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Forever is composed of nows...
  1. #1
    SecretLadders is offline New Member
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    Default Forever is composed of nows...

    Hi everyone,

    This is my first time posting. I have been addicted to percocet for a few years now, up to 450 mg a day if I had the money. But, as we all do at some point, I have reached my breaking point. I don't remember what its like to not want to get high, and it's seriously depressing to know that the feeling of wanting to get high never really goes away, I just need to learn how to manage it, how to sustain a state of recovery.

    I am what seems like minutes away from spilling everything out to anyone, just grasping at last attempts to break through it all... But as of now, it's all still a secret of my own and I would really prefer to keep it that way.

    I can get clean for a few days here or there but like I said up top, forever is composed of now moments- today's moments and I need to find something to turn to regularly during the rough times. Sometimes I feel good and I am motivated by it seems like a lot of different factors need to be in place for that to happen, which means I am easily derailed the next moment.

    I want to go back to appreciating what life is really all about, and it cuts right through me that drugs have made all the things I once loved pale in comparison. I feel like I'm dragging my feet through the mud everyday, but that's not me at all.

    Any words of wisdom are so much appreciated.

  2. #2
    notime is offline Junior Member
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    Hello Secret, I am probably not the person that needs to be talking with you, "only on day 8" of my recovery. But just know that there are many of us out here, and you have as much support as you like on this site. It is not easy to quit, but totally doable. I have been on the pain meds for 1 1/2 years after being struck by a car, and fully know how fast this disease can take hold. I will only speak on behalf of myself when I tell you that you have to want to fight like hell, like it's life or death! It is life or death, a slow emotionless death, that will be regretted in the end. There is a purpose for all of us, and we will never know it if we stay high. You have it inside of you, as do we all, you just have to want it, and want it bad!!! Hang in there and know that things will get better if you keep the faith my friend.

  3. #3
    iloerose is offline Platinum Member
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    You need NA. I know many people who believe that this is the only way to stay clean, because you have someone watching your back and who can be there for you at all times. That is the best way. Have you talked to your doctor? That is a load of percs. Is that what you are taking now? You may be a good candidate for suboxone therapy. Check the link at featured drugs. But you are eventually going to have to have close to home help or really get a stiff upper lip and dump it on your own through force of will which is def. hard to do. You can also keep posting here or on Need to Talk for support. But getting clean is one thing and staying that way is another. I wish you luck! You just have to make up your mind to hang tough.

    Peace,

    Iloerose

  4. #4
    freyed is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by iloerose View Post
    You need NA.
    I've considered this, but can Atheists become part of NA?

  5. #5
    Icannot is offline New Member
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    I commend you on your empathy and caring..God Bless You !
    keep on helping all of us!
    I am on opiates for severe neuropathy pain and I have no alternatives...

  6. #6
    Boscodemon is offline New Member
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    Hang in there and dig deep. I was taking max doses of Methidone and Oxycodone for over a decade and it does tear you down. It took a lot of courage for me to quit and only been clean for three months and I struggle at times still and imagine I will for a long time but it does get easier. If you can go days at a time you are strong cause I couldn't go 30 mins without something just to stay level. My advice you really want to change and keep yourself busy cause it will help if you keep your mind busy. Nice long hot showers and walks help as well even though you won't feel like it. I did and still on occasion take clonidine and it helps with the anxiety for a little bit. I am still looking for answers and I hear AA or group therapy helps but I guess that is probably what I am looking for here. I know I almost broke down and caved and it takes a lot to stay focused but if I can quit cold turkey anybody can. Can anyone tell me about PAWS? stay strong and keep at it cause in the end it is worth it being clean and off of those pills. YOU CAN DO IT!! It's not easy but possible.

  7. #7
    Boscodemon is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Icannot View Post
    I commend you on your empathy and caring..God Bless You !
    keep on helping all of us!
    I am on opiates for severe neuropathy pain and I have no alternatives...
    That's were I was at and still looking for alternatives and have tried everything suggested. Going to try Botox soon as I have had many of my nerves burnt in my spine and didn't really help among many other procedures but the meds aren't very effective after some time either. Was on max doses for a very long time. If The Botox helps me I will let you know. Good luck...

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