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first time poster, in wayyyy 2 deep!!
  1. #1
    jl78 is offline Member
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    Red face first time poster, in wayyyy 2 deep!!

    Ok just want to say hi to all and reach out for help! My story begins like this........ I have always loved getting my hands on " a few " pills wether it was percs or vics or what ever, then last august I was in a serious motorcycle crash. I broke my right femer, my left leg right below the knee an also right above the ankle, I also broke my middle finger an got 20 staples in my head. During the first night I developed compartment syndrome in my left leg which sent me back to the operating table for a faciatomy...... anyway they saved that leg but I sustained perm. Nerve damage in the leg , know my left foot is " out of order" drop foot..... gonna need an afo.... but I guess I am lucky to be alive, an not paralyzed. So I was in the hospital 3 weeks an was giving 20mgs of roxies every 3 hours.... when I left I was giving a script for 100 5mg roxies an 90 5mg percs (512's)....... I was out of both in a week an a half. I called in to my orthopedic an she gave me refill on both.... so here I am majorly depressed, no car....or bike, bike was totaled an my car was gone before my accident, bed ridden an no job, no insurance, 250k in med bills, an tdi didn't kick in at this time...... tdi kicked in a month later but is 26 weeks..... at this time I got 5 weeks left, an waiting to see if I get ssdi as I don't know what else to do.anyway, my doc cut me off from pills in nov. An since then I have been buying off the street. I had about 3k saved up in late dec....... today I am dead broke I found a steady supply of perc 30's for me to buy..... I don't know what to do, but had to vent..... I took a perc 15 last night, that's all I have taken in 3-4 days, I felt great till this am, an I had pt today, jonesing for my check to go an run to get my 30's I live at home still, majorly depressed.....mad, sad,lonely,and so mad that I spent all the money I saved on pills....... idk what to do but ask for comfort an support as I don't have any from home. Sry so long.... thanx for reading.

  2. #2
    jl78 is offline Member
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    Default 300 views an no replys?

    Wow I am stunned there is not 1 reply after 300 views. am I hopeless?
    Last edited by jl78; 01-23-2012 at 08:13 PM.

  3. #3
    rxqueen is offline Junior Member
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    No you are not hopeless and we're out here. Some might be just busy or in the other forums. I think the Suboxone forum is where 90% of the traffic really is. Welcome, and thank you for sharing your story. How are you feeling now? What are your motives? Do you really want to stop? Or are you down between being broke and just waiting till your money comes in? It's an honest question, I'm not trying to offend you at all. The anonymity of this forum allows us to open up and admit things we would sometimes never admit to the people who could help us the most. Do you think you'll use when your check comes? Do you want to? Can you ask someone to hold your funds and tell them you have a problem?

    How about seeing a pain specialist and telling them you have an addiction to opiod narcotics? They may give you a referral to a Sub Doctor who can work in conjunction with them to prescribe you non narcotic pain relief, as it does exist. You don't HAVE to take opiods for relief.

  4. #4
    jl78 is offline Member
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    Well I just can't sit still, I am so depressed.... I would rather pop pills an lay in bed all night an day than come to terms w/ this life changing event. Not to mention the fact I am a 33 year old male who lives at home. I got no car, can't work, no girlfriend, rather cop pills to help me keep from going stir crazy. I feel hopless.

  5. #5
    Fentyful is offline New Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jl78 View Post
    Well I just can't sit still, I am so depressed.... I would rather pop pills an lay in bed all night an day than come to terms w/ this life changing event. Not to mention the fact I am a 33 year old male who lives at home. I got no car, can't work, no girlfriend, rather cop pills to help me keep from going stir crazy. I feel hopless.
    Hi, I just wanted to respond to your post as you seem to be reaching out to someone. I'm sorry that with all the traffic noone has really answered you, I think it could be a lot of people are in similar situations, at least in regards to the opiates, and one can be quite self-absorbed with themself and their issues when in addiction, and when seeking help. That being said, I can relate to having a life changing injury, as I myself sustained a severe injury three years ago, I'm now 34, that has completely turned my life upside down, and if I didn't have a strong will to fight and survive, might have even destroyed me. It led to a chain of events and circumstances that has impacted me in every way including my family as well. I'm very sorry to hear that you don't have any family support, and feel basically alone. Dealing with a life changing injury, depression and opiate dependancy can certainly intensify and amplify any pre-existing issues you had prior to your injury. I am still battling my pain and opiate addiction, and I have also spent the last year grieving the loss of a child. Noone close to me knows and understands what all I have went through, nor do I truly expect them too. It would have been nice if circumstances could have went differently, they were extremely difficult the months after I loss my daughter, and my family only seemed to worsen the situation. I just wanted to let you know I can relate, and there is hope. If you need someone to talk to, to listen and share my experience, I will try to be there for you. I have certainly learned a few things in the last three years, I have spent many weeks, month to month waiting for my monthly scripts, buying from anywhere and everywhere, and countless other efforts in this nightmare struggle with pain and opiates. I don't know if you have faith in a higher power, but if you don't mind, I will keep you in my prayers. Take care, and let us know how your doing, Melissa

  6. #6
    jl78 is offline Member
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    Thanks mellisa, that would be great as I can always use extra prayers.

