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yesterday was 2 weeks!
  1. #61
    Crystalclear651 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi gurl how's everything going this week? Hope you are doing well.

  2. #62
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crystalclear651 View Post
    Hi gurl how's everything going this week? Hope you are doing well.
    hey girl! thx for checking on me..
    but not too much to say. started working..def. a humbling experience. had to go for something much less than i'm used to pay-wise. and i guess my energy level isn't exactly where i thought it was..9 hr days and i'm LIVING on caffeine! trading addictions? i'm so used to 'upping' mid-day. but i end up sluggish without it..and i don't like that..used to being the one with EXTRA energy. so for now, it'll do.
    anyways..was bouncing around all of your threads..and i think i like posting there more than here for now lol.
    so off i go..

  3. #63
    ClassiqueMom is offline Senior Member
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    hi toni!

    just stoppin' by with a {{{hug}}}

    you're a pretty amazing girl!

    keep on, keepin' on, as they say

    allll my best! and prayers!, too!
    Classique MoM
    P - R - A - Y - E - R
    When life gets too hard to stand...KNEEL !

  4. #64
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    Hey Toni- Just checking in on your thread-- How are you? How's the new job treating you? Nothing wrong with coffee if you ask me-- I drink it all day and it was one of the things to get me through those tough days in the beginning- I've always been a coffee drinker though so I'm sure I've been hooked on it for a while now. I totally understand what you mean by "upping" mid day-- That was a big change for me as well not going to my back pack for a vitamin at certain points of my work day. You and I both know we feel much better now without the "upping"-- Keep up the good work-- I hope all is well.

    Mr_Dean
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  5. #65
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Hey Toni,

    How ya doing girl? Been a while since we last talked. I was constantly thinking about you while I was away the entire time. We are so close to having the same issues, but you are clean and I am almost there! I sure hope you are doing well now and continue to add up the clean days.

    Sorry to say but I have lost track of how many days you have been clean. Maybe you could remind me when you get the chance? I had a real nice vacation and it was so nice to just get away for a short time. I feel so relaxed and ready to resume my taper and then the skip soon. Then I can begin to add up the clean days just like my friend Toni!

    Take care and I'll catch up with you later on I'm sure. If I can be of any help you just let me know. Bless you girl.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen

  6. #66
    Crystalclear651 is offline Senior Member
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    Hi Toni, been out of commission this week but I just wanted to catch up w you buddie. Your energy will be back before you know it. Hope all is well, just thinking about you. Miss chatting with you! Xoxo
    Crystal

  7. #67
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    Mom...YOU are amazing!!

    Mr Dean..work is well. i've been applying at different places too...so fingers crossed! just need to do the footwork..and God will bring me where i need to be

    Karen and Crystal...i was missing you guys! really it's amazing how close i feel with you already. today is 34 days! still going strong..and no thoughts of turning back..
    things seem like they're falling into place finally ..so i am happy

    i don't ever feel like i have much to say on here anymore..so like i said before..i just drop in on u guys and on ur threads..it was so nice that u guys checked in on me though!
    ClassiqueMom likes this.

  8. #68
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    34 days is huge!
    Congratulations!
    Marian

  9. #69
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by toni.s. View Post
    Mom...YOU are amazing!!

    Mr Dean..work is well. i've been applying at different places too...so fingers crossed! just need to do the footwork..and God will bring me where i need to be

    Karen and Crystal...i was missing you guys! really it's amazing how close i feel with you already. today is 34 days! still going strong..and no thoughts of turning back..
    things seem like they're falling into place finally ..so i am happy

    i don't ever feel like i have much to say on here anymore..so like i said before..i just drop in on u guys and on ur threads..it was so nice that u guys checked in on me though!
    YEAAAA Toni.....that 34 days is so HUGE! Way to go girl! I am so proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself! That just seems so far away the 34 days. I will get there soon if I have anything to say about it. Keep doing just as you are Toni. You are amazing! Bless you my friend.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen

  10. #70
    Crystalclear651 is offline Senior Member
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    Wow 34 days! Congrats!!! And way to go on ur new job. That's huge! If ya need caffeine by all means utilize it! You've come so far in such a short time. Definitely something to be immensely proud of. I agree, I feel like I've gained a great friend in u as well have a nice 4th.

