like to drink wine once in a blue moon. I'm saddened and don't know what to do.
Questions about Naltrexone
I literally cried after reading some of these posts. Wow! Talk about pain...this is very painful to read some of these stories. I am praying for all of you...honestly, I feel your pain.
Is there anyone out there that knows what kind of withdrawl a person goes through (if any) while on Naltrexone? I hear that it is one of the best ways to get a person off pain meds. I'm just curious if there is a withdrawl period while on this medication? Does anyone know? Someone I love is going to try that treatment and I am trying to find out what to "expect" in terms of withdrawl? Any info on what could be taken with Naltrexone should withdrawl symptoms occur would be greatly appreciated. Of course I've googled the drug and read everything online I could find, but could not find info on what could be used in conjuction with the Naltrexone if a person is experiencing withdrawl symptoms. They say it helps "reduce craving" but what about withdrawl? Maybe I'm just "expecting" withdrawl symptoms because that's what usually happens when a person tries to quit taking pain meds and/or SSRI'S & MAO'S, etc., with any other detox medications. I'm just trying to learn more.
Also, there is a book I read called "Break Your Prescribed Addiction" and it educates you as to what can be taken homeopathically (vitamins, amino acids, etc. that help rebuild/heal/feed the brain back to it's normal state before all the receptor damage, etc. I highly recommend it if you are serious about getting you or your loved one off pain meds.
I pray for every single person out there every night and every morning that if they are in pain and seeking to be pain free, that God will help them find their way to just that. I believe there is hope. I know there is hope for you and your loved ones too. Good Luck To You All and God Bless You All. I feel blessed to know that my prayers are being heard and answered as I write this. God Speed...
God bless you JeanineM. You are one of few who truly understand and have compassion. I too believe that folks are a bit harsh and don't fully understand the road to addiction is tricky and the road to recovery is not always easy and can be even trickier. Suboxen is unforunately just another addiction and you are right, it's not going to be easy for him to get off that either. Unfortunately, his doctor will one day cut him off and then its evil w/d's and the whole cycle starts again. I recommend that you look into Naltroxen. It's suppose to help with the cravings but you have to ween him off the Suboxen and then for 7-10 days, he has to be opiate free to then start the Naltroxen. It is NOT addictive and it really is the only 'drug' I have heard of that is non-addictive and really works for cravings and getting people off opiates. I'll keep you posted on my treatment as it starts in 4 weeks. God Bless You JeanineM. You are truly an inspiration and I appreciate your blogs. You have the gift of compassion and understanding. That alone is priceless and your husband is a LUCKY man. Good luck and please stay in touch.
My wife is addicted to pain killers also
Just not sure what to do anymore. We have been married for 13 years and shortly after she revealed some things regarding her childhood. I encouraged her to see a therapist, which she did. Everything has been down hill from there. She started getting chronic stomah pain and despite all x-rays coming up normal the doctor prescibed percocet and vicodin and after she said the pain was getting stronger, morphine. She is a beautiful woman that has gone through so much for a continued supply of pills. From exploritory surgeries that all come up normal and healty to having ALL her teeth removed. I meant for better or worse, and I will never consider another woman until it's over, I just beg for one week of a normal life. I've moved my business home and I'm home all the time, no dinners, movies, friends. She has me rush her to the emergency rooms every 2 or 3 days. She now has mutilple doctors that don't communicate, so she is now up to about 90 10mg ambien per month, 200 percocet 230 vicoden 60 xenex 30 lunesta and just recently someone give her the liquid form of codine. She took 200 doses in 24 hours and then told another doctor she spilled it and got another bottle, which she also took in about 2 doses. With all this medication she does not even fall asleep anymore, it more like walking around drunk, usually naked, drifting in and out. She is verbally abusive for hours when I try to give it to her at the correct time. She says I'm not supportive while she is sick, but she is so stoned that she forgets I just listened to her invent symptoms for the doctor. I called one of the doctors and begged her not to prescibe anymore, but she cut me short and said i'm not her patient and gave my wife four presciption 2 days later at her appointment. What can I do? Can anyone tell me what to do?