  7. #7
    Fentyful is offline New Member
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    How are you doing? Can you give us an update? I hope this post finds you at least a little better. I have been spending time lately in the Word, versus time on forums like I had been, and I have noticed a HUGE improvements in my pain and medication issues. You are still in my prayers, hope to hear something soon,

    Melissa

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    donnalum is offline New Member
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    i to am new to this sight and i have not had one reply,but you know what thats ok,,im also here to talk to others who need me,,and you sir make me sad cause its just so true how these little blue devils take everything we have,,i am a 30 mil oxy addict also and today i am starting a taper to see if i can do the thomas recipe eventully,,ive as of today cut down by one pill,,,but the days not over either,,if i make a whole day one pill less im gonna pat yself on the back and keep trying to lower it as much as my body will take till wds set in,,i get 150 30s a month and they dont last so i go "hunt" as i put it,,and im so sick and depressed and scared its not funny,,,i do hope you find your mojo whatever its gonna take for you to get your life back,,lots of love

  9. #9
    jl78 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fentyful View Post
    How are you doing? Can you give us an update? I hope this post finds you at least a little better. I have been spending time lately in the Word, versus time on forums like I had been, and I have noticed a HUGE improvements in my pain and medication issues. You are still in my prayers, hope to hear something soon,

    Melissa
    Hi Melissa, i just saw that you were still concerned weeks after my original post. That makes me feel good. Anyway i hate to admit it but the longest i have gone w/out any perc 30's is 2 days. I hate this, I am such a mental weakling , I dont know how I will ever be able to stop using. I have VERY easy access to those devil pills. I took 5 30's alone today. I just know something will have to give in order for me to completely stop........ an thats such a scary thought.

  10. #10
    JayOmatic is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jl78 View Post
    Hi Melissa, i just saw that you were still concerned weeks after my original post. That makes me feel good. Anyway i hate to admit it but the longest i have gone w/out any perc 30's is 2 days. I hate this, I am such a mental weakling , I dont know how I will ever be able to stop using. I have VERY easy access to those devil pills. I took 5 30's alone today. I just know something will have to give in order for me to completely stop........ an thats such a scary thought.
    Hey there j178:

    Ha..I can relate to your situation. I had a bad surgery in 2002 that left my right arm nerve damage and not working and my right lung dead not working. I was in massive nerve damage pain and was eventually on 220 7.5 percocets plus 40 MG methadone. That was 10 years ago.....I am still on the percocets but I have just quit the methadone myself through a year long taper. Lets not kid ourselves here.....we like to take out percocets right. Make us all feel warm and fuzzy and takes away all our depression and bad things...right... Well....I never have taken my percocets as prescribed. I take them as I see fit...which is 3-4 at a time twice a day. Till I run out each month then try to buy the odd vicoden or whatever to make the withdrawls go away. Sound familer?

    Anyway....I have grown really tired of being without my pills when I run out. The source for my vicodins are 200 bucks for 100 and they are 5/500 apap which really kills my stomack.

    So I started my methadone withdrawl 1 year ago and have been off methadone now since january 28th. I have eaten 100 vicodin and 60 percocets since then and am looking at my last 3 percocets siting on my desk. No more till next month. So...this will be the month I kick them percocets. My withdrawl should be over by the middle of next month.

    The reason I have replyed to your thread here is I dont want you to be where I am 10 years from now. I was 32 when I had my bad surgery. If you can manage to get off the pills please try very hard...else you could be where I am in 10 years.

    1.] No matter what any doctor tells you do not let them put you on methadone for long acting pain releif. Its hell to quit.

    2.] You have to really really want to quit for you....if you dont do it now...you will be in the same boat next febuary. I meen...I dont know you personally but I can relate. You have to play the cards that are delt. If you need the pills for pain then take them as prescribed.....as soon as you see yourself not really needing them except to keep the drug withdrawls at bay...its time to quit because its downhill from that point.

