Originally Posted by BeavisMom62

Hi, Eric. I just finished reading your thread and I am impressed. First of all thanks for your service to our country. I didn't serve as long as you, but I was a medic in the army from '82 to '85. I too have chronic pain from an abusive ex-husband and a severe car accident. My husband and I are addicted to percocet. Ive taken Lortab off and on for years with no problem. But my husband is much more addicted than I, so when he needs some, I take them too. He started with oxy's, which were much worse and I liked them too. Thankfully we don't take those anymore but now take percs (as if it is really better, Not!) And now, I have been addicted for the past year and am looking for a way out. I don't think my husband is as interested in quitting as I am and this is going to be hard. I am weak as far as he goes. He is unemployed and I am the bread winner. So it is my money that pays for the drugs. I should just say "no" right? But in addition to being too weak to say no, I know that if I say yes, then I get some percs too. I am going to start my own thread here later, to ask for advice in how to taper. I need to do this. But congratulations on your recovery and all your hard work. You are an inspiration to us all. Thank you.

Your story does not sound too diffrent from mine.Those nasty pills are so much more addictive than I ever dreamed possible. Percocets are a little stronger than the Norcos I was hooked on but at my peak I was popping a lot of those things a day and the VA Doctor just kept giving me refills.
Robert...our resident expert is not a fan of the taper and I must agree. The first time I quit I went cold turkey then the second time I did a taper and saw no diffrence...in fact the taper just prolonged it. Actually if the two of you quit cold turkey it can be a great support mechanism to do it as a team. I will not lie you read my story you are in for a week to 10 days of hell and there is no way around it. If you have leave from work you may want to take it. Robert can fill you in on the thomas recipie, I used tylenol PM and a muscle relaxer to help with the symptoms along with a lot of hot showers. Yes do start a new thread and please let me know when you decide to go for it. This forum can be a great support mechanism, we are or have been in the same boat so there are no character judgements in here.

By the way thank you for your service as well, all veterans are heroes !!

Keep me posted and BEST WISHES AS YOU START YOUR RECOVERY !!

[BeavisMom62]

Thanks for your reply. I pretty much only have one Perc 10 and about 15 Lortab 10 left, so I don't even know if that would qualify as a taper or not. I've read about the thomas recipe and already have many herbs, vitamins and supplements. Not to mention Valerian, Robaxin, Neurontin. I won't be able to get Valium or Xanax, but I don't like those sorts of meds. I'm hoping I have enough "downer" sort of meds to help me. Work is going to suck. I guess I'll probably wean this week and be ready to quit by Friday. I work in a dr. office and work at home four days, from Fri to Mon so hopefully that will be the worst of it. I hope I'm not kidding myself. I pretty much "only" take about 4 percs a day, although I can take more, of course. I know its not alot but the fact that I HAVE to take them, means there is a problem. I know when I've run out I get the twitchy legs at night and fatigue during the day. I just have to get through that part. But once my husband gets to that part, he starts begging for $ for pills and I always give in because I want them too! God, I sound like a patsy, weakling, huh? But I cant afford this anymore and its time to quit. Thanks for your response again!

Beavismom,

You are NOT A PATSY I was right where you are and worse. You read my thread I was arrogant and judgemental and look what I did to myself. You can make it both of you can it will not be an easy 7-10 days but it can be done, I was hooked big time and I stuck it out. Days 3-5 were the worst for me. Keeping busy during this time period can help you forget, also instead of valium try Tylenol PM at night and if you have a muscle relaxer it will help with the leg and muscle twitches especially at night. Keep coming in here do a count like i did day 1...2....3 etc we are here to support you and give you advice we have all been through it. Let me know when you plan to start and I will be here to support you.

BEST BEST BEST wishes in your cold turkey....GO FOR IT !!!!

[BeavisMom62]

