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Goodbye Vic, I'm kickin ya to the curb!
  1. #1
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Default Goodbye Vic, I'm kickin ya to the curb!

    I have spent a lot of time last couple days reading all the stories of addiction overcome by people on this forum. I initially came here looking up how long Vicodin stays in the system as I need to pass a drug test in a week. My daily intake is around 60 to 80mg a day for 2 years and that is just to stay "even". Well enough is enough, starting today (day 1) I am kicking it to the curb for good. For the last six months I have fought my mind, wanting to quit, but not having the resolve. Well, long story short, I hate my current job, and was called for an interview yesterday for a job I really like ( my interview is in 1 week! yay!). This was the "line in the sand" I needed. I am now determined to stop CT starting today. I know this won't be easy, and I am in for unpleasant days, and sleepless nights. BUT... the longest journey begins with a single step. Wish me luck! and a very BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has posted their stories here, it has been very inspirational knowing that their are others who have beat the monkey off their back.

    -Cheers

    p.s. I will post my progress on this thread, ahh, who am I kidding, I will be back because I will be needing all the support I can find.

  2. #2
    shawn156 is offline Member
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    Welcome! You can't find better support or better people then here when going through w/ds. I have done it multiple times since August of last year,with my last attempt being the best and one I feel I will not relapse back to using again.
    It's good to see others are kicking the pills to the curb and getting their life back.You really don't realize everything you have lost or done until you overcome the addiction.Hitting rock bottom is only the first step in seeing what the problem is.I've done some pretty horrible things while on Narcotics and I can't change the past,I can only make sure my future is better from now on.
    Good Luck and post as much as you need for support!

  3. #3
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    I have spent a lot of time last couple days reading all the stories of addiction overcome by people on this forum. I initially came here looking up how long Vicodin stays in the system as I need to pass a drug test in a week. My daily intake is around 60 to 80mg a day for 2 years and that is just to stay "even". Well enough is enough, starting today (day 1) I am kicking it to the curb for good. For the last six months I have fought my mind, wanting to quit, but not having the resolve. Well, long story short, I hate my current job, and was called for an interview yesterday for a job I really like ( my interview is in 1 week! yay!). This was the "line in the sand" I needed. I am now determined to stop CT starting today. I know this won't be easy, and I am in for unpleasant days, and sleepless nights. BUT... the longest journey begins with a single step. Wish me luck! and a very BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has posted their stories here, it has been very inspirational knowing that their are others who have beat the monkey off their back.

    -Cheers

    p.s. I will post my progress on this thread, ahh, who am I kidding, I will be back because I will be needing all the support I can find.
    Phypler, I am going to join you on this one, (if you don't mind having company...)?

  4. #4
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you thalia, I do not mind the company, I'm here for it. Made it through the first 24 hours. Now I am on to Day 2. This really is something I take one day at time, when it gets bad, I take it one hour at a time. It really is shocking what a grip this has had on me both mentally and physically. Didn't sleep much last night, seems that the wee hours of the morning, when I am most drained mentally, is the preferred time for the "monkey" to scream the loudest at me. Thank you to everyone, I have some support at home, but none that understands what I am going through. The wonderful people here whose stories I have read, they know, they live it too!

  5. #5
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Thank you thalia, I do not mind the company, I'm here for it. Made it through the first 24 hours. Now I am on to Day 2. This really is something I take one day at time, when it gets bad, I take it one hour at a time. It really is shocking what a grip this has had on me both mentally and physically. Didn't sleep much last night, seems that the wee hours of the morning, when I am most drained mentally, is the preferred time for the "monkey" to scream the loudest at me. Thank you to everyone, I have some support at home, but none that understands what I am going through. The wonderful people here whose stories I have read, they know, they live it too!
    Did you have the ice in the veins yet? (I took a hot shower at 3AM-it does help). Have used the Thomas Recipe, will give you an update....

  6. #6
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    I agree, I need to up my hot showers to "as needed". Currently, its RLS (which I find hardest to deal with), chills, sweats, sneezes, runny nose, lethargy, mild irritability, malaise, insomnia (although I find I drift off for 30min occasionally where ever I am) Narcolepsy? lol i hope not, just exhaustion from no sleep I figure. I am taking immodium (very helpful), lots of water, bananas (for potassium), and trying to stay occupied. When my mind drifts off I find myself negotiating with myself over "just one more won't hurt it would make all this go away" At that point I distract myself and break the one day at a time down to one hour, 15 min, etc... I also focus on why I wan't this. If I find I cannot break the thought process I come here and read about everyone else and it helps tremendously knowing I am not alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel even though I cannot see it yet. I am going to also try to add some physical activity to the mix as well as it is a common consensus that it helps.

