[knumnick]

I hope you guys can help. Everyone has been telling me different things. But maybe I'll get a straight forward answer.

Okay, my boyfriend is a big drug user. You name it, he's probably done it. Except you would never know he was into drugs. He is a closet radical. He is highly intelligent (AP, honors, musician...) and you would hang out with him and never know that he's a drug user.

So... the type of drugs he uses... hrm... oxycontin, percocet, weed... mostly. Maybe a cigar or cig once in a while. But he hates drinking. Absolutely hates it, so he doesn't. I'd say he gets high off anything anywhere from once to five times a week.


I would talk to him (through text) while he is high off of something, and he'd talk for a while then say he has to go because he is having trouble concentrating and would go to sleep.

He is not abusive towards me at all. Sometimes he can be a little perverse, but I guess that's not unusual out of 16 year old boy.

He has had addictions before but he's beat them. He is good to me, but the drugs just bother me. He's never ditched me for drugs or anything but most of the time he gets high by himself late at night.


I just don't know how I feel anymore. In the beginning and until recently I was okay with it. I was like "Whatever" to the drugs but now... I feel differently. I don't know what to do. Any advice?


If I should break up with him, how can I go about doing so? Up until recently I really liked him but how I feel just suddenly changed....

edit: And just to let you guys know, I'm pretty naive I guess. This is my first boyfriend so this is all a big mess for me and I wish I could go back in time and reverse everything. Obviously too late, but yeah. Help please!! ) :

[kathleen5hockey]

It's never to late to change anything. I will tell you what I tell my daughter who is 17: Never put a guy before you, never let them treat less than a lady and never change your morals for anyone. This guy is using, if you want a glimpse into what life is like with an addict please read some of the other forums such as "my husband is an addict or can't underdstand". Yeah, you may say this will neve be me but that's what we said too. Ok, you might think "sure, just what my mother would say", but it is true. My advise: run for your life!

[Lost83]

If someone doesn't intervene this boy is on a path of self destruction and all those good qualities you speak of will begin to diminish right before your eyes. I know it's not cool to rat on your friends or boyfriends but something has to be done. Have you told him this concerns you? I personally was not a square when i was a teenager and understand the curiosity to experiment but when he is alone getting high more nights than not and doing it alone, that raises a big red flag. What is going on in his life that he wants to get high alone at night?? I lost a best friend/room mate at 18 years old to an over dose on pain pills. They are no joke and will destroy his life and yours if you stand by him. I would tell him that you cannot continue to date him if he chooses to continue getting high. You are young, you cannot change him but you can bring this issue to the forefront so his parents or guardians can intervene and catch this potential addiction before it escalates any further.

[kathleen5hockey]

Lost, you have so much compassion! You are correct, she should try to get him help. The problem is when you are 16 you don't know the options and yes, telling is not cool. Do what you feel you can to help him but please don't get more involved with him any more than you are until he cleans up.

[Eha1215]

I went through a somewhat similar situation...my ex was just hooked on pot (to my knowledge) though. It really is true what Lost said though...the good qualities vanish and in a matter of time they become really mean and begin to abuse you too. And kathleen is right as well, don't let anyone come before yourself and your morals. You can talk to him but don't expect him to give up the drugs over you because it's not easy for an addict to do that right away. You're 17...you probably have a lot of goals and things you want to do... and someone's drug addiction REALLY affects those of us who love someone that is the addict more than you can imagine.
When it comes to trying to get him help...I actually told my boyfriends parent's and they tried to get him help (I was your age when this all started by the way and I'm 21 now and still dealing with this!). He went to rehab and everything and swore he wanted off the stuff but relapsed and is definately on it and doesnt care about his family or myself. He was really upset that I "told on him" and hasn't spoken to me since but honestly, I think that it was the right thing to do and I did it with good intentions and because I loved him and even though it didn't work 100% I know it made him realize a few things about himself and it also helped me see that the relationship was going nowhere and that his addiction was very serious.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do...if you stand by him just know it's a tough road ahead...