Thanks so much. I guess I've already started. Ive written out how Im going to finish my Lortabs, I had three yesterday, three today, two tomorrow, then one, then one then done. I dont feel too bad yet, but taking three a day is about normal for me, so when I get below that I'll probably get antsy. Had a little RLS last night but not too bad. I have Neurontin, Robaxin, Valerian and Zanaflex to take at night, so that will help any cramping. The thing is, hubby has already gone through his. He really didn't have a plan, just kept taking them til they were gone. Asked me for one this morning and I gave him a half. He's pretty cranky. He doesn't do any reading or research or try to learn anything about this. since I work for a neurologist, I get good samples to help, Lyrica, Zanaflex, Amrix that I give him, but he needs to take at least the Lyrica during the day but he doesn't listen. I was proud of myself though, I was able to pay bills today! Most of the time, we get our pills from a dealer, which if course is expensive. But I have been having an increase in my chronic pain in addition to a new problem, so last week I got a RX for Lortab instead of Percs off the street. which is cheaper. So today, since I haven't been buying them off the street, I had money to pay bills. Of course I'm broke for the next week, but I think we'll be ok. I still need to get L-Tyrosine and B6, otherwise I think I have pretty much everything I need for the THomas recipe. I'm pretty sure I can get hubby to at least take that, so it might help him a little physically at least. I just wish he would come here and get serious. I'm feeling good though, positive about this for now. Tomorrow will be harder. I've been working at home since Friday, so tomorrow is the first day at the office on a less than usual dose. But, one day at a time, eh? Thanks for your input Eric. I appreciate it. I haven't found anyone yet on this board that seems to want to talk to me, so I really appreciate your interest!

[magsj]

Dear BevisMom:

Hi there....I'll "talk" to you, happy to, just hadn't happened upon your thread I guess. I'm glad you have decided to stop taking the Perc's/Lortab! How are you going to work while going through some withrdrawal...I tell ya, you guys that can do that WIN the prize. It sounds like you work a lot? I am an RN and worked for doctors and in doctor's offices for 25 plus years. It sound like you have some meds that will help with withdrawal. I know when I was in a rehab facility (lasted all of 4 days) they Rx'd Robaxin as a

I was just started on Lyrica, I took one pill and it made me feel so out of it... I didn't like that feeling at all. Maybe working for a neurologist you could answer a question for me about Lyrica (I worked mainly in URology....so not very knowledgable about this type of med). Does it take effect right away, or is it one of those drugs that have a cumlative effect and takes weeks work? If you are busy or don't feel well, don't worry about answering that at all.

I was addicted to Methadone and Norco, first Norco, then added Methadone due to back pain. I stopped both, went into withdrawal and then started on Suboxone in Mid-March. I did really well tapering down to 4mg. I have been stuck there for awhile, afraid to taper any more right now due to some new pain issues, won't launch into it, I'll spare you...hehehehe. Just wanted to let you know how I got here.

I hope things went well for you today. Please post and let us know how things are going....I'm rooting for you.

mags
P.S. - Is your husband going to stop the pain meds as well? It would be great if you could attack this together, but from what you wrote, it doesn't sound very likely? Boy, it will be difficult for you if he continues......if you need anything.....just yell...hehehe.

[melinda7.5]

Hi Bevismom

I'm with mags i would love to talk also...I just didn't want to butt in when you were talking to Eric...

I did a taper like your doing and then I jumped off it wasn't to bad...
Keep us posted on how you are doing.

Talk to you later,Melinda

[BeavisMom62]

Hi, all. Mags, the Lyrica does work pretty quickly but it also does take some time to have a cumulative effect. At least that is what my doc/boss says. ALso, I take Neurontin which is a close relative and it took a little while before it was even effective. Its not a miracle, but better than nothing.

I'm hoping to have no w/d's since I'm going to still be doing a quick taper this week. I won't be out of pills until Friday and that is when I work at home. We see patients in the office three days a week then I do transcription three days a week. thing is, I was in the hospital a few weeks ago and they apparently caused nerve damage in my left arm from IV's. Dr/boss RX'd steroids which helped at first, but now that I am tapering, the pain is coming back. I need to be able to type. I have a funny feeling I'm going to have to ask for some Lortab. I don't feel real bad about that because 1. its medicinal; 2. its not percocet and 3. its a RX not from the street. I know I'm justifying. I'm going to at least try to hold off for another day or so, but if I need it and dont have it called in by Thursday, I'm screwed until next week. Maybe this wasn't the best time to try to do this. I was feeling pretty strong when I wasn't in pain from my arm but now that the steroids are being weaned, its pretty terrible. I already have chronic neck and back pain, which I can almost handle without drugs but this new thing is a pain.

thank you mags and melinda for your replies. I wish hubby would get on board but he is stubborn. I'm trying to at least feed him what I have that would constitute the Thomas recipe, but he won't read or research or join this board. He really needs a little bit of an education about stopping this stuff but he prefers to just be miserable. since he is totally out of pills, he didn't sleep at all last night. I didn't sleep much either to be honest. He is such a totally different person off drugs. I'm not, so much, I'm generally a happy person by nature but I guess he needs drugs to be that way.