    3.] Get yourself a grow light and start a little indoor garden if ya can...it helped me kick the methadone.

    4'] did I mention that you should never take methadone....devils ball sweat...I dont wish that stuff on my worse enemy.

    Hope I helped you ji78

    Jayomatic

    I just read that you are takeing 3 30mg roxys/percs. You are outta my league...thats more then I was takeing but I know many people that have had to quit takeing that dose. I would start tapering today. It was to hard for me to cold turkey the methadone. If ya need to take a few months to taper down. Ask that Robets guy I see him on here alot with good advice.

    I really do wish you the best....In your worst moments know that I will be praying that you are ok....

  11. #11
    jl78 is offline Member
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    Thanks JayOmatic for ur support!
    Last edited by jl78; 02-20-2012 at 08:27 PM. Reason: spelling

  12. #12
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jl78 View Post
    Ok just want to say hi to all and reach out for help! My story begins like this........ I have always loved getting my hands on " a few " pills wether it was percs or vics or what ever, then last august I was in a serious motorcycle crash. I broke my right femer, my left leg right below the knee an also right above the ankle, I also broke my middle finger an got 20 staples in my head. During the first night I developed compartment syndrome in my left leg which sent me back to the operating table for a faciatomy...... anyway they saved that leg but I sustained perm. Nerve damage in the leg , know my left foot is " out of order" drop foot..... gonna need an afo.... but I guess I am lucky to be alive, an not paralyzed. So I was in the hospital 3 weeks an was giving 20mgs of roxies every 3 hours.... when I left I was giving a script for 100 5mg roxies an 90 5mg percs (512's)....... I was out of both in a week an a half. I called in to my orthopedic an she gave me refill on both.... so here I am majorly depressed, no car....or bike, bike was totaled an my car was gone before my accident, bed ridden an no job, no insurance, 250k in med bills, an tdi didn't kick in at this time...... tdi kicked in a month later but is 26 weeks..... at this time I got 5 weeks left, an waiting to see if I get ssdi as I don't know what else to do.anyway, my doc cut me off from pills in nov. An since then I have been buying off the street. I had about 3k saved up in late dec....... today I am dead broke I found a steady supply of perc 30's for me to buy..... I don't know what to do, but had to vent..... I took a perc 15 last night, that's all I have taken in 3-4 days, I felt great till this am, an I had pt today, jonesing for my check to go an run to get my 30's I live at home still, majorly depressed.....mad, sad,lonely,and so mad that I spent all the money I saved on pills....... idk what to do but ask for comfort an support as I don't have any from home. Sry so long.... thanx for reading.
    Dear ji78,

    I think the few responses is likely because you haven't made it clear what it is you want to do. Are you looking for help to stop? If so, you have a number of options, but there is no 'easy-breezy' trouble-free way to do it. There's (1) tapering down until you can jump off at a lower dose, (2) cold turkey, using the Thomas Recipe to help with the withdrawal symptoms, (3) suboxone, and (4) in-patient detox and/or treatment.

    But I really don't know what you're looking for with your post. I can't see if you are ready to stop - you're still enjoying the drugs, and not yet connecting that your long-term misery is tied up in your short-term quick fix of a pill. Sure, they feel good for a short time - that was true for all of us. BUT, the price of that brief "buzz" is horrific depression, loss of relationships, jobs, finances, self-respect and loss of motivation. It's a high price to pay for a buzz.

    I'm an addict, too - so I'm not passing judgement on you. The only difference is that many years ago, I made the decision to stop the insanity and rebuild my life, clean and sober. I was damned near suicidal, but still loved the high from a pill. I thought that was the *only* thing making my miserable life more bearable. So the idea of giving up the only joy I had seemed completely overwhelming. The funny thing is - I had no idea that all the misery in my life was directly connected to that drug use. Once I was clean and working a 12-step program to stay clean, I no longer had the misery that led me to seek out a pill.

    I know you have a lot of regrets for what this addiction has cost you, in money and in any number of other ways. We can't get that back - but we can stop losing anything more to our addiction.

    No, it isn't easy - but it is not nearly as difficult as we believe it will be. And I promise you - it's completely worth it. I was in your shoes, when everything around me was falling apart and I could not see any way out. I was not a strong person - there was nothing special about me that made it any easier. I felt utterly weak, in fact. But the strange thing is, the worse it feels when we hit bottom, the better our chances for success in recovery.

    Let us know how we can help. I'll keep you in my prayers.

    God bless,
    Ruth

    thalia45 and surfdog like this.

    You will know the truth - and only the truth can set you free.