    - Cheers

  7. #7
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Well..... here I am .... (day 3). Can't say my w/d is gone, but the light at the end of the tunnel is now visible (it is a pinpoint though). Still having all the usual symptoms (see above post) but they are slightly better. I also had this morning my first actual moment of clarity. WOW, that is very powerful and I look forward to a lifetime of these. I remain focused on my goals and still take life in chunks that I can handle, 1 day, 1 hour, 15min, etc.. I do see that the mental aspect remains, that my mind still dredges up addict logic at will. Slowly, I am gaining complete control of it, very slowly. Worked up a good sweat doing yardwork, and I see that physical activity is very helpful.

    Thank you to everyone who has listened or read or posted. If you are going through this or plan to or want to I wish you all the strength and support.


    -Cheers

  8. #8
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Well..... here I am .... (day 3). Can't say my w/d is gone, but the light at the end of the tunnel is now visible (it is a pinpoint though). Still having all the usual symptoms (see above post) but they are slightly better. I also had this morning my first actual moment of clarity. WOW, that is very powerful and I look forward to a lifetime of these. I remain focused on my goals and still take life in chunks that I can handle, 1 day, 1 hour, 15min, etc.. I do see that the mental aspect remains, that my mind still dredges up addict logic at will. Slowly, I am gaining complete control of it, very slowly. Worked up a good sweat doing yardwork, and I see that physical activity is very helpful.

    Thank you to everyone who has listened or read or posted. If you are going through this or plan to or want to I wish you all the strength and support.


    -Cheers
    Can you describe the tunnel? It can't have been so easy...

  9. #9
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Let me explain my analogy. Going into this on Friday morning I knew I was in for several (if not more) days of physical w/d. Since I had no idea of how long and how bad, I compared it (mentally) to starting off in a tunnel. I knew the tunnel would end, I knew there would be light at the end as I emerged from the tunnel. The next few days would be dark and difficult though. As I began this, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel meaning I didn't know how long I would be in physical w/d. Slowly over last couple days I traveled the tunnel pretty much blindly. I held on to the fact that I knew it would end and I went forward on the faith of that. The first 48 hrs brought out the worst of it. I soldiered on, I kept faith that no matter how long this might take IT WILL STOP eventually. The time passed very slowly, every second tested my commitment. Since loss of sleep is a huge part of opiate withdrawal it makes time pass slow. They say time flies when your having fun, well, the opposite is true too. Anyway, I digress. This morning as I sat on the porch watching the sunrise, again, I realized that most of my physical w/d's have peaked. Do I still suffer from sneezing, running nose, chills, insomnia, RLS (ugh I hate them so much), etc... Yes I do, BUT, I have begun getting used to them to the point that I know even more that I CAN DO THIS. I am certain that physical w/d's will continue, however, I now know that I can bear their burden. My faith is stronger now too. Thus, I see the pinpoint of light at the end of the tunnel, I know I am traveling in the right direction and I am making progress. Slow or not it is progress. That light will only grow brighter and bigger.

    Now on the other side of the coin, as the physical w/d's become bearable I am seeing that the mental w/d's are getting worse. It is almost as if your brain says "ok you aren't going to cave to pain and discomfort well how about if I mess with your head instead". Today has been my most difficult day since this began. My mind drifts off to when my next doc appt is or how just one wouldn't be bad. I have tried to stay busy today. My plan is distract my mind, make it think of other things. I am seeing that my mental w/d is another tunnel to travel. Only this one has lights in it. I am not in the dark this time. BUT this tunnel is longer, I may never reach the end of this tunnel. I may have to travel this tunnel the rest of my life, moving forward, never giving in to the mental temptation of returning to my past. Again, I maintain faith that I will do this and I stay strong as possible and do everything I can to help myself.

    To answer your question, no it has not been easy, still isn't and I must remain vigilant and faithful if I am to succeed.