[melinda7.5]

Hi Bevismom

I truly believe you need to take care of yourself right now and when you get yourself well you can help pull him up, but till then try to put most of your energy on yourself....It's very hard to go thru this but your making it
so be very proud of yourself and keep looking stead fast into the future...
When I quit I had people around me that were still using but I held strong and I'm sure glad I did...

So are you out of pills yet or do you still have some to taper with ???

Talk to you later, Melinda

[Vanilla1224]

Hi everyone, i found this site on the web and joined because I am scared and do not know what to do. I have been on vicodin for 9 months, post total knee, which had to be reopened 3 times and IV meds at home for 6 weeks, for infection and pain. I take 3 to 6 -750 a day and am afraid of being hooked. I have recentley had kidney stones and am still in pain from that, so my doc prescribed dilaudid, which I rarely take because of the nightmares it causes. I take effexcor for depression, plus heart medications for CHf and cardiomyopathy, so controlling my heart rate is a **********. Should I just taper down, I only take them late afternoon or evening, and how long will it take
? I am just so scared, please any advice and help is appreciated. Thanks

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by Vanilla1224

Hi everyone, i found this site on the web and joined because I am scared and do not know what to do. I have been on vicodin for 9 months, post total knee, which had to be reopened 3 times and IV meds at home for 6 weeks, for infection and pain. I take 3 to 6 -750 a day and am afraid of being hooked. I have recentley had kidney stones and am still in pain from that, so my doc prescribed dilaudid, which I rarely take because of the nightmares it causes. I take effexcor for depression, plus heart medications for CHf and cardiomyopathy, so controlling my heart rate is a **********. Should I just taper down, I only take them late afternoon or evening, and how long will it take
? I am just so scared, please any advice and help is appreciated. Thanks

Nine months is plenty of time to develop a physical dependency. You can either taper down and off or stop entirely and deal with the w/d for about four days. After that it would improve each day.

It sounds like you are still on the pain meds? Take them until you don't require them any longer, but start the detox process as soon as you possibly can.

If you choose to stop and get it over there are things you can do that will help the symptoms. Check out the following link for the Thomas Recipe. Lots of people use this and it works great. Stay in touch. God bless.

http://www.drugs.com/forum/featured-...wal-35169.html

[magsj]

Hi BeavisMom-


Yes, quitting pain medication is ALWAYS easier when we are not in pain.....chronic pain and addiction is a real quagmire....Many of us paticipating in this forum have chronc pain issues, in fact, that's how many of us ended up addicted. I admit it is very hard to be in chronic pain and know that there is no way to really alleviate it. I am struggling with this right now myself.....the last few days my diffuse muscle and joint pain (as yet undiagnosed, I'm seeing my M.D. to get my test results tomorrow - a lot of autoimmune studies for rheumatoid arthritis, Lupus, Sjogren's, etc.) has returned and worsened. Today, for the first time, I'm thinking a lot about "how can I live like this without any possibility for relief"... this, I admit, is dangerous thinking. I'm not going to take anything, but I don't like that these thoughts are lurking around. I guess it's cause I felt so bad the last couple days.

Enough about my ailments.......how are things with your arm today? I hope better! So from what you have said your husband is stopping the pills too but isn't much fun to be around when he is not taking the pills? Hopefully, with some time off of the pills, his mood and energy will improve. BUT, I understand when you said that "he is a totally different person off drugs". I took this to mean he was more fun ON drugs? My husband has the type of problem with alcohol where he doesn't have to drink all the time, but when he does, he doesn't want to stop, so he just doesn't drink at all. The thing is, he doesn't get sloppy drunk or obnoxious or anything like that, he just gets funny and is a lot of fun to be around. I KNOW not drinking at all is the best thing for him, but to tell you the truth, I miss the funny guy from time to time..is this what you were alluding to with your husband? Ya can't win for losing syndrome...hehehe

Sorry to hear about your nerve damage. Yes I can understand it would be hard to type. After I stopped working in the Urology Clinic, I decided I wanted to do something different and work at home, so I started my own medical transcription business....so we have even more in common....I got so busy, I would get up every morning at 3:00 A.M. and be typing by 3:30! I also had a direct line to the major hospital here and did transcription for them. After about 4 years I realized I was working 7 days a week, and more hours in a day than I ever worked before. To make a long story short, I ended up selling my business and went back to working in a physician's office......only 8 hours a day, didn't have to wrestle with people to be paid, could walk away at 5:00 and that was it...... Anyway, I GET having to be able to type. The thing is when one is trying to stop taking pain meds, it seems like, sometimes convienently, there is always SOMETHING that pops up to make you put it off.

