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yesterday was 2 weeks!
yesterday was 2 weeks!
..just realized.. i woke up today to probably one of the best days i've had so far..started me thinking on how long it's been. yup..just passed the 2wk mark.
i've been taking melatonin almost daily..usually waking 2-3x a night. last night i took nothing..and only woke once! and it sounds crazy..but i WOKE UP with a smile on my face..maybe it's because i had a dream about charlie's angels last night ?!lol dead serious. but it was a good dream. i've been having nightmares lately. is anyone else/did anyone else experience this? (FEW dreams i was held hostage..a using dream a cpl nights ago..so on). i researched the 'hostage' one online..said it might be from a certain lack of control on my life...may be caused by my financial issues? don't know. but A LOT of vivid dreams..i'd say every other day. if not daily.
anyways.. i'm feeling soooo much better. i'd thought that after i jumped, i didn't rly feel any different. that i wasn't feeling any w/d's. hmm..now that i know what i'm SUPPOSED to feel like. not so sure how true that was.
i took such a small amount..i think all i did was just prolong the inevitable. my body temperature is getting bk to normal..i just thought i was just always cold. i disregarded the slight chills. i was losing weight..so i was trying to eat more. i disregarded my lack of apetite to the increase in my food intake. etc. now i have 3x more energy.. no anxiety.. my stomach problems have gone away now too!
anyways..to all of u tapering from subs. the w/d's..that i was sooo scared of..that i couldn't make the jump from subs coz..weren't even bad enough for me to realize that they were there. i've detoxed before..not full on..i've always managed to get whatever i needed in a day or two at most..but i know what that feels like. atleast in part. i guess in the back of mind..that was what i was still expecting.
so..to all of u detoxing/detoxed c/t..many, many a kudos to u all!! you're stronger than i ever was. and my hat goes off to u all.
to those of u tapering from subs..and that know what w/d feel like..don't fret. i can vouch for the w/d's being slight in comparison. i wont lie..they do last a little longer. and they go away so gradually, that u don't notice that they're gone.. until they are. but i promise u..if u just keep plugging away each day..before u know it..2 wks have passed! and u'll be AMAZED at how good u feel!
i also want to thank all of u posting. to all of u just starting a taper..all of u girls posting together.. i think what ur doing is awesome! i almost wish i would've waited..so that i could have had u guys too! lol. and to all of u veterans, cheering them on, and giving ur advice and wisdom. i read ur posts and smile. cuz i know firsthand how it feels to read them, and the encouragement u get from them.
this forum is truly an amazing place. i'm so grateful for all of u.
Thanks for the awesome post! So happy for you really! You did it girl! So nice to know that it really isn't that bad if you remain positive and stick to it. I begin my taper tomorrow morning and it's so nice to hear your positive response. Makes me really believe this is possible!
Congratulations on the 2-week mark. So amazing right? So happy I met you and proud to call you my friend. Please keep posting those positive messages. We all need them. You take care and have a great day!
Shadow , Congratudamnlations!!!!! The dreams will cease it just takes a while you're doing great man hang in there anything I can do I will hang tight bro proud for you Surfdog
Wow. U just made me almost cry. Ur story is sooo inspiring! Especially to me, I've hit a snag at 4 n I'm feeling so frustrated w my body cuz I want to b off this so bad.
Did u post ur background on subs on another thread? I'd like to hear when u started induction n at what strength mgs, for what duration, n ur tapering plan/jump mg? Oh btw what symptoms were most bothersome to u throughout ur taper n then jump? We're the wds from ur jump similar than the ones during ur taper? Sorry for all the questions, but I love to pick everyone's brains on these things I love to hear these success stories, u give us girls the strength to make it because we know we can do this...
I'm so happy for u, overcoming ur fears n just DOING it. N look where u are now. Also thx for ur kind words, you've managed to jump n help out others here! So proud of ya n keep posting n let us know where u are. .
Originally Posted by toni.s.
