[pris26]

I don't know why i can't get going, I've always had trouble keeping a job, i always quit. i always self destruct i don't mean to, but no matter how good my intentions are i never can do what i mean to, even though i have a child and that should be enough to make me want to get up and go but i can't, i hate to say i can't but its as if i have no control, right now my main problem is getting up and going to work i either get up late or if i get up i just can't go. I don't always get my son to school on time, then i have to miss work because i have no one close to watch him. I just don't get it a lot of people have a child and go to work full time, am i just lazy or what, i don't think i am lazy, cause i always make sure my house is clean, i may be a little ocd when it comes to cleaning, I have to have the house straight or then i'm really depressed. I've tried many antidepressants and am now on meds for anxiety. It seems to help but i think the dose is to low, i just feel lost.

[Baby Steps]

Oh Pris... I'm so sorry you are going through this! Have you tried counselling? It sounds like you have mild depression along with a form of OCD. The house cleaning and having everything just right is a way to have some control in your life. It's like it's the only thing you know you have control over. I do suggest a referral to a good counselor who can help you sort through this and maybe get to the root of it. It's not that your a failure or a bad person because YOU'RE NOT!!! Thousands of people experience this same exact thing. They even have support groups which might help for you to gather with a few cool people and just talk about it. It helps sometimes when you realize you are not alone. Please let me know how you are doing and I will hold you in prayer.


Hugz,

Baby Steps

Clean Date 01/12/07