    -Cheers

  10. #10
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Let me explain my analogy. Going into this on Friday morning I knew I was in for several (if not more) days of physical w/d. Since I had no idea of how long and how bad, I compared it (mentally) to starting off in a tunnel. I knew the tunnel would end, I knew there would be light at the end as I emerged from the tunnel. The next few days would be dark and difficult though. As I began this, I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel meaning I didn't know how long I would be in physical w/d. Slowly over last couple days I traveled the tunnel pretty much blindly. I held on to the fact that I knew it would end and I went forward on the faith of that. The first 48 hrs brought out the worst of it. I soldiered on, I kept faith that no matter how long this might take IT WILL STOP eventually. The time passed very slowly, every second tested my commitment. Since loss of sleep is a huge part of opiate withdrawal it makes time pass slow. They say time flies when your having fun, well, the opposite is true too. Anyway, I digress. This morning as I sat on the porch watching the sunrise, again, I realized that most of my physical w/d's have peaked. Do I still suffer from sneezing, running nose, chills, insomnia, RLS (ugh I hate them so much), etc... Yes I do, BUT, I have begun getting used to them to the point that I know even more that I CAN DO THIS. I am certain that physical w/d's will continue, however, I now know that I can bear their burden. My faith is stronger now too. Thus, I see the pinpoint of light at the end of the tunnel, I know I am traveling in the right direction and I am making progress. Slow or not it is progress. That light will only grow brighter and bigger.

    Now on the other side of the coin, as the physical w/d's become bearable I am seeing that the mental w/d's are getting worse. It is almost as if your brain says "ok you aren't going to cave to pain and discomfort well how about if I mess with your head instead". Today has been my most difficult day since this began. My mind drifts off to when my next doc appt is or how just one wouldn't be bad. I have tried to stay busy today. My plan is distract my mind, make it think of other things. I am seeing that my mental w/d is another tunnel to travel. Only this one has lights in it. I am not in the dark this time. BUT this tunnel is longer, I may never reach the end of this tunnel. I may have to travel this tunnel the rest of my life, moving forward, never giving in to the mental temptation of returning to my past. Again, I maintain faith that I will do this and I stay strong as possible and do everything I can to help myself.

    To answer your question, no it has not been easy, still isn't and I must remain vigilant and faithful if I am to succeed.

    -Cheers
    Not that I am doing great physically (sort of like being drunk) but now my mind is going to go? Fortunately I don't have to think up anything great in the next few days. I just hope I can walk in a straight line in the morning.

  11. #11
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Well...I wouldn't say it is like my mind is going out on me. It is more like the addiction is trying harder to make its voice heard and as such requires more mental strength on my part to quiet it.

  12. #12
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Okay 3 days clean, it is not long, but I am proud of myself. Here goes day 4. It is going to be tough. Still dealing with lousy physical and mental w/d's. I return to work today 3pm to 11pm and work sucks. Not just run of the mill sucks, I'm talking horrible here. I feel it was the greatest reason I got to where I was with pain meds. I suffer from foot problems and I work on my feet all day. Not a good combination. Anyway, it is also my greatest reason for quitting, I want/need a better job, and companies today will not hire an addict, can't say I blame them. I scheduled time with my therapist this morning and then its off to work. I can do this. I will do this. I will be clean.

    - cheers
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  13. #13
    girl80902 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Okay 3 days clean, it is not long, but I am proud of myself. Here goes day 4. It is going to be tough. Still dealing with lousy physical and mental w/d's. I return to work today 3pm to 11pm and work sucks. Not just run of the mill sucks, I'm talking horrible here. I feel it was the greatest reason I got to where I was with pain meds. I suffer from foot problems and I work on my feet all day. Not a good combination. Anyway, it is also my greatest reason for quitting, I want/need a better job, and companies today will not hire an addict, can't say I blame them. I scheduled time with my therapist this morning and then its off to work. I can do this. I will do this. I will be clean.

    - cheers
    I just want to say, I'm proud of you for wanting this and setting your mind to sticking with it! I have been there, we have all been there. The light will get brighter, I promise! If you are not taking vitamins, please try it? The Thomas Recipe is a golden recipe....minus the the perscription stuff for me. It works! I know because I've been through both ways. I found that keeping my blood sugars stable helped with the energy issues...ie:juice, trail mix, candy...anything that was sugar every 3 hours for the 1st week or so. I'm a tiny girl, so sugar is not an issue for me and weight gain. This may just be me but that was the worst part was having no energy for me. I'm a single mother with a full load daily! I drink a ton of hot tea also, Easy Now or Tension Tamer helps with the crabbiness (not much but a little). Work will help keep your mind off reasoning with your addiction, so don't dread it as much as you are. Even if its a hard day there are still people to keep your mind off them thoughts! God Bless and keep posting. We are here, even if we don't post often.