Let us know how you are doing. I hope you arm gets better and you can continue with your planned taper.

mags

[BeavisMom62]

Hi Mags. Wow, we sure do have a lot in common. You can tell that you and are are "typers" by the lengths of our posts, LOL! I and you too probably, type like other people talk. I too used to be almost "addicted" to typing. When I was a single mom with no child support, no family and pretty much no friends, I not only needed the money, but had nothing else to do with my time but type (didnt have a computer back then, just a word processor, remember those?) Good luck with your test results today. Thankfully I do'nt have to worry about auto immune stuff, my problems are from a pretty bad car accident and an abusive ex husband. All "mechanical" I always say.

My arm isnt too bad today. At least no worse as far as pain goes. Its still numb, tingles, falls asleep and my last two fingers don't work but no worse. Had cervical MRI yesterday, but I'm sure its not gonna show anything different than what was already there. Nothing related to the arm, I'm sure. Which sucks, because my neuro (not my boss) is one of those docs that just looks at you like you are faking it, esp since so far test results show nothing.

By the way, I am so FREAKING PROUD OF MYSELF! I'm still tapering but only have like 2 1/2 Lortab left. And from my planned taper, the past two days I haven't even taken my last allotted half each day. I feel pretty good. Slept last night, woke up early this morning. Had lots of energy yesterday at work and after I came home. Of course hubby isn't doing well and I gave in as far as he is concerned. He "needed" some pills, so I only gave him enough $ to get four, so he can "wean" he said. I've told him he will have to go throught w/d's, there is no way around it. Ive tried to help with vits and supplements and sleepy time meds, I even brought home Requip samples for RLS, but even though I'm not only a medical professional, I've also done lots of reading and researching about this on here, he doesn't listen to me. So he goes to his dealer last night and wanted me to go. Uh, NO! I can't be around it. Pat on the back #1!. So he is gone for hours, calls me in a panic and says he is paranoid and lost and needs moral support. WTF? I asked, what did you do? Oh, his dealer also gave him a 1/2 Roxie. We agreed long ago not to do Roxie's. SO I hung up on him. He comes home in tears, we've all heard this song and dance! I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again, I love you, I don't want to lose you. Do you want a 1/2 percocet? Pat on the back #2! I said no! And you know, I wasn't really very tempted? Yay!

Wow, Melinda, so you had to quit around users too? Pretty hard, huh? From reading your posts, you have done so well. I'm so proud of you and happy that you are here for the rest of us to learn from. As I said, I still have some pills left to tape with. By my plan, I should only have 1 1/2 but I have 2 1/2 left. I need them more in the morning, so if I haven't really needed them, I haven't taken then. I'm so proud of myself! I have gotten most of the stuff for the thomas recipe, but I've had most of it already and have been taking it for about two weeks or so. I got the rest last night exc the Tyrosine. I was hoping publix had it but they don't. Had a little RLS last night before falling asleep but once asleep I was fine.

Well, this is pretty long. SgtSam, I'm sorry for highjacking your thread. Mods, I wonder if I should start a new one or should this be moved somewhere or is this ok? Cause I know this thread started out as his story. I was just nervous about starting my own and being "out there". I was sorta hiding in here!

[Vanilla1224]

Hi guys, last night I had to stand for 3 hours in court, and by the time I got home I was in so much pain I could barely move. I went 24 hours without anything, but took 3 vicodin for pain and today it has been 20 hours and I just took 3 more. I havn't had any symptoms of withdrawl after 24 hours, but I just wish I could stop, but the pain is so bad in my back and knee. I am just so discouraged. Thanks for listening. Ellen

[BeavisMom62]

