[sometimesdestructive]

I wanted to start off by saying im extremely nervous to even be talking about this or to admit i have a problem and really appreciate whoever replys back.

My day starts off with taking about 2 to 4 xanax when i wake up, by noon im taking 5 more and by the time i get home i take another 5 with about 2 to 3 Valium. I go to bed i take about 2 valium and 2 ambien. I dont take all the xanax or valium at once because by spreading it out gives me the chance to function.

Ive kept my problem a secret for more than about 8 months when i got prescribed xanax and have gradually gotten addicted. I want to stop, but i cannot go 2 hours without having horrible withdraws. Because of this i dont stop. I am in a very prestigious ballet academy and the withdraws only bring attention to myself and i fear i will get kicked out.

I have managed to stop snorting coke for about a month now, and have limited my drinking problem, but for some reason i cannot kick the xanax.

My question is how can i help myself stop with out bringing attention to myself?

Thank you

[mottam]

sometimes:
Good morning.
I do not have a benzo addiction; my issues are with opiates.
However, some "rules" of addiction are generic to everyone.
First of al, from what I understand, benzo (xanax) w/d is very tough and very dangerous if not done right.
Do not let this scare or discourage you. Just be aware that you need the proper guidance to do this.

There are members on this site w/ this kind of experience - I am sure that someone will post to your issue ASAP.

That said, do not give up or get discouraged at the start. Many on here have gotten clean, stayed clean, gotten clean - relapsed - and got clean again, etc.
The point is, you need to get a plan together, set it in motion, and execute. Nothing nor no one is perfect. However, if you stay honest and work hard at this, you can succeed.

Stay close to the forum, and KEEP POSTING. There is help on here.

Kindest Regards
mottam

[tired2]

Hi sometimes,
I have just got off the benzo roller coaster ride that I had been on for many years.So I know how you feel.You are really taking a lot.Benzo's detox can take awhile to get off.It's one of the worst and hardest drug to taper from but it can be done.It will take you awhile to get off safely.Here is a site that you should read before you start.http://www.benzo.org.uk/
Pam

[sometimesdestructive]

Originally Posted by tired2

Hi sometimes,
I have just got off the benzo roller coaster ride that I had been on for many years.So I know how you feel.You are really taking a lot.Benzo's detox can take awhile to get off.It's one of the worst and hardest drug to taper from but it can be done.It will take you awhile to get off safely.Here is a site that you should read before you start.http://www.benzo.org.uk/
Pam

thank you, im just so worried with out them and with them and is probably the scariest thing ive ever had to face. not a lot of people know and support is what im lacking, but i read a lot of reply's from this site and see that there are a lot of people willing to help. So i really do appreciate it.

[Timtoheal]

The main thing is wanting to quit. When and if you want to quit this is the place to go for help. But honestly xanax withdrawals are very hard and can lead to seizures and worse. Go toa Doctor and tell the truth. That's my advice.

Remember it can be done. But with utmost care.

[cferd]

You can do it! It may take awhile, it may not be easy, but it will be worth it.
You really need to get with a good Dr who knows about benzo wds, I'm in the same situation. Patience, persistance and you'll get there. There is a term regarding beno wds, I believe it's called spiking your dose, it basically means once your tapering, never increase your dose again. You may have to stay in the same place for a little longer, but as long as you don't spike, your making progress. Remain hopeful.

[sometimesdestructive]

thank you guys for helping. i never knew any of the side affects of coming off benzo and its scared me more than anything.

[mottam]

Originally Posted by sometimesdestructive

thank you guys for helping. i never knew any of the side affects of coming off benzo and its scared me more than anything.

How are you feeling today?
Do you have a plan in place?
Remember, that w/o a plan, it is very hard to achieve a goal.
I just wanted to pop in and tell you to stay strong, get a program together that will guide you to your end goal (getting and staying clean), and execute on that plan. I have seen several people on this site successfully get off of the benzos. You can do this.
Now that you are aware of the benzo w/d affects, have you consulted with a doc? Or, are you working w/ a site member? I am not trying to get in your business - just concerned that you get through this w/o causing some of the harm I have read others go through. Basically, I am pulling and praying for you.