I am deeply sorry for your situation. I cannot imagine being on the "other" side of addiction. I have been where your wife is. My husband has seen all that you have. She is in a dark and lonely place, yet so are you. I admire you for staying in your relationship and loving your wife. I know your living in a kind of hell right now but try to remember that she is not herself. She is SO TRAPPED! I admit, she needs a wake-up call. I know firsthand that if her doctor's were to find out about each other, and find out about how many prescriptions she has, they would cut her off immediately. She needs to be cut off, to save her life! Don't buy the "I'm in pain" bit. She has no idea if she has pain or not when she is on that much medication! If I were you, I would send letters to all the doctors, ER's, and every pharmacy that she is getting multiple scripts from multiple doctors. I know you may worry about getting her in trouble with the law but generally for first time offenses, they are lenient, especially if the person seeks treatment. They want her to get help and they understand that addiction is a disease. Now if she were selling the medication, that would be a different story. She needs her supply to run dry before she will probably want to quit. Maybe warn her you will send the letters if she doesn't enter treatment. Or send them anonymously. You are in the position to know every doctor and every pharmacy she uses. Your wife will be very, very angry with you but urge her towards treatment and tell her you are scared and want to save her life. When sober, I am almost certain she will understand your intentions. Maybe if you give her the ultimatum of sending those letters, maybe she will seek treatment herself on her own terms. Also, let her know about suboxone. An addict's worst fear is withdrawal. Personally, suboxone is a miracle drug and can really help your wife get clean. Print out info from suboxone websites and maybe even find a doc in your area who prescribes it. Just google suboxone and you'll find the website. Find a treatment center in your area and see if they take your insurance etc. If you present these options with knowledge and tell her she could get an appointment soon for suboxone, or enter treatment soon and it will be covered, etc. etc., those options won't be so scary to her. I know it's hard, but through all of this, keep loving your wife. I too had a bad experience in childhood, are we talking about sexual abuse? Abuse and drugs go hand in hand. She needs your love and support through this. So hate the addiction but love your wife. You need support too because your wife is incapable of that right now. Find a Naranon meeting in your area, or seeing a counselor is a very good idea. Take time for yourself, don't "lose" yourself in her addiction or neither of you will be healthy. I am praying for you both. Keep us posted!
What a day, finally said something to my wife and kindly ask her to see someone. Backfired on me, shes crying and says she wants a divorce because she can't be married to someone that thinks she is a drug addict (her words) and does not believe the pain she is in. I told her I beleive she is in alot of pain but taking ambien for pain is only going to make things worse. So now I am an uncaring jerk that is going to spend the rest of my life searching for someone as good as her (her words). A part of me wants to let her leave. I HATE the way she's acting.
Originally Posted by sadworld
It's really sad what a mess addiction can cause. So sorry your family is suffering like this. I am sure you realize that your wife is in very serious and immediate danger. Things have to change for her like ASAP or her very survival is at stake. Just the acetaminophen alone in the percocets and vicodin is more than double the amount medically allowed. Over 4000mg a day is toxic to the liver. If your numbers are correct on quantities of pills she is doubling the 4000mg almost exactly. Of course she is at risk for all kinds of other potentially serious problems.
Kathy just gave you some great advice. I agree 100% with everything she said. Your wife has no idea if she is really in pain or not. She is acting out of desperation. When we literally >>>> medical conditions to the extent of having multiple surgeries to obtain meds to get high with we are crossing the line. Her childhoold trauma could definitely be partially to blame for some of her actions but not all of this.
I doubt many people would blame you if you bailed from this marriage. Lots of people probably already would have done it. Seems you have made an honest effort to me. I think that even if I was planning on leaving that after 13 years together I would probably give it one more shot if I could possibly save her life at least even if we didn't make it beyond that. I know you would if you could or you wouldn't be writing.
This is a tough one. Beyond what Kathy said its hard to say exactly what to do. I think that regardless of whether your wife gets furious with you for taking action or whatever it doesn't really matter. Her life is at stake and if you don't do something drastic I am afraid for her.
Suboxone would help her immensely with the opiate addiction. But if she is taking 90 ambien a month plus the lunesta, and 60 xanax (strength?) a month plus all the pain meds, liquid opiates, etc ... damn .... she needs lots more than suboxone. She really needs inpatient treatment. I wouldn't even try to touch this one alone. Just detoxing from the xanax could put her in seizures. Benzo detox is awful and it's dangerous. It was really worse than opiate detox for me. Been there myself and went through the seizures, horrific dreams, electric shock syndrome, and so on. It was awful. It's recommended that we detox from benzos under the care of a dr for our safety. To shorten a long story ... this girl needs professional medical help Dude. She desperately needs in-patient treatment followed by outpatient treatment. And not a rehab for 4-5 days. She really needs some serious treatment. That is as honest as I know how to be. Stay in touch and let us know how you guys are doing. Good luck and God bless.
