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Is xanax and sex the only answer???
  1. #1
    JnA
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    Question Is xanax and sex the only answer???

    My boyfriend of 2 years has some problems...and I need some answer's.

    Since a child he was diagnosed A.D.D. Thinking he would eventually grow out of it...he never has and now at 29 it has actually gotten worse, he has a horrible temper and his mind races at 100 M.P.H constantly. I mean its so bad that daily he runs red- lights, not on purpose but because he can't focus and he doesn't pay attention. He is probably the worst person under a high stress situation that I have ever seen. He constantly has problems sleeping . He is so moody and gets aggravated very, very easily. He is very insucure, also has some issues with sex, almost seems asthough he is addicted to it... If I dont have it with him everyday all the time, he gets very upset and insucure and sometimes everyday still isn't enough! As you can imagine this puts a huge toll on our relationship!

    Now I have worked as a C.N.A on the psych ward and also helped with occupational therapy. I also have family and friends with sever depression and some w/ bi-polar disorder also have a niece with autism. So needless to say I know a little about mental disorders.
    My boyfriend does know and fully admits he has a problem. He's not too big on the whole therapy idea. So lately he has been taking Xanax and it has made a world of difference!!! We both love what the Xanax does for him, but I don't want him to become addicted to this! I myself have had addiction problems with very dangerous drugs in the past called "oxcy" and I know how addictive Xanax can be. I told him to only take Xanax in panic attack mode, but by that point its sometimes too late!

    Ritalin also doesn't work for him because he was on that as a child and young adult, but we also don't want him taking that daily either!

    Ashley "my boyfriend" does smoke weed on a daily basis. He believes the weed helps him a little and I do see the difference from when he has smoked and when he hasn't. And NO weed is NOT the problem, he has had these issues even before smoking and if anything the weed I believe does help a little. He is willing to stop smoking if there is something else out there to help with his GABA.

    I am a firm believer in natural remedies'. We don't want him to have to take any anti-depressants daily even if depression maybe the problem. But I am to the point to where I will try anything to help him! Is there a natural anti-depressant out there, is there something safer than Xanax? Can anyone help give me some answers? And please don't tell me about the side effects of Xanax, this I already know. I am merly asking if there is something like Xanax out there without the side effects or if there is anyone that has been through this and can give me some advice so that Ashley can live anormal life without panic, anger and stress!! Thanks for your time and concern!
    Last edited by JnA; 04-12-2009 at 03:57 PM.

  2. #2
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Xanax is stronger and works faster than anything he will take that is natural. It has a half life of only 6-12 hours and that's why drs RX it for panic attacks. It works fast and it's strong.

    I'm not for sure but I think that sex thing might just be a "guy thing" ... . It beats watching soap operas for me too. Be glad he isn't someone who doesn't want ANY .. that would be worse.

    He could try valerian root for anxiety. It works SOME for me and I abused benzos for over 25 years badly. I still get some benefit from valerian root. Any major pharmacy will have it, it's cheap ... about $5 for 100 caps. He can take 3-4 at a time as needed and repeated within reason. Hope that helps. God bless.
    Last edited by Robert_325; 04-12-2009 at 04:19 PM.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  3. #3
    JnA
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    It's not just that he wants it, Its that its a all the time continuous thing! He's cheated on all of his ex's and hads even cheated on me. Promises it work happen again, but he really has a problem with it! I have caught him on adultsites for meeting people just for sex! I have had many relationships and sex has never been a issue till this one, I am a very sexual person but he is just much more sexual than me! It's really a problem in no other word with out explaining anymore. Enough is never enough for him, you don't understand! and I dont know if it manifest from his A.D.D, anger or depression or if its a problem all in it's own? But this is not just a normal man thing, I promise you that.

  4. #4
    MaisieC is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JnA View Post
    It's not just that he wants it, Its that its a all the time continuous thing! He's cheated on all of his ex's and hads even cheated on me. Promises it work happen again, but he really has a problem with it! I have caught him on adultsites for meeting people just for sex! I have had many relationships and sex has never been a issue till this one, I am a very sexual person but he is just much more sexual than me! It's really a problem in no other word with out explaining anymore. Enough is never enough for him, you don't understand! and I dont know if it manifest from his A.D.D, anger or depression or if its a problem all in it's own? But this is not just a normal man thing, I promise you that.