Best of luck.
mottam

[sometimesdestructive]

Originally Posted by mottam

How are you feeling today?
Do you have a plan in place?
Remember, that w/o a plan, it is very hard to achieve a goal.
I just wanted to pop in and tell you to stay strong, get a program together that will guide you to your end goal (getting and staying clean), and execute on that plan. I have seen several people on this site successfully get off of the benzos. You can do this.
Now that you are aware of the benzo w/d affects, have you consulted with a doc? Or, are you working w/ a site member? I am not trying to get in your business - just concerned that you get through this w/o causing some of the harm I have read others go through. Basically, I am pulling and praying for you.

Best of luck.
mottam

i went with out benzo last night took my usual cocktail of valium and ambien. i woke up fine and about mid morning i got real nauseous and so i took 6 .5mg .

As for seeing a doctor no. i have not had the courage and to be honest to walk and in and say i have a problem. I guess a long with that im scared also that they would suggest some 30 day intensive rehab program which i would rather do with out. As for a site member contacting me no, but im sure soon enough.

I guess to make more sense of my addiction to is that i recently slowed down my alcohol drinking. I try to limit going out once or twice a week. So i guess you could say the lack of alcohol ive then picked up taking more xanax, and or valium.

[tired2]

Hi sometimesdestructive,
I know you are scared but you really should go see a doctor.If he is a professional he will work with you on a plan of action to get you off the benzo's as safe as possible.The amount of benzo's you are on really can not be tapered within a month which is about the standard time for rehabs.If you go to the site I gave you it will explain how to taper off safely.Drinking on the dose you are on is very dangerous.
Take care,
Pam

[sometimesdestructive]

Originally Posted by tired2

Hi sometimesdestructive,
I know you are scared but you really should go see a doctor.If he is a professional he will work with you on a plan of action to get you off the benzo's as safe as possible.The amount of benzo's you are on really can not be tapered within a month which is about the standard time for rehabs.If you go to the site I gave you it will explain how to taper off safely.Drinking on the dose you are on is very dangerous.
Take care,
Pam

thank you pam i did go to the website, and it helped some. i think its just getting it started and sticking to it. Like i said i lack supportive people around me and so it kind of scares me

[Timtoheal]

Sounds like you're not committed 100% to quitting yet, and that's a shame.

Get a plan, there are programs that work but you cannot half way do this and expect results.

This is life and death.

[sometimesdestructive]

Originally Posted by Timtoheal

Sounds like you're not committed 100% to quitting yet, and that's a shame.

Get a plan, there are programs that work but you cannot half way do this and expect results.

This is life and death.

Your right im not 100% committed to quitting, but i did get a calender wrote down kind of a similar schedule to the one on the site and told my self monday i would start. I know i need to start somewhere and i started with that. My heart is 100% in it and i know that for a fact.

[mottam]

Originally Posted by sometimesdestructive

Your right im not 100% committed to quitting, but i did get a calender wrote down kind of a similar schedule to the one on the site and told my self monday i would start. I know i need to start somewhere and i started with that. My heart is 100% in it and i know that for a fact.

sometimes:
May I ask a question, please: Why wait until Monday? Start today!
You stated that your heart is in this 100% - then go for it now.

Also, while you may not have a support group right there with you, know this - you have EVERYONE on this forum to post to, 24, 7, 365. There is usually someone ALWAYS on this site. Many of us do not sleep; do not sleep well. I know sometimes I get up at 2 - 3:00AM and log on. So do many others.

You have support here, you sound like you have the desire, and you already investigated and established your plan per the site posted. Many on here will work with you. Everything is yours to gain. We just neeed to keep trying....

Best of luck, post and post often.

Kindest Regards
mottam

[Timtoheal]

What he said.

This place has kept me sober for 7 days now.