Thank you Kat for your prayers and your uplifting words. Only God can truly break the chains of addiction. I will look into your advice and bring it up to my husband. Not sure what has been going on with him lately. He has been pulling all nighters lately. I think he has resorted to crushing the suboxone and snorting them. I had read before you can't do that, but i have talked to people who have seen it first hand. Lizzi and sadworld my heart goes out to you and will be praying. I am just reading these new posts today so I hate how long it took to reply. There is not a day i don't think how life would be so much easier if I just left my husband. But then I am quickly reminded I am not to abandon him. I can't imagine how my life would be now if my loved ones abandoned me when I was young and foolish. Through their continued prayers I am at a place of peace and free from addiction. I think of the song Amazing Grace, my favorite, it brings me to tears every time. Lizzi, I noticed your post was several weeks ago and your last sentence saddened me. I hope you are doing well and God can fill your heart with peace. One of the many verses I can look upon is Psalm 62:1 My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from him.
I have read most of the posts on this thread. Sorry, but I have to get to the kids soon, who are now napping. My husband has held his job for 8 months, which he loves. Thank god for this, because otherwise he would not still have it...just like the last three jobs he had in the past 2 years. He has been using percocet & vicadin for years (not sure how many years. It was before I met him). He has had numerous stomach surgeries years ago. We got pg with twins & got married. I also have a 6 yo son that lives with us. He does support our family the best he can given his condition. We have never been evicted. We do pay our bills (sometimes late), but we are really not in financial crisis at the moment. I know this may come at a later date.
However, I am scared because he takes pills from me without mentioning. When I find my pills missing, I confront him right away. He always says "oh yeah. I took a couple. I forgot to tell you" or "I was going to tell you. I occassionally am prescribed pain meds for a back injury that happened 13 years ago. It doesn't usually get really bad. But I have fallen a couple of times recently & landed directly on my tailbone.
I know from the past (before I got pg) that he had a couple of suppliers. After I got pg, he vowed to stop. But I know it hasn't. $ does come up missing out of our account every couple of weeks. I recently have been letting him know in a subtle way that I am aware of what's going on. I am not ready *yet* to come right out and say, "I know you are popping pills left & right. I want to help you stop. You need to admit you have a problem". I am afraid that he will be pissed off because of the mood swings. But there is a bigger part of me that thinks he will not get as pissed off as I think he will because he knows that he is really hurting me, & he may actually be sympathetic regarding the situation. (I know that does not mean he will actually stop, though.)
I know the day is coming very soon where I can no longer stand the pain or worry & I will have to tell him to knock off his s***. I need to let my hurt & anger build up some more, so I can get the courage. I know that is not the way to go about it, but that is me. That is my problem & something I need to work on.
You realize the longer you put this off the more difficult it will all be. And that is if something tragic doesn't happen for your family in the meantime. I don't want to be a doomsayer, but addiction problems seem to materialize most often while we are actively abusing. It's amazing how when we get clean that the police don't bother us, the snitches disappear, our bills seem to get paid, etc. The best time to clean up is now. I realize that this will cause you additional confrontation problems but such is life. Not trying to tell you what you should do as it's not really my business. Just pointing out the obvious. Experts tell us that we should not spank our children when we are mad. Discipline is sooooo much more effective if administered while we are in control of our emotions. The same holds true for confronting someone about their drug consumption. If you wait until you blow a gasket and then react you won't get the response you are hoping for. Good luck and God bless.
Thank you, Robert. I know you are right. I can see this coming within the next couple of weeks. I WILL work up my courage. I just hate the hurt I feel when we argue. My first marriage of 11 years was a disaster at the end & I am so afraid of having another disaster.
But I know he will not leave me because he knows how much I love him & how much I worry about him. In fact, I told him last night that I am worried about him; that I am scared. I know he believes that, & he will know I am trying to help him *because* I love him. These facts are from where I am steadily gaining my courage.
I am not putting on my blinders either. I know this could end up a big mess. I also know that he could end up leaving because he may want his addiction more than his family. That's what scares me.
It's a long shot, but I am praying that he will at least admit that he has a problem. That's the first step. We can move on from there.
Hi, I agree with Robert. You really want to confront the situation while you are emotionally stable. I have many times held it in then blew up on my husband saying the most horrible things hoping they would effect him. It didn't help just makes things worse. I don't know what the answer is, I wish I did. Robert, was it something someone did or said to make you want to stop your addiction? Or is it just something you have to realize for yourself and WANT to stop? My husband also has a stable job and works quite a bit on the side. That makes him feel like his habit is not bad because he has a job and keeps it. McJakkt I am sure your husband loves you and would not leave because he wants the drugs over you, but the drugs are powerful and hard to stop. Any sober person would choose love over misery, but they are not sober. I pray for the best in your situation.
wow! Thank you Robert for sharing your testimony. God definitely had a plan for you. You probably shouldn't be alive taking all those meds. I pray there are many people who read this and fall to their knees, and give themselves over to Christ. I always hated the "once a druggy always a druggy" saying. I am sure you have inspired many people through your ministry. Thank you. God Bless you what you are doing.