    I've heard of this issue before in connection with OCD. Has he ever been evaluated for that? Though maybe there's no point if he would refuse medication for it.

    So he won't get therapy? And he won't consider taking anti-depressants even if he is depressed? The only answer is a "natural" pill? I hope you guys can find something that works, but honestly my feeling is that it might take a combination of therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes (exercise, diet, etc.) really to begin to make lasting changes. Good luck to you both, and hang in there.

  5. #5
    JnA
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    He is very OCD I believe! By the way it's not me that disagress with therapy. I do believe that therapt would make a world of differance but he's hardheaded. Not persay a natural pill, but something not as addictive as anti depressants and xanax!

  6. #6
    klopper22 is offline Member
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    Sometimes, the addictions/conditions are so prevalent that man made meds are the only thing to work. I would rather be taking an antidepressant that can be addictive than live my life in out of control lunacy.

    There are medications for a reason. Dont be so steadfast against them unless there is prior history making them obsolete.

  7. #7
    mpvt is offline Platinum Member
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    This man needs intensive therapy......Dave

  8. #8
    MaisieC is offline Senior Member
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    Antidepressants, at least the SSRIs--are not addictive. They're not susceptible to abuse. Your body adjusts to them, but that is the point of how they work...they retool some of the way the brain works. That's what you WANT them to do: to stabilize your brain function in a different place from where you started out. Coming off them can cause bad effects in some people--especially if you stop abruptly at a high dose--but that doesn't make them addictive.

    It's sounding to me like your boyfriend had a bad experience with treatment when he was young, and so is resistant to any further medical treatment. I can understand this, but he's not going to get better through sheer stubbornness. He's basically set up a bunch of conditions whereby he doesn't have to change: no therapy, no meds, he gets as much sex as he wants and if he doesn't he cheats. This is a kind of a tyranny, really.

    Where are you in all this? It sounds like he's giving you a really rough time. Not to be inhumane, but you might want to think about what you're doing in the relationship and what's in it for you.

  9. #9
    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by JnA View Post
    It's not just that he wants it, Its that its a all the time continuous thing! He's cheated on all of his ex's and hads even cheated on me. Promises it work happen again, but he really has a problem with it! I have caught him on adultsites for meeting people just for sex! I have had many relationships and sex has never been a issue till this one, I am a very sexual person but he is just much more sexual than me! It's really a problem in no other word with out explaining anymore. Enough is never enough for him, you don't understand! and I dont know if it manifest from his A.D.D, anger or depression or if its a problem all in it's own? But this is not just a normal man thing, I promise you that.


    I apologize for my comment. I was obviously just joking and didn't realize how serious this situation really is. Your friend needs serious treatment. He has obviously got some major issues. Good luck and God bless.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  10. #10
    klopper22 is offline Member
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    No offence, but LOL.

  11. #11
    JnA
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    Well a little offence was taken because i'm on here seriously trying to find answers. I know i'm not the only person that has ever gone through this and I'm hoping someone can reach out to me with a helping hand. I thank all of you that have giving me your advise. Now sex honesly is the last thing I am concerned with because that is a symptom all in it's on I can treat. It's is temper and just plain mental illness in his head that I am worried about! I know that if there is something to fix the glitch in his brain that cause's him to act the way he does that insucurties with himself will follow with treatment, which will then hopfully help with his sex addiction issue.
    He is the kind of guy that has to see it to believe it. He will ignore the facts just hoping it will go away. He does this with everything I mean EVERYTHING. Example: His bird was sick and instead of realizing this for treatment he ignored the facts and tryed to pretend that his bird was fine so that he didn't have to worry about it, hoping it would just go away.
    This is his everyday life. He waits last min to pay his bills hoping that he will just be forgotten, then the power get shut off! He pretends nothing is wrong in this relationship till my bags are packed and I am walking out the door... Then it's "I realize I have issues I will get help I promise!" I am on this forum in hopes that he will read this and see that people go through these issues and prblems and that he's not the only one and that there is help out there without being addicted to xanax's and that there is hope. He will listen to the doctor it's just getting him to the doctor. He will listen to someone that has that same issues as he does and with experiance to help. I will have him read this forum for advice and guidance.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by JnA View Post
    He is very OCD I believe! By the way it's not me that disagress with therapy. I do believe that therapt would make a world of differance but he's hardheaded. Not persay a natural pill, but something not as addictive as anti depressants and xanax!