Oh also forgot to tell u,
I also get really weird, scary bad dreams on subs. I thought it was just me n I was like why am I having all these crazy scary dreams?!?! Well they go away once ur clean I can attest to that cuz I was clean off subs for a few months. But when I was clean all those nutty vivid dreams went away.
thank u so much karen, dog, and crystal. you don't know what ur support means to me.
but dog?! i'm confused. u address shadow, but address my question? lol no worries.
crystal: i actually went to a detox center. it consisted of a wk of suboxone..8mgs/day. if i were smart i would have left it at that..
apparently i'm not. i did everything wrong. so don't repeat anything that i did. except for the whole listening to robert part.
i had subutex at my house. i continued taking it after i got out of detox.starting at 2 mgs and lowering. no consistency whatsoever with my use. THEN i find robert's taper plan. decide i should stabilize on a dose. do so on .5. decide to jump..chx out. come back stabilized on .25 and decide to skip days and jump. after i realized i COULD skip one day, decided just jumping would be best..FOR ME. dosed one more time and jumped.
i felt pretty much what i'd be feeling in the morning before dosing for a little while after jumping. rls at night... walking/exercising through the day helps big time. i would take a melatonin, then a shower before i went to bed. anxiety in the morning...etc. i was uncomfortable. but NOTHING u can't deal with.
since getting out of detox, i've been going to meetings though. almost 3 mos clean from the painkillers and benzos. it has helped me soo much. getting a sponsor too, for me, is probably what has helped the most. and changing all of my habits. getting off of these is the easy part. i never thought it would ever happen for me. but at the same time..never realized the magnitude of my use. it's hard to describe. i knew i had a problem. but didn't think i had a big enough problem for me to take the time to fix it.
i'm just glad to be here. and don't apologize for the questions. i wanted to ask the exact same ones. the anxiety of my jump probably bothered me more than the actual jump itself, if that's any consolation?
anyways..my best advice is to keep doing what ur doing. and get a support system in place. that's what will make the difference after ur jump. and what will keep u clean for the long haul. u'll start feeling so much better ..as a person too.
anyways..hope that i helped somewhat. don't have much to give right now.
but i do think ur doing great, and i have a lot of faith in u. u hit a snag at 4? are u tired? what's ur issue? sry i'm getting u chris' confused.
and the dreams..they went away as soon as u quit the subs b4?
Toni......you've done such a good job and you've come so far as this most difficult of journeys. Everyone here is so tickled that you've done this. I pray you have further and continued success. Its gotta be hard. Im not sure I could do it if I was in your position.
Stand Strong Toni......"You've come a long way Baby" (LOL You probably arent old enough to remember that)
thanks restlessly. i appreciate it.
...no..i don't recall? lol
toni I foerget where I'm at sometime much less who I'm talking to , residual damage Dog
Wow quite the journey...Ya I think read my page after u posted this...hard to keep track on a cell...but I went down fairly fast from 24-8 on my own then luckily found this site n am getting help tapering n stabilizing properly...I went from 8-4, then had bad anxiety, rls, etc then got great advice from a few vets n stabilized at 6 for four days n now am at day 6 on 4...I think Robert saw how fast I tapered down n thought since I was having so many symptoms I should stabilize at 4 before continuing down. Those symptoms are the worst for me along w creepy crawly feeling, n the second half of day has gotten better, so just takin it day by day. I totally agree about exercising, after I exercised today my symptoms decreased n rest of day hasn't been bad.
N I thought it was u that mentioned the bad dreams on subs but Mayb I was wrong...sorry if I got mixed up like I said earlier, it's difficult doin this on a cell!
Anyways I really apprec u posting ur story, answering q's about YOUR experience, n being so supportive to me n others. Keep up the amazing work, n you'll b amazed at how great ur feeling, EVEN MORE in a couple more weeks (I think my thread might explained what I did...I got off subs before n screwed up, like so many of us do) but two weeks, r are kicking butt!!! Congrats xoxo
Originally Posted by toni.s.
Last edited by Crystalclear651; 06-15-2012 at 10:51 PM.
I am just saying hello and checking on you here with your thread! Hope today is a very beautiful one for you! I see you have mentioned the vivid dreams occasionally to others. Just trying to get some info on them myself.
I know that ever since I began the subs earlier this week that my dreams have actually been very frightening! So real and had me waking in disbelief at times! So it makes sense that it's the subs as I just didn't have THESE types of dreams before beginning them. So you think that after the subs are finished my "dream patterns" should return to normal? I sure hope they do.
So if you have any further comments than you have already given I would love to hear them. As I said to several others, I am trying to learn as much as I can as I go forward. Every bit of information helps me, and I hope would help others as well! Thank you Toni. Blessings.
