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- 1 Post By tf1
Why did you start using?
Why did you start using?
What is your drug of choice, and what made you start using?
My DOC is/WAS hydrocodone. Also roxiecodone since the guy i was buying from would only have that about 50% of the time.
I started using because a friend introduced them to me. I've always struggled VERY bad with anxiety and depression. Anxiety, mostly. Social anxiety to be exact. I've always been very insecure and my anxiety was so bad that i'd isolate myself from everyone, i couldn't keep jobs, i dropped out of highschool, i barely had any friends... it was just horrible. Well when a friend introduced me to lortabs everything changed. I only used them once a week, maybe twice for about 3 months before it became a daily, or almost daily habit. When i'd take the pills i'd get the confidence i always wanted before. I could actually talk to people. I could actually go places ALONE. Somehow all of my insecurities became things that no longer mattered.. they just didn't bother me anymore.
Well i've decided to stop after a 3-4 month almost daily habit.
I was in my 50th hour or so of withdrawal when i caved in and took 10mgs of roxiecodone around 8-9pm. (around 5 hours ago)
Anyways, im just trying to think, think, think, of all the reasons why i hate this drug, this addiction, and just everything... so that's why i'm starting this thread. I had never had an addiction prior to this one, and I didn't understand it and I was more judgmental towards addicts than i should have been before. Well I have definitely learned my lesson. My heart goes out to anyone struggling with any kind of addiction.
So im interested... what made you start?
If it was an injury, i do understand that, but i think there is also something behind the addiction besides an injury. For instance there was a few times in my life prior to this addiction that i was prescribed this medication and i never became addicted. So why do you think you became addicted?
Im with you on that, turning into an addict gave me some understanding that i was truly lacking. I guess they were right - it takes one to know one.
Prior to becoming addicted myself i thought it was real simple - just don't use, or occupy yourself with something else. Turns out it is much more complex. Then, once past the initial w/d cravings period, all the various triggers come into play that lead to relapse.
The best bet is just to never start.
I started because it felt good. Underlying self worth/dissatisfaction/escapism factors were all there. Using drugs took that all away temporarily, but boy does it all come back with a vengeance!
(re-reading i guess im not sure if you were looking for a when as far as time frame answer, but this is what i felt like typing anway)
I had been prescribed meds for various valid reasons in the past and, although I noticed the powerful effects, I never abused them.
There came a time when the enthusiasm of youth wore off and even though I've done well for myself, the routines and responsibilities of life were waiting for me every morning. I started struggling with anxiety and my strong belief and confidence in myself crumbled. I could see the threads of anxiety, depression, and personal issues ran deep in my past but I ignored them well for 30 years. Now they were waiting for me every morning.
I don't remember exactly when it started. It was not a conscience choice. Like many, I took one for a valid reason and noticed I felt better - no anxiety, talkative, generally happy. I took another one a couple of weeks later. And slowly over time, I was in over my head. I needed it every day. Then twice a day, three times, etc... At a certain point, the reality of addiction hit me and I became extremely ashamed of myself. The guilt and shame are the hardest part for me to deal with. I've always been a "pleaser". I had a week-long relapse recently and I felt absolutely terrible coming back here and admitting to it. Just broken.
I can see that I've been broken for a while - well before I looked for relief in a pill. I'm being rebuilt now. God, family, friends, and this forum are helping me to be built the right way this time.
I started on the pain med trail after an injury to my neck turning over in a golf cart. Started with PMC Doc then he referred me to PM clinic. Little by little scrip went up, then more problems with lower back . Went along like this for about 3 yrs then new problem, had to get knee replacement and because of taking the percs for so long had a terrible ,terrible, time after surgery with pain. Surgeon tells me ! Oh, your have problems because of High Tolerance. REALLY!
After 3 yrs on percs what a surprise(not) Anyway continue with the PM clinic only now getting Morphine & percs, plus epidural shots as often as allowed. Get up to 120 mg on the morphine plus 50- 60 mg a day on the percs. Now scripts coming down to 60 & 20. Still lots of pain so to compensate for decrease on the morph , I increase the percs on my own. Now trying to cut back back & some days I win & some days the meds win. Still trying though. Know I have to be stronger & havn't give up yet. But pain is a big motive. to not quit.