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My husband is an addict...
  1. #1
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    Default My husband is an addict...

    I am truly sorry to anyone that actually reads this bc I'm so lost, I don't even know where to start. I desperately need someone to talk to, the stress is killing me! We have been together for 9 years & have 3 kids ages 7, 9 & 11. He always had very bad mood swings, depression & anxiety. He has tried several anti-depressants and currently takes prozac... for what it's worth. He is a bodybuilder & personal trainer. He has played sports since highschool and has had many injuries & broken bones over the years. Since he got into bodybuilding, he has really hurt his joints & ligaments with all the heavy lifting. I have always known him to pop vicodin & oxy's here & there over the years, and he started using various steroids after a few years into bodybuilding. Well, he came to me a few years ago and admitted that he was addicted to pain killers and asked for my help. I supported him and did my best to nurse him back to health as he tried to quit cold turkey. After a week of suffering he started to seem better and I thought he kicked the addiction, but he really just gave in and started using again. I DID NOT FIND THIS OUT TILL ALMOST A YEAR LATER! Don't get me wrong... he still sweat constantly and mood swings were intolerable most of the time, but I can't tell what causes it since he has so many emotional problems and uses steroids too. So after a year of him hiding it from me, I check his text messages and see him talking to a friend about getting injectable morphine, and taking to another friend about getting pills. So I confronted him and he was angry at first (that I was snooping), but then broke down and asked for my help. I was really disappointed in him, but I want to do the right thing, so I stood by his side and tried to help him again. He said the withdrawals were just to unbearable. He tried to find a program to get into, but we don't have health insurance and were unable to find anything for free besides support groups. So he tries to quit by weening off for a while and then quitting..... I swear, each time I watched him go through this, it was like watching him die. I would be strong and take care of the kids, go to work, wait on him hand & foot while trying to nurse him to health, I looked up every possible thing online to try and help him through the withdrawals. At night I would go to bed alone and just cry about what I had seen him going through & worry that he was going to die. Well, it was only a few months later... I check his text msgs and find out that he is back on them, again. I wanted to leave him this time. I just couldn't believe that after everything we have been thought that he would do it again. He told me that the pain hurts too bad to quit. Even if the withdrawals stop, he lives every day in so much pain. I feel bad for him to be in pain....I don't want anyone to live like that.. but the pills ruin him! His doctor has put him on morphine and he does pretty well on them since he dislikes them, but they take away his pain. He says he is only taking one in the morning & one at night which is much less than the doctor gives him. But he has lost all motivation, he is more depressed than ever, he misses work all the time, he has no patience with the kids & yells at them every moment they around. He is self-employed is hardly making any money anymore. I don't make enough money to pay for everything, so we are super behind on our bills and when I get on his phone tonight, all I see are his text messages all week where he was canceling on his clients because he was "sick with a stomach virus" when he absolutely WAS NOT!! Yesterday he told me that he is getting extremely suicidal, thinking about killing himself everyday and that he almost slit his wrists the day before. WTF?!? And last weekend I was so frustrated with him after a full Saturday of me busting my a$$ to take care of kids and work around the house while he laid up on the couch and yelled at everyone... I started to complain at him while we sat on the couch to eat pizza and he got so mad that he threw my pizza in my face and then cussed me out in front of the kids, telling me that if I was a man, he would kick my butt The kids all cried and were terribly upset. Then he said he was going to leave me because he can't take MY complaining anymore, the kids were bawling because they don't want to lose their dad! So I tell him that I really don't want him to go because I love him.... UGH I'm so tired of this... I'm tired of him yelling & cussing at the kids, I'm tired of him sleeping all the time and skipping work, I'm tired of struggling financially, I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only friggen adult in this house taking care of 3 kids, all the pets, all the housework, all the sports my kids are in, working full time PLUS taking care of a husband who is an emotional basket case! The really sad thing is that even though there are so many things I can't stand, he still has good qualities and is a genuine and good guy. Otherwise I would just leave him. He is falling apart and has made some poor choices. Now he is stuck paying the consequences and so is his family. I don't want to walk away from our marriage or split up our family, he wants to get better, but neither of us know what to do, so he continues to fail..... but I can't keep doing this year after year. Something has to give. How many years do you waste while hoping they will get better? How do you know when to walk away? I truly just want what is best for the kids & everyone involved!
    Once again, I'm sorry to anyone that actually read this. But any input would be awesome. I have no one in my life I feel safe to share this with.
    Last edited by ddcmod; 10-02-2011 at 11:22 PM.