Originally Posted by Strong Desire
Where you at girl? Please post if you get the time and let us know how you're doing. Thinking of you right now and wishing you the best! I'm sure you are adding up the CLEAN days! Talk to you soon I hope!
you're so sweet
i'm doing ok. been a little down lately..so didn't rly know what to say.
i broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. i guess it's a good thing. i had previously told him about a cpl things that were bothering me ..and he did absolutely nothing to fix any of it. he didn't even seem concerned that something was bothering me.
i'm a very easy going girlfriend. and i don't ask for a lot. and i guess that's what just did it for me. maybe he was attracted to me before because i didn't take much effort..cuz i didn't rly care before. how could i? most of the time i was high. i wouldn't deal with anything..NEVER honored my emotions/feelings by expressing anything..and i guess i always short-changed myself.
now i'm realizing that some of the things i was ok with before..i'm not ok with anymore. my friend said that that shows that i'm growing as a person? and realizing what I want from a relationship..and standing up for myself.
i've just always settled when it came to relationships..and i don't want to do that anymore.
i don't know..we're just taking some time apart right now. if it's meant to be..it will be. it's just rly hard. my emotions are already CRAZY! and it just doesn't seem like he cares..and that prob hurts the most.
it almost feels like i'm coming off drugs again. you know? counting down the hrs til it's the end of the day..so i can get through one more day without using(calling him)..
on the plus side..i HAVE NOT used. i'd be lying if i said that it hasn't crossed my mind. but i went for 3 runs yesterday instead..everytime my emotions got too much for me..whether it be angry..sad..etc..i took it out on the pavement lol.
it made my day to see that had u asked about me sry i spent the time ranting about my boyfriend..guess i needed to get that out.
how are u doing? i saw that u might continue ur taper after only 3 days of stabilizing on a dose? ur doing so awesome at this! u seriously have this in the bag! you have no idea how many lurkers you're affecting by ur amazing AND POSITIVE story! i'm very happy for u..u keep this up..and u'll be on the other side in NO TIME!
It really helps me at this point to read your story. Know that you are an encouragement to others. I had a similar situation to yours on subs so it makes me feel good that you were able to jump with minimal w/ds. I started taking on my own without a Dr. to try and get off and started WAAAY too high, 6-8 mg per day. I quit taking them, not knowing. Finally, last week, I restabalized on my own and told myself I would take as little as possible. I took 2 mg all last week and am at 1.5 mg today. The past few weeks I have had a TON of anxiety and depression. I think that comes from me jumping down off of 6-8 mg/day. Physically, I feel okay, but the anxiety is tough.
It helps my anxiety more than you know to read your story of two weeks being off with minimal discomfort. I feel like I can tough out the mental part when I know I can taper and skip days without hurting too much.
I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I understand those problems all too well.
Keep up the good work, thanks for sharing your story.
Originally Posted by toni.s.
Thank you so much for the very kind words. It means so much to me really. I consider you to be like a best friend here. You and some others of course. I am so sorry to hear about you and your boyfriend breaking up. That has to be affecting you so much at this time. The thing is.....please don't use that as an excuse to use again. I know you won't, you've worked so hard to get to this point.
And you post ANYTIME you feel the need to do so! I will always be here for you if only to just listen. I've lost boyfriends before and it really hurts too. But like you said, if it's meant to be then you will find out soon enough what is the best road for you to take. If if EVER does cross your mind to take that first pill or whatever, please POST here first! Me and lots of others will do our best to keep you from doing it.
You did the very best thing by going out for a run yesterday. It helps so much and clears your mind if only for a short time. I run every single morning. I make the time to do it. I go out before my son and boyfriend even gets up! Love to run! You are so strong of a woman Toni and I know you will get through this. It takes time of course. Time heals ALL wounds as is said by some very smart people.
I'll be thinking of you today and again please post if you just need to get something out. I'll do my best to be here. You take care girlfriend and I'll talk to you soon. Bless you girl.