My Prince turned into a TOAD! :(
My story is this, my husband was soooo handsome, full of life and sooo romantic and so loving, compassionate, caring, career oriented, proposed to me in 1 month of dating, married me 1 month later and then, I discovered something wasnt right, should i have married him so quickly, who knows? but i was inlove he was everything i wanted - then that darkside came out, he was in a fog, in a state of heyyyyyyyyyy, ALL the time, i have to admit at times it was cool i took advantatge of him i got anything i wanted with him being in this stage, but then it wasnt fun anymore, it was pathetic. I realized he had a problem, but then i thought hey maybe its me with the problem, he stopped making love to me, stopped being caring, stopped being understanding and alll his good qualities quickly were disappearing, until i understood what he was doing and realized he was a drug addict, i hated him for that for ruining my beautiful world, for letting himself get that far, i resented him, and verbally abused him and made him so mad that he left me a few times i did not care i was fREE but then, when he came back i wanted to help him , i realized i loved him, i really cared. I wanted back the wonderful man i married, whom i chose from my many suiters. I took him back three times, but now I realized maybe he wasnt the one for me. But through all this I still love him, and even after 7 years his medication is getting worse, i am accepting how he is, im dieing to myself and living for him, im finding myself a slave to him and his drugs because when i go with him for him to get help it works for a week and he is back to the same ole prescription drug junkie. I made a vow, not to lose myself in this ordeal, I vow to live for my daughter and be strong and deal with the cards i have been dealt, im still funloving, still outgoing, still love, still have compassion, yes i get angry at times but I found GOD and know he is there with me all the way. I just hope and pray that when my husband goes to work he would be sober enough to drive to work, that is my biggest fear, but if he doesnt care about what he is doing to himself there is nothing i can do. God is in controll. I feel all of us are going through this for a reason, what it is i dont know, but Only God knows. It is difficult what we are going through i know i have been dealing with this 7 years long years but im getting use to it, I love him or maybe not enough that i just dont care. Maybe i just dont care about him anymore. WOW! That is how my prince turned into a FROG.
I understand how you came to changing, but what happens when my husband and my best friends are the preacher of our church, and my husband goes to church and act if everything is ok and i know it isnt and i have confessed to the preachers of our church and they sat with him and told me to have patience, to let God work in him, but i just dont see it, my husband lies all the time, i just cant take it anymore he lies to the preachers all the time that he is ok and he isnt. My husband in church cannot even keep his eyes open to hear the message, sleeps during service and cannot even remember anything anyone said. But acts like if everything is ok and only i know it isnt. Maybe something will happen in his life to make him change like you did, i just hope it isnt to late for our marriage.
WOW!!!!!!!! What a truly touching story Robert!!!!!!!!! You are an angel for sure! You were blessed with this life story and I believe you are a "messenger" from God to help others see that yes, only GOD can heal the disasters of drug addiction. I agree 100%. I also agree with you regarding NA and AA. You are NO LONGER a drug addict, AMEN! I agree 100% with that philosophy. That's one of the reasons I could never do the AA thing. I should go check out some NA meetings just to keep myself in check. I too have to watch my step but I've found the road to being drug-free myself and it was truly GOD's HAND. I pray everyday and everynight for people who want to seek God's help. I pray that God will help them find their way to the true Healer. God Bless You Robert!!!!!!!!! You are serving a purpose...a purpose God chose YOU to do! Lucky YOU! Many Blessings To You Today & Always ~
I am sad for your situation. You always think of those things happening outside the Church, not in them. I will pray now for God to convict your husband of his sins. he is probably angry because he is battling with the Holy Spirit telling him he is wrong. I admire you for being strong. Some might say we are weak for staying in this situation. Mine is on his cussing cleaning spree at the moment. UGH I know at these times i need to bring the Lord closer. I have been drifting, being "too busy" in my everyday life and seem to only show up on Sunday. We all need to continue to pray for each other and our loved ones, and spend everyday in his word. I would love to see a post one day that one of our loved ones has changed, what a blessing that will be. We all want our prayers answered now, but that may now be Gods plan. I don't look on this board everyday, but when I do I feel better. Just knowing I am not alone in this situation gives me strenth. 30 minutes ago I was ready to call it quits, I mean how much can someone take of a miserable jerk. OK sorry that was not nice. But, i am ready to put on the armour of God and continue living. Keep strong, keep praying and keep loving.
In Christ's Love,