  11. #71
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Hello Toni,

    I am missing you girl! Today is 35 days CLEAN for you and that is really getting some serious clean time! Wow....so proud of you! Can't wait until I can make a post like that one! Please post when you get the time. I know you are very busy, but I am always thinking of you because I feel a very strong connection with you. We are close with similar issues so that's maybe why I guess? Have a great day.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen

  12. #72
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Toni so glad you are doing well big milestone there girl you are doing great Dog

  13. #73
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Toni,

    Today should be 37 days CLEAN for you and I wanted to congratulate you for that accomplishment. That is so awesome! I hope you are doing well and probably just real busy this weekend. I'll check later to see if you have posted and you have a great day and weekend.

    Big Hugs,
    Karen

  14. #74
    ClassiqueMom is offline Senior Member
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    hi toni!

    i'm a waitin' for an update too!! ..


    allll my best! and prayers!, too!
    Classique MoM
    P - R - A - Y - E - R
    When life gets too hard to stand...KNEEL !

  15. #75
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    hey guys!...
    sorry i've been so busy working.
    and i just got a second job to take care of my car situtation..so i'm gonna be one tired girl for a little while..
    but God is working in my life, so i am grateful
    saturday i went to FRCNA... Florida Regional Convention for Narcotics Anonymous..
    it was AMAAAAZING!!!
    something like 4,000 addicts all in the Marriot hotel. around the clock meetings..
    doing the prayer at the end with all of those ppl.. and a clean time countdown...(i think the most time was 38 yrs)
    it was indescribable! the energy was electric..
    i was feeling a little disconnected from the program because i was working so much..so i couldn't jump on the rides i COULD get to a mtg..so barely ANY meetings last wk...one..maybe two..
    i couldn't have asked for a bigger jump start back! i feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to have experienced that..
    i got a ton of numbers to add to my support group..was able to build a pretty strong connection with a few women that i recognized from around the rooms..
    so life is good
    i went to the movies a cpl times with my ex..we never had 'that talk'..
    i realized i didn't want to.. we're more like friends right now..and i like that..
    i'm able to concentrate on myself..and on myrecovery..and i truly feel like i'm growing as a person because of it.
    soo...40 days tomorrow..
    and i couldn't be happier right now.
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  16. #76
    Mr_Dean is offline Member
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    That's awesome Toni! Sounds like you had a very positive weekend. I'm so happy to hear that. Welcome to the 40's too. Feels great when you get up this far doesn't it? Keep riding that Happy Wave. Glad to hear that things with your ex are getting better. Maybe you two were just meant to be friends.. Who knows- Or maybe things will work out for the two of you and a very slow restart is what you guys need. Not trying to pretend I know the history between you two I just want your happiness to continue- You're doing great!! Keep up the good work!

    Mr_Dean
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  17. #77
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    ok...quick question.

    i go to NA primarily..
    but my sponsor is in AA..

    is this a problem?
    cuz a lot of ppl are telling me that it is...

    she has 5 yrs clean time and she works a solid program.
    they tell you to choose someone who has the recovery that you want..well she's that!
    i do only have the one sponsor..i call her everyday..she has an amazing connection with her Higher Power..
    and she has a similar story to mine.

    i go to her homegroup every week too..

    but a lot of my support group comes from NA...most of my rides are to NA meetings..
    and i feel like i can 'relate' to ppl in NA a little more..

    don't get me wrong..i get something out of EVERY meeting i go to..
    AA has awesome recovery time too..

    but i own a big book from both..

    i've always said that knowledge is power..so i don't think learning more of ANYTHING is a bad thing..
    but am i pulling myself in too many directions?

    i don't know..ppl keep advising me that i'm doing it 'wrong'..

    but i feel sooo comfortable with my sponsor..she's just an awesome being..
    and i think that i'm working a good program..
    i do the 'next right thing'..
    and i feel happy with myself and what i'm doing with my life..

    so how could it be wrong?

    BUT ..i'm so new to this..
    and i still question EVERY decision i make lol! ..
    i've always made the wrong one...
    soo...i was hoping for some wisdom/advice from ya'll...

    HIT ME WITH IT! i'm open to EVERYTHING said..

    (on the plus side..
    i quit smoking 4 days ago
    i was able to run DBL the distance today!)

  18. #78
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    Toni.....
    when i started NA there were very few women there.
    I had a sponsor from AA also.
    worked for me.
    If you work the steps w/her, i think it's fine.
    important that she knows you better than you know you through that process,
    that way she knows to call you on your shi!
    i caught a lot of heck from na members for this.
    they said i should get an out of town sponsor....etc.....to find a woman.
    i found a great one in town, just in aa....
    Marian

  19. #79
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Toni,

    I'm so new to everything that my opinion shouldn't count, or really matter, but I think you should stay with the sponsor you have if you are completely happy with her, and she has lots of clean time built up.

