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losing the battle b4 the war.
  1. #1
    Mylo101 is offline New Member
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    Default losing the battle b4 the war.

    Hello everyone, this is my first post but I have been reading and trying to get my boyfriend to do the same to show him he's not alone. He sat down and read maybe 2 or 3 posts but is adamant that know one knows HIS pain. Saturday he decided that he was going to really try to quit by weening himself slowly off of hydrocodones. He has been taking them since 1992. Maybe I just haven't ran into any yet but so far I haven't seen anyone that has been hooked that long on here. Well, he lasted 3 days then went to see one of his "friends" today behind my back and got 4 7.5's and popped them all at once, Which in reality is litterally nothing to him at all. But after the arguing he just said he couldn't do it. He says that he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders and that he can actually feel everyone's pain and cannot function without it at all. Is this normal? I know withdrawals are excruciating and I have seen him suffer occasionally but he has never actually tried to detox since I have been with him until now. It has been a constant battle and I have offered myself completely to supporting him. I have lost a lot in the process myself. We fight constantly. We may have one good day for every bad week. Pills come before bills and he says he knows he has to get a grip on this but he just can't and today he was talking about suicide and said that it's hopeless. He gets a monthly script of 150 7.5's currently but they last less than 2 weeks with me holding them and he will take wat he can get his hands on after that. He doesn't steal or anything like that. But he will barter sometimes if he thinks he has to. How can you show someone there is hope? He sobbed today for the first time in front of me and said he doesn't want to live this way but he just doesn't believe there could possibly be an alternative. The suicide talk came after he took the 4 pills at once after he had been tapering. I don't know what to do. He gets very, very angry very easily I try to talk to him about it and he immediately wants to point out my faults as well as everyone else around him. He just completely tries to flip the script. I try so hard to be understanding. I have never had an addiction like this at all. I smoke and I know I'm addicted but I know there is a huge difference. I was never around this situation before and I cannot believe how widespread it actually is. I have done everything I know how to do and I know ultimately it's all on him. But we were supposed to have a life together and we just can't like this. It breaks my heart to no end. I just wish he REALLY knew he is not alone. I don't know where to go from here. I know 20 years is a long time to be on that and I'm surprised he has a liver. I ask him to get it checked but he won't because he's afraid of what he will find out. I'm at a dead end for real this time. Any words?

  2. #2
    DamnataAnimus is offline Junior Member
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    Hi,

    I currently take oxy contin 80mg twice a day so I sort of know what your husband is going through. Of course the difference is that I take mine as prescribed and they last the full month.

    Anyways it sounds to me like he is using pain as an excuse to justify his use. The suicide talk could be real, but in my opinion it sounds like he is using it to guilt you, to beleive him and/or to stop the talk about detoxing.

    You need to stand strong and I know this may be hard for you to do as you love him and dont want him to suffer. I think what you need to do is take his bankcard so that bills get paid first before his pills. Explain to him why you are doing it.

    But basically he is trying to justify his use and guilt you into letting him do so. Sorry if my thoughts came out jumbled, but I am sure you get the idea.

    I wish you the best of luck,
    Regards

  3. #3
    Mylo101 is offline New Member
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    Thank you for your reply. He isn't my husband he is my boyfriend of just under 2 years. I think in a normal situation I would honestly think the same thing..that he is trying to guilt me with the pain comments. But when I say he says he feels everybody's pain, I'm not kidding you he actually means it. He also says sometimes that he feels responsible for EVERYTHING...I mean EVERYTHING! He says he had an experience where he saw everything and understood everything but he can't talk to anyone about it or people will think he's crazy. When his pills wear off he starts to think about it and talk about it and he doesn't want to have all of this "information" so he takes the pills and they keep it at bay. I have got to know if this is normal. I am seriously thinking he really needs help for a mental issue. I was hoping maybe someone else has had this kind of symptom so I could rule that out but I don't know what to do either way really. He calls this feeling hurricanes and his med is the only thing that keeps it calm. Trust me though, I know that he attempts to guilt me anytime I try to have him slow down. But he REALLY believes that he feels the pain of everyone. Has anyone ever heard of this kind of stuff? Thanks

  4. #4
    DamnataAnimus is offline Junior Member
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    I have never heard of this before, it sounds like he could have a mental issue/condition as you say. I would have him see a psychiatrist and see what they think is going on. That is of course if you can get him to do so. Sorry I couldn't be of more help, and remember that is just my opinion.

