[farii]

Originally Posted by lebre56

can you stay at friend or relatives house for a few days and make him THINK that he has no choice. makes my heart ache for you and you do need an emotional break from this very bad situation.

I could go to my mom's house, but I almost think at this point if I do that he'll really think I've deserted him, and I want to be there for him. Plus, it wouldn't really give me a break--it would almost make it worse. He'd be over there, or calling all the time, or who knows. I know it sounds crazy, but I do and don't feel sorry for him. I mean, what if he really is done, the Librium has stopped the w/d effects, and then I go and do that? That would send him over the edge, and he's fragile as it is. I know I should be worried about myself, too, but I don't know--don't know why I feel like this.

[lebre56]

you should go by your intuition then...because only you know what all is going on....but one thing, babe....YOU LET HIM KNOW CONSTANTLY how it is affecting you and pregnancy....this way you are there, but he will truly know what he is doing to you....thank God you have family nearby...almost always a blessing..lol please update on progress...i will check this site everyday...and there are plenty of good, caring people here to help also. bre

[krissybaby]

I feel for you. Me and my husband have been battling pain pill addictions. I have quit many times and relapsed. Right now Im going on almost one week clean but he has no plans on quitting. Its very hard to stay clean with him rubbing it in my face all the time. If he not taking pills he will drink himself stupid. He thinks this is "normal" behavior! So in a way I really understand you. I'm trying to get him into NA right now but he won't go because he says he is not a drug addict. Yeah right. Another member suggested suboxone treatment and I want to get him into that too. I don't know if I will have any luck though. I wish I could offer better advice but I can't since Im goign through the same thing kinda. I can offer you emotional support though. You can email me anytime: krissybaby81@gmail.com. Take care and God bless

[farii]

Hey everyone-well, yesterday we went to pick up our daughter from the hospital. I was on the phone for about 1 1/2 hours before we left. (a friend I don't talk to much--lol)He fell asleep in the chair the whole time I was on the phone but I thought nothing of it. When I woke him up 10 minutes before we had to leave, he was out of it-he was was sleeping hard. As we walked out the door he told me to drive. That was a little shocking. It may not seem wierd to you guys, but to put it in perspective--the last time he had me drive, was on the way to the hospital Monday, and oh, 5 years ago when I was pregnant, and he "lost" his license. Basically, some guy in Jersey has the same name, dob, and a suspended license. When he went to renew, Michigan told him he couldn't renew because of the suspended license in Jersey. Took awhile to straighten out, but, you get where I'm going with this. He kept dozing off, saying he was just tired. He very well may have been, but I just thought it was wierd.

I hate over-analyzing his every move and word, but I just don't know if its the truth or not. Him wanting me to drive may not seem like a big deal, but it really was in my eyes. I dunno. I still don't know what to say to him or what to do.

[farii]

I'm trying to figure out which home drug test to buy. Pain killers would be considered in the opiate class of prescriptions, correct? At least Vicodin, and is Methadone in the same? I'm stupid when it comes to pills, and I want to know which test I should get. There's a 7 drug, 12 drug, which Methadone and opiates are separate, so I'm confused. Anyone that has any idea, please let me know. Thanks :0)

[adaiku]

farii,

Personally, I can think of a lot of reasons to be opposed to the "testing" culture we find ourselves in... although this article deals with kids, you might find it interesting: http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/tipsf...rwjf040405.htm .

That said, if you really want to do this, make sure you get a test that screens for both opiates and methadone. Since methadone is a synthetic opioid, it is tested for separately. The 12 panel test available from Target for c. $40 does this... keep in mind that since he is taking a benzo he will test positive for that, that tests will only detect opiate use in the past 4-5 days or so (once, in a dream, I passed one on the afternoon of day 3), and that he should not drink tons and tons of water beforehand (they are easy to mess up if you really wish, and at $40 a pop that's a problem). The first urine in the morning works well (as far as it goes).

best regards,

ad

[farii]

Hmmm, interesting article. We started fighting about it again last night, and he told me he would take a test, and drain the bank account doing do, to do whatever he had to do to prove to me he's not using anymore. Part of me believes him, part doesn't. He was VERY defensive and angry, and acting pretty strange-not himself at all. Don't know if its just still the w/d's, and the fact I'm "accusing" him of something he's "not doing" now, or what. I would feel a lot better if I just knew for sure. I feel terrible for thinking he's still doing it, esp. if he really isn't.