    I really just wanted to say hello to you and to congratulate you on the quitting smoking! That is so awesome! I think that smoking is one of the nastiest habits out there. No offense to smokers at all here, it's just NEVER been my thing. Never even tried one of them things and glad of it too! The smell of the clothing and the persons home if they smoke in it....yuck! LOL.

    Again not trying to upset any smokers and I fully believe it's your right to do so if you choose! My opinion only, but Toni I am so happy you quit. Now get on with that running!

    Big Hugs,
    Karen

  20. #80
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    oh my gosh!!
    thank you sooo much for ur reply!

    in my heart..that's REALLY the answer i wanted to hear LOL..
    no matter what i said..

    i feel a special connection to her..
    i was hesitant to ask her because of everything that ppl were telling me..

    and when i did..she laughed..
    she'd pretty much assumed her role already.. lol
    she had always been my sponsor in my head the whole time too

    i dono..when things just 'fit'..
    or 'fall into place'..
    i always give God the credit for that!

    well...thank you soo much for taking the time to post!
    this had been a worry of mine for some time..

  21. #81
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Toni.....forgot to ask....did you get back with your former boyfriend? Thought I read something where you mentioned that he wanted to get back with you?

    Karen

  22. #82
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    yeah he does...
    but no i'm not..

    i think he's worried that someone else is gonna scoop me up instead...
    little does he know that this girl is too preoccupied on recovery and building my spiritual connection with God to worry about boys!
    i'm trusting my life into God's hands..
    if it's meant to be..i truly believe it will be.

    we're friends as of now though..
    not gonna lie..it's a little hard.
    i do love him..

    but i believe that there's some work to be done in ourselves..and in/for our relationship first.
    so i'm not going to project my future..
    don't know if i'll get back with him...don't know if it'll be a yr before and/if i do..
    i just know that today feels 'right'
    and (personally) i feel that if you're walking God's path for you..that usually tends to be the case.

    soo..
    to sum up...lol..no.
    but i'm happy

  23. #83
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    i'm sry...how rude of me!
    what's going on with you and your dude?

    anything u wanna get out? or talk about?
    got some great listening ears on me!
    Last edited by toni.s.; 07-12-2012 at 11:09 AM.

  24. #84
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by toni.s. View Post
    i'm sry...how rude of me!
    what's going on with you and your dude?

    anything u wanna get out? or talk about?
    got some great listening ears on me!
    You certainly weren't being rude Toni! No way, no how! And I am in an extremely happy place right now.

    He has tried a couple of times to come "crawling" back and I shot him down every time. There is no way in he!! that this girl will EVER take that guy back.....EVER! He has another girl now so that is great.

    He sold me out for my friends and then his friends called and asked me out. I was soooo pi$$ed at him! But I'm doing great without him and that deal is 100% OVER and DONE with Toni. Case CLOSED with him!

    Like you I am too focused on my own recovery right now to want to go out with ANY guy and lots have asked me lately. They know my position and even my parents have gotten into the act and told a few guys to just leave me alone right now. They listen to my parents as they can be quite convincing if you know what I mean?

    So bottom line....no guy for this girl and especially NOT the one I had for almost a year. He wasn't my sons father anyway so it makes it easy to tell him to get lost. My sons real father was killed in a car accident shortly after he was born, but that's another story for another time. We weren't married at the time, but were engaged to be married soon and then he was killed. But really, I'm just fine.

    And thank you Toni for allowing me to get that out. It's been bugging me for a long time and I hadn't ever mentioned it here before. So I had better stop right here before Surfdog comes on and tells me to "just focus on my own recovery" right now. And he would be so RIGHT too! LOL.

    Thanks again Toni for always being there for me. You are so awesome! Hope you have a great day and I'll talk to you later I'm sure. Bless you girl.

    Lotsa Love,
    Karen
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  25. #85
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strong Desire View Post
    You certainly weren't being rude Toni! No way, no how! And I am in an extremely happy place right now.

    He has tried a couple of times to come "crawling" back and I shot him down every time. There is no way in he!! that this girl will EVER take that guy back.....EVER! He has another girl now so that is great.

    He sold me out for my friends and then his friends called and asked me out. I was soooo pi$$ed at him! But I'm doing great without him and that deal is 100% OVER and DONE with Toni. Case CLOSED with him!