Big Hugs to you,
chuuuuck lol..like ur name
are u doing the taper with robert? lol i did it the wrong way trying to do it by myself...it got better BECAUSE i decided to ask robert for the help.
as far as the hurting goes..don't worry about that now. just continue with the taper..and get ur mind right. get a great support system..keep posting..and u'll get through that part in no time.
as far as the thanks goes? i don't even know how to take that lol. didn't think i really did anything. but if i did..i'm so very glad that it helped you. that makes me feel better than u can ever know.
scratch that...get clean..post about it. and then the newcomers will be thanking u for ur story..and u'll get to feel how special it feels to hear that!
sry if it seems that i don't know much about ur story..i did read ur thread. but there's a lot of newcomers tapering, so i keep getting the numbers/names screwed up..and my mind has been a little preoccupied with the breakup. 2 yrs doesn't seem like that long..but it makes a difference in ur day without them.
just know that i'm rooting for u! and i'm going to freshen up on u and ur thread right now!
Last edited by toni.s.; 06-21-2012 at 10:16 AM.
Robert has not replied and set me up anything specifically, but I am in general tapering the way he suggests now. I feel okay with it.
For the thanks, I know it doesn't feel like you have done much. But just making a positive example story of "I tapered the right way, I am not through it and I made it with little w/ds," is really a big deal. I specifically asked in my thread yesterday if anyone had examples like that, it seemed every thread was horror stories of how bad it went for someone, or how they did it the wrong way, or how they were still in the middle of tapering and haven't got to the "jump" yet. Since asking that yesterday, I have found two threads (this one, and one other) of people who said they tapered the right way finally, and got off in the end with little discomfort.
Finding these threads has been a HUGE amount of encouragement. The jump scares the ???? out of me, skipping days scares the ???? out of me, but mostly insomnia scares the ???? out of me!! But I feel like from these threads, that it isn't that hard. I am making it more in my head than it is really going to be.
my anxiety was the only thing that prolonged me taking my jump at all! DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. treat ur symptoms, don't use..and the time will pass. but that's the easy part..i was just reading ur thread. i was CONVINCED that i was JUST physically dependent on these drugs too. my advice is to go to meetings.. atleast to figure it out. if something rings true to your story in one of those meetings...ur probably an addict. but that's for u to decide. now that i'm not dependent on the drug..physically..anymore. i still have reservations about me never being able to take something again and be able to control it. .but i know that's just my addiction talking.
Originally Posted by chuuuuck
i guess what i'm trying to say is...we ALL have a hard time believing that we're addicts. and we ALL have a hard time accepting it. but don't cheat urself the opportunity to figure it out.
Thanks. I agree with you Toni! Sorry for hijacking your thread, not my intention at all.
I am seeing a counselor 1 on 1 regularly now to talk about it, do most people think that is usually enough or are the meetings important on top of that?
ohhh stop! u can use my thread whenever u like.
and in response to ur question..it rly depends on the person. i would atleast try a meeting..just because u might like it!, and it might further help u. but if not, i think it's great that u have the counseling. we just need support. there's nothing black and white about it, just whatever u feel is helping u.
just wanted to add my (belated) but heartfelt Y*I*P*P*I*E!!! for you toni!!
allll my best! and prayers for you too!
you have no idea how much your support means to me! i was just thinking about the breakup..and was about to cry..jumped on here ..and was greeted with your cheerfulness and kind words. you allowed me a much needed smile.
so, for that..and for u...i am grateful.
hope you and your family are well!
CONGRATS TONI!!! Keep going and never look back! All my best Reid
Wish I could give you a REAL BIG HUG right now! Thinking of you Toni. I know what you're going through and well just know that I really do care!
Originally Posted by toni.s.
thx CA. you've been a big help for me, even if u didn't know it lol.
and karen. i really do believe u that u care..and that means more to me than u'll know.
Hang in there Toni, ur a great girl, you deserve the best n shouldn't expect any less so sounds like you made the difficult but necessary changes you need to do right now...in all facets of your life...
thx crystal...i keep telling myself that over and over. lol. so it's funny u said that. just reinforcing what i guess i already knew deep down there somewhere. words of encouragement..as always!
if anyone is/was having a bad day like i was...
i insist! read icjoe's thread..and see all of the strong, and courageous ppl involved in it.
i can GUARANTEE that it will make u smile! (esp if you're an addict)
can you name anything that you love to see more than that?!
all of you involved..u know who u are! thank you. you just helped a fellow addict..just by helping yourselves!
i can't even put into words how my heart just felt!