[Woodstock1969]

Originally Posted by farii

Hmmm, interesting article. We started fighting about it again last night, and he told me he would take a test, and drain the bank account doing do, to do whatever he had to do to prove to me he's not using anymore. Part of me believes him, part doesn't. He was VERY defensive and angry, and acting pretty strange-not himself at all. Don't know if its just still the w/d's, and the fact I'm "accusing" him of something he's "not doing" now, or what. I would feel a lot better if I just knew for sure. I feel terrible for thinking he's still doing it, esp. if he really isn't.

Just how much are you willing to put yourself & family through? I think it might just be time to stop worring so much about him and start planning for a future without him. I know that's easier said than done, with you buying a new house and baby on the way, but reading all your post sound's like the ball's in your court, and remember that the choise you make is for the future of your children as well as yourself, A 4 year old know's what's going on, get your family safe and move on, that just might shake him up enough to go into some rehab/de-tox.. Well at least your kid's wont be seeing thier daddy O.D. some day on some combo cocktail of whatever he get's from the street's, friend's & Dr's...The door is open, stepping through is very hard to do, but who know's perhap's losing his family might just be the eye opener he need's. He will have 2 choises then-clean up and live, or keep taking his ******************** and die.
From the sound's of his sleepy, slurring, & other symtom's I still would'nt rule out Heroin. There are many way's to injest synthetic drug's without leaving track mark's...Just keep your family safe and in case you chose to stay and fight this long ugly battle with him. And best of luck to you your children and him...

[EmpatheticSoul]

I hid my drug use from my wife for about 4 years before things got to the point of me not being able to hide it from anyone, much less my wife. After several split ups with me always promising to not do drugs anymore then of course me using them (mainly heroin and when I could not find any H I would use oxycontin) I finally got in to a Methadone Treatment Program and it is the best thing I have ever done. Things are 1000% better at home, at work, just every facet of my life is better. I have not used in 34 days and this is an all time record for me. Just a few weeks ago I could not have ever imagined going this long without getting high. I am not saying that methadone is a miracle drug but what I am saying is that there are substances and tools out there that can help your husband. Please try to talk to him about subs, or methadone, or NA but I think he needs help, it's hard to do alone. Good luck and I hope he does get some help, for your sake and your families sake.

[Cutefemmegirl]

I really empathize with you, Farii. My brother has been addicted to Oxycodone for 2 yrs. He takes 8-10 a day. They are 30 mg. each. So, I guess it is the equivilant of what your husband takes. He says a "Demon has got ahold of me" .... and I believe him. His prescription started from a serious car accident where he broke his neck. He was paralyzed from the waist down. After a year of therapy, he did what the Drs. said he'd never do again .... he walked. That was 3 yrs. ago. What I don't understand is the amazing spirit he must have had to do this .... and then get caught up in this addiction. It breaks my heart. The family have all gone through what you're going through ... the begging, pleading, lying, hiding, stealing, making deals. None of it will work until they hit bottom and say they are ready. My brother is in W/D right now .... he wants to quit, and I believe him. He took his last pill 5 days ago .... and he is suffering. Your body gets used to something for so long, and then has to reprogram itself to go without .... kick out all of the toxins. There is NO way to beat the D.T.s. (withdrawal symptoms). This is his 3rd try .... and I don't know if he will succeed without professional help - he says he wants to do it on his own. And the kicker .... he confided to me a while back that his pain from the accident isn't significant enough to warrant even taking narcotics. He just likes the "high". And there are always underlying problems to a persons addiction. They want to escape, or cope with an emotional pain. I think you should do your best to support your husband .... if you truly love him. Try to shield the kids as best you can .... although I'm sure they know what's going on. Your husband needs you right now, and all you can do is tell him that you and the kids love him and you want him to get clean. Tell him every day. Tell him that your there if he wants to talk. As for the test .... save your money. You know he's using. Trust your instincts. When you see him hanging over a toilet for a few days .... then you'll know he quit. When you question him it makes him angry and resentful .... trust me, he's humiliated enough with himself. He's probably even ashamed because the drugs make his spirit weak. I know it's alot to go through, especially being pregnant, taking care of your other children, buying a house ..... worrying about your husband. But hopefully he will pull through. Maybe as a last resort you could try to get him on "Methadone". It would be easier to get him off of that than cold turkey on the Vicodin. But he would need to go to a "Chronic Pain Clinic" and be monitered. It couldn't hurt to ask him to try it. My best friend got off of Percocets with it and then she was weaned down after a few months from the Methadone, and has been clean for 2 yrs., and she truly believes she couldn't have done it without it .... and she's doing great. ~~ Good luck to you, I wish you the very best!