    I know allot of people that have taken ssri's and have become VERY dependent on them.
    Take a look at some of the threads on here for ssri's very scary.

    Melinda

  13. #13
    klopper22 is offline Member
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    I really am sorry. I should not have done that and you wont see it again.

    I personally have been dependant on SSRI's for a while, but they have helped me immensely at the same time. I used to have to work the graveyard shift cleaning by myself because I was so afraid of interaction with people. Now I can function reasonably in an office setting on the day shift. I still have a lot of social anxiety, but I am finding my way through that by looking to God, talking to my wife and getting council from people around who care.

    I resisted getting on antidepressants for several reasons:

    • I was ashamed to ask for them and thereby admit I was off in the head
    • I kept thinking I could "be normal" on my own
    • I kept waiting for God to make it all better


    But you know what I realized?

    • There is no shame in actively seeking help you need.
    • I cant be normal in all aspects on my own...we all need help at times in different forms.
    • And, God makes things available to us that will help us. The meds are the way in which God helps sometimes and we cannot rule them out as part of the solution.


    Again, i apologize for the LOL. I really do care.

  14. #14
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    hi klopper
    Your OK you don't need to apologize for anything...
    You did nothing wrong...
    you can have a little LOL...if you want
    Have a good night !!!
    Melinda

  15. #15
    MaisieC is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by melinda7.5 View Post
    hi klopper
    Your OK you don't need to apologize for anything...
    You did nothing wrong...
    you can have a little LOL...if you want
    Have a good night !!!
    Melinda

    I think klopper was apologizing to JnA.

  16. #16
    JnA
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    Klopper, thank you for being sincere.
    Did you have some of these same issues before taking the SSRI's: Temper, stubornness, depression, anger, ect....?
    How have they helped you?

  17. #17
    JnA
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    I must also add that I have been doing oxy latly. I used oxy years ago and loved the way they made me feel, I told my boyfriend how sexual I was when I was ********ed up on them, So he came home with some 80's one night and they kept coming! He loved the sex we had while I was f*cked up. Now I am fully addicted taking atleast 80 mg's a day because I am physically depandent on them. I am getting ready to start on suboxon and I didn't know if I should take the same mg of suboxon as I do oxy and when wing myself off or what... But this is also the reason I don't want him taking the Xanax because I know what it is to be a addict. Unfortuanitly my addiction started because of his sex addiction. Also my life seems to be so much easier dealing with him while I am on them. I don't know how I will deal with his issues trying to come clean. NOT LOOKING FOWARD TO THAT!!!!

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    Robert_325 is offline Retired
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    Quote Originally Posted by JnA View Post
    I must also add that I have been doing oxy latly. I used oxy years ago and loved the way they made me feel, I told my boyfriend how sexual I was when I was ********ed up on them, So he came home with some 80's one night and they kept coming! He loved the sex we had while I was f*cked up. Now I am fully addicted taking atleast 80 mg's a day because I am physically depandent on them. I am getting ready to start on suboxon and I didn't know if I should take the same mg of suboxon as I do oxy and when wing myself off or what... But this is also the reason I don't want him taking the Xanax because I know what it is to be a addict. Unfortuanitly my addiction started because of his sex addiction. Also my life seems to be so much easier dealing with him while I am on them. I don't know how I will deal with his issues trying to come clean. NOT LOOKING FOWARD TO THAT!!!!


    PLEASE don't take the same amount of subs as oxy. That is NOT the way to use suboxone. Go to the following link for suboxone information. This is how I suggest using suboxone anyway.

    http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...apy-50887.html

    This process has proven to be effective time and again on this forum. If you want some help with the subs let me know.

    I'm not trying to be smart but in addition to you guys getting clean it really sounds like some couples counseling might be a good idea. You guys have some serious issues that you need to work out if you want this relationship to make it. I've never seen a drug-induced relationship survive unless some changes take place. Good luck and God bless.
    Last edited by Robert_325; 04-14-2009 at 12:24 AM.
    I am not a dr. My statements are based on years of experience and related education. Consult with the professional of your choice regarding matters of concern.

