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I really need some advice. I have Crohn's disease and my doctor put me on Fentanyl 50 patches and percocet. Well, after a year it was not working. Instead of discussing this with my doctor, I went to another and he was giving me Fentanyl 50 and percocet too. So between the two I was on Fentanyl 100 monthly plus percocet.
One doctor found out about the other through the pharmacy( bound to happen right?) One doctor cut me off cold turkey the other kept me on but said he would only give me the 50's and they better last a month. No refill and no going doctor shopping. I did not want to rock the boat and agreed. Of course now I only have enough for 15 days. I am already anxious because I know that I will be detoxing in 9 days cold turkey. I do not know what to do at this point. I have been on this medication for 3 years and know the detox will not be peaches and orgasms.
My family thinks I am in recovery and do not do drugs anymore. I was addicted to meth and opiates in the past. I live with them because my dad is ill and have gotten a relationship back with them and my daughter after many years. I am also in the last weeks of school and have finals on December 8th but will run out before then.
I need detox but can't go until finals are over and don't know how this will affect my family. I am also a counselor living in a small town with 1 detox. I worked at that facility so can't go there. I called hazelten ( would like an opinion on them please) and am waiting for a call back ( seems funny but it was a holiday after all) they did though calm me over the phone. I do not know if my insurence will even cover it. School starts again on the 9th of January.
Ok, I have been rambling and I am sorry. Bottom line, do I go into detox and beg my doctor to give me enough to last until school is over? How do I tell my family? Would I be able to do it on my own? The detox uses subutex. What is the difference between that and suboxone? And is hazelten the way to go or do I humble myself and go to the detox where I worked just 4 months ago? Whew!
I know you might think I should know because I am a counselor but it is a lot easier to help others than to help myself. Also, I needed the pain meds. They have helped so much with my chronic pain . I feel shame and hope you will not harshly judge me.
Thanks for the help
You are in quite a dilemma, aren't you? I'm pretty sure that most all the members of this Forum who are addicts (some are not but still add so much help an insight) can identify with your situation. I abused for over 20 yrs and every month I knew I would run out of my script too soon and always would. I'd leave the pharmacy happy, knowing I'd be OK. This time, I'd tell myself, will be the time that I'll follow the instructions and take them only as directed. Right! I wouldn't make it thru the first day without taking at least twice what I was supposed to. Day Two. OK today I will take only as directed and I'll still be OK. If I run out a day early, I'll still be OK. Wrong again. Each and every month I'd be down to last few pills and facing detox two weeks too soon to get more. My thoughts would start to race. What to do? Sometimes I'd tell myself, this is a good thing. Time to just stop this merry-go-round. I have no choice so I'll do this thing. I can do it. Other times, I'd start my "plans"...which ER did I go to last? Who do I know that may have a few that they could spare? I bet you know the drill. In the end, at least two weeks of every month were pure hell and then I'd get my new script and the cycle would begin again.
In December 2009 I found this Forum. It was during one of my countdowns of being without pills real soon. The I got my final script around Christmas time. Of course, I couldn't "ruin" the holidays for anyone. Another excuse, I know now. BUT this time when I left the pharmacy I was not happy. I am a gobbler and knew that if I had them, I'd use them until they were gone. I also vowed that this would be the last time I would go thru this. In early January, 2010 I went cold turkey, the only way I knew how to get this done. Oh, I had been thru so many cold turkey detoxes I entirely knew what I was looking at. The difference this time was that I was doing this INTENTIONALLY! Not because I was out of pills, not because my family was watching me a bit too closely. This time I WANTED IT! I sat at this keyboard every waking moment during those 5 days, and most of my moments were awake. I read, ALOT and then I posted ALOT. Posting made me verbalize (in writing of course) things that I didn't even know I was thinking about. I learned the true meaning of "one day at a time". To this day I live by this tiny, but enormous motto...every morning I tell myself I will go to bed clean and sober and I reserve the right to reconsider tomorrow.
Anyway, sorry for the length of this post. It was a very long way of saying that you will get clean when you are ready and not before. When you are ready, there will be no reason not to do it (I'm not being mean). How you do it is entirely up to you. Only you know what you can tolerate. I'm a cold turkey kind of gal. Pull the bandaid off quickly and be done with it. That's the easy part in my opinion, but get past pulling the bandaid off and then get down to recovery.
I know a little about Chron's. No fun but there are other non-addictive things that your doctor can prescribe to you that will work a whole lot better than opiates. In fact, my experience has been that in Chron's treatment opiates are prescribed only for very short periods for a particularly bad episode. Anything more than that will only make the symptoms more difficult, if you know what I mean.
Keep posting and let us know what you decide. Regardless of how you decide to get clean, I promise two things: First no one will judge you!!! There's no one here with the right. The second is that there will always be others to support you, and offer up advise, someone who has first hand experience with the means you choose to get clean. Now, do it!!
"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." Kahil Gibran (1883-1931).
Patches, difference between Suboxone and Subutex is....Suboxone has something in it, like anti-buse.. If you take an opiate while you have Suboxone in your system you'll get sick, it'll send you into withdrawals. Subutex is what's in Suboxone, that helps you. I don't think Suboxone is what you need, especially if you're dealing with pain still, and Suboxone does nothing for pain. If you ask me, you need to do the Methadone deal. Im not sure where you live, but there are Doctors that will write Methadone for pain management. Or either find you a Methadone clinic close to where you are. I was on Suboxone, but it dud nothing for my cravings to shoot up. It just kept me from shooting opiates cause i knew I'd be sick if I did.
Long story short, don't freak out. Just find you a Methadone Dr and get thru your exams, then you can either Detox or stay on it for pain management. Im on it still, and I've been on pills since I was 13, and Im 48 now. GOOD LUCK.
The answer is simple. Your doctors found out that you were shopping around to other doctors to take in more to abuse, so it seems they discussed and shut you down.
In my opinion, that isn't to be mean, it's because that's not what the doctor's intended. They didn't know you were also be prescribed med's from another doctors.
At this point, whoever your main doctor is, I suggest coming clean. Tell them you're addicted. It's a brave, bold step. There are actually ways of tapering off painlessly, or as painless as possible. There's the "Thomas Recipe" (google it or search here in these forums), plus meds your doctor can prescribe, like clonodine, etc. if you're eligible.
I know what it's like to be drug-seeking. Man, I did some really stupid things, like creating emergencies to get some off of others, obviously getting it from the streets, etc.
But my life called and said it was time to wake up. And I was so happy being off of them. Now it seems like it's your turn. Try to talk with your doctor, explain that you're dependent, ask for help, and see what he says. I'm certain he'll help. Please keep us posted.
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