  14. #14
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Ok Freephyler, I have tossed my "backup pills (ouch- tonight should be fun). Thanks for your inspiration. It can't have been easy (although last time I quit I had a good reason...an exciting trip coming up.) I guess this one is for me. (I can't really be worth it, can I?)

    Hang in there with me my friend. Thalia45

  15. #15
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Ok.... made it through work. It was very difficult. So far through all of my w/d's I have not had any anxiety. That is until today.

    First, a little pertinent background info. About 3 weeks ago, I got to work and started suffering severe chest pains. Within minutes I was breathing shallow and hyperventilating. This led me to dizziness. As I tried to do my job, I work with dangerous machinery, I realized my mind was unable to process the proper procedure to safely start the machinery (it requires both hands on 2 separate sensors so it "knows" 1 hand is not in machine before it starts). At that point I went to my supervisor and told them I was leaving to go to hospital. I went to the ER and they admitted me at once. 24 hrs later and a bunch of tests later(with lots of radiation and strange "contrast dye" injections), including running on the treadmill, it is determined that I have a healthy ticker and I am in 95 percentile for my age. So their diagnosis is that work is placing me under extreme stress and it is beginning to affect my health. Yea I know, no surprise for me either. As a side note, as I lay in the ER with an IV a nurse came in and gave me 2 injections. I asked what she was giving me and by the time she answered the 2nd injection was going in. Something for nausea and morphine for the pain. Sad thing was the morphine didn't help and I wasn't about to raise my hand and say "excuse me miss, but I am taking 80mg of Vicodin a day so if you want the morphine to work you should probably double or triple it " No, I just laid there, and toughed it out.

    Back to to today, as I started work at 3pm, I felt the same chest pain returning. It is weird how once anxiety starts it really feeds itself. So, I immediately took control of my breathing, I took deep breaths, and when I exhaled I mentally tried to push the anxiety out of me with each breath. It helped some, but as work continued and stress continued I knew I needed something else. At that point it was 4pm, I took a piece of paper and made a mark on it. I said to myself just 7 more marks and I am headed home. I stuffed the piece of paper in my pocket and continued working. By 5pm I was making a small mark every fifteen minutes. Next to them I drew a little smiley face. By 6pm I was back to one mark every hour and after 7pm I stopped making marks as I didn't need them anymore.

    I made it through work. If you asked me 5 days ago if I could go thru a day of work without medication I would have known that I could not. NOW I know I can.

    I have a calendar at my workstation and I never really pay much attention to it. Today however I looked at the picture and underneath was the statement...

    "Progress has little to do with speed, but it has much to do with direction."

    Wow, so true.

    Well, sorry for the long winded post, I guess once I get typing it just kinda falls out of mind, thru my fingers and into this post.

    Thank you girl80902 for your support. I am not taking vitamins but would like to. Do I take just a regular multi-vitamin? As for crabbiness I have done pretty good so far, but will keep your suggestion in mind in case I do start.

    Thalia45, THAT IS AWESOME, I don't believe I could have done that myself. You need to give yourself much much credit. Know that you are totally worth it. Know you will do this. I will hang in there for sure with you. I will post to your home thread titled "Taper?" so we can keep this somewhat orderly.

    - cheers

  16. #16
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Well...here goes day 5. Not going well. My initial faith and strong commitment to getting clean feels like its slipping away. Actually slept somewhat last night, and awoke feeling better. But... that vanished in a couple hours and its been a fight ever since (both physically and mentally). Headed off to work now, hoping it will help, but not very confident it will. For now I am just gonna keep on keeping on.

    -cheers

  17. #17
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Well...here goes day 5. Not going well. My initial faith and strong commitment to getting clean feels like its slipping away. Actually slept somewhat last night, and awoke feeling better. But... that vanished in a couple hours and its been a fight ever since (both physically and mentally). Headed off to work now, hoping it will help, but not very confident it will. For now I am just gonna keep on keeping on.