  19. #19
    JnA
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    Well no, it's just me that needs to get clean, and I completly agree with the couples counceling, but he nees to sort out his issues first before we can take a step to improve our relationship. So I am hoping we can figure somthing out for him first. So far I have gathered: intensive therapy, SSRI's and depression councling, colanapins and hypnotherapy. Anything else someone can add for improvment on his mental health and problems?

  20. #20
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Hate to say it, but it sounds like insanity to me... not only does your boyfriend have some serious issues, but now that you've relapsed on oxys, you've got your own. A few thoughts come to mind:

    Not all problems are answered by pills. Your boyfriend's issues go beyond finding another pill to cure it - he needs professional help.

    The last thing you need to worry about is thinking antidepressants are "addictive." That's some twisted thinking, if you ask me. Successful use of an antidepressant does NOT alter one's mind or thinking - it balances out brain chemicals to balance mood. It is not a drug of abuse.

    There's no way to find out if an antidepressant is going to work when the person is still using other mood-altering drugs, such as xanax, klonopin, marijuana, booze. Too many other things are interfering with its action to know how well it might work.

    You're trying to blame YOUR drug use on your boyfriend's issues - that's not right. You were clean and you chose to pick up - take personal responsibility for that. The longer you continue to use, the harder it's going to be to stop one day. And now that you're using, your thinking and emotional response is going to be less than rational.

    As a raging codependant, it's clear that your focus is on HIM - and trying to fix HIM... and that's not going to work. Get your focus back on yourself and your recovery. Seek professional help (for yourself!) to find out why you choose to stay in such a relationship. You seem to love him for his "potential" - what he COULD be - rather than looking at him as he is... and deciding, is this the person I want to be with?

    Relationships based on changing or fixing the other person are not healthy relationships.

  21. #21
    MaisieC is offline Senior Member
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    Hi JnA,

    ARTIST couldn't be more right. I am concerned about YOU in all this.

    Your boyfriend doesn't need you to solve his problems. His issue is clear as day: he has serious mental problems and needs a medical evaluation. He probably needs medication and certainly needs cognitive and behavioral therapy. And that's it--it's not actually very complicated. It's unfortunate, but that's it.

    But he's set up all these conditions: won't get therapy, won't take Ritalin, won't take anti-depressants, etc. And he's putting you through all these changes, and you just accept that. You're a health professional: take a step back and think about it. This is some really serious co-dependent behavior on your part. Meanwhile, you have a drug abuse problem, but you come on drugs.com to get help for him, not yourself.

    Please do some reading about co-dependence and get some therapy for yourself. Robert can help you with the suboxone; you can trust him completely. You need to take some real steps to help yourself here. If your boyfriend wants to play games, that's his problem. Do you really want to sacrifice your life to that?

  22. #22
    klopper22 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JnA View Post
    Klopper, thank you for being sincere.
    Did you have some of these same issues before taking the SSRI's: Temper, stubornness, depression, anger, ect....?
    How have they helped you?
    I had mostly depression out of the things you mentioned. Secondary and I do believe as somewhat of a result of the depression I had some anger and temper issues. The SSRI's have helped me to process my surroundings more constructively rather than being afraid and running and hiding or getting angry about how I cant deal with them. Notice I italicized the word "helped". They didnt do it all for me but rather enabled my brain to function more like it should in problem solving. They can be a big help if you work with them.
    Last edited by klopper22; 04-14-2009 at 07:27 PM.

  23. #23
    klopper22 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaisieC View Post
    I think klopper was apologizing to JnA.

    Yep, u are right.

  24. #24
    klopper22 is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by melinda7.5 View Post
    hi klopper
    Your OK you don't need to apologize for anything...
    You did nothing wrong...
    you can have a little LOL...if you want
    Have a good night !!!
    Melinda
    Thanks for being nice to me, Melinda.