[Cutefemmegirl]

For anyone who's reading this post, I just wanted to give an update on my brother. Maybe his story can help someone.
Around May 19th, my brother quit taking 30mg. Oxycodone ... 8-10 pills a day. I wasn't sure at first he could do it, especially since it was his 3rd attempt. But it is now June 3rd .... and he's made it through the worst. I am so proud of him .... he's alert, getting his energy back, and seems so much more full of life. He says the hardest part was the awful pain he had in his legs from the w/d. (I see that complaint alot on this board). He also lost alot of weight. From 190lbs., to around 165 lbs. .... but he's starting to eat again, and says food has never tasted better! He's doing so well. He exercises daily, even when he feels like ********************, because he knows he needs to. Just a simple walk around the block sometimes.
There must be some amazing inner strength in these people that are determined to quit .... I admire all of you! I really thought I was going to lose my brother to his addiction .... but he found something inside himself that I never knew he had. Something more powerful than his addiction. It must have been that same spirit that helped him gain the strength he needed after being paralyzed, and learn to walk all over again.

[farii]

That's wonderful--I'm so glad to hear that. :0) Good for him.

Well, it's been a little while since I updated. I really, really thought that this time he was done. He was up one whole night throwing up, and part of the next day before we went to the hospital. After that he was done, and had terrible insomnia. I wouldn't let him take sleeping pills, as he was taking those like candy every night as well. He said he's told everyone he knows that he's done, and a friend of his told me that he was done, and he knows he is. Don't know if I believe that or not, but... I was really proud of him, until this past week.

He started taking lots of naps again. When I mean lots, I mean, the last nap he took was 6 hours. The day before that, maybe 4, and so on... He napped a lot when he was taking vics all the time. The week or so after he "quit" he had so much energy-doin all sorts of stuff outside--I'd never seen him so motivated. It was great. All of a sudden, he's totally exhausted, all the time, and he says its from work, and from not sleeping at night. He says he still can't sleep at night, so stays up until sometimes 1am, and then gets back up at 5 to go to work. Okay, so I took his word for it.

Yesterday, my best friend and I were on the phone, and she mentioned something about how when I was at work Sunday, a friend of ours almost hit my cat pulling into the driveway. The same friend, coincidentally, that he gets his vics from--coincidentally while I was at work. I sorta temporarily freaked out, but promised her I wouldn't say anything to him--like she knew I didn't know. She wasn't trying to get him in trouble.
So, later on that evening, he mentions this friend, and said something about him wanting something I had listed on ebay. When I asked him when he was over, he said last week. Well, I remember that day, I was here. I asked him if that was the last time he talked to him, and he said yes. So, obviously he was hiding the fact he was here on Sunday, because Sunday was only the day before, not last week. Then, this morning, I found a small milk bottle in the trash. He must have had it in his lunch box from yesterday. May not seem like much, but he only bought those when he took vics, because he needed the milk to coat his empty stomach-and he hasn't complained about shaking at work anymore...Just a couple more oddities I"ve noticed....

I really feel in my heart that he's still using, but I need proof to back up my accusation, esp. now. I don't know how to do it. I just don't think that as far as this addiction went that he quit himself. I'd love to believe it, but I just don't.....