    -cheers
    Ah, yes. day 5. I think it is the worst. Hang in there; day 5 is the devil's last chance.

    I am on day 3 1/2? and dreading day 5- odd, because day 4 gives you hope there isn't another " bad one". I hear you.

  18. #18
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you Thalia, I have a regular cell phone (not smartphone) and its browser is laughable. But I can pull up this site and so I read your post while I was at work and it helped much. Thank you.

    Today was tough, but I have prevailed. Picked up vitamins and potassium supplement (if I have to eat another banana I will be sick). They helped tremendously with mood and energy. Actually feeling tired, legs not too bad, sneezing less. I think its really starting to break.

    Anyway its late, and I'm tired so....

    -cheers

  19. #19
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Thank you Thalia, I have a regular cell phone (not smartphone) and its browser is laughable. But I can pull up this site and so I read your post while I was at work and it helped much. Thank you.

    Today was tough, but I have prevailed. Picked up vitamins and potassium supplement (if I have to eat another banana I will be sick). They helped tremendously with mood and energy. Actually feeling tired, legs not too bad, sneezing less. I think its really starting to break.

    Anyway its late, and I'm tired so....

    -cheers
    Go to Whole Foods. They have the electrolyte combo all in one pill. (Calcium, Potassium, Magnesium). I take it regularly for my hand cramps (which is what got me into all this pain med stuff to begin with-dislocated elbow). I'll get the exact name for you in the AM.

    Otherwise, hang in there now; from past experience it will take a week+ to start feeling normal, but day 6 is quite functional. Don't take Gabapentin (see "Taper"post)

  20. #20
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    The nearest whole foods to me is like 70miles away, 140 miles round trip. I won't be able to get there until this weekend. I believe that the vitamins I found are pretty decent. They have calcium, potassium, magnesium, and a bunch of other vitamins.

    As for Gabapentin, there is no way. I am already taking 12 pills a day (1 vitamin, 4 potassium, 3 immodium, 4 tylenol) and I don't want to add anything else. I hate taking those, even though I know they are helping, it seems so much like the same behavior that got me into this mess. I will be dropping the immodum as it becomes unnecessary and the tylenol will be dropped as well in time. My goal is to be taking 1 vitamin a day thats it.

    I have also been reducing my caffeine intake. I noticed that helps a lot with sleep. Not going to give up my morning coffee, but no more energy drinks, and no more soda after 9pm.

    -cheers
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  21. #21
    girl80902 is offline Member
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    freephlyer,

    Isn't it funny how when you are trying so hard to talk yourself out of something that is bad for you, you all of a sudden have little nudges that keep you on track that come out of nowhere??? How awesome that you found that statement just as you needed it! I have things like that happen often also. As for the vitamins, I took just regular One a Day but I added an extra B complex vitamin just to couple with the L-Trysone. I had issues with energy, not anxiety. Anxiety is a way of life for me, as I am a Soldier and that is what keeps us on our toes. I don't get chest pains....just hightened senses and no sleep, can't calm down, always needing to be on the move....ect. I learned how to use it instead of letting it use me. Your tactic of making hash marks is great! I would eat a skittle or chocolate or hard candy(as a reward for making it to the next goal). It gave me something to look forward to as well as kept up my energy...lol. Good to know everything checked out well at the hospital for you. The L-Trysonal works on the nervous system...its in the Thomas Recipe and Robert325 had recommended it to me during my w/d's. I take it and I have never had the anxiety you describe but then again I live a different kinda life. I handle stress pretty well tho. I was crabby ...still have no idea how to combat that....I drink a tons of Tention Tamer Hot Tea. Some days are better than others. That is the only issues that has lasted for me. All the other stuff was gone on day 3 for me....and I swear by the Thomas Recipe...without the benzos for me.

    Good Luck....you are doing a wonderful job!



    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Ok.... made it through work. It was very difficult. So far through all of my w/d's I have not had any anxiety. That is until today.