Hi, vanilla. I can relate! I guess most of us can. Oooh, standing! I hate it. I have a funny feeling I am going to give in and ask for a Lortab RX for myself today. I'm not too worried about it though. I had 1 yesterday morning and 1/2 yesterday evening. I have one pill to split for today and that's it. And I really feel pretty good. No wd's at all, except difficulty sleeping. But Im not tired. I'm just worried because I have to do transcription on Fri, Sat and Mon and I dont think my arm will hold up. My doctor only gives me 30 for a month (and hubby will end up with half of those, IF I let him know!) and I've proven to myself at least that my problem isn't as bad as I thought. I'm not in denial. I do know that I have a problem but I'm more worried about the percs than the Lortabs. I have no intention of taking percs again. Those were harder to stop. But I have alot of work to get done. My boss has been easy on me, letting someone else handle typing MRI reports and leaving me the rest, but I don't like the way the reports are being done. Besides, its MY job! I've done it for 20 years and I hate letting anyone else do my work. But as my dose of steroids is going down, my pain level is going up and I have too much work to do. But I'm not giving up. I know my doctor will shut off my RX soon and I can't get Lortab on the street. None of the doctors around here like to RX narcotics. I did want to wait until my dr appt next week, just to see how I feel totally off drugs, but my arm is going to be dying tomorrow. It makes me feel wimpy in a way. But I also have chronic neck and back pain and I can get through the day and certainly type without pain meds for those complaints. I dont use my neck or back to type! But just like a surgeon or a pianist makes their living with their hands, so do I! As I said, I really feel pretty good, physically, emotionally, even my mood is good. I'm blessed.

You all can use my thread all you want...dialogue is good for the soul...and addiction
Quitting this stuff is and was not easy and for me I had pretty much all the pills I wanted at no cost (the VA doctors were my dealers LOL).
You just have to muster the will and tough it out...it takes a lot those nasty pills had such a grip on me it was horrible.
If it helps any of you get clean I dont care if you type the the dictionary in here post away !!
Beavis I am proud of you...you reallly seem to have the determination to get through this and I hope that determination rubs off on your husband.
I know all about pain my military injuries flare up every month or more and the pain is almost unbearable at time. The sad thing is opiate based painkillers work they do help a lot with the pain. I just know that if I take them I will back to square one again and this will all be for nothing.
I will be watching your posts and wishing for the best.

Stay strong and I mean this get well !!!

[BeavisMom62]

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Sgt. I'm doing well. I did call my doctor yesterday for a RX but he never got back with me. So, my last dose was 5 mg Lortab yest morning and I feel fine. Slept well last night. No mental or physical wd's! I just know now to stay away from Percs. Those are bad news to me. Hubby isn't doing as well as me, he is cranky and moody but sleeping ok due to the herbal and supplement "cocktail" I give him every night. He's not happy with me but I'm so glad to have a couple of bucks in my pocket, which I wouldn't otherwise! I am going to call my doc again today and see about a RX though. I've been on a tapering dose of steroids, which has helped my arm pain, but I'm about finished and the pain is getting intense. And I have to do transcription for the next three days! If my doc gives me a RX, I'll just take it carefully and not abuse and seriously, I'm not worried. And truly, I'm not fooling myself. I feel great. I was a little tired at work yesterday, but Thursdays are my longest day anyway, so it may have just been from that. Thanks for everyone's kind words.

Beavis....How are things at this point...I was away for a few days over the weekend so I was off the air for a little while. Are you in your cold turkey phase now ? How are you doing, no matter what happens you must tough it out and get to the other side of this.
It has been weeks and weeks for me since my relapse and I still get urges and a tingle in my arms every now and then. I think it will take some time to get all of this behind me.
Robert advised me to see a support group I am procrastinating but the VA has meetings I may attend...I still need to work up the courage to admit this in to open.

Let me know how you are....

Best wishes

Eric

[Freedom4me]

AFSGTSAM,
I am really happy for you. You really sound like someone who is truly happy. You have really done well and I know that you will be able to stay strong forever. Take care and keep up the good work. I will always be pulling for you.

Originally Posted by Freedom4me

AFSGTSAM,
I am really happy for you. You really sound like someone who is truly happy. You have really done well and I know that you will be able to stay strong forever. Take care and keep up the good work. I will always be pulling for you.

Thank you so much for the kind words, quitting is tough and I still have some doubts at times that I can "make it" the urges still pop up every so often, the temptaion is still there at times. One thing that helps alot are people like you in here that not only have been there but help to encourage others in the same boat to stay clean.
Thank You freedom for the kind words I appreciate it.

Eric (AFSGTSAM)

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by Freedom4me

AFSGTSAM,
I am really happy for you. You really sound like someone who is truly happy. You have really done well and I know that you will be able to stay strong forever. Take care and keep up the good work. I will always be pulling for you.

Hi Jenny. Glad to see you back. God bless.

[Robert_325]

Originally Posted by AFSGTSAM

Beavis....How are things at this point...I was away for a few days over the weekend so I was off the air for a little while. Are you in your cold turkey phase now ? How are you doing, no matter what happens you must tough it out and get to the other side of this.
It has been weeks and weeks for me since my relapse and I still get urges and a tingle in my arms every now and then. I think it will take some time to get all of this behind me.
Robert advised me to see a support group I am procrastinating but the VA has meetings I may attend...I still need to work up the courage to admit this in to open.