[sometimesdestructive]

After i read yalls post and re read it made since to believe why yall might not think im 100% committed and i want to be so yes i will start today

[tired2]

Originally Posted by sometimesdestructive

After i read yalls post and re read it made since to believe why yall might not think im 100% committed and i want to be so yes i will start today

Hi sometimes,
You have made the first step and that is GREAT!!You never said how many mgs you are taking a day.
Pam

[sometimesdestructive]

Originally Posted by tired2

Hi sometimes,
You have made the first step and that is GREAT!!You never said how many mgs you are taking a day.
Pam

i take about 16 mgs of xanax and about 12 mgs of valium

[tired2]

Originally Posted by sometimesdestructive

i take about 16 mgs of xanax and about 12 mgs of valium

Hi sometimes,
This is going to be a long road as you are taking a really crazy amount of benzo's and on top of that you are on two.You really want to take it slow as the risk of siezures can be high.I'm not trying to scare you but it is a fact.I wouldn't worry about getting off the Valium sense it is actually recommended for a taper as it has a very long half life.

You really have to stick with taking your dose's at the same time.You can not go up and down on the doses.So if you can comet to that with yourself then you can bet this before it bets you!!!

Pam

[sometimesdestructive]

thank you pam, i had a little more to drink tonight than normal, but i was able to a less dosage of xanax than i normally do this night. I am not sure if that is good or bad considering i did drink a little more than i wanted to.

[tired2]

Originally Posted by sometimesdestructive

thank you pam, i had a little more to drink tonight than normal, but i was able to a less dosage of xanax than i normally do this night. I am not sure if that is good or bad considering i did drink a little more than i wanted to.

Hi sometimes,
Like I mentioned before you are on a very high dose and drinking is not a good thing.How much did you taper.I will help you but you can't go willy nelly on you doses.You have to have some kind of a consistent plan in place or this will NOT work.
Pam

[sometimesdestructive]

Originally Posted by tired2

Hi sometimes,
Like I mentioned before you are on a very high dose and drinking is not a good thing.How much did you taper.I will help you but you can't go willy nelly on you doses.You have to have some kind of a consistent plan in place or this will NOT work.
Pam

Well the way i put it down on paper, i tapered .5 mg each time i take. i usually pop in the morning mid afternoon and bed time. So i took .5 less at mid afternoon and night time. I did fine without the extra .5mg but went out and had a few more drinks than i would have liked like i said. Today i did the same thing for the morning and afternnoon.

[tired2]

Originally Posted by sometimesdestructive

Well the way i put it down on paper, i tapered .5 mg each time i take. i usually pop in the morning mid afternoon and bed time. So i took .5 less at mid afternoon and night time. I did fine without the extra .5mg but went out and had a few more drinks than i would have liked like i said. Today i did the same thing for the morning and afternnoon.

Hi sometimes,
I need to know exactly how much your morning,afternoon and bedtime doses are not about how much they are as you mentioned earlier!!Like I said before you are on a VERY HIGH DOSE!!!!Benzo's are not very forgiving either and can bite you in the b*tt.So you need to lay off the drinking and start by taking .5mg off your noon dose and see how you feel after a few days then we can move on from there.
You have to remember if you do not do this right you can have siezures with the high dose you have been taking!!I'm not trying to scare you but it is a fact!!!So let me know what you want to do.
Pam

[sometimesdestructive]

Originally Posted by tired2

Hi sometimes,
I need to know exactly how much your morning,afternoon and bedtime doses are not about how much they are as you mentioned earlier!!Like I said before you are on a VERY HIGH DOSE!!!!Benzo's are not very forgiving either and can bite you in the b*tt.So you need to lay off the drinking and start by taking .5mg off your noon dose and see how you feel after a few days then we can move on from there.
You have to remember if you do not do this right you can have siezures with the high dose you have been taking!!I'm not trying to scare you but it is a fact!!!So let me know what you want to do.
Pam

Hi pam, sorry for the long reply back, things have been ok i havent had a single drink in 20 days. Things are coming along with benzo. I did go consult a doctor, and he suggest that i didnt do it on my but i have decided that i want to. Right now im taking one less xanax in the morning. Mornings are usually when i get my day started off so i felt like it was the right time of the day. I have been doing one less for about 13 days now, and sometimes it is very hard, but i have managed to keep it that way.