    First, a little pertinent background info. About 3 weeks ago, I got to work and started suffering severe chest pains. Within minutes I was breathing shallow and hyperventilating. This led me to dizziness. As I tried to do my job, I work with dangerous machinery, I realized my mind was unable to process the proper procedure to safely start the machinery (it requires both hands on 2 separate sensors so it "knows" 1 hand is not in machine before it starts). At that point I went to my supervisor and told them I was leaving to go to hospital. I went to the ER and they admitted me at once. 24 hrs later and a bunch of tests later(with lots of radiation and strange "contrast dye" injections), including running on the treadmill, it is determined that I have a healthy ticker and I am in 95 percentile for my age. So their diagnosis is that work is placing me under extreme stress and it is beginning to affect my health. Yea I know, no surprise for me either. As a side note, as I lay in the ER with an IV a nurse came in and gave me 2 injections. I asked what she was giving me and by the time she answered the 2nd injection was going in. Something for nausea and morphine for the pain. Sad thing was the morphine didn't help and I wasn't about to raise my hand and say "excuse me miss, but I am taking 80mg of Vicodin a day so if you want the morphine to work you should probably double or triple it " No, I just laid there, and toughed it out.

    Back to to today, as I started work at 3pm, I felt the same chest pain returning. It is weird how once anxiety starts it really feeds itself. So, I immediately took control of my breathing, I took deep breaths, and when I exhaled I mentally tried to push the anxiety out of me with each breath. It helped some, but as work continued and stress continued I knew I needed something else. At that point it was 4pm, I took a piece of paper and made a mark on it. I said to myself just 7 more marks and I am headed home. I stuffed the piece of paper in my pocket and continued working. By 5pm I was making a small mark every fifteen minutes. Next to them I drew a little smiley face. By 6pm I was back to one mark every hour and after 7pm I stopped making marks as I didn't need them anymore.

    I made it through work. If you asked me 5 days ago if I could go thru a day of work without medication I would have known that I could not. NOW I know I can.

    I have a calendar at my workstation and I never really pay much attention to it. Today however I looked at the picture and underneath was the statement...

    "Progress has little to do with speed, but it has much to do with direction."

    Wow, so true.

    Well, sorry for the long winded post, I guess once I get typing it just kinda falls out of mind, thru my fingers and into this post.

    Thank you girl80902 for your support. I am not taking vitamins but would like to. Do I take just a regular multi-vitamin? As for crabbiness I have done pretty good so far, but will keep your suggestion in mind in case I do start.

    Thalia45, THAT IS AWESOME, I don't believe I could have done that myself. You need to give yourself much much credit. Know that you are totally worth it. Know you will do this. I will hang in there for sure with you. I will post to your home thread titled "Taper?" so we can keep this somewhat orderly.

    - cheers

  22. #22
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    somehow I missed this post. What wisdom contained in it. I am going to copy it out so I have it in my "reference". Thanks Freephlyer...very much.

    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Ok.... made it through work. It was very difficult. So far through all of my w/d's I have not had any anxiety. That is until today.

    First, a little pertinent background info. About 3 weeks ago, I got to work and started suffering severe chest pains. Within minutes I was breathing shallow and hyperventilating. This led me to dizziness. As I tried to do my job, I work with dangerous machinery, I realized my mind was unable to process the proper procedure to safely start the machinery (it requires both hands on 2 separate sensors so it "knows" 1 hand is not in machine before it starts). At that point I went to my supervisor and told them I was leaving to go to hospital. I went to the ER and they admitted me at once. 24 hrs later and a bunch of tests later(with lots of radiation and strange "contrast dye" injections), including running on the treadmill, it is determined that I have a healthy ticker and I am in 95 percentile for my age. So their diagnosis is that work is placing me under extreme stress and it is beginning to affect my health. Yea I know, no surprise for me either. As a side note, as I lay in the ER with an IV a nurse came in and gave me 2 injections. I asked what she was giving me and by the time she answered the 2nd injection was going in. Something for nausea and morphine for the pain. Sad thing was the morphine didn't help and I wasn't about to raise my hand and say "excuse me miss, but I am taking 80mg of Vicodin a day so if you want the morphine to work you should probably double or triple it " No, I just laid there, and toughed it out.

    Back to to today, as I started work at 3pm, I felt the same chest pain returning. It is weird how once anxiety starts it really feeds itself. So, I immediately took control of my breathing, I took deep breaths, and when I exhaled I mentally tried to push the anxiety out of me with each breath. It helped some, but as work continued and stress continued I knew I needed something else. At that point it was 4pm, I took a piece of paper and made a mark on it. I said to myself just 7 more marks and I am headed home. I stuffed the piece of paper in my pocket and continued working. By 5pm I was making a small mark every fifteen minutes. Next to them I drew a little smiley face. By 6pm I was back to one mark every hour and after 7pm I stopped making marks as I didn't need them anymore.