  25. #25
    JnA
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    I totaly agree that I have a substance abuse. I never said I didn't. and I most certianly am not blaming my boyfriend on that! I take them. He's just the one that brought them to me everyday. I took them at first because me taking them made him happy! He liked the way I was when I was on them "sexualy". Now I take them because I NEED them, not because of him! So dont misinterprate what I said. I do need to help him find help, I can help myself in the mean time, but yes I am more worried about helping him right now because I know I can help myself, He wants the help but wont do it himself. I'm just seeking out my options. And I will talk to Robert for suboxon suport. Why not kill two birds with one stone?!?

  26. #26
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Post Here's an analogy to think about...

    Quote Originally Posted by JnA View Post
    I totaly agree that I have a substance abuse. I never said I didn't. and I most certianly am not blaming my boyfriend on that! I take them. He's just the one that brought them to me everyday. I took them at first because me taking them made him happy! He liked the way I was when I was on them "sexualy". Now I take them because I NEED them, not because of him! So dont misinterprate what I said. I do need to help him find help, I can help myself in the mean time, but yes I am more worried about helping him right now because I know I can help myself, He wants the help but wont do it himself. I'm just seeking out my options. And I will talk to Robert for suboxon suport. Why not kill two birds with one stone?!?
    Here's a simple analogy of the situation, as I see it:

    You and your boyfriend are both struggling in a stormy sea of addiction. The water is deep and dark, the waves are high and the wind won't let up. You're both kicking and flailing your arms, gasping for air. It doesn't matter HOW you got there, it doesn't matter if your boyfriend pushed you into the violent water. What matters now is that both of you are there - and you're fighting a disease/ocean that wants to kill you.

    You are asking for help for your boyfriend - yet being offered a life preserver for yourself! Rather than grab onto that life preserver and saving yourself, you are insisting on trying to get him to grab onto the life line. He has no interest in doing so - and try as you may to get that life preserver around his neck to save him, you can't force him into that safety net. He isn't trying. He doesn't even seem to see that there is a storm around him.

    So now, in your last posting, you are trying to not only grab onto that life preserver yourself, but you insist on dragging his heavy body along with you. He is "dead weight," as he will NOT hold on, and leaves it up to you to do that work for him.

    What do you think will happen in this scenario? Do you think you're going to be able to pull him along while the storm surges and the waves overwhelm you? I truly doubt it. What is likely to happen is that BOTH of you will let go... and drown. I've seen it toooo many times.

    Just because you fought addiction before and succeeded for a while, that does NOT mean you can do it again, whenever you choose. I was clean for 11 years when I was first offered pain medication again - and it took me 2 nightmarish years after that to get clean again. It isn't easy - in fact, with each try, it gets harder. I'm now clean again for over 5 years - and there ain't NO way anyone is going to tempt or taunt me into swallowing just one more pill. If my man thinks I'm better sexually with pills, that's his problem. I value my recovery far more than I value his sex life!

    You have plenty of your own issues to contend with - without trying to solve the problems of a man who is showing no willingness to improve his own lot. You can't change other people, you can't make him better. But you can save yourself - if you focus on doing that first, ahead of all else.

  27. #27
    JnA
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    That was very beautiful. I will take your advise, Thank you. I wish I could save him but I guess you're right sitting back and looking at the bigger picture. That really hit hard, the things you said. You said them is such a way to help me without judgeing, critizing, or parenting me. Thank you again.

  28. #28
    ARTIST658 is offline Platinum Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JnA View Post
    That was very beautiful. I will take your advise, Thank you. I wish I could save him but I guess you're right sitting back and looking at the bigger picture. That really hit hard, the things you said. You said them is such a way to help me without judgeing, critizing, or parenting me. Thank you again.
    I'm so grateful to learn you heard me, hon. Others did the same for me when I needed to hear it, and I'm deeply touched to hear that I was able to "pass it forward" without judgement. I've been in your shoes, and I do understand. A large part of how I stay in recovery is to share what I've learned with the next person struggling with similar issues... that's why I come to these boards. If I can help, just ask. May God bless you in your journey. - Ruth

  29. #29
    confusedvette is offline Junior Member
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    I think if you have sex with your boyfriend every day and that is not enough, he definantly needs help.

    I wish you both good luck.

  30. #30
    confusedvette is offline Junior Member
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    Oh, Xanax is a real ********** to come off of by the way.

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