  13. #13
    pullagnm is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ARTIST658 View Post
    Dear ji78,

    I think the few responses is likely because you haven't made it clear what it is you want to do. Are you looking for help to stop? If so, you have a number of options, but there is no 'easy-breezy' trouble-free way to do it. There's (1) tapering down until you can jump off at a lower dose, (2) cold turkey, using the Thomas Recipe to help with the withdrawal symptoms, (3) suboxone, and (4) in-patient detox and/or treatment.

    But I really don't know what you're looking for with your post. I can't see if you are ready to stop - you're still enjoying the drugs, and not yet connecting that your long-term misery is tied up in your short-term quick fix of a pill. Sure, they feel good for a short time - that was true for all of us. BUT, the price of that brief "buzz" is horrific depression, loss of relationships, jobs, finances, self-respect and loss of motivation. It's a high price to pay for a buzz.

    I'm an addict, too - so I'm not passing judgement on you. The only difference is that many years ago, I made the decision to stop the insanity and rebuild my life, clean and sober. I was damned near suicidal, but still loved the high from a pill. I thought that was the *only* thing making my miserable life more bearable. So the idea of giving up the only joy I had seemed completely overwhelming. The funny thing is - I had no idea that all the misery in my life was directly connected to that drug use. Once I was clean and working a 12-step program to stay clean, I no longer had the misery that led me to seek out a pill.

    I know you have a lot of regrets for what this addiction has cost you, in money and in any number of other ways. We can't get that back - but we can stop losing anything more to our addiction.

    No, it isn't easy - but it is not nearly as difficult as we believe it will be. And I promise you - it's completely worth it. I was in your shoes, when everything around me was falling apart and I could not see any way out. I was not a strong person - there was nothing special about me that made it any easier. I felt utterly weak, in fact. But the strange thing is, the worse it feels when we hit bottom, the better our chances for success in recovery.

    Let us know how we can help. I'll keep you in my prayers.

    God bless,
    Ruth

    Ruth, thank you. Your response has hit home, and I highlighted a few thoughts. I'm in this place right now. I don't know if I'm ready to quit, but know I have to if I want to live. I've stopped living a long time ago. I've been on pain meds for around 9 yrs. Right now I'm on an extreme amount. I'm set up to jump to suboxone at any time, and nervous about it. My wife says that I think way to deep and tare every thing a part into these micro thoughts that just makes life crazy. I want my life back, but having a hard time letting go. Most people say just do it, and I want to.

    Again thank you.

  14. #14
    jl78 is offline Member
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    Thanks Ruth for ur reply! I am on my way to the orthosis to get fitted for an AFO, not looking forward for this appointment, but its gonna help me walk better. I'll talk to every one later.

  15. #15
    jl78 is offline Member
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    Running low on my stash. Starting to panic, man I hate this. I hate being a slave to these pills. I want to stop, an I want to be happy an content w/ out needing these blue devils. Just kind of venting tonight, gonna shower an shave ( what a project this is since my motorcycle accident ) an try an relax in bed while surfing the web.

  16. #16
    alleycat4714 is offline Junior Member
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    Don't beat yourself up, we are all addicts, all spent too much on drugs. It's sad having our lives revolve around a pill. My mom said one time, "You would step over my dead body to get drugs." When I thought about it, I realized I probably would. I'm on Suboxone now, so I'm not clean myself. But I have quit cold turkey before, and you can't even imagine in your current state how amazing it feels to be able to enjoy things again, have your own energy, and be able to leave town without worrying about your supply! Seriously, what other options do you have? At this point, using is never going to be easy again, the sooner you accept it the better.

  17. #17
    SuzieOf is offline Member
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    I just wanted to step in and say that if you take the suboxone route it can help a lot as it does erase all the withdrawals and because of the long half life you are suddenly not thinking about pills all day. But, unfortunately most sub doctors know very little about the drug and will almost always induct you incorrectly and on too high of a dosage. If you do go this way make sure you come here and read about others who with Robert325's help used the subs correctly and are now totally drug free. Good luck to you, keep posting.

  18. #18
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    J78 sorry for your situation, have been in a simular one myself. Man you sound really bitter and angry, sometimes life deals us some bad hands and we have to play the cards dealt to us.Not getting on your case at all here,but were you buzzed when you had the accident? Don't understand if you are ready to stop or mad that your life has taken a bad turn. Took me a while to grasp I did more to me than anyone else could even think of doing. Have some severe health issue now, and everyone goes back to the high price of hard living. I did it to myself. Want to help just need some clarity Good Luck Surfdog
    Last edited by ddcmod; 05-18-2012 at 10:12 PM.

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