  2. #2
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    An update today... my husband has asked to go to rehab if we can find one that will accept him for no charge. Been researching that some this morning. I'm relieved to think that he might get better for good. I'm scared of how tough our finances will get hit to do without his income for however long he is gone, we are already so behind on our bills. However, I know this is the only way for him to get better. So worried... so stressed... but hopefully there is actually a light at the end of the tunnel... and maybe it's not a train! Truly thankful that God is working on his heart and he is going to try again. Counting my blessings and trying not to live in fear.....

  3. #3
    shybaybe2003 is offline Senior Member
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    you are going through a very scary thing right now, you AND your husband and kids. If he can get into rehab, that is such a great big step in the right direction.please keep us posted on whats going on. You and your family are in my prayers.

  4. #4
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you, My husband prayed that God would open a door to let him out of this bondage. Doors are now opening and his heart is changing. He met another bodybuilder at the gym that has been clean for 8 months now. This guy has been a big encouragement. We found a rehab that will detox him under a doctor's supervision on a sliding scale based on our income. They even have openings right now, no waiting list. The staff seems very compassionate and like they really care. My husband is very excited... which is amazing because he has always been too scared to try rehab. For the first time in a long time, my husband feels like there is hope. He is ready to go through this, come clean, stay in recovery support groups & share his testimony everywhere he goes in hopes that he can help others that are hopeless like he has been the last few years.... I have never seen him like this. Thank you for your prayers!

  5. #5
    Catrina is offline Advanced Member
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    Hope is an amazing healer. That he has hope is such a good sign because without it, his recovery would be doomed before it begins. Encourage him to embrace the detox as signs that his body is healing and sometimes healing hurts. Then mix in a good sized pinch of determination and support and if he wants this bad enough then he's got the recipe for recovery.

    In the meantime, find the time to take care of yourself and your kids. Remember that you have no control over your husband's recovery but you do have control over what you will allow to affect you and your kids. It is your responsibility to make sure that you and your kids come out the other side healthy regardless of the outcome of your husband's recovery.

    Keep us posted. You need support every bit as much as hubby.

    Peace,

    Cat
    "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahil Gibran (1883-1931).

  6. #6
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you for the kind words. I'm happy about the direction things are headed at the moment. My husband sold some gym equipment yesterday to a friend and only asked for $300. The friend decided that it was worth much more than that and offered him $1300. Wow. Things like that are inspirational to me. I'm still struggling to keep my stress level down which causes my patience to be thin, but I'm really trying to stay focused on the positive here and not let any of this worry me. I certainly have a lot to be thankful for and list seems to grow daily. Going out of town with work tomorrow for a couple days and looking forward to the break.... peace, quiet & a couple margaritas. lol

  7. #7
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    Well, after a week full of prayers.... my husband took his last dose of morphine yesterday at noon, so it's been 24 hours. He feels surprisingly good so far compared to the previous times he tried to quit Oxy, Methadone & Fentanyl. I guess because the morphine is 12 hour release... he is waiting on it to hit him, but relieved/surprised that it isn't too bad yet. The recovery center is going to call today & tell him what to bring with him, what not to bring, etc. He is going to check in as soon as the withdrawals start to get bad. Probably this evening or in the morning! Here we go!!!!

  8. #8
    Littln12 is offline Member
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    Default Just wanted to pop in

    I Just wanted to say hello and to tell you I'm thinking about you and your family. I really hope that this rehab is the first of many positive, healing steps for your family.

  9. #9
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you!