    Like you I am too focused on my own recovery right now to want to go out with ANY guy and lots have asked me lately. They know my position and even my parents have gotten into the act and told a few guys to just leave me alone right now. They listen to my parents as they can be quite convincing if you know what I mean?

    So bottom line....no guy for this girl and especially NOT the one I had for almost a year. He wasn't my sons father anyway so it makes it easy to tell him to get lost. My sons real father was killed in a car accident shortly after he was born, but that's another story for another time. We weren't married at the time, but were engaged to be married soon and then he was killed. But really, I'm just fine.

    And thank you Toni for allowing me to get that out. It's been bugging me for a long time and I hadn't ever mentioned it here before. So I had better stop right here before Surfdog comes on and tells me to "just focus on my own recovery" right now. And he would be so RIGHT too! LOL.

    Thanks again Toni for always being there for me. You are so awesome! Hope you have a great day and I'll talk to you later I'm sure. Bless you girl.

    Lotsa Love,
    Karen
    Karen getting stuff like that out IS focusing on your recovery. Getting rid of the emotional pain is important, that way it doesn't fester. Pain kept to ourselves just grows stronger, when verbalized as with cravings it loses some of it's power over us. Especially having someone to understand and at times just to listen.

    And to you Toni you are doing great and have your focus where it needs to be. And your are right if it is meant to be it will be . Starting to think there might be something to that thing called girl power lol Bless you both Dog

  26. #86
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    "Every day and every night, I pray,
    Lord help me find my way,
    to stay strong, and to keep my sanity"

    "Lord, lift me up,
    over the hurt and pain,
    deliver me from the rain,
    See, I don't wanna stress, don't wanna stress no more,
    I don't wanna struggle no more"

    the first song i listen to before my run every morning to remind me where i'm coming from..
    Anthony Hamilton..struggle no more.

    then i change the music to something fast...that pumps me up even more!

    so..u know i quit smoking..i think 6 days ago now?
    well i would have to sprint..and walk..sprint ..and walk..cuz my endurance was low.

    well today! i ran quite the distance...still sprinting in spurts!
    i feel like the shi right now!

    anyways..just wanted to share a piece of that song with u..
    it's special to me

  27. #87
    toni.s. is offline Senior Member
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    oh!..and i do yoga by myself..

    but i met someone in a mtg who invited me to go to a yoga class with her..

    pretty excited about that!..

    you know?! my support group just keeps growing and growing..
    i was re-reading over my posts..and i felt a little silly whining and whining about having no friends..

    you know how you don't realize that ur feeling better after stopping the pills..until you do..cuz it's so gradual?
    that's how i'm feeling about my life too..

    today, i feel like i did in my first post in this thread..but in regards to my life.
    i appreciated all of the blessings i was getting..little by little..

    but now...when i think about them all..grouped together..
    woah! it's almost overwhelming..
    i just feel so blessed!

    just wanted to share that..
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  28. #88
    surfdog is offline Senior Member
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    Toni it takes some time for all of it to sink in. Keep the attitude you have Ya ain't seen nothing yet Dog

  29. #89
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Toni,

    I feel bad for not coming and posting on YOUR thread more often. It seems that I only post to you on my thread, or someone else's most times. So here I am girl!

    How are you doing today? Having an awesome day I hope. Doing anything special? I was reading your thread again and you are such a special person. You have done an awesome job getting clean, and doing what you need to do that will help keep you clean. Proud of you so much!

    I really feel bad because you felt the need to apologize to me on my thread. Never a need for that as I told you. I sincerely appreciate ALL comments by everyone. I mean that too. That post may have been vague about what my parents did in the way of that "gift" of the picture to me. It may have looked like I was speaking about my "looks" at that time with my comments. So please don't worry one bit about it ok?!

    You keep adding up those clean days. I'm gonna be joining you tomorrow now! I can NEVER catch up with you, but if you struggle and have a "weak" moment, I am going to be right on your case ok? I would expect you to do the same with me also! LOL.

    Have a great day today Toni and I'll check up with you later on. Very proud of the things you have done and said to others. You are an awesome girl, and great friend!

    Big Hugs,
    Karen

  30. #90
    Strong Desire is offline Advanced Member
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    Hi Ya Toni,

    I'm bumping your thread to the top so maybe you can give us an update on your CLEAN DAYS right here! You are AWESOME girl and your comments to Dee really had me going too!

    Take a couple of minutes and give me your life story! OK...maybe just the current facts!

    Here for you girl!

    Big Hugs,
    Karen

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