Let me know how you are....

Best wishes

Eric

Eric .... I think it would be a VERY wise thing for you to do checking out the support group/recovery meetings. Take if from someone who has some clean time, who has relapsed more than once, who has fought this battle for a long time.

You won't get anything bad from the meetings. They can't harm you, all they can do is help. Don't be ashamed to be someone who needs help. Without help I would have never made it getting and STAYING clean. That's just me, but I've seen lots of others who would say the exact same thing.

Take care of yourself buddy. If you don't no one else will. It's good to see you on the forum trying to help others. Realize it's okay for you to need help too. God bless.

[genesis1]

Thank you for your service my friend. I teach my children every day about the sacrifice of good men and women who have bought our freedom with their lives and limbs. Keep at it. We love you and appreciate you no matter what your circumstances.

K

I'm one of those folks who says thank to military folks in the airport.

[magsj]

Jenny Girl-

Thank you for returning. We missed you ) Hope things are going well in your little part of the world. I'm headed out the door but wanted to say a quick hello.

Hugs,

mags

[Freedom4me]

Hey Mags,
I have been keeping an eye on so many of you all. So proud of how you guys are doing. Almost the end of 4 months of vicodin for me. Life is awesome. Tempataions have even all but gone. Feel like a whole new person! Just had to take a step back and focus on work. Did alot of traveling. Yuck! But no trips planned again until Thursday. Have to go to Phoenix but it's only for 2 days.

[Freedom4me]

Thank you Robert. Still working your magic I see! That's awesome.

Genesis thank you for the kind words they are always appreciated it was my privilage to serve and my time in the military was wonderful for both myself and my family I will treasure the memories forever.
Thanks mags I am doing well this recovery is a long term process and I know this battle has just begun but it feels great to not be walking around as a slave to a pocket full of pills.
freedom....4 months is FANTASTIC isnt it great to be done with all this stuff ? I hope you have a safe trip and let us know when you return. Yes Robert is a great person he helped me and so many others in here THANKS ROBERT !!

Just an update I am still getting that occasional urge to use again...Robert explained to me that it is psychological but it feels physical. Just a little thought or twinge here and there.

Any of you going through the same thing ??

Thanks for you replies in advance..

Eric

[magsj]

Dear Eric-

The answer to your question is Yes. I'm on 4mg Subuxone, switching from Methadone and Norco to Suboxone in March. Tapered down to 4mg but haven't continued to taper due to some pain issues. Long story, short....15 years of battling with depression. In the last 4 or 5 days the major depression has reared it's ugly, ugly head. I haven't had much of a struggle with craving until the depression returned. I have sunk so low that today I think if I had anything in the house I may have caved. The depression gets sooo dark. When I get depressed I lose HOPE very quickly and tend to think that it's going to last forever, or at least a long time (even though I know that, in time, it will get better, I just don't know if it's going to be 1 week, 1 month, 3 months, etc.) but when I am in this place I can't see out of it. Today it has been so agonzing that I have, on several occasions, thought "I'll do anything to feel better, if I could just take a couple Norco it would take me out of this darkness least for awhile". Of course I know in the long-run it will make things worse. At times like these I really don't care much about what happens to ME, but I do care very much about my husband's happiness and I think that is what keeps me from acting. I think you have to have been in this darkness to understand. I guess mine isn't "a little thought or twinge" it's feels much stronger than that. Thank godness I flushed everything I had in the house, although I know I could have my hands on some in about 20 min.

I am sorry you are struggling a bit, but know that you are not alone.

I am still fighting though.

Wishing you the best and much success with you endeavor!!!

mags

mags,

My family has a history of depression including my parents. So far I do not have it but my wife think that my deployments to Iraq and Kuwait had an impact on my personality, perhaps that is a little bit true. I went through several PTSD screening exams and both the military and VA think I am ok.
Maybe saying I have a little twinge now and then is understating it a little bit, there are some moments perhaps a few times a day that I get those strong urges to pop those Norcos again. It must be psychological but it feels real. If the prime motivation for you to get clean is your husband fine, my family was a big factor for me as well.

I can see you are having a tough time we are all here to support you so keep us posted.

Eric

Just checking in I made it through another weekend, when I was using I used to get extra stoned on pills since I didnt have to work every new weekend with a clear head is welcome.

I hope everyone in here is doing well and progressing towards recovery.

Eric