I see myself have come a long away since i first joined this site and i feel like things are so slow and so it is hard to tell myself to keep it slow because of the side effects.

[MaisieC]

Hi sometimes,

I just now saw your thread. I am a former dancer, and I know you're under a lot of pressure. How old are you? Are you dancing full-time, or going to school as well? Do you have any family around you, or are you on your own? I'm not trying to pry; I just want to understand your situation better.

I'm glad you're able to begin tapering off the xanax, and I'm glad you went to a doctor. It is hard to get off this stuff, but you can do it. Pam can give you a lot of help with the taper; you're in good hands with her! Keep posting, and you'll get a lot of help and support. I'm pulling for you!

Please take care of yourself,
Maisie

[sometimesdestructive]

Originally Posted by MaisieC

Hi sometimes,

I just now saw your thread. I am a former dancer, and I know you're under a lot of pressure. How old are you? Are you dancing full-time, or going to school as well? Do you have any family around you, or are you on your own? I'm not trying to pry; I just want to understand your situation better.

I'm glad you're able to begin tapering off the xanax, and I'm glad you went to a doctor. It is hard to get off this stuff, but you can do it. Pam can give you a lot of help with the taper; you're in good hands with her! Keep posting, and you'll get a lot of help and support. I'm pulling for you!

Please take care of yourself,
Maisie

hi Maisie, im 23 years old and i do dance full time and attend a ballet academy. Been dancing for 20 years, and absolutely love it, and dont want to jeopardize it with my addiction. So its really hard to be able to tell anyone. Thank you for your support.

[MaisieC]

Hi sometimes,

Well, I dragged my out-of-shape old self to classe yesterday, and I was thinking of you. I hope you're doing OK. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

[tired2]

Originally Posted by sometimesdestructive

Hi pam, sorry for the long reply back, things have been ok i havent had a single drink in 20 days. Things are coming along with benzo. I did go consult a doctor, and he suggest that i didnt do it on my but i have decided that i want to. Right now im taking one less xanax in the morning. Mornings are usually when i get my day started off so i felt like it was the right time of the day. I have been doing one less for about 13 days now, and sometimes it is very hard, but i have managed to keep it that way.

I see myself have come a long away since i first joined this site and i feel like things are so slow and so it is hard to tell myself to keep it slow because of the side effects.

Hi sometimes,
Glad to see you back!!That's great you stopped drinking and have even cut back .5mg.Just remember you can do this but it will take a bit of time since you are on such a high dose.So how are you feeling after 13 days???I will help you if you want, just let me know.
Take care,
Pam

[sometimesdestructive]

Originally Posted by tired2

Hi sometimes,
Glad to see you back!!That's great you stopped drinking and have even cut back .5mg.Just remember you can do this but it will take a bit of time since you are on such a high dose.So how are you feeling after 13 days???I will help you if you want, just let me know.
Take care,
Pam

Hi pam, some days are better than others and the days that are bad it takes absolutely everything i have to not want to just take 1 or 2 more and then say well tomorrow i will go back to where i was. And because im also trying to stop drinking makes me real irritable and those are the times when i really want to take a few more. But every moment that i think about doing it and not doing it i get a little stronger and so it makes each time a little bit easier.

[SuzieQuzie6464]

I had to come off benzo's...Klonipin for the most part and it wasn't easy. You can do it but be careful. Go slow. I know it seems frustrating to take it slow but there are some really scary things that benzo's will put you through if you detox to quickly!! It sounds like you are off to a good start. Stick with it and stay strong. I know how hard it is to not take "just one extra" when you are feeling tense but remember that is just one step BACKWARDS.

best wishes,
Suzie