    I made it through work. If you asked me 5 days ago if I could go thru a day of work without medication I would have known that I could not. NOW I know I can.

    I have a calendar at my workstation and I never really pay much attention to it. Today however I looked at the picture and underneath was the statement...

    "Progress has little to do with speed, but it has much to do with direction."

    Wow, so true.

    Well, sorry for the long winded post, I guess once I get typing it just kinda falls out of mind, thru my fingers and into this post.

    Thank you girl80902 for your support. I am not taking vitamins but would like to. Do I take just a regular multi-vitamin? As for crabbiness I have done pretty good so far, but will keep your suggestion in mind in case I do start.

    Thalia45, THAT IS AWESOME, I don't believe I could have done that myself. You need to give yourself much much credit. Know that you are totally worth it. Know you will do this. I will hang in there for sure with you. I will post to your home thread titled "Taper?" so we can keep this somewhat orderly.

    - cheers

  23. #23
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Well....day 6 here we go...Headed off to work soon. I am pretty sure physical w/d are going away now (slowly). Mental w/d remain an issue, working on them requires faith and commitment. Still hate my job, but coping with it, and without Vicodin! Imagine that, go me!

    -cheers

  24. #24
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    How are you doing? Wish I had a job/job ( my whole career was as an illustrator, and it was the dislocation of my right elbow that even made me AWARE of drugs, let alone their seductive "happiness" qualities. After several operations on my "art" hand (I will never get that functionality back) I quit the drugs, not knowing about withdrawal (unbelievable, huh? - I am a white carpet martini person).

    Well fast forward several years of using drugs, then alcohol then drugs again and so forth with some clean time in between...anyway, the only good thing to come out of all this sleepless agony is a LOT of time to think of my next move. I have several IF I can stay off alcohol and drugs ( just have to put up with the constant hand pain I guess. Your commitment is a constant help.

    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Well....day 6 here we go...Headed off to work soon. I am pretty sure physical w/d are going away now (slowly). Mental w/d remain an issue, working on them requires faith and commitment. Still hate my job, but coping with it, and without Vicodin! Imagine that, go me!

    -cheers

  25. #25
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by thalia45 View Post
    How are you doing?
    Its getting better. Work is a struggle, but it helps as a distraction I guess. I would love to be at home, but I have a family depending on me. So much pressure sometimes. I suffer from chronic foot problems including a bone spur on my left foot. I spend 8 hours at work, all standing, all on bare concrete in steel toe work boots. I do get breaks but if I sit down for 10min it just makes getting back on my feet so much worse. I have tried everything under the sun to help the pain in my feet, I can't get surgery because lost time = lost money and in this economy the bank doesn't waste time coming to get your house. That is how I ended up on Vicodin.

    I am unsure of what the future holds for me, I have been trying like crazy to find a new job. I have an interview Friday and I fear I have set myself up for a HUGE disappointment if it doesn't come through. I pray constantly. I do my best to be positive. I put myself into God's hands.

    -cheers

  26. #26
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Its getting better. Work is a struggle, but it helps as a distraction I guess. I would love to be at home, but I have a family depending on me. So much pressure sometimes. I suffer from chronic foot problems including a bone spur on my left foot. I spend 8 hours at work, all standing, all on bare concrete in steel toe work boots. I do get breaks but if I sit down for 10min it just makes getting back on my feet so much worse. I have tried everything under the sun to help the pain in my feet, I can't get surgery because lost time = lost money and in this economy the bank doesn't waste time coming to get your house. That is how I ended up on Vicodin.

    I am unsure of what the future holds for me, I have been trying like crazy to find a new job. I have an interview Friday and I fear I have set myself up for a HUGE disappointment if it doesn't come through. I pray constantly. I do my best to be positive. I put myself into God's hands.

    -cheers
    That's right! Friday is your interview! I'll keep you in my bucket of good vibes. Last time I got off these damn pills I had a carrot on a stick; this time I am just trying to get off this junk. Don't let the outcome of this job interview make you backslide.