    If you need to talk feel free to PM me.

    I wish you the best of luck with this and you will be in my thoughts,
    Regards

  5. #5
    Mylo101 is offline New Member
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    Thanks again for your reply. I really believe there is more to it and I think he will require more help. I just don't see any way of me getting him there. And about his bank card. I have mentioned it b4 and he made it perfectly clear that it was off limits. And basically scolded me like a child for making him out to be so irresponsible! REALLY? ok! Hmm? ugh.. i am really in a state of paralyzed grief because i think reality is setting in that we won't get through this. thanks

  6. #6
    DamnataAnimus is offline Junior Member
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    I am really sorry to hear that you are considering leaving him. But if thats what you need to do be strong you will make it through this, even if your relationship does not.

    Perhaps you could try an ultimatum if you really are considering leaving him. It may be that that will be the motivation he needs to overcome this. If he doesnt comply then that is a sign that he really doesn't care about your relationship and is placing the pills first. In any case the problem with that is that you have to follow through or he will not take anything you say in future seriously.

    Again best of luck, and you will be in my thoughts,
    Regards
    Des

  7. #7
    Mylo101 is offline New Member
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    Believe it or not that's pretty much why he even said he would do it in the first place. I packed a bunch of my stuff up in boxes and left them laying around. Then after he decided he couldn't handle it he began ranting about little things around the house that "irk" him. I knew they were just deterrents. He always does that when he doesn't want to accept responsibility for his actions. And not to minimize his complaints but most of what he gripes about are issues that could be handled if he had a grip on this. It consumes every aspect of our lives and he doesn't realize it. Or at least he doesn't like to acknowledge it. He said that I gave him and ultimatum and he doesn't do those. So I don't see how I can't follow through now. I'm just so afraid that he may hurt himself after the way he was talking while he was trying to detox. I don't know about anything and its been this way for some time now. Prayers are greatly appreciated

  8. #8
    shybaybe2003 is offline Senior Member
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    i am praying for you. But you do need to leave him. You are getting dragged down with him. If he refuses help, please leave.
    DamnataAnimus likes this.

  9. #9
    DamnataAnimus is offline Junior Member
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    Well ultimately I don't think you can let the talk of self harm deter you. It is probably just something he is using to deflect the issue.

    You need to think of you for a change and not him. You deserve to be happy, and it does not sound like you are happy there.

    As always just my opinion, and while I am not a beleiver in God you are always in my thoughts.
    Regards,
    Des

  10. #10
    Fed_up_with_meds is offline New Member
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    You don't really say how many beyond the 150/month he was doing but I can tell you from my own personal experience doing 8 to 10 10/250 a day for years for pain and recreation, he sounds like he's doing something other than opiates.

    I never had those kind of weird thought patterns but everyone is different and he used a lot longer than me.. Brain chemistry gets pretty wack the after such long use. But if it helps here is how I kicked it. Help him if you can.

    Just stop.. When the withdrawal symptoms get where you can can't take it eat a half and only a half. Trick is to hold out as long as you can.. Stay busy. Walk. Run. Anything but setting there thinking about it.

    When it gets more than he can take, and toss him another half.. You'll find that he can go further and longer each time.. First day is the worst. But you get better by the second day. Get some ambien or valium for sleep.. Take a half and a ambien before bed. First night you might wake up in the middle of the night. Take a half and go back to sleep.

    First day I had to take a half every 4 hours before the jitters became difficult . Three is way better than 10. Second day it was every six hours.. Third day it was eight. Then twice a day.. Then I went just stopped. The sickness was rough the first day but not that bad really.. The halves kept the jitters down.. By the second day it was mostly just nausea and I slept all night.. From the third day on I was pretty much OK.. I went to work and did fine. It took me a week but if it takes two so what.. You are doing less and becoming more healthy each and every day.

    Again the trick for me was to go longer each time.. I went the first day from 100mg to 30mg way more easily than I expected. Down to 10mg within 4 days.. And quit within a week and my habit was similar to his. Hope this helps him. I feel more alive than I have in years and it's a great feeling. Well worth the effort and not as bad as you think it will be.

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