    70 hours in and he is holding up very well. He is still home since the withdrawals are not bad enough to need medical attention yet. He has been extremely tired and slept the whole time... which is amazing since he normally cannot sleep AT ALL. He hasn't had any medication except his prozac. He is still eating well & drinking plenty of fluids. Bodyaches have started kicking in this morning, but manageable so far. He is used to withdrawals being much worse. He is staying focused, spending time reading recovery books and his bible. I am so proud of his determination & change of heart. I think maybe that is why it's easier for him this time. I have heard that day 4 is the worst? In the past he was sick within a few hours of his last pill, so I couldn't tell if day 4 was any worse.

  10. #10
    Littln12 is offline Member
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    Default Its different for everyone

    But day 4 being the worst is the consensus. Are you taking care of yourself? I used to help my sister detox quite often and I know it's exhausting for the caretaker. If you don't take care of yourself-you won't be able to take care of anyone else. Have you looked into some support groups? Addiction is definitely a family disease and they have Naranon/Alanon groups for family members. Church or anything to get some support for you. Even though he's the user-you definitely need some support and to learn new coping skills and ways to not enable him.

    Just food for thought. I know you have a lot on your plate but we do get consumed with trying to "fix" the ones we love. Hang in there and keep posting.

    P.S- Has he been to an NA mtg? Whats the plan after detox?
    Last edited by Littln12; 10-12-2011 at 10:58 AM.

  11. #11
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks, I have stepped away and let him detox on his own this time. The other 2 times, I nursed him through it and he got back on pills anyways. I think I reached my breaking point! I work full time & have 3 kids too, so I'm not available to help him much. However, he really doesn't NEED me this time... he is doing pretty good all by himself. We are going to start going to Celebrate Recovery together in a couple weeks and have a super awesome church full of support.
    Littln12 likes this.

  12. #12
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    Days 4, 5 & 6 were rough. Bodyaches, RLS & not sleeping much. But I still think he is managing pretty well. Good appetite & drinking lots of fluids, no tummy issues & no sweats. He is getting up for a bath every day, Day 6 we drank a bottle of wine & had sex. Today is day 7 and he has been laid up on the couch shaking all day, not feeling well, but we're hoping he has hit bottom & that it will get a little better every day...

  13. #13
    massagenvy is offline New Member
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    hmm..Things will be fine with you... You will have more and more great time with your husband and family

  14. #14
    Littln12 is offline Member
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    Default Hang in there.

    How is he today? I'm hoping things continue to get better. Sex was a great idea as it'll get his endorphins going. Is he well enough to get to a meeting yet?

  15. #15
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    Thanks for the support!

    2 WEEKS clean today! Yay! But he still feels terrible. Up all night last night with a headache & skin crawling. Bad insomnia. Bad restless legs. Dizzy when he stands up. Has hardly left the couch in 2 weeks & he hurts all over (I think it may be WHY he hurts all over). He drove to the store once & almost turned around half way there. Pushed himself to get there because he was getting something I needed. Doesn't look like he's going to make it back to work this week. That totally sucks, but his job is really physically & mentally demanding.... This is absolutely the last week he can stay home, so I have to get him in meetings. I'm taking him to Celebrate Recovery tomorrow night. I think he is pretty depressed. I recommended that he start doing some exercise since we have equipment at the house. He is doing that as I type. I'm trying to be patient & understanding. I am getting tired since I haven't had a hand with the kids or anything for 2 weeks, my job is demanding & bills are piling up. I look forward to having a happy, healthy husband again!

  16. #16
    ihatejunkies is offline New Member
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    I read your posts today and thought you are living my life. I have been dealing with this for over 5 years and am sick of it! We have lost everything. Homes, cars, land, jewlery. ....
    Good job for your family and I hope he continues down a clean road.

  17. #17
    Petra81 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ihatejunkies View Post
    I read your posts today and thought you are living my life. I have been dealing with this for over 5 years and am sick of it! We have lost everything. Homes, cars, land, jewlery. ....
    Good job for your family and I hope he continues down a clean road.

    Thanks, things are going well. He is clean 5 weeks now & went back to work this week! Every week he feels a little bit better.

  18. #18
    coolyman is offline Banned
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    First of all to praise you are a strong woman, courageous wife, paid so much for the family, your husband's medication will harm your family, I hope you will try to overcome difficulties for the children, I hope you will be better off later.

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