  27. #27
    girl80902 is offline Member
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    Good morning both freephlyer and thalia45,

    I hope both you days will be better, as it already is because you choose to stay clean for yet another day! Thalia45, I read over your posts and am so impressed that you were an illistrator...was it for childrens books??? I read to my kids all the time and they love the pictures. I can see where you have got into a pickle with all this but keep a positive note and you can be back to doing something you love again....it won't happen over night....a runner does not win a marathon just because he use to run track as a teen! It will take determination and practice.

    freephlyer, I was looking into your condition. There reall isn't much you can do, as bone spurs are a part of aging. I can suggest using Motrin for inflammation and soaking in Epson Salt...it will help...we use it for shin splits and stress fractures. Also up your Magnisium supplement...that is the primary in Epson salt anyway but the added intake may help. Also try wrapping the area with an Ace bandage, not tight so you can't move but snug. it will decrease the nerve sensitivity from the spur pressure. She if these few things will help and let me know.

    Anyone can have reasons to take narcotics but not everyone will say, these reasons can be delt with another way and that is my choice to not depend on a quick fix. Everything worth having is worth the fight to get it and keep it!

    Quote Originally Posted by freephlyer View Post
    Its getting better. Work is a struggle, but it helps as a distraction I guess. I would love to be at home, but I have a family depending on me. So much pressure sometimes. I suffer from chronic foot problems including a bone spur on my left foot. I spend 8 hours at work, all standing, all on bare concrete in steel toe work boots. I do get breaks but if I sit down for 10min it just makes getting back on my feet so much worse. I have tried everything under the sun to help the pain in my feet, I can't get surgery because lost time = lost money and in this economy the bank doesn't waste time coming to get your house. That is how I ended up on Vicodin.

    I am unsure of what the future holds for me, I have been trying like crazy to find a new job. I have an interview Friday and I fear I have set myself up for a HUGE disappointment if it doesn't come through. I pray constantly. I do my best to be positive. I put myself into God's hands.

    -cheers

  28. #28
    thalia45 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by girl80902 View Post
    Good morning both freephlyer and thalia45,

    I hope both you days will be better, as it already is because you choose to stay clean for yet another day! Thalia45, I read over your posts and am so impressed that you were an illistrator...was it for childrens books??? I read to my kids all the time and they love the pictures. I can see where you have got into a pickle with all this but keep a positive note and you can be back to doing something you love again....it won't happen over night....a runner does not win a marathon just because he use to run track as a teen! It will take determination and practice.

    freephlyer, I was looking into your condition. There reall isn't much you can do, as bone spurs are a part of aging. I can suggest using Motrin for inflammation and soaking in Epson Salt...it will help...we use it for shin splits and stress fractures. Also up your Magnisium supplement...that is the primary in Epson salt anyway but the added intake may help. Also try wrapping the area with an Ace bandage, not tight so you can't move but snug. it will decrease the nerve sensitivity from the spur pressure. She if these few things will help and let me know.

    Anyone can have reasons to take narcotics but not everyone will say, these reasons can be delt with another way and that is my choice to not depend on a quick fix. Everything worth having is worth the fight to get it and keep it!
    Thanks for the compliments; I am/was a pretty well known illustrator till this hit (not children's books-which BtW many of my friend-illustrators have died thanks to our common addiction). Anyway, I am trying to "reconfigure" myself, and sometimes I win and sometimes...well, you know.

    Haven't given up the fight.

  29. #29
    willow22 is offline Member
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    Hey freephlyer, took me a few to find you over on this side. I just wanted to see how you're doing? I've said a prayer for you for your interview tomorrow, and will continue to. Had more to add but need to step outside & clear my own head, having a racy brain spurt or something. Hope your day is going ok. ~willow

  30. #30
    freephlyer is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. It has been a busy day 7 for me. Spoke to recruiter for tomorrows interview, and he said he needed to move it to next week. This really bummed me out at first, but the more I thought about it, I was happy he didn't cancel it altogether. I don't have a firm day/time next week, but I put this into God's hands and there it shall remain. I have faith.

    As for w/d I am hanging in there, some residual symptoms here and there, lots of chills today. But otherwise doing well. Returning to normal sleep patterns slowly, up early, but that is good as it helps me to sleep later that night. Energy seems normal, I reduced the potassium supplement by 2 pills since my legs are pretty much back to normal.

    Learning to cope with stress, today had plenty but at no time did it occur to me that reverting back to bad habits would be the answer. So for that I am thankful.

    Thalia45, how are you doing?

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